The Big Lebowski Quotes
Jackie Treehorn : Interactive erotic software. The wave of the future, Dude. One hundred percent electronic!
The Dude : Yeah well, I still jerk off manually.
The Dude : Yeah well, I still jerk off manually.
Movie: The Big Lebowski
Bunny Lebowski : I'll suck your cock for a thousand dollars.
Brandt : Ah hahahahaha! Wonderful woman. We're all, we're all very fond of her. Very free-spirited.
Bunny Lebowski : Brandt can't watch, though, or he has to pay a hundred.
Brandt : Ah haha. That's marvelous.
The Dude : Uh, I'm just gonna go find a cash machine.
Brandt : Ah hahahahaha! Wonderful woman. We're all, we're all very fond of her. Very free-spirited.
Bunny Lebowski : Brandt can't watch, though, or he has to pay a hundred.
Brandt : Ah haha. That's marvelous.
The Dude : Uh, I'm just gonna go find a cash machine.
Movie: The Big Lebowski
Maude Lebowski : Does the female form make you uncomfortable, Mr. Lebowski?
The Dude : Uh, is that what this is a picture of?
Maude Lebowski : In a sense, yes. My art has been commended as being strongly vaginal which bothers some men. The word itself makes some men uncomfortable. Vagina.
The Dude : Oh yeah?
Maude Lebowski : Yes, they don't like hearing it and find it difficult to say whereas without batting an eye a man will refer to his dick or his rod or his Johnson.
The Dude : Johnson?
The Dude : Uh, is that what this is a picture of?
Maude Lebowski : In a sense, yes. My art has been commended as being strongly vaginal which bothers some men. The word itself makes some men uncomfortable. Vagina.
The Dude : Oh yeah?
Maude Lebowski : Yes, they don't like hearing it and find it difficult to say whereas without batting an eye a man will refer to his dick or his rod or his Johnson.
The Dude : Johnson?
Movie: The Big Lebowski
Maude Lebowski : Do you like sex, Mr. Lebowski?
The Dude : 'Scuse me?
Maude Lebowski : Sex. The physical act of love. Coitus. Do you like it?
The Dude : I was talking about my rug.
Maude Lebowski : You're not interested in sex?
The Dude : You mean coitus?
The Dude : 'Scuse me?
Maude Lebowski : Sex. The physical act of love. Coitus. Do you like it?
The Dude : I was talking about my rug.
Maude Lebowski : You're not interested in sex?
The Dude : You mean coitus?
Movie: The Big Lebowski
Walter Sobchak : Were you listening to The Dude's story, Donny?
The Dude : Walter...
Donny : What?
Walter Sobchak : Were you listening to The Dude's story?
Donny : I was bowling.
Walter Sobchak : So you have no frame of reference here, Donny. You're like a child who wanders into the middle of a movie and wants to know...
The Dude : (interrupting) Walter, Walter, what's the point, man?
Walter Sobchak : There's no reason - here's my point, dude, there's no fucking reason why these two...
Donny : Yeah, Walter, what's your point?
The Dude : Walter...
Donny : What?
Walter Sobchak : Were you listening to The Dude's story?
Donny : I was bowling.
Walter Sobchak : So you have no frame of reference here, Donny. You're like a child who wanders into the middle of a movie and wants to know...
The Dude : (interrupting) Walter, Walter, what's the point, man?
Walter Sobchak : There's no reason - here's my point, dude, there's no fucking reason why these two...
Donny : Yeah, Walter, what's your point?
Movie: The Big Lebowski
The Dude : I dropped off the money exactly as per... look, man, I've got certain information, all right? Certain things have come to light. And, you know, has it ever occurred to you, that, instead of, uh, you know, running around, uh, uh, blaming me, you know, given the nature of all this new shit, you know, I-I-I-I... this could be a-a-a-a lot more, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, complex, I mean, it's not just, it might not be just such a simple... uh, you know?
The Big Lebowski : What in God's holy name are you blathering about?
The Dude : I'll tell you what I'm blathering about... I've got information man! New shit has come to light! And shit... man, she kidnapped herself. Well sure, man. Look at it... a young trophy wife, in the parlance of our times, you know, and she, uh, uh, owes money all over town, including to known pornographers, and that's cool... that's, that's cool, I'm, I'm saying, she needs money, man. And of course they're going to say that they didn't get it, because... she wants more, man! She's got to feed the monkey, I mean uh... hasn't that ever occurred to you, man? Sir?
The Big Lebowski : What in God's holy name are you blathering about?
The Dude : I'll tell you what I'm blathering about... I've got information man! New shit has come to light! And shit... man, she kidnapped herself. Well sure, man. Look at it... a young trophy wife, in the parlance of our times, you know, and she, uh, uh, owes money all over town, including to known pornographers, and that's cool... that's, that's cool, I'm, I'm saying, she needs money, man. And of course they're going to say that they didn't get it, because... she wants more, man! She's got to feed the monkey, I mean uh... hasn't that ever occurred to you, man? Sir?
Movie: The Big Lebowski
Walter Sobchak : OVER THE LINE!
Smokey : Huh?
Walter Sobchak : I'm sorry, Smokey. You were over the line, that's a foul.
Smokey : Bullshit. Mark it 8, Dude.
Walter Sobchak : Uh, excuse me. Mark it zero. Next frame.
Smokey : Bullshit, Walter. Mark it 8, Dude.
Walter Sobchak : Smokey, this is not 'Nam. This is bowling. There are rules.
Smokey : Huh?
Walter Sobchak : I'm sorry, Smokey. You were over the line, that's a foul.
Smokey : Bullshit. Mark it 8, Dude.
Walter Sobchak : Uh, excuse me. Mark it zero. Next frame.
Smokey : Bullshit, Walter. Mark it 8, Dude.
Walter Sobchak : Smokey, this is not 'Nam. This is bowling. There are rules.
Movie: The Big Lebowski
[ after recovering his car from the Auto circus ]
The Dude : Oh, Jesus, what's that smell, man?
Auto Circus Cop : Yes, probably a vagrant slept in the car. Or maybe just used it as a toilet and moved on.
The Dude : Oh, Jesus, what's that smell, man?
Auto Circus Cop : Yes, probably a vagrant slept in the car. Or maybe just used it as a toilet and moved on.
Movie: The Big Lebowski
Walter Sobchak : The man in the black pajamas, Dude. Worthy fuckin' adversary.
Donny : Who's in pajamas Walter?
Walter Sobchak : Shut the fuck up, Donny.
Donny : Who's in pajamas Walter?
Walter Sobchak : Shut the fuck up, Donny.
Movie: The Big Lebowski
The Dude : You thought that Bunny had been kidnapped and you were fuckin' glad, man. You could use it as an excuse to make some money disappear. All you needed was a sap to pin it on! You'd just met me! You human... paraquat! You figured 'Oh, here's a loser', you know? A deadbeat, someone the square community won't give a shit about.
The Big Lebowski : Well, aren't you?
The Dude : Well, yeah!
The Big Lebowski : Well, aren't you?
The Dude : Well, yeah!
Movie: The Big Lebowski
The Stranger : Darkness warshed over the Dude - darker'n a black steer's tookus on a moonless prairie night. There was no bottom.
Movie: The Big Lebowski
[ after reporting the stolen car ]
The Dude : Do you find them much, these, stolen cars?
Younger Cop : Sometimes. Wouldn't hold out much hope for the tape deck though.
Older Cop : Or the Creedence.
The Dude : Do you find them much, these, stolen cars?
Younger Cop : Sometimes. Wouldn't hold out much hope for the tape deck though.
Older Cop : Or the Creedence.
Movie: The Big Lebowski
Walter Sobchak : Now so far, we have what appears to me to be a series of victimless crimes.
The Dude : What about the toe?
Walter Sobchak : Forget about the fucking toe!
Coffee Shop Waitress : Excuse me, sir. Could you please keep your voices down? This is a family restaurant.
Walter Sobchak : Oh please, dear? For your information, the Supreme Court has roundly rejected prior restraint.
The Dude : What about the toe?
Walter Sobchak : Forget about the fucking toe!
Coffee Shop Waitress : Excuse me, sir. Could you please keep your voices down? This is a family restaurant.
Walter Sobchak : Oh please, dear? For your information, the Supreme Court has roundly rejected prior restraint.
Movie: The Big Lebowski
[ while dunking the Dude's head in the toilet ]
Blond Treehorn Thug : Where's the money, Lebowski? Where's the fucking money, shithead?
The Dude : It's uh... uh... it's down there somewhere, let me take another look.
Blond Treehorn Thug : Where's the money, Lebowski? Where's the fucking money, shithead?
The Dude : It's uh... uh... it's down there somewhere, let me take another look.
Movie: The Big Lebowski
The Dude : Let me explain something to you. Um, I am not "Mr. Lebowski". You're Mr. Lebowski. I'm the Dude. So that's what you call me. You know, that or, uh, His Dudeness, or uh, Duder, or El Duderino if you're not into the whole brevity thing.
Movie: The Big Lebowski
Walter Sobchak : Am I wrong?
The Dude : No you're not wrong.
Walter Sobchak : Am I wrong?
The Dude : You're not wrong Walter. You're just an asshole.
Walter Sobchak : Okay then.
The Dude : No you're not wrong.
Walter Sobchak : Am I wrong?
The Dude : You're not wrong Walter. You're just an asshole.
Walter Sobchak : Okay then.
Movie: The Big Lebowski
The Dude : My only hope is that the big Lebowski kills me before the Germans can cut my dick off.
Movie: The Big Lebowski
Walter Sobchak : Really, Dude, you surprise me. They're not gonna kill shit, they're not gonna do shit. What can they do? They're a bunch of fuckin' amateurs, and meanwhile, look at the bottom line: Who's sittin' on a million fuckin' dollars? Am I wrong?
The Dude : Walter?
Walter Sobchak : Who's got a fuckin' million fuckin' dollars sittin' in the trunk of our car?
The Dude : Our car, Walter?
Walter Sobchak : And whadda they got? My dirty undies... My fucking whites... [ They walk out of the bowling alley and see the Dude's car gone. The portable phone starts ringing ]
Walter Sobchak : Say, dude. Where is your car?
Donny : Who's got your undies, Walter?
Walter Sobchak : Where's your car, dude?
The Dude : You don't know, Walter?
Walter Sobchak : [ clears throat ] It was parked in a handicapped zone, perhaps they towed it.
The Dude : You fucking know its been stolen.
Walter Sobchak : Well, certainly that's a possibility, Dude.
The Dude : Oh fuck it. [ the Dude starts walking away ]
Donny : Where you going, Dude?
The Dude : I'm going home, Donny.
Donny : Phone's ringin', dude.
The Dude : Thank you, Donny.
The Dude : Walter?
Walter Sobchak : Who's got a fuckin' million fuckin' dollars sittin' in the trunk of our car?
The Dude : Our car, Walter?
Walter Sobchak : And whadda they got? My dirty undies... My fucking whites... [ They walk out of the bowling alley and see the Dude's car gone. The portable phone starts ringing ]
Walter Sobchak : Say, dude. Where is your car?
Donny : Who's got your undies, Walter?
Walter Sobchak : Where's your car, dude?
The Dude : You don't know, Walter?
Walter Sobchak : [ clears throat ] It was parked in a handicapped zone, perhaps they towed it.
The Dude : You fucking know its been stolen.
Walter Sobchak : Well, certainly that's a possibility, Dude.
The Dude : Oh fuck it. [ the Dude starts walking away ]
Donny : Where you going, Dude?
The Dude : I'm going home, Donny.
Donny : Phone's ringin', dude.
The Dude : Thank you, Donny.
Movie: The Big Lebowski
Nihilist : We believe in nothing, Lebowski. Nothing. And tomorrow we come back and we cut off your chonson.
The Dude : Excuse me?
Nihilist : I said [ shouting ]
Nihilist : We'll cut off your johnson!
Nihilist #2 : Just think about that, Lebowski.
Nihilist : Yeah, your wiggly penis, Lebowski.
Nihilist #3 : Yeah and maybe we stomp on it and squoosh it, Lebowski.
The Dude : Excuse me?
Nihilist : I said [ shouting ]
Nihilist : We'll cut off your johnson!
Nihilist #2 : Just think about that, Lebowski.
Nihilist : Yeah, your wiggly penis, Lebowski.
Nihilist #3 : Yeah and maybe we stomp on it and squoosh it, Lebowski.
Movie: The Big Lebowski
The Dude : [ on the phone ] Of course the car made it home, you're calling me at home. No, Walter, it did NOT look like Larry was about to crack!
Movie: The Big Lebowski
[ being shown a picture Bunny's old farm home ]
The Dude : Oh boy. How ya gonna keep 'em down on the farm once they've seen Karl Hungus.
The Dude : Oh boy. How ya gonna keep 'em down on the farm once they've seen Karl Hungus.
Movie: The Big Lebowski
Walter Sobchak : Whereas what we have here? A bunch of fig-eaters wearing towels on their heads, trying to find reverse in a Soviet tank. This is not a worthy adversary.
Movie: The Big Lebowski
Younger Cop : And was there anything of value in the car?
The Dude : Oh, uh, yeah, uh... a tape deck, some Creedence tapes, and there was a, uh... uh, my briefcase.
Younger Cop : [ expectant pause ] In the briefcase?
The Dude : Uh, uh, papers, um, just papers, uh, you know, uh, my papers, business papers.
Younger Cop : And what do you do, sir?
The Dude : I'm unemployed.
The Dude : Oh, uh, yeah, uh... a tape deck, some Creedence tapes, and there was a, uh... uh, my briefcase.
Younger Cop : [ expectant pause ] In the briefcase?
The Dude : Uh, uh, papers, um, just papers, uh, you know, uh, my papers, business papers.
Younger Cop : And what do you do, sir?
The Dude : I'm unemployed.
Movie: The Big Lebowski
Malibu Police Chief : Keep your ugly fuckin' goldbrickin' ass out of my beach community.
Movie: The Big Lebowski
Walter Sobchak : Also, let's not forget - let's *not* forget, Dude - that keeping wildlife, an amphibious rodent, for uh, domestic, you know, within the city - that aint legal either.
The Dude : What are you, a fucking park ranger now?
Walter Sobchak : No, I'm...
The Dude : Who gives a shit about the fucking marmot!
The Dude : What are you, a fucking park ranger now?
Walter Sobchak : No, I'm...
The Dude : Who gives a shit about the fucking marmot!
Movie: The Big Lebowski
Walter Sobchak : Look at our current situation with that camel fucker over in Iraq. Pacifism is not something to hide behind.
Movie: The Big Lebowski
Donny : They posted the next round for the tournament.
Walter Sobchak : Donny, shut the f- when do we play?
Walter Sobchak : Donny, shut the f- when do we play?
Movie: The Big Lebowski
The Big Lebowski : Are you employed, sir?
The Dude : Employed?
The Big Lebowski : You don't go out looking for a job dressed like that? On a weekday?
The Dude : Is this a... what day is this?
The Big Lebowski : Well, I do work sir, so if you don't mind...
The Dude : I do mind, the Dude minds. This will not stand, ya know, this aggression will not stand, man.
The Dude : Employed?
The Big Lebowski : You don't go out looking for a job dressed like that? On a weekday?
The Dude : Is this a... what day is this?
The Big Lebowski : Well, I do work sir, so if you don't mind...
The Dude : I do mind, the Dude minds. This will not stand, ya know, this aggression will not stand, man.
Movie: The Big Lebowski
[ the Nihilists invade the Dude's bathroom accompanied by a trained ferret ]
The Dude : Hey, nice marmot!
The Dude : Hey, nice marmot!
Movie: The Big Lebowski