South Park Quotes
Butters: Well, thanks for offering to let me in your clique, guys, but, to be honest, I'd rather be a crying little pussy than a faggy Goth kid.
TV Show: South Park
Goth Kid: If you want to be a non-conformist, you have to look like us, think like us, and listen to the same music we do.
TV Show: South Park
Butters: I love life...Yeah, I'm sad, but at the same time, I'm really happy that something could make me feel that sad. It's like...It makes me feel alive, you know. It makes me feel human. The only way I could feel this sad now is if I felt something really good before. So I have to take the bad with the good. So I guess what I'm feeling is like a beautiful sadness.
TV Show: South Park
Stan: Hey, Wendy! You're a bitch. Token, [flips him off] right here, buddy.
[Token and Wendy walk off angrily]
Kyle: Oh, dude. It's good to have you back.
Stan: Yeah, let's play ball.
[Token and Wendy walk off angrily]
Kyle: Oh, dude. It's good to have you back.
Stan: Yeah, let's play ball.
TV Show: South Park
Harry Gints: My name is Harry Gints and this is my wife Elise. We're from Canada.
Gerald Broflovski: Yes, I can tell.
Gerald Broflovski: Yes, I can tell.
TV Show: South Park
Harry Gints: It was a tough time for us. It was a tough time for all of Canada. The whole country was devastated by the cola wars...
TV Show: South Park
Harry Gints: [referring to Ike] We're going to take good care of him.
Kyle: [coldly] You'd better.
Kyle: [coldly] You'd better.
TV Show: South Park
Cartman: Kyle, I just want you to know, if it were any other time of year, I still wouldn't help you.
TV Show: South Park
Mr. Garrison: How 'bout we get rid of all the Mexicans.
Mayor McDaniels: Mr. Garrison, every Christmas you suggest we get rid of all the Mexicans, and every Christmas we tell you, "No!"
Mr. Garrison: Rats!
Mayor McDaniels: Mr. Garrison, every Christmas you suggest we get rid of all the Mexicans, and every Christmas we tell you, "No!"
Mr. Garrison: Rats!
TV Show: South Park
Cartman: [to Kyle] You fucking asshole! This is all your fault!
Kyle: What?
Cartman: Everyone's gonna be charitable, and give money to your family instead of buying Christmas presents! You fucking Jews ruin Christmas again! [screams and charges Kyle. Stan and Kenny rush forward and pull him back]
Stan: Woah, woah, Cartman!
Cartman: It wasn't enough for you people to kill Jesus, now you have to kill Christmas too, huh!?
Kyle: What?
Cartman: Everyone's gonna be charitable, and give money to your family instead of buying Christmas presents! You fucking Jews ruin Christmas again! [screams and charges Kyle. Stan and Kenny rush forward and pull him back]
Stan: Woah, woah, Cartman!
Cartman: It wasn't enough for you people to kill Jesus, now you have to kill Christmas too, huh!?
TV Show: South Park
Kyle: [talking to Mr. Tuong, owner of City Wok and City Airlines, over phone] We need to go to Canada. As soon as possible.
Mr. Tuong: Ooh, Canada. Okay. That's pretty far. Gonna cost a rotta money. Let's see. How many people?
Kyle: Four.
Mr. Tuong: Okay. [under his breath] Four people...Canada...cost a rotta money... [normal] It's gonna be about, uh, 6,500 dorrer!
Kyle: How 'bout 50 dorrer?
Mr. Tuong: Fifty dorrer?! You fly to Canada! Cost at least three thousand dorrer!
Kyle: 55 dorrer.
Mr. Tuong: Hey stop wasting my time with fifty five dorrer. No way I take my plane to Canada for less than 1,000 dorrer!
Kyle: Okay. 60 dorrer.
Mr. Tuong: 62 dorrer.
Kyle: Okay.
Mr. Tuong: Okay, meet me Park County Airfield, Yellow Sesnut, Tail Number 432-G.
Kyle: Got it. [Both hang up phone]
Mr. Tuong: [slight pause] Heh heh heh. Never try to barter with a Chinese man!
Mr. Tuong: Ooh, Canada. Okay. That's pretty far. Gonna cost a rotta money. Let's see. How many people?
Kyle: Four.
Mr. Tuong: Okay. [under his breath] Four people...Canada...cost a rotta money... [normal] It's gonna be about, uh, 6,500 dorrer!
Kyle: How 'bout 50 dorrer?
Mr. Tuong: Fifty dorrer?! You fly to Canada! Cost at least three thousand dorrer!
Kyle: 55 dorrer.
Mr. Tuong: Hey stop wasting my time with fifty five dorrer. No way I take my plane to Canada for less than 1,000 dorrer!
Kyle: Okay. 60 dorrer.
Mr. Tuong: 62 dorrer.
Kyle: Okay.
Mr. Tuong: Okay, meet me Park County Airfield, Yellow Sesnut, Tail Number 432-G.
Kyle: Got it. [Both hang up phone]
Mr. Tuong: [slight pause] Heh heh heh. Never try to barter with a Chinese man!
TV Show: South Park
Mr. Twong: Hello, welcome Shitty Airline!
Cartman: Oh no, no, no, no, I am not flying in that thing.
Kenny: Me neither.
Kyle: Why not?!
Kenny: 'Cause, dude, I'll fucking die!
Kyle: You're not gonna die Kenny, don't be stupid!
Cartman: You guys get Ike. Kenny and I will stay here and watch the fort.
Stan: No, you're both coming. Do you care about Christmas or not?
Cartman: Of course I care about Christmas! Oh, Christ on a stick!
Cartman: Oh no, no, no, no, I am not flying in that thing.
Kenny: Me neither.
Kyle: Why not?!
Kenny: 'Cause, dude, I'll fucking die!
Kyle: You're not gonna die Kenny, don't be stupid!
Cartman: You guys get Ike. Kenny and I will stay here and watch the fort.
Stan: No, you're both coming. Do you care about Christmas or not?
Cartman: Of course I care about Christmas! Oh, Christ on a stick!
TV Show: South Park
Mr. Twong: Herro from the cockpit, this is your captain speaking. As you can see, it appears that we are going down. Now would be a good time to refrect on your life, and pray to whatever deity you believe in. Thank you for flying Shitty Airlines. We know you have a choice in airlines, and it rooks rike you made the wrong one.
TV Show: South Park
Rick, the Proud Canadian Mountie: Alright boys, prepare yourselves. We're about to enter French Canada.
Kyle: French Canada?
French Canadians: [singing] There's no Canada like French Canada, its the best Canada in the land! The other Canada is hardly Canada; if you lived here for a day, you'd understand!
Mime: Oh, ha ha! Welcome to French Canada!
Hockey Player: We have everything your heart could desire! Trapezes, trampolines, and lots and lots of cheese!
Artist: Would you like a mustache?
Rick, the Proud Canadian Mountie: Just stay calm, boys. French Canadians are a little odd.
Stan: Uh, we're just passing through to see the new Prime Minister.
Mime: Well first, you must answer that phone. [miming a phone call] Ring ring, ring ring.
Kyle: We don't have time for this.
Mime: You cannot pass through French Canada unless you take that phone call! [miming a phone call] Ring ring, ring ring.
Kyle: [grudgingly playing along] Hello.
Mime: Hello! If you are going to see the new Prime Minister, then I want to go with you! He has passed a new law forbidding us French Canadians to drink wine!
Artist: How can the French not drink wine?! Travestie!
Kyle: Okay, you can come with us.
Mime: Ha ha, very good! Let us make haste!
French Canadians: [singing] There's no Canada like French Canada, its the best Canada in the land! And the other Canada--
Mime: --is a bullshit Canada!
French Canadians: [singing] If you lived there for a day, you'd understand!
Mime: I think you'd understand. You understand.
Kyle: French Canada?
French Canadians: [singing] There's no Canada like French Canada, its the best Canada in the land! The other Canada is hardly Canada; if you lived here for a day, you'd understand!
Mime: Oh, ha ha! Welcome to French Canada!
Hockey Player: We have everything your heart could desire! Trapezes, trampolines, and lots and lots of cheese!
Artist: Would you like a mustache?
Rick, the Proud Canadian Mountie: Just stay calm, boys. French Canadians are a little odd.
Stan: Uh, we're just passing through to see the new Prime Minister.
Mime: Well first, you must answer that phone. [miming a phone call] Ring ring, ring ring.
Kyle: We don't have time for this.
Mime: You cannot pass through French Canada unless you take that phone call! [miming a phone call] Ring ring, ring ring.
Kyle: [grudgingly playing along] Hello.
Mime: Hello! If you are going to see the new Prime Minister, then I want to go with you! He has passed a new law forbidding us French Canadians to drink wine!
Artist: How can the French not drink wine?! Travestie!
Kyle: Okay, you can come with us.
Mime: Ha ha, very good! Let us make haste!
French Canadians: [singing] There's no Canada like French Canada, its the best Canada in the land! And the other Canada--
Mime: --is a bullshit Canada!
French Canadians: [singing] If you lived there for a day, you'd understand!
Mime: I think you'd understand. You understand.
TV Show: South Park
[Scott appears suddenly]
Scott: Hey, what are you doing?!
Rick, the Proud Canadian Mountie: Argh!
Mime: Oh no! It's Scott!
Scott: What are you two doing helping these Americans? Don't you know America thinks it owns Canada along with the rest of the world?!
Rick, the Proud Canadian Mountie: You're a dick, Scott!
Scott: Hey, what are you doing?!
Rick, the Proud Canadian Mountie: Argh!
Mime: Oh no! It's Scott!
Scott: What are you two doing helping these Americans? Don't you know America thinks it owns Canada along with the rest of the world?!
Rick, the Proud Canadian Mountie: You're a dick, Scott!
TV Show: South Park
Kyle: God damnit, we need to get to the new Prime Minister, now!
Steve the Newfoundlander: Oh yeah, the new Prime Minister, eh? He sure has screwed up things for Newfoundland. Life just hasn't been the same since he made sodomy illegal.
Steve the Newfoundlander: Oh yeah, the new Prime Minister, eh? He sure has screwed up things for Newfoundland. Life just hasn't been the same since he made sodomy illegal.
TV Show: South Park
Kyle: Can we just get going please?
Steve the Newfoundlander: Yeah sure, there's just one problem.
Stan: What?
Steve the Newfoundlander: You folks is going the wrong way.
Stan: What?! But I thought there was only one road in Canada!
Steve the Newfoundlander: Yeah, and you all went the wrong direction on it.
Stan: Oh, that's right! Ottawa is that way!
Mime: Of course! Ottawa left, Newfoundland right!
Steve the Newfoundlander: Yeah sure, there's just one problem.
Stan: What?
Steve the Newfoundlander: You folks is going the wrong way.
Stan: What?! But I thought there was only one road in Canada!
Steve the Newfoundlander: Yeah, and you all went the wrong direction on it.
Stan: Oh, that's right! Ottawa is that way!
Mime: Of course! Ottawa left, Newfoundland right!
TV Show: South Park
Rick, the Proud Canadian Mountie: It's okay, boys. The power is inside us to get to Ottawa! We can wish ourselves there!
Mime: Ah yes! Lets wish ourselves there!
[harps and angelic choir music is heard]
Rick, the Proud Canadian Mountie: Is it working?
Mime: Ah yes! Lets wish ourselves there!
[harps and angelic choir music is heard]
Rick, the Proud Canadian Mountie: Is it working?
TV Show: South Park
Saddam Hussein: [acting as the Prime Minister of Canada] Uh, don't mind that guy hiding in the spider hole, he's just my friend.
TV Show: South Park
[Cartmen's watch goes off]
Stan: What is that?
Cartmen: It's Christmas. We offically missed it. It's Christmas day and...I'm in Canada.
Kyle: Well yeah, but I-I got my brother back!
Cartman: Yeah, you got your brother back, but I didn't get any presents! And what did I tell you, Kyle? [takes off his mittens] I told you if we didn't make it back in time for Christmas I was gonna whoop your ass, didn't I? [takes off his coat, bunches it up, and throws it aside]
Kyle: Dude, come on.
Cartman: Well now you're gonna get it, motherfucker! That's right, you and me, right now; we're having it out! Let's go! Come on! Come on! [Kyle lightly slaps Cartman, causing him to enter a daze; he snaps out of it and wails uncontrollably] Waaaaaahhhh! Waaaaaaahh! Mooooom! Mooooom!
Stan: What is that?
Cartmen: It's Christmas. We offically missed it. It's Christmas day and...I'm in Canada.
Kyle: Well yeah, but I-I got my brother back!
Cartman: Yeah, you got your brother back, but I didn't get any presents! And what did I tell you, Kyle? [takes off his mittens] I told you if we didn't make it back in time for Christmas I was gonna whoop your ass, didn't I? [takes off his coat, bunches it up, and throws it aside]
Kyle: Dude, come on.
Cartman: Well now you're gonna get it, motherfucker! That's right, you and me, right now; we're having it out! Let's go! Come on! Come on! [Kyle lightly slaps Cartman, causing him to enter a daze; he snaps out of it and wails uncontrollably] Waaaaaahhhh! Waaaaaaahh! Mooooom! Mooooom!
TV Show: South Park
Cartman: Parents? Parents?! [begins a fake sob] OH GOD! [sobs loudly and turns away]
TV Show: South Park
Cartman: You see, guys? This is why Jews can't be ninjas. They've got no spine.
Kyle: You don't know anything about Jews, fatass!
Kyle: You don't know anything about Jews, fatass!
TV Show: South Park
[After Stan's attempt to remove the ninja star]
Kyle: Stop, dude! You're gonna scramble his brain!
Cartman: Go ahead and scramble it, then he won't remember it was us.
Kyle: Stop, dude! You're gonna scramble his brain!
Cartman: Go ahead and scramble it, then he won't remember it was us.
TV Show: South Park
[Butters changes into Professor Chaos]
Butters: Let's see how you like dealing with me, Ninjas! [laughs evilly]
[he stomps down the stairs while grunting and punches the wall, leaving a huge dent]
Mrs. Stotch: Ooh, Butters. Are you going out to play again?
Butters: Yeah, Mom. I'm just going outside for a little while.
Mrs. Stotch: Well could you be a sweetie and take that pie over there to the Thompsons? I made it to thank them for babysitting you last week.
Butters: [normal voice] Oh, o-o-okay, Mom.
Butters: Let's see how you like dealing with me, Ninjas! [laughs evilly]
[he stomps down the stairs while grunting and punches the wall, leaving a huge dent]
Mrs. Stotch: Ooh, Butters. Are you going out to play again?
Butters: Yeah, Mom. I'm just going outside for a little while.
Mrs. Stotch: Well could you be a sweetie and take that pie over there to the Thompsons? I made it to thank them for babysitting you last week.
Butters: [normal voice] Oh, o-o-okay, Mom.
TV Show: South Park
Jimmy: Wha-what's the matter, fellas? Are you ninjas or p-p-p-p-p-pussies?
Cartman: We're twice the ninjas you fags are!
Cartman: We're twice the ninjas you fags are!
TV Show: South Park
Kyle: We were taking him to the vet until you fucked it all up! Butters!
Craig: Was he bleeding?
Cartman: [uninterested] Yeah, a little. Butters!
Craig: Oh, shit. You guys are in trouble. We're out of here!
Stan: No, dude! You gotta help us find him!
Craig: To hell with that!
Cartman: We're in this together, Craig! If Butters tells on us, we're gonna tell on you; that's the ninja code!
Craig: Was he bleeding?
Cartman: [uninterested] Yeah, a little. Butters!
Craig: Oh, shit. You guys are in trouble. We're out of here!
Stan: No, dude! You gotta help us find him!
Craig: To hell with that!
Cartman: We're in this together, Craig! If Butters tells on us, we're gonna tell on you; that's the ninja code!
TV Show: South Park