South Park Quotes
Randy: Oh, brother. Good job, dad. Look at you now.
Grandpa Marsh: Oh, goddammit! Don't you lecture me, you son of a bitch!
Randy: You just had to be so damn stubborn, didn't you?
Grandpa Marsh: Now my son is gonna talk to me like I'm 12!
Randy: We're not treating you like children, Dad, alright. Now I think you owe Mr. Police Officer an apology. Who needs to apologize, hmmm? Who's a sorry sorry?
Grandpa Marsh: Kiss my sagging ass!
Grandpa Marsh: Oh, goddammit! Don't you lecture me, you son of a bitch!
Randy: You just had to be so damn stubborn, didn't you?
Grandpa Marsh: Now my son is gonna talk to me like I'm 12!
Randy: We're not treating you like children, Dad, alright. Now I think you owe Mr. Police Officer an apology. Who needs to apologize, hmmm? Who's a sorry sorry?
Grandpa Marsh: Kiss my sagging ass!
TV Show: South Park
Cartman: The poor kid passes it to the Jew, the Jew shoots. He misses! Proving once and for all that Jews cannot play hockey!
Kyle: It's not fair! Cartman's fatter than the goal!
Cartman: I'm not fat, I just have a sweet hockey body.
Kyle: It's not fair! Cartman's fatter than the goal!
Cartman: I'm not fat, I just have a sweet hockey body.
TV Show: South Park
Stan: Dad, why is everyone letting the old people do this? Why doesn't somebody stop them?
Randy: They've tried to stop them, son, but the seniors get up so early in the morning they...get everything done before everyone else is even awake.
Kyle: They're saying something about taking over the whole country!
Randy: Yes... And now seeing how early they get up, I don't see how anyone can stop them. Wait a minute! You boys! You get up almost as early as they do. You can fight them.
Stan: No, come on dad! Can't you guys do it?
Randy: No, son, we...like to sleep in.
Randy: They've tried to stop them, son, but the seniors get up so early in the morning they...get everything done before everyone else is even awake.
Kyle: They're saying something about taking over the whole country!
Randy: Yes... And now seeing how early they get up, I don't see how anyone can stop them. Wait a minute! You boys! You get up almost as early as they do. You can fight them.
Stan: No, come on dad! Can't you guys do it?
Randy: No, son, we...like to sleep in.
TV Show: South Park
Kyle: You guys! I have awesome news!
Cartman: You have AIDS?
Kyle: No. My mom is going to celebrate my birthday at Casa Bonita in Denver and I get to invite 3 friends.
Cartman: You have AIDS?
Kyle: No. My mom is going to celebrate my birthday at Casa Bonita in Denver and I get to invite 3 friends.
TV Show: South Park
Kyle: It's like the Disneyland of Mexican restaurants!
Cartman: This Saturday awesome!
Kyle: Who said I'm inviting you?
Cartman: Your mom said you are taking 3 friends.
Kyle: Yes. 3 Friends. You're not my friend.
Cartman: Come on Kyle who are you going to invite besides Stan and Kenny?
Kyle: I'm going to take Butters. He invited me to his Birthday last month so I owe him one.
Cartman: Butters?!! You are going to take that butthole why?
Kyle: Because Butters have never been a total dick to me!
Cartman: I have never been a dick to you.
Kyle: Oh please. All you ever do is call me names and rip on me for being Jewish.
Cartman: Kyle when is the last time I rip on you for being a Jew? [flashback clips occur from when Cartman rips on Kyle for being Jewish]
Kyle: You always been a total dick to me and I'm not inviting you.
Cartman: Kyle please. You don't understand. Casa Bonita is my most favorite place. I'll die if you don't invite me.
Kyle: Sorry, my mind is made up.
Cartman [exploding]: WELL, FUCK YOU, KYLE! I DON'T WANT TO GO TO YOUR FAGGY BIRTHDAY! I'D RATHER SIT AROUND AT HOME INSTEAD OF BEING WITH YOU AND YOUR JEW MOM ALL DAY! KISS MY BALLS, ASSHOLE!
[Cartman leaves but returns back right into Stans house]
Cartman: Hey, Kyle, I didn't mean to do that in front of you. I'm sorry we got into that fight but we're past it now, for sure.
Kyle: I'm not inviting you Casa Bonita.
Cartman [exploding again]: WELL, FUCK YOU, KYLE! I HOPE YOU DIE! I HOPE YOU FUCKING DIE!
Cartman: This Saturday awesome!
Kyle: Who said I'm inviting you?
Cartman: Your mom said you are taking 3 friends.
Kyle: Yes. 3 Friends. You're not my friend.
Cartman: Come on Kyle who are you going to invite besides Stan and Kenny?
Kyle: I'm going to take Butters. He invited me to his Birthday last month so I owe him one.
Cartman: Butters?!! You are going to take that butthole why?
Kyle: Because Butters have never been a total dick to me!
Cartman: I have never been a dick to you.
Kyle: Oh please. All you ever do is call me names and rip on me for being Jewish.
Cartman: Kyle when is the last time I rip on you for being a Jew? [flashback clips occur from when Cartman rips on Kyle for being Jewish]
Kyle: You always been a total dick to me and I'm not inviting you.
Cartman: Kyle please. You don't understand. Casa Bonita is my most favorite place. I'll die if you don't invite me.
Kyle: Sorry, my mind is made up.
Cartman [exploding]: WELL, FUCK YOU, KYLE! I DON'T WANT TO GO TO YOUR FAGGY BIRTHDAY! I'D RATHER SIT AROUND AT HOME INSTEAD OF BEING WITH YOU AND YOUR JEW MOM ALL DAY! KISS MY BALLS, ASSHOLE!
[Cartman leaves but returns back right into Stans house]
Cartman: Hey, Kyle, I didn't mean to do that in front of you. I'm sorry we got into that fight but we're past it now, for sure.
Kyle: I'm not inviting you Casa Bonita.
Cartman [exploding again]: WELL, FUCK YOU, KYLE! I HOPE YOU DIE! I HOPE YOU FUCKING DIE!
TV Show: South Park
[Cartman comes to Kyle's house dressed in a nice sweater]
Cartman: Hey Kyle.
Kyle: That isn't it, Cartman.
Cartman: What isn't it?
Kyle: That isn't being nice, that's just putting on a nice sweater.
Cartman: I don't understand the difference.
Kyle: I know you don't. [closes the door]
Cartman: Hey Kyle.
Kyle: That isn't it, Cartman.
Cartman: What isn't it?
Kyle: That isn't being nice, that's just putting on a nice sweater.
Cartman: I don't understand the difference.
Kyle: I know you don't. [closes the door]
TV Show: South Park
Cartman: Take that Jimmy and that! DON'T YOU DARE TALK BAD ABOUT KYLE AGAIN! KYLES MY FRIEND AND IF YOU SAID IF YOU HAVE SEX WITH KYLES MOM I WILL LET YOU REALLY HAVE IT! DID YOU HEAR ME?!! Oh. Hey Kyle.
Kyle: Do you really think beating up handycap kids is being nice?
Cartman: Hey Kyle! Knock knock Kyle! Knock knock!
Kyle: Do you really think beating up handycap kids is being nice?
Cartman: Hey Kyle! Knock knock Kyle! Knock knock!
TV Show: South Park
Kyle: Yeah Casa Bonita this Saturday!
Butters: Wow thats going to be soo great.
Stan: Yeah. Just the four of us.
Kenny: Yeah!
Butters: Wow thats going to be soo great.
Stan: Yeah. Just the four of us.
Kenny: Yeah!
TV Show: South Park
Cartman: Hey Kyle.
Kyle: Well. How are you going to get invited to Casa Bonita this time?
Cartman: I'm not Kyle. I already know you told Butters he can go.
Kyle: Oh. Well I did.
Cartman: So fine Kyle but honestly I never meant to treat you as you don't matter at all to me. I know we argue all the time and I give you tons of crap but we also have been through a lot together. Maybe that alone doesn't makes us friends but it makes us something. So fine Kyle I hope things will be cool.
Kyle: I'm still not inviting you to Casa Bonita.
Cartman: I know Kyle. I'll see you later.
Kyle: Hey Cartman? You really sure you don't care if you can't go?
Cartman: I care sure but I hope it doesn't mean you, me, Stan and Kenny can't hang out anymore.
Kyle: Thats what I wanted to hear from all along. I still have to take Butters but I hope things can be cool to.
Cartman: Sure.
Kyle: Hey if for some reason Butters is unable to go you can take his place.
Cartman: Sweet whatever! [Walking away from Kyle] Bingo!
Kyle: Well. How are you going to get invited to Casa Bonita this time?
Cartman: I'm not Kyle. I already know you told Butters he can go.
Kyle: Oh. Well I did.
Cartman: So fine Kyle but honestly I never meant to treat you as you don't matter at all to me. I know we argue all the time and I give you tons of crap but we also have been through a lot together. Maybe that alone doesn't makes us friends but it makes us something. So fine Kyle I hope things will be cool.
Kyle: I'm still not inviting you to Casa Bonita.
Cartman: I know Kyle. I'll see you later.
Kyle: Hey Cartman? You really sure you don't care if you can't go?
Cartman: I care sure but I hope it doesn't mean you, me, Stan and Kenny can't hang out anymore.
Kyle: Thats what I wanted to hear from all along. I still have to take Butters but I hope things can be cool to.
Cartman: Sure.
Kyle: Hey if for some reason Butters is unable to go you can take his place.
Cartman: Sweet whatever! [Walking away from Kyle] Bingo!
TV Show: South Park
Kyle: Where is Butters? We are supposed to leave 40 minutes ago.
Kyles mom: Well I think we should be going without him Kyle because its getting late.
Kyle: Yeah screw him lets go.
[Doorbell ringing]
Kyle: Oh finally!
Cartman: Happy Birthday Kyle. I just came to stop here to you your present.
Kyle: Oh. Thanks dude!
Cartman: Hope you have a good one, I'll see you later.
Kyle: Oh wait Cartman.
[Cartman stops]
Cartman: Yes?
Kyle: Butters didn't show. You want to go to Casa Bonita with us?
Cartman: Butters didn't show? I can't believe it. Are you sure you told him the right time and everything?
Kyle: I told him 5: 30 and he we got to get going. Are you in?
Cartman: Well I should be going home to get my no I have everything I need lets go.
Kyle: Alright lets go.
Kyles mom: Okay boys get in the car.
Cartman: Casa Bonita here we come.
Kyles mom: Oh Hello Mr Stotch.
Butters dad: Hello everyone. Have any of you seen our son?
Kyle: Butters is supposed to go with us to Casa Bonita tonight.
Butters Dad: We know but he hasn't been home since last night. The police been looking everywhere but well thank you. Please let us know if you find out with anything.
Kyle: Dude weak.
Cartman: Yeah man That sucks about Butters. Well lets get going shall we.
Kyle: Nah. Dude I can't go to a birthday party while Butters is missing.
Stan: Yeah its kind of weird.
Cartman: Yeah Yeah. I think you're right but on the other hand I think Buttters would want us to go. You know Butters.
Kyle: Nah I can't. We should help look for him.
Stan: Yeah.
Kyles mom: Thats ver
Kyles mom: Well I think we should be going without him Kyle because its getting late.
Kyle: Yeah screw him lets go.
[Doorbell ringing]
Kyle: Oh finally!
Cartman: Happy Birthday Kyle. I just came to stop here to you your present.
Kyle: Oh. Thanks dude!
Cartman: Hope you have a good one, I'll see you later.
Kyle: Oh wait Cartman.
[Cartman stops]
Cartman: Yes?
Kyle: Butters didn't show. You want to go to Casa Bonita with us?
Cartman: Butters didn't show? I can't believe it. Are you sure you told him the right time and everything?
Kyle: I told him 5: 30 and he we got to get going. Are you in?
Cartman: Well I should be going home to get my no I have everything I need lets go.
Kyle: Alright lets go.
Kyles mom: Okay boys get in the car.
Cartman: Casa Bonita here we come.
Kyles mom: Oh Hello Mr Stotch.
Butters dad: Hello everyone. Have any of you seen our son?
Kyle: Butters is supposed to go with us to Casa Bonita tonight.
Butters Dad: We know but he hasn't been home since last night. The police been looking everywhere but well thank you. Please let us know if you find out with anything.
Kyle: Dude weak.
Cartman: Yeah man That sucks about Butters. Well lets get going shall we.
Kyle: Nah. Dude I can't go to a birthday party while Butters is missing.
Stan: Yeah its kind of weird.
Cartman: Yeah Yeah. I think you're right but on the other hand I think Buttters would want us to go. You know Butters.
Kyle: Nah I can't. We should help look for him.
Stan: Yeah.
Kyles mom: Thats ver
TV Show: South Park
Butters: But Eric, how am I supposed to re-populate the Earth?
Cartman: You know like, with your wiener.
Butters: With my wiener?!
Cartman: You know like, with your wiener.
Butters: With my wiener?!
TV Show: South Park
Stan: Dude, it's Kyle's birthday, we should do whatever he wants to do.
Cartman: What? Fuck Kyle! Ha! Ha! Just kidding. Birthday joke. Of course we do whatever Kyle wants. Happy birthday Kyle.
Cartman: What? Fuck Kyle! Ha! Ha! Just kidding. Birthday joke. Of course we do whatever Kyle wants. Happy birthday Kyle.
TV Show: South Park
Kyles Mom: Wait up Eric we need to stay together! Oh hold on boys thats my cell phone. Hello? Yes. Oh thats great. Boys they found Butters hes okay. Yes Eric Cartman is with us why? Oh really? Yes I will certain let them know thank you. Well it appears Eric Cartman is responsible for Butters missing because he wants to go to Casa Bonita.
Kyle: What?!!
Kyles Mom: Eric the South Park police are on their way here to have a little take with you.
Cartman: But Casa Bonita?
Kyle: I should have known. You never cared about my Birthday at all.
Cartman: Stand back!!
Stan: Cartman stop it!
Cartman: I am going to Casa Bonita!
Kyle: Its to late fat ass they will be here with just a few minutes.
Cartman: Casa Bonita! Casa Bonita!
Kyle: CARTMAN!
Kyle: What?!!
Kyles Mom: Eric the South Park police are on their way here to have a little take with you.
Cartman: But Casa Bonita?
Kyle: I should have known. You never cared about my Birthday at all.
Cartman: Stand back!!
Stan: Cartman stop it!
Cartman: I am going to Casa Bonita!
Kyle: Its to late fat ass they will be here with just a few minutes.
Cartman: Casa Bonita! Casa Bonita!
Kyle: CARTMAN!
TV Show: South Park
Police Officer: Well kid, you made an entire town panic, you lost all of your friends and now you're going to Juvenile Hall for a week. Was it all worth it?
Cartman: ...Totally.
Cartman: ...Totally.
TV Show: South Park
Mr. Garrison: Wow, it seems like I don't have a class full of retards anymore, doesn't it, children?
TV Show: South Park
Kyle: Dude, that new kid is such a douche.
Cartman: Yeah, somebody needs to put him in his place.
Butters: He's a pecker-face, that's what he is.
Cartman: Go kick his ass, Stan!
Clyde: Yeah, go kick his ass.
Stan: [unsure] W-—maybe he won't fight.
Cartman: Will he bleed? That's all we care about.
Kyle: Come on, dude, somebody needs to wipe that fuckin' smirk off his face.
Craig: Yeah, little bitch!
Stan: Alright, I'm gonna go kick his ass. [leaves to do so]
Cartman: Yeah, go Stan! Go Stan! ...alright, I've got five bucks on the other kid, who wants in?
Cartman: Yeah, somebody needs to put him in his place.
Butters: He's a pecker-face, that's what he is.
Cartman: Go kick his ass, Stan!
Clyde: Yeah, go kick his ass.
Stan: [unsure] W-—maybe he won't fight.
Cartman: Will he bleed? That's all we care about.
Kyle: Come on, dude, somebody needs to wipe that fuckin' smirk off his face.
Craig: Yeah, little bitch!
Stan: Alright, I'm gonna go kick his ass. [leaves to do so]
Cartman: Yeah, go Stan! Go Stan! ...alright, I've got five bucks on the other kid, who wants in?
TV Show: South Park
Gary's sister: And you must be Stan's sister! Oh, I think your brother's the greatest!
Shelley: My brother is a stupid turd!
Shelley: My brother is a stupid turd!
TV Show: South Park
Gary: Hey, Stan.
Stan: Oh, brother.
Cartman: Uh oh, the jilted lover returns!
Gary: Listen, I just wanted to let you know you don't have to worry about me trying to be your friend anymore.
Stan: ...I don't?
Gary: Look, maybe us Mormons do believe in crazy stories that make absolutely no sense. And maybe Joseph Smith did make it all up. But I have a great life and a great family and I have the Book of Mormon to thank for that. The truth is, I don't care if Joseph Smith made it all up. Because what the church teaches now is loving your family, being nice and helping people. And even though people in this town might think that's stupid, I still choose to believe in it. All I ever did was try to be your friend, Stan, but you're so high and mighty you couldn't look past my religion and just be my friend back. You got a lot of growing up to do, buddy. Suck my balls.
[Gary leaves. Stan just stands and stares in shock at what just happened]
Cartman: Damn, that kid is cool, huh?
Stan: Oh, brother.
Cartman: Uh oh, the jilted lover returns!
Gary: Listen, I just wanted to let you know you don't have to worry about me trying to be your friend anymore.
Stan: ...I don't?
Gary: Look, maybe us Mormons do believe in crazy stories that make absolutely no sense. And maybe Joseph Smith did make it all up. But I have a great life and a great family and I have the Book of Mormon to thank for that. The truth is, I don't care if Joseph Smith made it all up. Because what the church teaches now is loving your family, being nice and helping people. And even though people in this town might think that's stupid, I still choose to believe in it. All I ever did was try to be your friend, Stan, but you're so high and mighty you couldn't look past my religion and just be my friend back. You got a lot of growing up to do, buddy. Suck my balls.
[Gary leaves. Stan just stands and stares in shock at what just happened]
Cartman: Damn, that kid is cool, huh?
TV Show: South Park
Randy: Let me handle this, Sharon. You gotta put these cult people in their place or else they never stop! I'm gonna go kick this Mr. Harrison's ass! [exits and slams the door shut, but quickly returns] Is Mr. Harrison...is a...is a white guy, right?
TV Show: South Park
Cartman: Handle it? For two billion dollars I'd handle my grandpa's balls, dude.
TV Show: South Park
Cartman: Wow, it's like smoking brings a lot of people just a little bit of joy, and you get to take that away from them! You're awesome.
TV Show: South Park
Factory Worker 1: [singing] I like to have a cigarette every now and then. It makes me feel calmer when the day is at an end.
Factory Worker 2: [singing] And if it gives me cancer when I'm 80, I don't care. Who the hell wants to be 90 anyway?
Factory Worker 2: [singing] And if it gives me cancer when I'm 80, I don't care. Who the hell wants to be 90 anyway?
TV Show: South Park
Bebe: Wendy breaks up.
Stan: What?
Bebe: Wendy breaks up with you.
Stan: Whoa, whoa, wait a minute! What did I do wrong? I haven't even talked to Wendy for weeks!
Stan: What?
Bebe: Wendy breaks up with you.
Stan: Whoa, whoa, wait a minute! What did I do wrong? I haven't even talked to Wendy for weeks!
TV Show: South Park
Bebe: Whatever! You guys are assholes!
Butters: At least we have assholes you dumb girl!
Butters: At least we have assholes you dumb girl!
TV Show: South Park
Jimmy: Stan told me to tell you he thinks you're a cont...cont...cont...you're a cont, cont, cont... [sounding like cunt]
Wendy: Well tell Stan to fuck off! [leaves]
Jimmy: Cont...continuing source of inspiration to him.
Wendy: Well tell Stan to fuck off! [leaves]
Jimmy: Cont...continuing source of inspiration to him.
TV Show: South Park