Seinfeld Quotes
Elaine: I don't wanna go to a miniplex multi-theater!
George: It's the same movie! What's the difference?
Elaine: It's not a theater, it's like a room where they bring in P.O.W.s to show them propaganda films.
George: It's the same movie! What's the difference?
Elaine: It's not a theater, it's like a room where they bring in P.O.W.s to show them propaganda films.
TV Show: Seinfeld
George: Hey, you know what else is playing here? "Rochelle Rochelle."
Elaine: Ugh.
George: I wouldn't mind seeing that.
Elaine: Yeah, you know, men can sit through the most boring movie if there's even the slightest possibility that a woman will take her top off.
George: So what's your point?
Elaine: Ugh.
George: I wouldn't mind seeing that.
Elaine: Yeah, you know, men can sit through the most boring movie if there's even the slightest possibility that a woman will take her top off.
George: So what's your point?
TV Show: Seinfeld
Jerry: Well, birthdays are merely symbolic of how another year's gone by and how little we've grown. No matter how desperate we are that someday a better self will emerge, with each flicker of the candles on the cake we know it's not to be. That for the rest of our sad, wretched, pathetic lives, this is who we are to the bitter end. Inevitably, irrevocably. Happy birthday? No such thing.
TV Show: Seinfeld
Jerry: Looking at a cleavage is like looking at the sun. You don't stare at it. It's too risky. You get a sense of it and then you look away.
TV Show: Seinfeld
Sid: Oh her. She steals from me. Steals my money. She says she doesn't speak English. My ass she doesn't speak English. Plays that freakin' "voo-doo" music and tries to hypnotize me. She thinks she's gonna turn me into a zombie and then rob me blind. Well, I wasn't born yesterday. I may drop dead today, but I sure as hell wasn't born yesterday! Now get the hell out of my house!
TV Show: Seinfeld
Elaine: You know, sometimes when I think you're the shallowest man I've ever met, you somehow manage to drain a little more out of the pool.
TV Show: Seinfeld
Kramer: Who's gonna turn down a Junior Mint? It's chocolate, it's peppermint; it's delicious!
Jerry: That's true.
Kramer: It's very refreshing!
Jerry: That's true.
Kramer: It's very refreshing!
TV Show: Seinfeld
George: I guess it can't hurt him... People eat pounds of those things.
Jerry: They eat them, they don't put them next to vital organs in their abdominal cavity!
Jerry: They eat them, they don't put them next to vital organs in their abdominal cavity!
TV Show: Seinfeld
Kramer: I got news for you: handicapped people, they don't even want to park there! They wanna be treated just like anybody else! That's why, those spaces are always empty.
George: He's right! It's the same thing with the feminists. You know, they want everything to be equal, everything! But when the check comes, where are they?
Elaine: What's that supposed to mean?
George: He's right! It's the same thing with the feminists. You know, they want everything to be equal, everything! But when the check comes, where are they?
Elaine: What's that supposed to mean?
TV Show: Seinfeld
Salesman: This is our best model: The Cougar 9000. It's the Rolls Royce of wheelchairs. This is like...you're almost glad to be handicapped.
TV Show: Seinfeld
Jerry: Again with the sweat pants?
George: What? I'm comfortable.
Jerry: You know the message you're sending out to the world with these sweat pants? You're telling the world: "I give up. I can't compete in normal society. I'm miserable, so I might as well be comfortable."
George: What? I'm comfortable.
Jerry: You know the message you're sending out to the world with these sweat pants? You're telling the world: "I give up. I can't compete in normal society. I'm miserable, so I might as well be comfortable."
TV Show: Seinfeld
George: He took a biopsy Jerry, a biopsy!
Jerry: What'd he say?
George: He said he didn't know what it was.
Jerry: All right, so?
George: When I asked him if it was cancer, he didn't give me a "get out of here". That's what I wanted to hear. "Cancer? Get out of here!"
Jerry: Maybe he doesn't have a "get out of here" kind of personality.
George: How could you be a doctor and not say "get out of here" ? It should be part of the training in medical school. "Cancer? Get out of here! Go home! What are you, crazy? It's a little test. It's nothing. You're a real nut, you know that?" Told you God would never let me be successful. I never should have written that pilot. Now the show will be a big hit, we'll make millions of dollars, and I'll be dead. Dead, Jerry. Because of this.
Jerry: Can't you at least die with a little dignity?
George: No I can't. I can't die with dignity. I have no dignity. I want to be the one person who doesn't die with dignity. I've lived my whole life in shame! Why should I die with dignity?
Jerry: What'd he say?
George: He said he didn't know what it was.
Jerry: All right, so?
George: When I asked him if it was cancer, he didn't give me a "get out of here". That's what I wanted to hear. "Cancer? Get out of here!"
Jerry: Maybe he doesn't have a "get out of here" kind of personality.
George: How could you be a doctor and not say "get out of here" ? It should be part of the training in medical school. "Cancer? Get out of here! Go home! What are you, crazy? It's a little test. It's nothing. You're a real nut, you know that?" Told you God would never let me be successful. I never should have written that pilot. Now the show will be a big hit, we'll make millions of dollars, and I'll be dead. Dead, Jerry. Because of this.
Jerry: Can't you at least die with a little dignity?
George: No I can't. I can't die with dignity. I have no dignity. I want to be the one person who doesn't die with dignity. I've lived my whole life in shame! Why should I die with dignity?
TV Show: Seinfeld
Sandi: You're breaking up with me, aren't you?
Jerry: Do you want me to break up with you?
Sandi: If that's what you want.
Jerry: I don't even know what you're talking about.
Sandi: Fine. Break up with me.
Jerry: All right. We're broken up.
Sandi: Can we still be friends?
Jerry: Do you want me to break up with you?
Sandi: If that's what you want.
Jerry: I don't even know what you're talking about.
Sandi: Fine. Break up with me.
Jerry: All right. We're broken up.
Sandi: Can we still be friends?
TV Show: Seinfeld
George: You faked?
Elaine: On occasion.
Jerry: And the guy never knows?
Elaine: No.
Jerry: How can he not know that?
Elaine: Because I was gooood.
Jerry: I guess after that many beers he'd be pretty groggy anyway.
Elaine: [chuckles] You didn't know.
Elaine: On occasion.
Jerry: And the guy never knows?
Elaine: No.
Jerry: How can he not know that?
Elaine: Because I was gooood.
Jerry: I guess after that many beers he'd be pretty groggy anyway.
Elaine: [chuckles] You didn't know.
TV Show: Seinfeld
Elaine: Jerry, we have to have sex to save the friendship.
Jerry: Sex to save the friendship. [starts to take off his shirt] Well if we have to we have to.
Jerry: Sex to save the friendship. [starts to take off his shirt] Well if we have to we have to.
TV Show: Seinfeld
Kramer: This is going to be a new look for the '90s. You're going to be the first pirate!
Jerry: But I don't want to be a pirate!
Jerry: But I don't want to be a pirate!
TV Show: Seinfeld
Jerry: I have to wear it [the puffy shirt]! The people at the factory are making these based on me wearing it on TV! They're producing them as we speak!
Elaine: But you're supposed to be a compassionate person! That cares about poor people! You look like you're gonna swing in on a chandelier!
Elaine: But you're supposed to be a compassionate person! That cares about poor people! You look like you're gonna swing in on a chandelier!
TV Show: Seinfeld
George: I'm at the health club; and while I'm in the pool, some guy walks off with my glasses. Who steals prescription glasses?
Elaine: You don't have an old pair?
George: I broke 'em playing basketball.
Jerry: He was running from a bee.
Elaine: You don't have an old pair?
George: I broke 'em playing basketball.
Jerry: He was running from a bee.
TV Show: Seinfeld
Elaine: So I'm all right? I don't need a shot?
Doctor: Not shot. Dog bite.
Elaine: Yes, I know I wasn't shot. Do I need a shot?
Doctor: Not shot. Dog bite. Woof-woof. Not bang-bang.
Doctor: Not shot. Dog bite.
Elaine: Yes, I know I wasn't shot. Do I need a shot?
Doctor: Not shot. Dog bite. Woof-woof. Not bang-bang.
TV Show: Seinfeld
Elaine: So because of a few bad apples, you're going to impugn an entire continent?
Jerry: Yes, I'm impugning a continent.
Jerry: Yes, I'm impugning a continent.
TV Show: Seinfeld
Frank: How long it takes to find a bra? What's going on in there? You ask me to get a pair of underwear, I'm back in two seconds...you know about the cup sizes and all? They have different cups.
George: I know about the cups.
Frank: You got the A, B, C the D. That's the biggest.
George: I know the D is the biggest. I've based my whole life on knowing that the D is the biggest.
George: I know about the cups.
Frank: You got the A, B, C the D. That's the biggest.
George: I know the D is the biggest. I've based my whole life on knowing that the D is the biggest.
TV Show: Seinfeld