The Drew Carey Show Quotes
Drew Carey: Ask me about my day, I dare you.
Lewis Kiniski: Drew, how was your day?
Drew Carey: You're not sincere enough. [points to Oswald]
Drew Carey: YOU! Ask me about my day.
Oswald Lee Harvey: Drew, how was your day?
Drew Carey: Lousy. It was like the rubber glove part of a physical exam.
Lewis Kiniski: Drew, how was your day?
Drew Carey: You're not sincere enough. [points to Oswald]
Drew Carey: YOU! Ask me about my day.
Oswald Lee Harvey: Drew, how was your day?
Drew Carey: Lousy. It was like the rubber glove part of a physical exam.
TV Show: The Drew Carey Show
Drew Carey: You guys really think we can drink this much?
Lewis Kiniski: I think we can... remember D.W.I. Fridays?
Lewis Kiniski: I think we can... remember D.W.I. Fridays?
TV Show: The Drew Carey Show
Lewis Kiniski: [Oswald laughs as he is reading a section of a newspaper] What are you reading, the comics?
Oswald Lee Harvey: No, no. I'm looking at a woman in a lingerie ad.
Kate O'Brien: Why are you laughing?
Oswald Lee Harvey: Because I'm getting turned on by the newspaper! I've reached a new low!
Oswald Lee Harvey: No, no. I'm looking at a woman in a lingerie ad.
Kate O'Brien: Why are you laughing?
Oswald Lee Harvey: Because I'm getting turned on by the newspaper! I've reached a new low!
TV Show: The Drew Carey Show
Lewis Kiniski: Hey, Drew. I got this new perfume from Drug-Co. You might want to try it out on your date.
Drew Carey: No, it's okay- [Lewis sprays him with it]
Drew Carey: Damn it!... Hey, that actually smells pretty good.
Lewis Kiniski: I know. [under his breath]
Lewis Kiniski: I'm sure you won't be in the 3%.
Drew Carey: What?
Lewis Kiniski: Nothing.
Drew Carey: What 3%?
Lewis Kiniski: Well, 3% of the test monkeys at Drug-Co tried to eat their own genitals.
Drew Carey: No, it's okay- [Lewis sprays him with it]
Drew Carey: Damn it!... Hey, that actually smells pretty good.
Lewis Kiniski: I know. [under his breath]
Lewis Kiniski: I'm sure you won't be in the 3%.
Drew Carey: What?
Lewis Kiniski: Nothing.
Drew Carey: What 3%?
Lewis Kiniski: Well, 3% of the test monkeys at Drug-Co tried to eat their own genitals.
TV Show: The Drew Carey Show
Mimi Bobeck: I cracked Mr. Wick's secret password. It's "Mr. Wick".
Drew Carey: He might as well just use the word "password".
Drew Carey: He might as well just use the word "password".
TV Show: The Drew Carey Show
Nigel Wick: Oh, Carey. Let me ask you a question. How does "Drew Carey Store Manager" sound to you?
Drew Carey: It sounds like it's somewhere in between "Drew Carey Olympic Sprinter" and "Rebecca Romijn Carey".
Drew Carey: It sounds like it's somewhere in between "Drew Carey Olympic Sprinter" and "Rebecca Romijn Carey".
TV Show: The Drew Carey Show
Oswald: Did the pizza I ordered get here yet?
Drew: The pizza you ordered at my house? The place where I might not be? The guy who couldn't get a date if dates were magnets and his butt was due north?
Drew: The pizza you ordered at my house? The place where I might not be? The guy who couldn't get a date if dates were magnets and his butt was due north?
TV Show: The Drew Carey Show
Drew: [Drew refuses to hire Kate] No! It's even worse than when friends have sex, 'cause at least then you had sex!
TV Show: The Drew Carey Show
Drew: What if I have to fire you? And I'm sure I'm gonna have to.
Kate: Look, you don't have to fire me. You can kill me, how's that?
Drew: Well, that might solve some problems, but, you know, it may create others.
Kate: Look, you don't have to fire me. You can kill me, how's that?
Drew: Well, that might solve some problems, but, you know, it may create others.
TV Show: The Drew Carey Show
Drew: Boy, a drive-thru liquor store. God bless America! A place where you can drive through and buy whiskey, beer...just the thing for that drunk driver who's constantly on the go. Can't stop now! I've got places to go, people to hit!
TV Show: The Drew Carey Show
Drew: Ask me about my day, I dare you.
Lewis: Drew, how was your day?
Drew: You're not sincere enough.. [Points to Oswald] YOU! Ask me about my day.
Oswald: Drew, how was your day?
Drew: Lousy. It was like the rubber glove part of a physical exam.
Lewis: Drew, how was your day?
Drew: You're not sincere enough.. [Points to Oswald] YOU! Ask me about my day.
Oswald: Drew, how was your day?
Drew: Lousy. It was like the rubber glove part of a physical exam.
TV Show: The Drew Carey Show
Drew: [in his carpool] It's 7: 15, Larry. You know, normally, by now, I have papers stacked up at the office. Sorta like you have angry motorists stacked up behind you. Do you think you could fire up the bullet train here?
TV Show: The Drew Carey Show
Kate: Did you and Pam have a fight?
Lewis: No, we were just in the neighborhood and...she kicked me out of the car and drove away.
Drew: Did you try to get her to wear that thing again?
Lewis: Yeah.
Lewis: No, we were just in the neighborhood and...she kicked me out of the car and drove away.
Drew: Did you try to get her to wear that thing again?
Lewis: Yeah.
TV Show: The Drew Carey Show
Kate: [referring to the 'thing' from the above quote] I TOLD you women don't think those things are sexy!
Lewis: Hey, if it's not sexy, how come I had to order it from Mexico?
Lewis: Hey, if it's not sexy, how come I had to order it from Mexico?
TV Show: The Drew Carey Show
Lisa: Excuse me, Mr. Carey?
Drew: I'm sorry, my father's Mr. Carey. I'm Mrs. Carey.
Lisa: Want to smile so I know you're kidding?
Drew: I'm sorry, my father's Mr. Carey. I'm Mrs. Carey.
Lisa: Want to smile so I know you're kidding?
TV Show: The Drew Carey Show
Lisa: Hey, I'm just making small talk. I do that when I'm nervous. What do you do?
Drew: Isn't it obvious?
Lisa: You eat?
Drew: Shut up. I sweat.
Drew: Isn't it obvious?
Lisa: You eat?
Drew: Shut up. I sweat.
TV Show: The Drew Carey Show
Drew: Wait! I want kids!
Lisa: Drew, I can't do this for you.
Drew: Then I'll have the kids. Look. I have child-bearing hips.
Lisa: Drew, I can't do this for you.
Drew: Then I'll have the kids. Look. I have child-bearing hips.
TV Show: The Drew Carey Show
Lisa: It wouldn't have worked out. Your face is too fat.
Drew: Yeah? Well, your calves are too close to your ankles.
Lisa: Your ears aren't level. [walks away]
Drew: [shouting] Yeah, neither are your breasts! [quieter] Did I just say that aloud in front of the entire office?
Drew: Yeah? Well, your calves are too close to your ankles.
Lisa: Your ears aren't level. [walks away]
Drew: [shouting] Yeah, neither are your breasts! [quieter] Did I just say that aloud in front of the entire office?
TV Show: The Drew Carey Show
Lewis: I now pronounce you drunk and disorderly. You may now kiss my ass.
TV Show: The Drew Carey Show
Drew: Oh, man. I don't want to ruin somebody's honeymoon.
Mimi: Then don't get married.
Mimi: Then don't get married.
TV Show: The Drew Carey Show
Drew: [to Kate] We were 16, and you changed right in front of me, like I was the chair. Then I walked home crying. [Kate starts to apologize.] No, no. Don't feel bad. Then I wrote you a little letter, which I accidentally mailed to my grandma. And she wrote me back saying that she loved me too, you know, but not in that way.
TV Show: The Drew Carey Show
Kate: So, did any of you ever have a little crush on me?
Drew: Maybe, when we were teenagers.
Kate: And?
Drew: And then we discovered my brother's magazines, and you became obsolete.
Drew: Maybe, when we were teenagers.
Kate: And?
Drew: And then we discovered my brother's magazines, and you became obsolete.
TV Show: The Drew Carey Show
Oswald: [about Kate] I did carry her 8th grade picture around with me in my wallet. I told everybody she was my girlfriend. It was kinda sweet back then, but now I get the weirdest looks.
TV Show: The Drew Carey Show
Lewis: Your mom was hot.
Oswald: Shut up!
Drew: Jazzercizing in her little disco shorts.
Oswald: Yeah? Well, maybe I watched your mom too, in her big polyester pant suit mowing the lawn!
Oswald: Shut up!
Drew: Jazzercizing in her little disco shorts.
Oswald: Yeah? Well, maybe I watched your mom too, in her big polyester pant suit mowing the lawn!
TV Show: The Drew Carey Show
Drew: All we need is a wedding dress, some handcuffs, and some flowers.
Lewis: Hey! I've got all that stuff in my trunk!
Lewis: Hey! I've got all that stuff in my trunk!
TV Show: The Drew Carey Show
Lewis: Drew Carey, are you prepared to enter into this state of holy acrimony with Kate O'Brien? To drink with her, to cleave to her, to boldly go where at least twenty or thirty men have gone before?
Kate: Wait, wait! Single digits, please.
Kate: Wait, wait! Single digits, please.
TV Show: The Drew Carey Show
Lewis: And you, Kate O'Brien. Are you prepared to wed Drew, to bed Drew, to boldly go where no woman has gone willingly without the promise of a free dinner or cold hard cash?
Kate: I've had worse.
[Takes a drink from beer bottle]
Drew: Twenty or thirty guys.
[Wipes off the bottle thoroughly before taking a drink.]
Kate: I've had worse.
[Takes a drink from beer bottle]
Drew: Twenty or thirty guys.
[Wipes off the bottle thoroughly before taking a drink.]
TV Show: The Drew Carey Show
Kate: What are you looking at? You never saw a bride in handcuffs walk down the aisle to polka music before? Where the hell have you been?
TV Show: The Drew Carey Show