Stargate SG-1 Quotes

Dr. Jackson: There's no easy way to tell you this, so... Sam's just gonna come right out and say it.

TV Show: Stargate SG-1



TV Show: Stargate SG-1
Col. O'Neill: What's going on?
Dr. Jackson: [referring to Loki] We're pretty sure this Asgard kidnapped you and attempted to replace you with a clone.
Col. O'Neill: How long was I asleep?!
Maj. Carter: Seven days.
Col. O'Neill: That's a record.

TV Show: Stargate SG-1



TV Show: Stargate SG-1
Loki: No, no, no, this is all wrong.
Col. O'Neill: Hey! I'll tell you what's wrong. I just woke up, haven't had coffee, let alone a pee in seven days, and I find out you stole my ass and made a -- mini-me! Carter, I should be irked currently, yes?
Maj. Carter: Yes, I—I would be.

TV Show: Stargate SG-1



TV Show: Stargate SG-1
Loki: I am a scientist. A former geneticist with the Asgard Ruling Council.
Maj. Carter: Former?
Loki: I was stripped of my stature when I was caught performing unsanctioned experiments on humans.
Col. O'Neill: What, you've got sanctioned ones?

TV Show: Stargate SG-1



TV Show: Stargate SG-1
Dr. Jackson: Why risk coming back here after nineteen years?
Loki: I thought he was the one.
Col. O'Neill and Clone: Me?
Loki: I believed his genetic code contained the key.
Col. O'Neill and Clone: Mine?
Col. O'Neill: [To the clone] Will you stop that?
Loki: He was physiologically advanced enough to carry and utilize all the data from the Ancient repository of knowledge. That would not be possible for any human one generation ago. He is a significant step forward on your evolutionary path.
Dr. Jackson: You just found this out recently?
Loki: I learned about it when all the Asgard did. O'Neill is legendary. [Col. O'Neill adopts a smug look]

TV Show: Stargate SG-1



TV Show: Stargate SG-1
O'Neill Clone: Look, I know you don't think I am who I am, but, as far as I'm concerned, I am.. who.. I am.

TV Show: Stargate SG-1



TV Show: Stargate SG-1
Dr. Jackson: Uh, what do we do if Thor doesn't show up? [Thor beams aboard the ship] Never mind.
Col. O'Neill: Well, it's about time!
Thor: I apologize for not coming sooner. [angrilly] Loki, what have you done?
O'Neill clone: Yeah, it seems he's been playing Dr. Moreau behind your back
Col. O'Neill: Yes. Dr. Moreau.

TV Show: Stargate SG-1
[Dr. Jackson has just finished giving intel about the Jaffa to SG-1 and Gen. Hammond, based on a dream]
Dr. Jackson: [surprised] So, you believe me, too?
Gen. Hammond: The things I've heard sitting in this chair…


Col. O'Neill: It's time for Plan B.
Maj. Carter: We have a Plan B?
Col. O'Neill: No, but it's time for one.

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Teal'c: Colonel O'Neill has officially informed me that I have my mojo back.

TV Show: Stargate SG-1


Col. O'Neill: Come on Teal'c, don't gimme the eyebrow!

TV Show: Stargate SG-1


[Referring to the movie Signs]
Maj. Carter: So they fly halfway across the galaxy, in a highly advanced spaceship, but they don't use their technology to take over the planet. You know what their weakness turned out to be? Water. I mean, if that's true, why go to all the trouble to invade a planet that's two-thirds water? Not to mention the rain.
Dr. Jackson: Why do you watch those movies if all you're going to do is cut 'em up?
Maj. Carter: Come on! Don't you occasionally like to see if they're getting it anywhere close to right?

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Col. O'Neill: Fraiser says that Teal'c needs a pep talk. I've been practicing in front of a mirror.
Dr. Jackson: Not peppy enough?
Col. O'Neill: No, not really.

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Dr. Jackson: We need a distraction
Maj. Carter: Grenades?
Col. O'Neill: Think Bigger
Maj. Carter: Claymores?
Col. O'Neill: [looking up at the dry dock with an unfinished mothership] Much bigger!

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[Kendrick and his son Nevin have taken in O'Neill and Teal'c for the night]
Nevin: How many planets have you been to?
Col. O'Neill: I don't know. Lots.
Nevin: More than ten?
Col. O'Neill: Yeah.
Nevin: More than twenty?
Col. O'Neill: Yes.
Nevin: More than thirty?
Col. O'Neill: Yeah.
Nevin: More than forty?
Col. O'Neill: Yes.
Nevin: More than fifty?
Col. O'Neill: Maybe.
Kendrick: Nevin, let the poor man eat.
Nevin: It's more than fifty, isn't it?
Col. O'Neill: [quietly, to Teal'c] Think it's too late to pitch a tent?

TV Show: Stargate SG-1
Teal'c: Daniel Jackson's preliminary electroencephalogram proved anomalous.
Col. O'Neill: I dare you to say that again.

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TV Show: Stargate SG-1
Dr. Jackson/Martice: Just find the small woman and tell her that what she gave me is not good enough. It isn't working!

TV Show: Stargate SG-1
Dr. Jackson: Whoa. What's this? [uncovers a crate full of primitive tools] Artifacts?
Maj. Lorne: Yes.
Dr. Jackson: You found all this and you—you didn't contact me?
Maj. Lorne: We were going to.
Dr. Jackson: They've been moved.
Maj. Lorne: [annoyed] Well, they were in the way.
Col. O'Neill: Daniel, go to your happy place.

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TV Show: Stargate SG-1
Dr. Jackson: [earnestly] Colonel, you don't understand. Unas are territorial, and when provoked, they can be extremely dangerous.
Col. Edwards: [to O'Neill] Is he always like this?
Col. O'Neill: Yeah, pretty much.

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TV Show: Stargate SG-1
Dr. Jackson: I guess I just spent a lot of time breaking you in, I just didn't want to have to start with a new colonel.

TV Show: Stargate SG-1



TV Show: Stargate SG-1
Col. Edwards: O'Neill was right. You are a pain in the ass. But well worth it.

TV Show: Stargate SG-1