South Park Quotes
Narrator: And they all lived happily ever after, except for Kyle, who died of AIDS two weeks later.
Kyle: [voiceover] Goddamn it Cartman!
Kyle: [voiceover] Goddamn it Cartman!
TV Show: South Park
Mrs. Garrison: Hey, boys. It's me, your teacher, Mrs. Garrison.
Cartman: [whispers] You guys, Mr. Garrison has titties!
Cartman: [whispers] You guys, Mr. Garrison has titties!
TV Show: South Park
Kyle: Mom? Dad? What's a sex-change operation?
Gerald: [taken aback] What? Uh, n-nothing. I'll explain it to you when you're a little older.
Kyle: But our teacher, Mr. Garrison? He just had his penis made into a vagina. How come?
Ike: Penis!
Gerald: Your teacher had a sex change? Oh my God!
Ike: Vagina!
Gerald: [taken aback] What? Uh, n-nothing. I'll explain it to you when you're a little older.
Kyle: But our teacher, Mr. Garrison? He just had his penis made into a vagina. How come?
Ike: Penis!
Gerald: Your teacher had a sex change? Oh my God!
Ike: Vagina!
TV Show: South Park
Kyle: Mom! Dad! I have awesome news! The doctor who gave Mr. Garrison a sex-change said he could make me tall and black!
Sheila: What?
Kyle: Dr. Biber said he can give me a Negroplasty so I can finally look the way I've always wanted. He even took my picture and then did computer imaging to show what I would look like after the surgery.
Gerald: Oh, just great! You see, Sheila? This is what your transgender progressive thinking gets you! Now your son wants to be transracial!
Kyle: Can I have $3000, Mom and Dad? Huh? Can I?
Sheila: Absolutely not, Kyle!
Kyle: But why not? You said sometimes people need surgery to make them feel better about themselves.
Sheila: Yes, but Kyle--
Kyle: Well, all my life I felt I was black! I've listened to hip-hop, I watch UPN and I love playing basketball! My body doesn't reflect who I am inside.
Sheila: Kyle, you have to accept your body the way it is.
Kyle: Why? Why do I have to accept it when I can change it?
Sheila: The answer is no, Kyle! You're not going to have a Negroplasty!
Kyle: But Jews can't play basketball!
Gerald: Kyle, you'd better stop being anti-Semitic right now, mister!
Kyle: [shouts] I'm not speaking to either one of you ever again! [storms into his room]
Sheila: What?
Kyle: Dr. Biber said he can give me a Negroplasty so I can finally look the way I've always wanted. He even took my picture and then did computer imaging to show what I would look like after the surgery.
Gerald: Oh, just great! You see, Sheila? This is what your transgender progressive thinking gets you! Now your son wants to be transracial!
Kyle: Can I have $3000, Mom and Dad? Huh? Can I?
Sheila: Absolutely not, Kyle!
Kyle: But why not? You said sometimes people need surgery to make them feel better about themselves.
Sheila: Yes, but Kyle--
Kyle: Well, all my life I felt I was black! I've listened to hip-hop, I watch UPN and I love playing basketball! My body doesn't reflect who I am inside.
Sheila: Kyle, you have to accept your body the way it is.
Kyle: Why? Why do I have to accept it when I can change it?
Sheila: The answer is no, Kyle! You're not going to have a Negroplasty!
Kyle: But Jews can't play basketball!
Gerald: Kyle, you'd better stop being anti-Semitic right now, mister!
Kyle: [shouts] I'm not speaking to either one of you ever again! [storms into his room]
TV Show: South Park
Mrs. Garrison: You men are all alike! Go ahead and find somebody who doesn't have a vagina, you fag!
TV Show: South Park
Basketball coach: [to Kyle] No, you see, Jews can't play basketball. They're not tall or black enough.
TV Show: South Park
Kyle: All my life I've wanted to be tall and black. Could you do it for me, Doctor?
Doctor: [stares, speechless] Oh, I see! In that case, you want a Negroplasty.
Kyle: A Negroplasty?
Doctor: Yes, it's very simple, just the exact opposite of a Caucasioplasty.
Doctor: [stares, speechless] Oh, I see! In that case, you want a Negroplasty.
Kyle: A Negroplasty?
Doctor: Yes, it's very simple, just the exact opposite of a Caucasioplasty.
TV Show: South Park
Gerald: What kind of nutjob would agree to surgically alter my son into a tall African-American?!
TV Show: South Park
Mrs. Garrison: That means I'm not really a woman! I'm just a guy with a mutilated penis!
Doctor: Basically, yes.
Doctor: Basically, yes.
TV Show: South Park
Cartman: And we'll need a black guy who can sacrifice himself in case something goes wrong. [camera moves back and forth passing Chef several times] Oh how about...
Chef: [irritated] Yeah, I know!
Chef: [irritated] Yeah, I know!
TV Show: South Park
Mrs. Garrison: Just between us gals, nothing gets my vag wetter than a black man singing!
Principal Victoria: Mr. Garrison, for the love of God!
Principal Victoria: Mr. Garrison, for the love of God!
TV Show: South Park
Kyle: Don't worry Kenny. You didn't die for nothing. We're gonna get Wing back as our client. And make a ton of money. I swear it to you.
TV Show: South Park
[Kenny is playing PSP]
Mrs. McCormick: Kenny? Kenny, are you still playin' with that thing? Kenny, it's been two weeks and you've done nothin' else!
Kenny: I could get to level 60!
Mrs. McCormick: Who cares if you almost made it to level 60? You're wastin' your life, Kenny! If you died tomorrow, what would you have to show for it? You're gonna end up wishin' you'd done more with your life, just like your deadbeat father!
Mr. McCormick: 'Ey! I heard that, bitch!
Mrs. McCormick: I wasn't talkin' to you, asshole!
Mrs. McCormick: Kenny? Kenny, are you still playin' with that thing? Kenny, it's been two weeks and you've done nothin' else!
Kenny: I could get to level 60!
Mrs. McCormick: Who cares if you almost made it to level 60? You're wastin' your life, Kenny! If you died tomorrow, what would you have to show for it? You're gonna end up wishin' you'd done more with your life, just like your deadbeat father!
Mr. McCormick: 'Ey! I heard that, bitch!
Mrs. McCormick: I wasn't talkin' to you, asshole!
TV Show: South Park
Angel: The Keanu Reeves boy has been revived on Earth! His soul is no longer in Heaven!
Satan: Then GOD is helping us!
Satan: Then GOD is helping us!
TV Show: South Park
Uriel: No! There is another. A Japanese boy did make it to level 59.
Michael: Are you stupid, Uriel? Japanese people don't have souls!
Angels: Yeah, Uriel!
Uriel: Oh. Right, right. I'm sorry.
Michael: Are you stupid, Uriel? Japanese people don't have souls!
Angels: Yeah, Uriel!
Uriel: Oh. Right, right. I'm sorry.
TV Show: South Park
Kevin: Keep your army marching my Lord. I will get that feeding tube removed.
Satan: How?
Kevin: I will do what we always do. Use the Republicans.
Satan: How?
Kevin: I will do what we always do. Use the Republicans.
TV Show: South Park
[The hooded figure hisses into Bush's left ear]
George Bush: We Republicans are deeply saddened by the recent events in Colorado!
Kevin: Removing the feeding tube is murder! Haaghaghaghaghaghagha...
George Bush: Removing the feeding tube is murder!
Kevin: Who are we to decide that Kenny should live or die? Haaghaghaghaghaghagha...
George Bush: Who are we to decide that Kenny should live or die?
Kevin: It is God's will that he live!
George Bush: It is God's will that he live!
Kevin: Haaghaghaghaghaghagha...
George Bush: Haghaghaghagha...
Kevin: No no, you don't say that part, Haaghaghaghaghaghagha . [hisses into Bush's right ear]
George Bush: No no, you don't say that part, Haghaghaghagha.
[the crowd is speechless]
George Bush: We Republicans are deeply saddened by the recent events in Colorado!
Kevin: Removing the feeding tube is murder! Haaghaghaghaghaghagha...
George Bush: Removing the feeding tube is murder!
Kevin: Who are we to decide that Kenny should live or die? Haaghaghaghaghaghagha...
George Bush: Who are we to decide that Kenny should live or die?
Kevin: It is God's will that he live!
George Bush: It is God's will that he live!
Kevin: Haaghaghaghaghaghagha...
George Bush: Haghaghaghagha...
Kevin: No no, you don't say that part, Haaghaghaghaghaghagha . [hisses into Bush's right ear]
George Bush: No no, you don't say that part, Haghaghaghagha.
[the crowd is speechless]
TV Show: South Park
Random person: You bureaucrats have no right to play god and take that tube out.
Angel: No, no. See, they were playing god when they put the feeding tube in.
Angel: No, no. See, they were playing god when they put the feeding tube in.
TV Show: South Park
Kyle: Maybe we should just let Kenny go in peace.
Stan: You mean Cartman's side is right?
Kyle: Cartman's side is right. For the wrong reasons. But we are wrong. For the right reasons.
Stan: You mean Cartman's side is right?
Kyle: Cartman's side is right. For the wrong reasons. But we are wrong. For the right reasons.
TV Show: South Park
Angel: Michael, michel. The humans finally did the right thing.
Angel Michael: Oh my god. They killed Kenny.
Angel Michael: Oh my god. They killed Kenny.
TV Show: South Park