The Dick Van Dyke Show Quotes
"Melvin (Mel) Cooley: Rob, I can't tell you how much. Maurice (Buddy) Sorrell: You can't tell us how much four and four are. Melvin (Mel) Cooley: Yech!
Movie: The Dick Van Dyke Show
Kenneth Kendall: By Wolfgang A-mad-ee-us Mozz-sart.
Mrs. Kendall: Mo-zart.
Kenneth Kendall: [mimicks] Mo-zart.
Mrs. Kendall: Mo-zart.
Kenneth Kendall: [mimicks] Mo-zart.
Movie: The Dick Van Dyke Show
Melvin (Mel) Cooley: Rob!
Rob Petrie: Buddy!
Maurice (Buddy) Sorrell: Sally!
Sally Rogers: Mel!
Rob Petrie: Buddy!
Maurice (Buddy) Sorrell: Sally!
Sally Rogers: Mel!
Movie: The Dick Van Dyke Show
Phil Franklin: Just a reasonable facsimile; I didn't help anybody. I got you myself, for myself!
Movie: The Dick Van Dyke Show
Rob Petrie: Laura, there is no reason for your behavior!
Laura Petrie: There is every reason for my behavior - I'm angry!
Rob Petrie: Angry, yes, because I wouldn't behave like a puppet! Because I felt a responsibility to my employer!
Laura Petrie: For heaven's sake, Rob, that's not why I'm angry. I realize you have to do what you think is right. I wouldn't respect you if you let yourself get pushed around by anyone, including me.
Rob Petrie: Well, what are you angry with me for?
Laura Petrie: I'm not angry with you. I'm angry with me for being angry with you.
Rob Petrie: Well, is there anything I can do to patch up this little quarrel you're having among yourself so I can get out of the doghouse?
Laura Petrie: Did you ever think of trying a kiss? [Rob leans over to kiss her on the neck]
Laura Petrie: Not on the neck. [Rob kisses her lightly on the cheek]
Laura Petrie: That's better. [Rob kisses her lightly on the lips]
Laura Petrie: Almost. [smiles]
Laura Petrie: [they embrace and kiss deeply] Oh, yes. [they resume their kiss]
Laura Petrie: There is every reason for my behavior - I'm angry!
Rob Petrie: Angry, yes, because I wouldn't behave like a puppet! Because I felt a responsibility to my employer!
Laura Petrie: For heaven's sake, Rob, that's not why I'm angry. I realize you have to do what you think is right. I wouldn't respect you if you let yourself get pushed around by anyone, including me.
Rob Petrie: Well, what are you angry with me for?
Laura Petrie: I'm not angry with you. I'm angry with me for being angry with you.
Rob Petrie: Well, is there anything I can do to patch up this little quarrel you're having among yourself so I can get out of the doghouse?
Laura Petrie: Did you ever think of trying a kiss? [Rob leans over to kiss her on the neck]
Laura Petrie: Not on the neck. [Rob kisses her lightly on the cheek]
Laura Petrie: That's better. [Rob kisses her lightly on the lips]
Laura Petrie: Almost. [smiles]
Laura Petrie: [they embrace and kiss deeply] Oh, yes. [they resume their kiss]
Movie: The Dick Van Dyke Show
Sally Rogers: Well, I finally met him.
Rob Petrie: Who?
Sally Rogers: Buddy's wife's cousin.
Rob Petrie: How was he?
Sally Rogers: You ever heard of "The Untouchables"? He was more of like of one of the "unbearables".
Rob Petrie: Who?
Sally Rogers: Buddy's wife's cousin.
Rob Petrie: How was he?
Sally Rogers: You ever heard of "The Untouchables"? He was more of like of one of the "unbearables".
Movie: The Dick Van Dyke Show
Mel Cooley: Rob, I did not come here to get insulted.
Buddy Sorrell: Oh? Where do you usually go to get insulted? I'll go anyplace.
Buddy Sorrell: Oh? Where do you usually go to get insulted? I'll go anyplace.
TV Show: The Dick Van Dyke Show
Rob Petrie: Laura, there is no reason for your behavior!
Laura Petrie: There is every reason for my behavior - I'm angry!
Rob Petrie: Angry, yes, because I wouldn't behave like a puppet! Because I felt a responsibility to my employer!
Laura Petrie: For heaven's sake, Rob, that's not why I'm angry. I realize you have to do what you think is right. I wouldn't respect you if you let yourself get pushed around by anyone, including me.
Rob Petrie: Well, what are you angry with me for?
Laura Petrie: I'm not angry with you. I'm angry with me for being angry with you.
Rob Petrie: Well, is there anything I can do to patch up this little quarrel you're having among yourself so I can get out of the doghouse?
Laura Petrie: Did you ever think of trying a kiss?
(Rob leans over to kiss her on the neck)
Laura Petrie: Not on the neck.
(Rob kisses her lightly on the cheek)
Laura Petrie: That's better.
(Rob kisses her lightly on the lips)
Laura Petrie: Almost.
(smiles)
Laura Petrie: (they embrace and kiss deeply) Oh, yes.
(they resume their kiss)
Laura Petrie: There is every reason for my behavior - I'm angry!
Rob Petrie: Angry, yes, because I wouldn't behave like a puppet! Because I felt a responsibility to my employer!
Laura Petrie: For heaven's sake, Rob, that's not why I'm angry. I realize you have to do what you think is right. I wouldn't respect you if you let yourself get pushed around by anyone, including me.
Rob Petrie: Well, what are you angry with me for?
Laura Petrie: I'm not angry with you. I'm angry with me for being angry with you.
Rob Petrie: Well, is there anything I can do to patch up this little quarrel you're having among yourself so I can get out of the doghouse?
Laura Petrie: Did you ever think of trying a kiss?
(Rob leans over to kiss her on the neck)
Laura Petrie: Not on the neck.
(Rob kisses her lightly on the cheek)
Laura Petrie: That's better.
(Rob kisses her lightly on the lips)
Laura Petrie: Almost.
(smiles)
Laura Petrie: (they embrace and kiss deeply) Oh, yes.
(they resume their kiss)
TV Show: The Dick Van Dyke Show
Rob Petrie: Morning, honey.
[puckers his lips expecting a kiss]
Laura Petrie: (in rapid-fire fashion) What do you mean by that? It may be a good morning for you, but it wasn't for me! You didn't have to clean up the mess that this one made when he decided to finger paint all over the bathroom mirror with the toothpaste. And you don't have to be concerned at all about the fact that the cleaning woman isn't coming today and you have five people coming over for lunch. Sure, go ahead, good morning! Why not?
Rob Petrie: (recoiling) Honey, give me another chance. I'll go out and come in again. I won't say good morning. I'll just wave as I go by.
[puckers his lips expecting a kiss]
Laura Petrie: (in rapid-fire fashion) What do you mean by that? It may be a good morning for you, but it wasn't for me! You didn't have to clean up the mess that this one made when he decided to finger paint all over the bathroom mirror with the toothpaste. And you don't have to be concerned at all about the fact that the cleaning woman isn't coming today and you have five people coming over for lunch. Sure, go ahead, good morning! Why not?
Rob Petrie: (recoiling) Honey, give me another chance. I'll go out and come in again. I won't say good morning. I'll just wave as I go by.
TV Show: The Dick Van Dyke Show
Laura Petrie: "Oh, Rob!"
Mel Cooley (after being insulted by Buddy): "YEECH!"
Alan Brady: "Shut up, Mel!"
Mel Cooley (after being insulted by Buddy): "YEECH!"
Alan Brady: "Shut up, Mel!"
TV Show: The Dick Van Dyke Show
[Laura just admitted that she told a TV audience Alan Brady is bald]
Rob Petrie: Well did you know it was a secret?
Laura Petrie: Yes.
Rob Petrie: Oh sure, what's the fun of telling something if it's not a secret?
Rob Petrie: Well did you know it was a secret?
Laura Petrie: Yes.
Rob Petrie: Oh sure, what's the fun of telling something if it's not a secret?
TV Show: The Dick Van Dyke Show
[repeated line]
Melvin (Mel) Cooley: [after Buddy ridicules him] Yecch!
Melvin (Mel) Cooley: [after Buddy ridicules him] Yecch!
TV Show: The Dick Van Dyke Show
[repeated line]
Sally Rogers: It's just like my Aunt Agnes used to say...
Sally Rogers: It's just like my Aunt Agnes used to say...
TV Show: The Dick Van Dyke Show
Laura Petrie: You wanna end up another Dwight Heatherton, go ahead!
Rob Petrie: Who's that?
Laura Petrie: Dwight Heatheron happens to be an excellent writer who is unknown because he gets no publicity.
Rob Petrie: Then how do you know him?
Laura Petrie: Oh Rob, he's *famous*.
TV Show: The Dick Van Dyke Show
Rob Petrie: [Sally, Buddy, Rob and Laura are staying in a haunted cabin, all four are in the same bed because they are scared of the ghost] It's been over two hours and nothing strange or unusual has happened.
Sally Rogers: Oh, really? What do you call four grown people sleeping in the same bed with their clothes on?
TV Show: The Dick Van Dyke Show
Rob Petrie: At least I'll prove one thing tonight: Television writers marry the prettiest girls.
TV Show: The Dick Van Dyke Show
Alan Brady: [re note about letting go of the staff] Didn't you see I crumpled it up?
Maurice (Buddy) Sorrell: [inspects paper] Yeah that's his crumple!
TV Show: The Dick Van Dyke Show
Maurice (Buddy) Sorrell: [after Rob and Laura exchange a romantic goodnight, complete with kiss] Good night, Sal.
Sally Rogers: Goodnight, pal. [they shake hands]
TV Show: The Dick Van Dyke Show
Maurice (Buddy) Sorrell: [Sally emerges from another room wearing a facemask] Sal! We've been working together all these years, I never knew you looked like that!
Sally Rogers: Looked like what?
Maurice (Buddy) Sorrell: Like my wife!
TV Show: The Dick Van Dyke Show
Maurice (Buddy) Sorrell: This guy laughs at everything! Bet he'll laugh if I say "shoehorn"... SHOEHORN!
Maxwell Cooley: heh huhh heh huhh! [silly laughter]
TV Show: The Dick Van Dyke Show
Melvin (Mel) Cooley: Rob, I can't tell you how much.
Maurice (Buddy) Sorrell: You can't tell us how much four and four are.
Melvin (Mel) Cooley: Yech!
TV Show: The Dick Van Dyke Show
Sally Rogers: What's the matter Rob?
Rob Petrie: Oh, he got on the elevator and I busted my leg on a lady.
TV Show: The Dick Van Dyke Show