Stargate SG-1 Quotes
Gen. O'Neill: When you couldn't figure out what the Ancient device was for, you tampered with the power source so nobody else could.
Camulus: I did nothing of the kind.
Gen. O'Neill: Cammy...
Camulus: ...Worth a try.
TV Show: Stargate SG-1
[Jackson has requested to go back to a planet with an unstable political situation]
Gen. O'Neill: Regular contact, no exceptions. The second things start gettin' a little squirrelly—
Dr. Jackson: [walking away] Thank you.
Gen. O'Neill: Daniel! Squirrelly!
Gen. O'Neill: Regular contact, no exceptions. The second things start gettin' a little squirrelly—
Dr. Jackson: [walking away] Thank you.
Gen. O'Neill: Daniel! Squirrelly!
TV Show: Stargate SG-1
Dr. Lee: Well, I mean, we can input the parameters for different scenarios, but the vast majority of the simulation array comes from the mind of the user. The programming is actually built by interfacing memories from the individual’s consciousness with the chair’s matrix.
Gen. O'Neill: Carter, all I heard was "matrix" and I found those films quite confusing.
Gen. O'Neill: Carter, all I heard was "matrix" and I found those films quite confusing.
TV Show: Stargate SG-1
Lt. Col. Carter: Sir, you may have done it again.
Gen. O'Neill: Yes. How did I do it this time?
TV Show: Stargate SG-1
Dr. Carmichael: Which would mean that there's a good chance that the second player could be trapped along with Teal'c.
O'Neill, Jackson, and Carter: [in unison] I'll do it.
TV Show: Stargate SG-1
Gen. O'Neill: How was it? Was it any fun?
Teal'c: Indeed. You died well in battle, O'Neill.
Gen. O'Neill: Obviously, there's something defective with this thing.
TV Show: Stargate SG-1
[after the failsafe doesn't work]
Gen. O'Neill: I thought a failsafe was meant to be somewhat safe from failure.
TV Show: Stargate SG-1
[Teal'c has just prevented three thugs from beating someone they just rear-ended in a traffic accident caused by the thug]
Teal'c: This is unlawful behaviour.
Thug: Who the hell are you?
Teal'c: Collision procedure dictates that you exchange insurance information and if necessary notify the police.
Thug: What?!
[The thug attacks Teal'c, who then proceeds to single-handedly defeat all three assailants]
Teal'c: I believe it will now be necessary to notify the police.
TV Show: Stargate SG-1
Dr. Jackson: [admiring Teal'c's apartment] Wow! I like what you're doing with the place. Sort of…Jaffa chic with an East African flair.
TV Show: Stargate SG-1
Dr. Jackson: How's the fern? [Teal'c gestures to a very sad, withered fern on a shelf] I don't suppose you've tried talking to it, have you?
Teal'c: [Looking concerned] I have not.
TV Show: Stargate SG-1
Lt. Col. Carter: [ranting to Daniel and Teal'c] They make you afraid of being alone but at the same time tell you not to settle for anything less than the perfect romantic ideal, like that actually exists anywhere in the real world. Either way, you can't win.
Dr. Jackson: [to Sam, innocently] How's things?
Lt. Col. Carter: Good. We were talking about Teal'c's friend, right?
Dr. Jackson: I thought we were.
TV Show: Stargate SG-1
Teal'c: On Chulak, a dispute between a man and a woman that cannot be resolved necessitates a pledge break. It must be requested by one and granted by the other.
Dr. Jackson: And if that doesn't work?
Teal'c: A weapon is required.
TV Show: Stargate SG-1
Gen. O'Neill: [to Carter] I never thought I'd hear myself utter these words: I need that report.
TV Show: Stargate SG-1
Gen. O'Neill: [to Carter] You haven't tried to confuse me with any scientific babble for the last couple of days and that's a red flag to me.
TV Show: Stargate SG-1
Alec Colson: Two o'clock, we go live. With the pictures, pieces of the alien ship, everything we've got.
Vogler: Alec! They tried to kill us!
Alec Colson: You think that didn't work in our favor?
Vogler: Dying doesn't work in our favor!
Vogler: Alec! They tried to kill us!
Alec Colson: You think that didn't work in our favor?
Vogler: Dying doesn't work in our favor!
TV Show: Stargate SG-1
[As O'Neill and Jackson walk down the hall, Jackson finishes up a long, involved explanation of Jaffa-Goa'uld politics. O'Neill has a blank look on his face]
Gen. O'Neill: What was my question again?
Dr. Jackson: Um, "how's it going?"
Gen. O'Neill: [absently] Seemed so innocuous at the time.
Gen. O'Neill: What was my question again?
Dr. Jackson: Um, "how's it going?"
Gen. O'Neill: [absently] Seemed so innocuous at the time.
TV Show: Stargate SG-1
[Teal'c and Bra'tac have returned through the Stargate]
Gen. O'Neill: So, how was the trip?
Teal'c: [walking away] I have been betrayed by those I trusted most.
Gen. O'Neill: That good, huh?
Bra'tac: His mood is most foul.
TV Show: Stargate SG-1
Jack O'Neill: They want a what?
Sam Carter: A goat, sir.
Jack O'Neill: You can tell them that lamb is far less gamy.
Sam Carter: They want it for a ritual sacrifice.
Jack O'Neill: Yeah, well you can tell them that's not going to happen.
Sam Carter: Yeah, I was hoping you were going to say that.
Jack O'Neill: They can have a piñata. That's always fun.
TV Show: Stargate SG-1
Gen. O'Neill: Look, T, I'm not gonna tell you how to raise your kid, but I've always found that sticking your fingers in your ears and humming loudly solves a whole slew of problems.
TV Show: Stargate SG-1
[Dr. Jackson is attempting to calm the outraged Jaffa when Bra'tac and O'Neill enter]
Bra'tac: Silence!
Gen. O'Neill: Thank you. Now, Daniel, what's going on here?
[The Jaffa resume their shouting]
Bra'tac: Silence!
Gen. O'Neill: I said, "Daniel".
TV Show: Stargate SG-1
Bra'tac: [to the newly married Rya'c and Ka'ryn] May you love and fight like warriors. Just not with each other.
TV Show: Stargate SG-1
Bra'tac: [after Ka'ryn and Ry'ac abruptly end their wedding rehearsal] I can see why one must rehearse these ceremonies... [he quaffs the ceremonial wine from the rehearsal]
TV Show: Stargate SG-1
Dr. Jackson: They'll never see it coming.
Gen. O'Neill: Which is one of the advantages of a totally insane idea.
Dr. Jackson: [innocently] Yeah, where'd I learn that from?
Dr. Jackson: Wait, you mean the Asgard took our gate?
Gen. O'Neill: Yeah, normally they ask nicely before they ignore us and do whatever they damn well want.
Dr. Jackson: [staring down at the gate-less gate room] Man, I'd hate to be the one that has to explain that to the President.
[O'Neill, standing next to him, turns and glares]
Gen. O'Neill: Which is one of the advantages of a totally insane idea.
Dr. Jackson: [innocently] Yeah, where'd I learn that from?
Dr. Jackson: Wait, you mean the Asgard took our gate?
Gen. O'Neill: Yeah, normally they ask nicely before they ignore us and do whatever they damn well want.
Dr. Jackson: [staring down at the gate-less gate room] Man, I'd hate to be the one that has to explain that to the President.
[O'Neill, standing next to him, turns and glares]
TV Show: Stargate SG-1
RepliCarter: My name is Samantha Carter.
Gen. O'Neill: All right, we've got a little conflict with that statement. We've already got one here.
RepliCarter: There are two of us.
Gen. O'Neill: [to himself] If only.
Gen. O'Neill: All right, we've got a little conflict with that statement. We've already got one here.
RepliCarter: There are two of us.
Gen. O'Neill: [to himself] If only.
TV Show: Stargate SG-1
RepliCarter: You have untapped greatness inside you, Sam, but you're limited by your own fears. You play by the rules, you do as you're told and you deny yourself your own desires.
Lt. Col. Carter: I have no desire to rule the galaxy, believe me.
RepliCarter: All humans desire power. It's just that most of them are never in a position to attain it.
TV Show: Stargate SG-1
Dr. Jackson: Come on, Jack!
Gen. O'Neill: Still no, Daniel.
Dr. Jackson: But it doesn't have to be on a permanent basis!
Gen. O'Neill: I didn't let you go in the first place. What makes you think I'm gonna change my mind?
Dr. Jackson: Because.
Gen. O'Neill: Can you try to do better than that?
Dr. Jackson: Because they're going to need somebody who can translate Ancient. I'm the most qualified person left on the planet for the mission.
Gen. O'Neill: Which is exactly why you're gonna stay right here.
Dr. Jackson: [desperately] Because I'll quit!
Gen. O'Neill: Why don't you just hold your breath? You haven't done that in a while.
Gen. O'Neill: Still no, Daniel.
Dr. Jackson: But it doesn't have to be on a permanent basis!
Gen. O'Neill: I didn't let you go in the first place. What makes you think I'm gonna change my mind?
Dr. Jackson: Because.
Gen. O'Neill: Can you try to do better than that?
Dr. Jackson: Because they're going to need somebody who can translate Ancient. I'm the most qualified person left on the planet for the mission.
Gen. O'Neill: Which is exactly why you're gonna stay right here.
Dr. Jackson: [desperately] Because I'll quit!
Gen. O'Neill: Why don't you just hold your breath? You haven't done that in a while.
TV Show: Stargate SG-1
[Jack and Daniel are arguing over Daniel going to Atlantis and find General Hammond in Jack's chair in his office.]
Gen. O'Neill: General!
Gen. Hammond: Jack. I let myself in, hope you don't mind.
Gen. O'Neill: Absolutely not! Welcome.
Gen. Hammond: Thank you.
Gen. O'Neill: Miss the chair?
Gen. Hammond: Actually I do.
Gen. O'Neill: Want it back?
Gen. Hammond: As a matter of fact I do. My new one just isn't the same.
Gen. O'Neill: That's not exactly what I meant...
Gen. Hammond: Doctor Jackson. Nice to see you again.
Daniel: Likewise. We miss you around here, sir. [Jack gives him an angry stare] So, to what do we owe this pleasure?
Gen. Hammond: I came to see if you were interested in joining the mission to Atlantis.
Gen. O'Neill & Daniel: You did?
Gen. Hammond: He's the most qualified person on this planet, and the mission commander needs someone who can translate Ancient.
Daniel: Really?
Gen. O'Neill: With all due respect, sir, I think you should tell the mission commander that I need Daniel right here.
Gen. Hammond: You just did.
Gen. O'Neill: I did. I did? [pauses] You, sir?
Gen. Hammond: Yes. Request denied. Doctor Jackson, you're with me. I'll have this chair shipped to Washington. You can requisition a new one.
Gen. O'Neill: I'll do that, sir.
Gen. Hammond: We leave tomorrow. Oh, and I'll be taking Walter, too.
[Hammond leaves, while O'Neill wears the expression of one who has no idea what just happened]
TV Show: Stargate SG-1
[A Kull warrior has taken over the Prometheus, and has Jackson tied to the captain's chair.]
Dr. Jackson: Where's everybody else?
Kull Warrior: I transported them onto the al'kesh.
Dr. Jackson: Well, you kept the wrong guy, 'cause I don't know anything about the ship.
Kull Warrior: But you are very attractive.
Dr. Jackson: [coughs in shock] What?
[The warrior moves in front of Daniel and straddles his legs]
Dr. Jackson: [trying to squirm away] Hey, you know, big guy, I'm flattered, really I am, it's just that, uh, you're not my type. And I'm more than a little disturbed that I might be yours.
TV Show: Stargate SG-1
Vala: [in pain] Oh, oh, oh, you hit me!
Dr. Jackson: You hit me.
Vala: Yeah, you know, we could just have sex instead.
TV Show: Stargate SG-1
[Vala wakes up in the Prometheus holding cell, dressed in SGC fatigues instead of her zat-resistant bodysuit]
Vala: Did you have fun taking off my clothes?
Dr. Jackson: It was your idea.
Vala: No, I meant while I was conscious. You know, so I could distract you and kick you in the head.
TV Show: Stargate SG-1