South Park Quotes
Animal Shelter Worker: Here you go pup, I've got a sweet dose of murder for ya. [notices the open kennel] What the--? Blast it, he's escaped! [sighs, moves towards another dog] Oh well, let's murder one of these other dogs.
TV Show: South Park
Chef: Well, you children should be careful with those weapons, you could put somebody's eye out.
Kyle: Yeah, we know.
Kyle: Yeah, we know.
TV Show: South Park
Kyle: Okay, hang on guys, I'll use my special power to see into the future, and find out where we should head next.
Cartman: Hold on you guys, I actually have another power. I can see into the future too, but better than Kyle. Let me try.
Kyle: God damn it, Cartman, you can't keep making up powers!
Stan: Yeah, dude, that's like the fifth power you've come up with!
Cartman: I am Bullrog, and I have lots and lots of powers.
Kyle: No, asshole! From now on you only get to have one power! So what is it?
Cartman: I have the power to have all the powers I want.
Kyle: That doesn't count, fat ass!
Stan: Yeah, that's it, Cartman, now you don't get to have any powers!
[Cartman whines]
Cartman: Hold on you guys, I actually have another power. I can see into the future too, but better than Kyle. Let me try.
Kyle: God damn it, Cartman, you can't keep making up powers!
Stan: Yeah, dude, that's like the fifth power you've come up with!
Cartman: I am Bullrog, and I have lots and lots of powers.
Kyle: No, asshole! From now on you only get to have one power! So what is it?
Cartman: I have the power to have all the powers I want.
Kyle: That doesn't count, fat ass!
Stan: Yeah, that's it, Cartman, now you don't get to have any powers!
[Cartman whines]
TV Show: South Park
Cartman: Alright, dick hole, time for you to pay! [realizes his powers don't work] Oh, no, I have no powers! Kyle took them away from me! Quick, Kyle, give me back my powers so I can fight this evil villain!
Kyle: Okay, okay, you can have your powers back!
Cartman: Alright, now I use my powers to...turn Kyle into a chicken! Blam!
Kyle: [is turned into a chicken] God damn it, Cartman!
Cartman: [sing-song voice] Ha ha ha ha ha-ha, now you are a chi-cken, nyeh nyeh nyeh nyeh nyeh-nyeh...
Kyle: Okay, okay, you can have your powers back!
Cartman: Alright, now I use my powers to...turn Kyle into a chicken! Blam!
Kyle: [is turned into a chicken] God damn it, Cartman!
Cartman: [sing-song voice] Ha ha ha ha ha-ha, now you are a chi-cken, nyeh nyeh nyeh nyeh nyeh-nyeh...
TV Show: South Park
Kyle: Hey AWESOM-O, I'd also like some celery sticks chopped up two inches long, with peanut butter and raisins on top.
Cartman: [as AWESOM-O] Suck my balls, Kyle.
Cartman: [as AWESOM-O] Suck my balls, Kyle.
TV Show: South Park
Liane: [talking to Mrs. Stotch on the phone] Actually, Eric is still supposed to be grounded for trying to exterminate the Jews two weeks ago.
TV Show: South Park
Cartman: [as AWESOM-O talking to a movie executive] Adam Sandler is a guy, and he, uh, falls in love with a girl, but it turns out that she's a golden retriever.
Movie Executive It's great! We'll call it Puppy Love! Any more?
AWESOM-O Uh, Adam Sandler is a guy who falls in love with a table.
Movie Executive Genius! We'll call it Table of Contents. God is there anything that this thing can't do?
AWESOM-O: Movie idea number 2305. Adam Sandler is trapped on an island and he falls in love with a coconut.
Movie Executive It's great! We'll call it Puppy Love! Any more?
AWESOM-O Uh, Adam Sandler is a guy who falls in love with a table.
Movie Executive Genius! We'll call it Table of Contents. God is there anything that this thing can't do?
AWESOM-O: Movie idea number 2305. Adam Sandler is trapped on an island and he falls in love with a coconut.
TV Show: South Park
Military General: Mister Scientist! You are paid to think! National security is our job.
TV Show: South Park
Butters: When Cartman is playing all alone in his backyard, he likes to dress up as Britney Spears and pretend he's her. He sings and dances with a life size cut-out of Justin Timberlake.
Cartman: [as AWESOM-O] ...You saw that?
Butters: Yeah, and I videotaped him doing it!
Cartman: [as AWESOM-O] No way.
Butters: I got the whole thing on tape; even the making out with Justin Timberlake.
Cartman: [as AWESOM-O] Nuh-uh...
Cartman: [as AWESOM-O] ...You saw that?
Butters: Yeah, and I videotaped him doing it!
Cartman: [as AWESOM-O] No way.
Butters: I got the whole thing on tape; even the making out with Justin Timberlake.
Cartman: [as AWESOM-O] Nuh-uh...
TV Show: South Park
[Cartman's just revealed his plan to pretend he's retarded to win the Special Olympics]
Stan: Thats really, really, terrible dude!
Cartman: Terrible?! Whatever. You guys just don't have brains that can compute complex plans like mine!
Stan: Thats really, really, terrible dude!
Cartman: Terrible?! Whatever. You guys just don't have brains that can compute complex plans like mine!
TV Show: South Park
Jimmy's Father: I'll leave you two alone. And Jimmy, are you sure you weren't masturbating? Its okay if you were.
Jimmy: Dad! Jesus Christ!
Jimmy: Dad! Jesus Christ!
TV Show: South Park
Cartman: [pretending he's retarded] Derrrr...derrrr...hey guys whats going on, derrrrrr?
[long pause]
Kyle: God damn you.
[long pause]
Kyle: God damn you.
TV Show: South Park
Cartman: This is why you can't bring Jews on away missions! They don't play along!
TV Show: South Park
Kyle: People don't hate the Jews!
Cartman: Really? Three hundred million domestic box-office, Kyle. The top-grossing film of all time, Kyle. Those numbers don't lie. If you're not scared of The Passion, then go see it. Go see it and tell me I'm wrong. Mel Gibson, Kyle. Mel Gibson.
Cartman: Really? Three hundred million domestic box-office, Kyle. The top-grossing film of all time, Kyle. Those numbers don't lie. If you're not scared of The Passion, then go see it. Go see it and tell me I'm wrong. Mel Gibson, Kyle. Mel Gibson.
TV Show: South Park
[Kenny and Stan are trying to get their money back from seeing the Passion]
Stan: [searching the Internet] Ok, search "Mel Gibson". Mel Gibson bio, Mel Gibson news, Mel Gibson homepage! Here we go: "Welcome to 'Mel Gibson's The Passion. com! Your source for everything Mel". Pictures, philosophy, upcoming projects...dammit! No phone number! Oh wait! "For more information call our webmaster at 1800-4308" [Stan calls the number. It's Cartman's phone, which he answers]
Cartman: Mel Gibson's The Passion Fanclub.
Stan: Hi, my friend and I just went to see The Passion.
Cartman: Uh-huh, so you want to join the fan club now? Our first meeting is tomorrow at 5.30pm...
Stan: No, no, no, we want our money back!
Cartman: What?
Stan: We thought the movie sucked and we want Mel Gibson to give us back our $18! Do you know how we can get in touch with him?
Cartman: You thought it sucked!? Sir, apparently you don't understand what Mel Gibson was trying to do; he was trying to express, through cinema, the horror and filthiness of the common Jew! It has made people the world over open their eyes!
Stan: Look kid, we just thought it was a bad movie, so just tell us how we can get in touch with Mel Gibson and get our money back!
Cartman: If I knew where Mel Gibson was, I'd be down on the floor licking his balls at this very moment, sir! All I know is he lives somewhere in Malibu, now stop wasting me and Mel Gibson's time, you little wussy prick!
Stan: [furious] Hey don't take that tone with me kid, I'll kick your ass!
Cartman: Yeah, I'd like to see you try asshole, I'm like six feet tall!
Stan: I don't care, you sound like a little bitch to me!
Cartman: Bitch!? Don't call me bitch, I'll pop your fucking head open!
Stan: Yeah, you wanna
Stan: [searching the Internet] Ok, search "Mel Gibson". Mel Gibson bio, Mel Gibson news, Mel Gibson homepage! Here we go: "Welcome to 'Mel Gibson's The Passion. com! Your source for everything Mel". Pictures, philosophy, upcoming projects...dammit! No phone number! Oh wait! "For more information call our webmaster at 1800-4308" [Stan calls the number. It's Cartman's phone, which he answers]
Cartman: Mel Gibson's The Passion Fanclub.
Stan: Hi, my friend and I just went to see The Passion.
Cartman: Uh-huh, so you want to join the fan club now? Our first meeting is tomorrow at 5.30pm...
Stan: No, no, no, we want our money back!
Cartman: What?
Stan: We thought the movie sucked and we want Mel Gibson to give us back our $18! Do you know how we can get in touch with him?
Cartman: You thought it sucked!? Sir, apparently you don't understand what Mel Gibson was trying to do; he was trying to express, through cinema, the horror and filthiness of the common Jew! It has made people the world over open their eyes!
Stan: Look kid, we just thought it was a bad movie, so just tell us how we can get in touch with Mel Gibson and get our money back!
Cartman: If I knew where Mel Gibson was, I'd be down on the floor licking his balls at this very moment, sir! All I know is he lives somewhere in Malibu, now stop wasting me and Mel Gibson's time, you little wussy prick!
Stan: [furious] Hey don't take that tone with me kid, I'll kick your ass!
Cartman: Yeah, I'd like to see you try asshole, I'm like six feet tall!
Stan: I don't care, you sound like a little bitch to me!
Cartman: Bitch!? Don't call me bitch, I'll pop your fucking head open!
Stan: Yeah, you wanna
TV Show: South Park
Stan: Well, it looks like we spent about $87 getting our money back from Mel Gibson, but I think it's the principle that matters.
Kenny: Yeah, I agree.
[Truck horn honking]
Stan: Oh, you've got to be shitting me...
Mel Gibson: Give me back my money!
Kenny: Yeah, I agree.
[Truck horn honking]
Stan: Oh, you've got to be shitting me...
Mel Gibson: Give me back my money!
TV Show: South Park
Cartman: Töten Sie die Juden! Wir können nicht stillstehen bis sie alle tot sind! [Kill all the Jews! We cannot stand still 'till all are dead!] Okay, I'm ready. I'm ready to do thy bidding, Mel Gibson.
TV Show: South Park
Cartman: Okay, now when I say "Es ist Zeit für Rache!" you respond "Wir müssen die Juden ausrotten!"
Woman: What does that mean?
Man: Oh, I think it's Aramaic, just like in the movie!
Woman: What does that mean?
Man: Oh, I think it's Aramaic, just like in the movie!
TV Show: South Park
Cartman: Es ist Zeit für Rache! [It's time for revenge!]
Crowd: Wir müssen die Juden ausrotten! [We must exterminate the Jews!]
Woman: Oh, this is fun!
Crowd: Wir müssen die Juden ausrotten! [We must exterminate the Jews!]
Woman: Oh, this is fun!
TV Show: South Park
Cartman: Aw, aw, no, come on, people, we're so close to completing my final solution!
TV Show: South Park
Kyle: I feel way better about being a Jew now that I know Mel Gibson is just a big wacko douche.
TV Show: South Park
Rabbi: And now, one of our fine young shlokas, Kyle Broflovski, has asked if he could speak to the congregation.
Kyle: Thank you, Rabbi. In 1973, the United States officially issued an apology to the African-American community for slavery. In 1956, Germany officially apologized for World War II AND the Holocaust. And now, I believe, in 2004, the Jewish community needs to apologize for the death of Jesus. [the others are outraged]
Kyle: Thank you, Rabbi. In 1973, the United States officially issued an apology to the African-American community for slavery. In 1956, Germany officially apologized for World War II AND the Holocaust. And now, I believe, in 2004, the Jewish community needs to apologize for the death of Jesus. [the others are outraged]
TV Show: South Park
Sharon Marsh: Well, Randy, that was some great advice you gave our son yesterday.
Randy Marsh: What?
Sharon: Those kids showed up to serve Stan again, and he danced back.
Randy: Well, what happened?
Sharon: It's on.
Randy Marsh: What?
Sharon: Those kids showed up to serve Stan again, and he danced back.
Randy: Well, what happened?
Sharon: It's on.
TV Show: South Park
Hick: You do a line and I'll do a line honey. You do a line and I'll do a line babe. You do a line and I'll do a line, we'll fight and screw till the morning time.
TV Show: South Park
Hick: You snort K and I'll snort K honey. You snort K and I'll snort K babe. You snort K and I'll snort K, we'll fight and screw all night and day.
TV Show: South Park
[Stan is asking help from the goth kids]
Red Goth: I'm not doing it. Being in a dance group is totally conformist.
Henrietta: Yeah, I'm not conforming to some dance-off regulations.
Kindergoth: I'm not doing it either. I'm the biggest non-conformist of all.
Curly Goth: I'm such a non-conformist that I'm not going to conform with the rest of you. Okay, I'll do it.
Stan: Great!
[pause]
Henrietta: Whoa. I think we just got put in our place.
Red Goth: Yeah, we just got goth served.
Red Goth: I'm not doing it. Being in a dance group is totally conformist.
Henrietta: Yeah, I'm not conforming to some dance-off regulations.
Kindergoth: I'm not doing it either. I'm the biggest non-conformist of all.
Curly Goth: I'm such a non-conformist that I'm not going to conform with the rest of you. Okay, I'll do it.
Stan: Great!
[pause]
Henrietta: Whoa. I think we just got put in our place.
Red Goth: Yeah, we just got goth served.
TV Show: South Park
Stan: Hey kid, you're pretty good. How would you like to join our dance troupe?
Yao: You mean dancing without a machine telling you what to do?
Stan: Yeah.
Yao: That's stupid.
Yao: You mean dancing without a machine telling you what to do?
Stan: Yeah.
Yao: That's stupid.
TV Show: South Park
Stan: But that isn't the point, Butters, the point is that this is now! It's on, and there are people who need you to step up. Look, nobody likes having to rise to a challenge, but competing against other people and getting in their faces and saying "ha ha, I'm better than you" is part of life. And if you can't face that, then you might as well sit here playing with Lego until you're an old man.
Butters: Get out of my room, Stan.
Stan: Fine. But one day you're gonna have to stop running from what happened and deal with it, otherwise you might as well move to France with all the other pussies. [leaves Butters' room]
Butters: Get out of my room, Stan.
Stan: Fine. But one day you're gonna have to stop running from what happened and deal with it, otherwise you might as well move to France with all the other pussies. [leaves Butters' room]
TV Show: South Park