The Closer Quotes
Brenda: [to Fritz, on the subject of their moving in together] There are all these problems that would have to be worked out.
Fritz: Like ... like what?
Brenda: Like gettin' a new phone, for one thing, because you couldn't answer mine when my parents called.
Fritz: That really isn't a ... problem ...
Brenda: And I can be just impossible.
Fritz: I like that you're impossible sometimes.
Brenda: Well, what if you stopped? Stopped liking me?
Fritz: If I was gonna stop liking you, I would have done it already.
Brenda: Good. Well, look, I haven't had a lot of success living with guys, and it could just ruin everything.
Fritz: Yes, but if, uh, we're trying to sort of become closer, more like full partners, living together would give us a chance to see what that would be like.
Fritz: Like ... like what?
Brenda: Like gettin' a new phone, for one thing, because you couldn't answer mine when my parents called.
Fritz: That really isn't a ... problem ...
Brenda: And I can be just impossible.
Fritz: I like that you're impossible sometimes.
Brenda: Well, what if you stopped? Stopped liking me?
Fritz: If I was gonna stop liking you, I would have done it already.
Brenda: Good. Well, look, I haven't had a lot of success living with guys, and it could just ruin everything.
Fritz: Yes, but if, uh, we're trying to sort of become closer, more like full partners, living together would give us a chance to see what that would be like.
TV Show: The Closer
Brenda: Lt. Provenza, are you eatin' chocolate in here?
Provenza: [With a guilty look] Sorry.
Brenda: I thought we'd agreed to keep snacks with processed sugar out of the murder room. If y'all have to have candy please do so in the hallways or the electronics room. Or you could try givin' it up. Since I stopped eatin' all that crap I have more energy. And I'm sleepin' better too.
Flynn: What about nuts?
Brenda: Excuse me?
Flynn: Are my nuts allowed in here?
Brenda: Do they have sugar on them, Lieutenant?
Flynn: No, they're salty.
Brenda: Well, there's your answer, then.
Provenza: [With a guilty look] Sorry.
Brenda: I thought we'd agreed to keep snacks with processed sugar out of the murder room. If y'all have to have candy please do so in the hallways or the electronics room. Or you could try givin' it up. Since I stopped eatin' all that crap I have more energy. And I'm sleepin' better too.
Flynn: What about nuts?
Brenda: Excuse me?
Flynn: Are my nuts allowed in here?
Brenda: Do they have sugar on them, Lieutenant?
Flynn: No, they're salty.
Brenda: Well, there's your answer, then.
TV Show: The Closer
Pope: [into cellphone, presumably with Estelle] You could've told me about it in person. In advance. Yeah, I can't talk about this now, I'm sorry you feel that way, but we've just lost a 15-year veteran in a shootout and that's actually more important than you are at the moment. [clicks off] Leahy, is it true your men were circulating 100 flyers of some guy who was not connected to the crime?
Leahy: I got 98 of them back, sir.
Pope: And where is Det. Martin's partner?
Leahy: Det. Xavier is waiting in Cmdr. Taylor's officer with the murder book and the informant packet.
Pope: So unless you'd like to start collecting your pension tomorrow, Central had better back off and allow Priority Homicide do its job. You're dismissed.
Brenda: Captain, I'm so sorry, but we're gonna need all of these flyers, because otherwise ...
Pope: That's good enough for me. Ninety-eight percent is fine. Go on Captain. (Leahy leaves)
Brenda: You understand that this is not a picture of the informant Det. Martin was working with.
Pope: I don't want to talk about this anymore. [closes door] You left a police officer lying next to the man who shot him, and that is never done.
Brenda: The reason I left Det. Martin lying there is that police officers are trained to fire in bursts. And Martin only put one shot into Barak. One. And the bodies were lying close together. Too close. And what was Martin doing there in the first place? Now, he and Det. Xavier were working with an undercover informant and I need to question him.
Pope: You can't release the informant's name to law enforcement.
Brenda: Well, how am I supposed to talk to him, Will? What if he's not just ... just waitin' by the phone?
Pope: Why is it you can never do your job without constantly complaining about everything? The informant
Leahy: I got 98 of them back, sir.
Pope: And where is Det. Martin's partner?
Leahy: Det. Xavier is waiting in Cmdr. Taylor's officer with the murder book and the informant packet.
Pope: So unless you'd like to start collecting your pension tomorrow, Central had better back off and allow Priority Homicide do its job. You're dismissed.
Brenda: Captain, I'm so sorry, but we're gonna need all of these flyers, because otherwise ...
Pope: That's good enough for me. Ninety-eight percent is fine. Go on Captain. (Leahy leaves)
Brenda: You understand that this is not a picture of the informant Det. Martin was working with.
Pope: I don't want to talk about this anymore. [closes door] You left a police officer lying next to the man who shot him, and that is never done.
Brenda: The reason I left Det. Martin lying there is that police officers are trained to fire in bursts. And Martin only put one shot into Barak. One. And the bodies were lying close together. Too close. And what was Martin doing there in the first place? Now, he and Det. Xavier were working with an undercover informant and I need to question him.
Pope: You can't release the informant's name to law enforcement.
Brenda: Well, how am I supposed to talk to him, Will? What if he's not just ... just waitin' by the phone?
Pope: Why is it you can never do your job without constantly complaining about everything? The informant
TV Show: The Closer
Brenda: So Lt. Provenza, summin' up what we know so far. Alone and on his day off, Detective Tim Martin enters an abandoned warehouse in downtown Los Angeles 30 miles from his home in Long Beach. By coincidence, Mr. Barak, a murder suspect in a double homicide Martin is working happens to enter the same warehouse. They both draw their weapons and fire at the exact same time. Fatally wounded they instantly drop dead where they stand. What would you say the chances are it happened like that?
Provenza: Apparently, 100 percent.
Provenza: Apparently, 100 percent.
TV Show: The Closer
Brenda: What are you doing?
Provenza: Being nice.
Brenda: You're not nice. And you're on duty.
Provenza: Well, give me the afternoon off.
Brenda: My mother is married. To my father.
Provenza: Relax, Deputy Chief Brenda Leigh. I don't date women over 35. 40 if I'm drinking.
Brenda: Alright, then. You can have her back by 7: 00, because I have a dinner I cannot miss.
Provenza: Being nice.
Brenda: You're not nice. And you're on duty.
Provenza: Well, give me the afternoon off.
Brenda: My mother is married. To my father.
Provenza: Relax, Deputy Chief Brenda Leigh. I don't date women over 35. 40 if I'm drinking.
Brenda: Alright, then. You can have her back by 7: 00, because I have a dinner I cannot miss.
TV Show: The Closer
Provenza: I brought this back from the funeral for you. Since you're off sweets. It's a...cake-like object made with some sort of...prune crap substitute for sugar.
Brenda: [Tastes it, then throws it away] There is no substitute for sugar.
Brenda: [Tastes it, then throws it away] There is no substitute for sugar.
TV Show: The Closer
Taylor: Congratulations, Chief. You got your mistrial.
Brenda: It's not my mistrial; it's my arrest. You'd think people would be happy to put a genuine killer behind bars.
Taylor: Aram Asourian is the leader of a mob family.
Brenda: Well, maybe next time you can pair him up with a crime he's actually committed. Personally, I always feel better about the justice system when it matches up murder charges with the right person.
Taylor: Then it's too bad Vahan didn't confess to killing the juror, too.
Brenda: Well, maybe he didn't. But Bela Rose didn't die a natural death. And thanks to Lt. Flynn's determination, which I know you in the L.A.P.D. are desperate to acknowledge, I now can talk to the jurors who actually saw her die.
Brenda: It's not my mistrial; it's my arrest. You'd think people would be happy to put a genuine killer behind bars.
Taylor: Aram Asourian is the leader of a mob family.
Brenda: Well, maybe next time you can pair him up with a crime he's actually committed. Personally, I always feel better about the justice system when it matches up murder charges with the right person.
Taylor: Then it's too bad Vahan didn't confess to killing the juror, too.
Brenda: Well, maybe he didn't. But Bela Rose didn't die a natural death. And thanks to Lt. Flynn's determination, which I know you in the L.A.P.D. are desperate to acknowledge, I now can talk to the jurors who actually saw her die.
TV Show: The Closer
Tao: [Staking out Vahan's apartment] He's been in there all day.
Flynn: If you had his girlfriend, you'd be in there all day, too.
Flynn: If you had his girlfriend, you'd be in there all day, too.
TV Show: The Closer
Pope: We've moved that writer's suicide over the Hollywood division, so you all are on the shooting full-time now. Chief Johnson believes that are the best detectives in the building. So, prove her right.
TV Show: The Closer
Clay Johnson: When you wanted to Georgetown I said no, and you went anyway. When you wanted to go work for the State Department I said no, and you did it anyway. Then when you called to say you were going to work for the D.C. Police your mama nearly had to sit on me to keep me from driving the van up there and kidnapping you. Over the years I've tried standing in your way several times and you always ran right over me. Capiche? If you want to go back to work, you go back to work. I've always found it's easier to ask for forgiveness than permission, you know what I mean?
TV Show: The Closer
Brenda: Mr. Millbrook. Thank you so much for stopping by. How goes your motion for a mistrial?
Millbrook: It doesn't.
Brenda: I expected better of you. All right then. I have been reviewing the transcripts of this trial and in presenting your client's defense, you never once brought up his son, Vahan. And it looks like he's the one who set the fire.
Millbrook: Asourian won't let me mention the boy. And Vahan's vanished. Nobody's seen him in years.
Brenda: I keep wondering how wonderful it would be if Vahan were suddenly just to turn up. You'd get your mistrial and preserve your sterling reputation. More billable hours. All sorts of good things could happen.
Millbrook: Yes, well, Asourien won't let me mention the boy, though. He's very serious about that.
Brenda: Well, maybe we'll get lucky and someone'll just turn up with an untraceable tip that'll lead us to Vahan. And this can all end.
Millbrook: How untraceable?
Brenda: They'll find weapons of mass destruction in Baghdad first.
Millbrook: It doesn't.
Brenda: I expected better of you. All right then. I have been reviewing the transcripts of this trial and in presenting your client's defense, you never once brought up his son, Vahan. And it looks like he's the one who set the fire.
Millbrook: Asourian won't let me mention the boy. And Vahan's vanished. Nobody's seen him in years.
Brenda: I keep wondering how wonderful it would be if Vahan were suddenly just to turn up. You'd get your mistrial and preserve your sterling reputation. More billable hours. All sorts of good things could happen.
Millbrook: Yes, well, Asourien won't let me mention the boy, though. He's very serious about that.
Brenda: Well, maybe we'll get lucky and someone'll just turn up with an untraceable tip that'll lead us to Vahan. And this can all end.
Millbrook: How untraceable?
Brenda: They'll find weapons of mass destruction in Baghdad first.
TV Show: The Closer
Brenda: Mama, I'm so sorry, but I'm not gonna be able to take you to this funeral after all.
Willie Rae: What?
Brenda: I wish I could but I have this murder I have to investigate.
Willie Rae: Oh for heaven's sake, there are murders every day of the week. And your Aunt Floetta will only have one funeral.
Willie Rae: What?
Brenda: I wish I could but I have this murder I have to investigate.
Willie Rae: Oh for heaven's sake, there are murders every day of the week. And your Aunt Floetta will only have one funeral.
TV Show: The Closer
Gabriel: [To Fritz, regarding Brenda] I get that look, too, sometimes. That is not a good look.
TV Show: The Closer
Hotel Manager: Does she have to yell?
Pope: She sometimes forgets there are other people [pauses] in the world.
Pope: She sometimes forgets there are other people [pauses] in the world.
TV Show: The Closer
Brenda: Mr. Pierce, I believe we've gotten off on the wrong foot. I'm confident that with your cooperation we can resolve this situation right now.
Howard Pierce: I agree.
Brenda: All I need is the surgery video, the boy's charts, and to have a short conversation with the physicians.
Howard Pierce: Well, that's not going to happen.
Brenda: Excuse me?
Howard Pierce: You want to resolve this quickly? Let me help you. There. Was. No. Murder. You need to turn that operating suite back over to us right now.
Brenda: [looks at Mr. Pierce long and hard] Sergeant Gabriel, please notify the building operations that we'll be shutting down this floor. Nothing goes in or out without our permission. Nothing.
Howard Pierce: You can't do that!
Brenda: [points her finger in Mr. Pierce's face] One more word out of you and I will padlock this entire hospital and arrest you for interfering with a murder investigation.
Howard Pierce: I agree.
Brenda: All I need is the surgery video, the boy's charts, and to have a short conversation with the physicians.
Howard Pierce: Well, that's not going to happen.
Brenda: Excuse me?
Howard Pierce: You want to resolve this quickly? Let me help you. There. Was. No. Murder. You need to turn that operating suite back over to us right now.
Brenda: [looks at Mr. Pierce long and hard] Sergeant Gabriel, please notify the building operations that we'll be shutting down this floor. Nothing goes in or out without our permission. Nothing.
Howard Pierce: You can't do that!
Brenda: [points her finger in Mr. Pierce's face] One more word out of you and I will padlock this entire hospital and arrest you for interfering with a murder investigation.
TV Show: The Closer
Pope: We don't know there was malpractice, much less a crime, much less a murder. So let's be clear about what's going on here: you're launching a full investigation into a nationally respected hospital based on the hunch of a hysterical woman.
Brenda: Daniels and I both felt she might be telling the truth.
Pope: Okay. Make that three hysterical women.
Brenda: I know you don't want me to respond to that.
Pope: No.
Brenda: Daniels and I both felt she might be telling the truth.
Pope: Okay. Make that three hysterical women.
Brenda: I know you don't want me to respond to that.
Pope: No.
TV Show: The Closer
Tom Blanchard: Now, some ground rules for this next deposition: first rule, don't do their jobs for them; keep your answers short and simple, don't guess, don't argue.
Brenda: Mr. Blandard, are you honestly telling me how to conduct myself in an interview?
Blanchard: Ms. Johnson, you're about to enter a room where you don't get to answer the questions.
Brenda: Mr. Blandard, are you honestly telling me how to conduct myself in an interview?
Blanchard: Ms. Johnson, you're about to enter a room where you don't get to answer the questions.
TV Show: The Closer
Barbara, Estelle Pope's Attorney: We're here to talk about family and the threat posed to family when the father isn't up to the job. Ms. Johnson, since you have arrived in Los Angeles, you and Will Pope have worked very closely together. Long days, sometimes long nights, weekends, how much time does Mr. Pope actually have to spend with his children when it's really you he's spending time with?
Blanchard: Objection.
Barbara: On what grounds?
Blanchard: Your questions is argumentative, harassing, and ends with a preposition. Kindly rephrase.
Barbara: This is ridiculous, Tom --
Brenda: Chief Pope and I are not having an affair!
Blanchard: Excuse me, Ms. Johnson. Will you kindly refrain from speaking? Now, Barbara, if you're going to pursue this line of questioning I would remind you that Chief Pope didn't leave his first wife for Ms. Johnson. He left her for Estelle. And unlike the future ex-Mrs. Pope, whose infidelity brings us here in the first place, Ms. Johnson has never broken a vow of marriage. So any attempt by your client to besmirch Deputy Chief Johnson's reputation will be considered harassment and grounds for a very long, expensive, and embarrassing lawsuit. During which I will drag your client into court and we can examine Estelle Pope's adulterous behavior with vigorous attention to detail. [turns to the stenographer] Are you getting all this?
Blanchard: Objection.
Barbara: On what grounds?
Blanchard: Your questions is argumentative, harassing, and ends with a preposition. Kindly rephrase.
Barbara: This is ridiculous, Tom --
Brenda: Chief Pope and I are not having an affair!
Blanchard: Excuse me, Ms. Johnson. Will you kindly refrain from speaking? Now, Barbara, if you're going to pursue this line of questioning I would remind you that Chief Pope didn't leave his first wife for Ms. Johnson. He left her for Estelle. And unlike the future ex-Mrs. Pope, whose infidelity brings us here in the first place, Ms. Johnson has never broken a vow of marriage. So any attempt by your client to besmirch Deputy Chief Johnson's reputation will be considered harassment and grounds for a very long, expensive, and embarrassing lawsuit. During which I will drag your client into court and we can examine Estelle Pope's adulterous behavior with vigorous attention to detail. [turns to the stenographer] Are you getting all this?
TV Show: The Closer
Gabriel: Something's bothering me a little.
Brenda: What's that, sergeant?
Gabriel: This whole CIA thing. I don't know how much I trust them. How I feel about the people who work there, you know?
Brenda: I know. It's a gray area. I remember once hearing a speech about what it meant to be on officer of the CIA, and the man who gave this speech talked about the struggle to control civilization and how we're always fighting the same fight and he used the Dark Ages as an example. And he talked about how on one side you had the pragmatic king who was greedy and power hungry and basically took advantage of people whenever he could. And on the other side you had the idealistic church, forcing everyone to follow the same rules, have the same beliefs and all that. Neither the king or the church was ever completely right or wrong, both sides ended up doing terrible things to get what they wanted. Really terrible things. But the point of the story was this: that this struggle from the Dark Ages had been going on forever, and the church and the king might take on different forms and philosophies, but they would always fight each other, pragmatist and idealist, and that most times you're better off standing on the sidelines and letting them duke it out. But every once in a while one side or the other decides it might be better to just blow up the whole world just to get its own way, and when that happens you can't stand on the sidelines anymore. You have to pick a team. And so for tonight, anyway, we're serving the king.
Brenda: What's that, sergeant?
Gabriel: This whole CIA thing. I don't know how much I trust them. How I feel about the people who work there, you know?
Brenda: I know. It's a gray area. I remember once hearing a speech about what it meant to be on officer of the CIA, and the man who gave this speech talked about the struggle to control civilization and how we're always fighting the same fight and he used the Dark Ages as an example. And he talked about how on one side you had the pragmatic king who was greedy and power hungry and basically took advantage of people whenever he could. And on the other side you had the idealistic church, forcing everyone to follow the same rules, have the same beliefs and all that. Neither the king or the church was ever completely right or wrong, both sides ended up doing terrible things to get what they wanted. Really terrible things. But the point of the story was this: that this struggle from the Dark Ages had been going on forever, and the church and the king might take on different forms and philosophies, but they would always fight each other, pragmatist and idealist, and that most times you're better off standing on the sidelines and letting them duke it out. But every once in a while one side or the other decides it might be better to just blow up the whole world just to get its own way, and when that happens you can't stand on the sidelines anymore. You have to pick a team. And so for tonight, anyway, we're serving the king.
TV Show: The Closer
Pope: [about the video on YouTube] Oh, and congratulations, Chief Johnson! You've just become the most downloaded, fully-clothed woman on the Internet!
TV Show: The Closer
Provenza: [with a mouth full] Nothing tastes better than somebody else's wedding cake. Mine tasted like prison food.
TV Show: The Closer
Fritz: I thought I knew how much shame you had, but now I see there's a level below. A whole sub-basement of shamelessness.
Brenda: I'm horrible, I know.
Fritz: No, actually. I'm kind of impressed.
Brenda: Well, will you help me, then?
Brenda: I'm horrible, I know.
Fritz: No, actually. I'm kind of impressed.
Brenda: Well, will you help me, then?
TV Show: The Closer
Brenda: You know, I should have the authority to reject journalists if I think that they're going to get in the way my investigation.
Pope: Authority? What about my authority. I get orders, too, okay? Mine were absolutely clear in this case: improve relations between the LAPD and the media. That is what I am doing. Commander Taylor is assisting me and I expect your enthusiastic cooperation.
Brenda: [looks away in frustration] Fine, Will. Whatever you want.
Pope: Besides, it's a big story. I'd rather have him reporting it from inside than guessing from out on the street. He might even prove to be an asset of some --
Brenda: [sarcastically] Yes, journalists, they're so helpful we'll want them on every case.
Pope: I take it this is your attempt at enthusiasm?
Brenda: I'm sorry. I meant to say yippee!
Pope: Authority? What about my authority. I get orders, too, okay? Mine were absolutely clear in this case: improve relations between the LAPD and the media. That is what I am doing. Commander Taylor is assisting me and I expect your enthusiastic cooperation.
Brenda: [looks away in frustration] Fine, Will. Whatever you want.
Pope: Besides, it's a big story. I'd rather have him reporting it from inside than guessing from out on the street. He might even prove to be an asset of some --
Brenda: [sarcastically] Yes, journalists, they're so helpful we'll want them on every case.
Pope: I take it this is your attempt at enthusiasm?
Brenda: I'm sorry. I meant to say yippee!
TV Show: The Closer
Brenda: You can't leave the curtains open! Someone is going to see Kitty and then there's going to be big, big trouble.
Fritz: We can't meet the upstairs neighbor because the landlord said no pets. We have to keep the curtains closed 24 hours a day because the landlord said no pets. It's like living with Ann Frank.
Fritz: We can't meet the upstairs neighbor because the landlord said no pets. We have to keep the curtains closed 24 hours a day because the landlord said no pets. It's like living with Ann Frank.
TV Show: The Closer
Brenda: [Lt. Tau uncovers a dead body] Oh! What is that smell?!
Tau: Margaritas! One is never enough, two is too many, and twelve? Well, you're looking at twelve.
Tau: Margaritas! One is never enough, two is too many, and twelve? Well, you're looking at twelve.
TV Show: The Closer
Brenda: My hit-and-run turned out to be a hit-and-run-around-the-block-and-then-hit-him-again...and run.
TV Show: The Closer
Brenda: Anything useful come out of Commander Taylor's press release?
Daniels: Four calls saying 'It is a good day', a guy called and said that he killed Roy Wilkinson, though he claimed he shot him, an insurance agency, a couple of ambulance-chasing lawyers, and thirteen people reporting reckless drivers.
Provenza: And a partridge in a pear tree.
Daniels: Four calls saying 'It is a good day', a guy called and said that he killed Roy Wilkinson, though he claimed he shot him, an insurance agency, a couple of ambulance-chasing lawyers, and thirteen people reporting reckless drivers.
Provenza: And a partridge in a pear tree.
TV Show: The Closer
Pope: I just told Commander Taylor to arrange a press conference for first thing in the morning; let the world know the Mayhans had nothing to do with this.
Brenda: Uh, if you don't mind, I think Liutenant Flynn should handle this one.
Pope: Yeah, okay.
Brenda: Thanks.
Flynn: Hey, Chief?
Thank you.
Brenda: Uh, if you don't mind, I think Liutenant Flynn should handle this one.
Pope: Yeah, okay.
Brenda: Thanks.
Flynn: Hey, Chief?
Thank you.
TV Show: The Closer
Taylor: Anthony Lambert, Tim Zwick and Daniel Zcebrowski all insist that on the night of the rape they were at the movies, and on the night of the murder they were driving around Hollywood.
Daniels: And they said Darrin was with them on both occasions.
Brenda: That's funny, Mark Yates told me on the night Michelle died Darrin was with him. I worry when a suspect has extra alibis.
Daniels: And they said Darrin was with them on both occasions.
Brenda: That's funny, Mark Yates told me on the night Michelle died Darrin was with him. I worry when a suspect has extra alibis.
TV Show: The Closer
Yates: Wait a minute. Wait, wait, wait. I want an attorney for my son.
Brenda: Your son is eighteen, sir, and legally recognized as an adult. He has been read his rights and waived his right to an attorney.
Yates: I demand an attorney for my son or that I'm allowed back in there before any further questioning!!
Brenda: You may not be aware of this: the constitution gives you the right to an attorney, not to a father.
Brenda: Your son is eighteen, sir, and legally recognized as an adult. He has been read his rights and waived his right to an attorney.
Yates: I demand an attorney for my son or that I'm allowed back in there before any further questioning!!
Brenda: You may not be aware of this: the constitution gives you the right to an attorney, not to a father.
TV Show: The Closer