The Nanny Quotes
Brighton: You know, Yetta turns out to be pretty cool. She gave me a hundred bucks for my bar mitzvah. Of course, she also thinks my name is Schmuey.
TV Show: The Nanny
Maggie [to Maxwell]: You went through my room? Have you ever heard of privacy? How would you like it if I went through your stuff?
Fran: Don't bother, he locks everything.
Fran: Don't bother, he locks everything.
TV Show: The Nanny
Fran: I tell ya, these personals are such a joke. Look at this: "Single White Female". That could mean anyone from Madonna to Janet Reno. Here's one: "Exotic Good Looks". I'm seeing a depilatory problem... Here's a gem. "Young bi-couple digs snakes. Contact Feoni. P.O. Box 666. No weirdos."
TV Show: The Nanny
Grace: You have no idea how cruel children can be.
Fran: Honey, I've had this voice since the second grade. Need I say more?
Fran: Honey, I've had this voice since the second grade. Need I say more?
TV Show: The Nanny
Fran: Does anybody know what today is?
Niles: Another one of your colorful holidays involving plagues?
Niles: Another one of your colorful holidays involving plagues?
TV Show: The Nanny
Niles: Think back, sir. One year ago today, someone's spiked heel dug it's first gibbet into the parquet floor.
Mr. Sheffield: Weren't you going to get that fixed?
Niles: Come closer. One year to the day since we first learned: "If it ain't half-off, it ain't on sale."
Mr. Sheffield: Weren't you going to get that fixed?
Niles: Come closer. One year to the day since we first learned: "If it ain't half-off, it ain't on sale."
TV Show: The Nanny
Policeman: You have the right to remain silent.
Mr. Sheffield: You obviously don't know her very well.
Mr. Sheffield: You obviously don't know her very well.
TV Show: The Nanny
Mr. Sheffield: How on earth did you get here with that Gay Pride Parade going on?
Niles: Oh, I borrowed a poodle and walked. In fact, I got several job offers. What's the difference between a butler and a houseboy?
Mr. Sheffield: In your case, about thirty years, Niles.
Niles: Rot in jail, sir.
Niles: Oh, I borrowed a poodle and walked. In fact, I got several job offers. What's the difference between a butler and a houseboy?
Mr. Sheffield: In your case, about thirty years, Niles.
Niles: Rot in jail, sir.
TV Show: The Nanny
C.C.: How could anyone be so careless as to forget a living thing?
Niles: That reminds me, Yellow Cab called. You left your dog in the taxi again.
C.C.: I knew it! That's where I left my Gucci umbrella!
Niles: Watch, she'll come back with the Gucci and not the Poochie.
Niles: That reminds me, Yellow Cab called. You left your dog in the taxi again.
C.C.: I knew it! That's where I left my Gucci umbrella!
Niles: Watch, she'll come back with the Gucci and not the Poochie.
TV Show: The Nanny
Maxwell: How many gay men could there be in New York?
Fran: This from a man who produces Broadway musicals!
Fran: This from a man who produces Broadway musicals!
TV Show: The Nanny
Maxwell: This woman, my nanny is accused of a crime that I can assure you she didn't commit.
Sergeant: Prostitution?
Fran: I'm not a HOOKER! I'm a kidnapper.
Sergeant: Prostitution?
Fran: I'm not a HOOKER! I'm a kidnapper.
TV Show: The Nanny
C.C.: Before Nanny Fine we didn't have to step foot into a place like this.
Hooker: C.C. girlfriend, gotcha again huh?
C.C. : She must have me confused with someone else. I have never seen her before in my? life.
Hooker: Oh, that chica, that's cool, just stay off of Second, Leon is looking for you.
C.C.: Maxwell, I swear!
Niles [to the hooker]: Here you go. (gives the hooker money)
Hooker: That good for you?
Niles: Oh, it was wonderful. I could do it again and again.
Hooker: C.C. girlfriend, gotcha again huh?
C.C. : She must have me confused with someone else. I have never seen her before in my? life.
Hooker: Oh, that chica, that's cool, just stay off of Second, Leon is looking for you.
C.C.: Maxwell, I swear!
Niles [to the hooker]: Here you go. (gives the hooker money)
Hooker: That good for you?
Niles: Oh, it was wonderful. I could do it again and again.
TV Show: The Nanny
Maggie: Say, some of the kids are going to the Hamptons for the weekend.
Fran: Oh, great! Will there be boys there?
Maggie: Um... Maybe a few.
Fran: Fun! Parents? Ah! Who cares? They'll just get in the way anyway. Go! Have a blast! We don't even have to tell your father.
Maggie: Really?
Fran: Sure! And when I'm fired and you're in the convent, we'll write each other letters and laugh about this.
Fran: Oh, great! Will there be boys there?
Maggie: Um... Maybe a few.
Fran: Fun! Parents? Ah! Who cares? They'll just get in the way anyway. Go! Have a blast! We don't even have to tell your father.
Maggie: Really?
Fran: Sure! And when I'm fired and you're in the convent, we'll write each other letters and laugh about this.
TV Show: The Nanny
Fran: You know what I think? You're jealous because Phillipe discovered something that was right under your nose.
Mr. Sheffield: And what would that be exactly?
Fran: My star quality!
Mr. Sheffield: That's rather like discovering the atomic bomb. Sounds good in theory but millions will suffer!
Mr. Sheffield: And what would that be exactly?
Fran: My star quality!
Mr. Sheffield: That's rather like discovering the atomic bomb. Sounds good in theory but millions will suffer!
TV Show: The Nanny
[Fran walks in in a svelte black number]
Maggie: Wow, Fran, you look so hot in that dress!
Fran: Uh-oh, I'm supposed to look like Ms. Babcock. I tried to dress conservatively. Niles, can you picture Ms. Babcock in this dress?
Niles: Not if I ever want to function as a man again.
Maggie: Wow, Fran, you look so hot in that dress!
Fran: Uh-oh, I'm supposed to look like Ms. Babcock. I tried to dress conservatively. Niles, can you picture Ms. Babcock in this dress?
Niles: Not if I ever want to function as a man again.
TV Show: The Nanny
Niles: This should be quite a dinner. Miss Fine not speaking to her mother, Miss Margaret not speaking to you. That'll leave the bulk of the conversation to you and Sylvia.
Maxwell: Oh, God.
Niles: Oh, sir, it won't be that bad. You'll tell her how you got started in theater and she'll tell you how she removes unwanted hair.
Maxwell: Oh, God.
Niles: Oh, sir, it won't be that bad. You'll tell her how you got started in theater and she'll tell you how she removes unwanted hair.
TV Show: The Nanny
Fran: Okay, Niles, I'm off to be Ms. Babcock. Help me get into character. Hit me with your best shot.
Niles: Oh, no, Ms. Fine. I couldn't possibly.
Fran: C'mon! Hello, hello, I'm C.C. Babcock, off to go to work.
Niles: In your usual corner? [Stops] I'm sorry, Ms. Fine. Don't make me do this.
Fran: I'm Ms. Babcock and I'm off to get money from a man.
Niles: Don't forget your change belt. [Stops again] I hate myself... Do it again.
Fran: No, I have to go.
Niles: Oh, c'mon, one more, I'm hot!
Fran: All right and I'll make this one easy. Niles, get me a drink. I'm dog-tired.
Niles: [Thinks hard]
Fran: C'mon... I don't hear anything... Niles, get a life. [Leaves]
Niles: I got it! I got it! [Shouts out by the driveway] I'll leave the lid up on the toilet bowl! [Apologetically] Officer.
Niles: Oh, no, Ms. Fine. I couldn't possibly.
Fran: C'mon! Hello, hello, I'm C.C. Babcock, off to go to work.
Niles: In your usual corner? [Stops] I'm sorry, Ms. Fine. Don't make me do this.
Fran: I'm Ms. Babcock and I'm off to get money from a man.
Niles: Don't forget your change belt. [Stops again] I hate myself... Do it again.
Fran: No, I have to go.
Niles: Oh, c'mon, one more, I'm hot!
Fran: All right and I'll make this one easy. Niles, get me a drink. I'm dog-tired.
Niles: [Thinks hard]
Fran: C'mon... I don't hear anything... Niles, get a life. [Leaves]
Niles: I got it! I got it! [Shouts out by the driveway] I'll leave the lid up on the toilet bowl! [Apologetically] Officer.
TV Show: The Nanny
Fran: Honey, I think you should hike up your pants a little bit.
Brighton: No, Fran, this is cool.
Fran: No, honey, this is the Maytag repair man.
Brighton: No, Fran, this is cool.
Fran: No, honey, this is the Maytag repair man.
TV Show: The Nanny
Fran: Maggie, who does Ms. Babcock hate more, me or Niles?
Maggie: Whoa! God, this is hard. She hates both your guts.
Fran: Yeah, but I make her nauseous.
Niles: I make her drink.
Maggie: Whoa! God, this is hard. She hates both your guts.
Fran: Yeah, but I make her nauseous.
Niles: I make her drink.
TV Show: The Nanny
Brighton: This will be a great party. A bunch of 60-year-old ladies pinching my cheeks.
Maggie: Learn to love it. That's as close to a woman as you'll ever get.
Maggie: Learn to love it. That's as close to a woman as you'll ever get.
TV Show: The Nanny
[Fran and C.C. are locked in the wine cellar]
C. C.: These are the topics we can no longer discuss: what Woolite can and cannot do, anyone with the last name "Cassidy", odd-shaped moles on Eastern Europeans...
Fran: All right, okay, but you're really restricting the conversation.
C. C.: These are the topics we can no longer discuss: what Woolite can and cannot do, anyone with the last name "Cassidy", odd-shaped moles on Eastern Europeans...
Fran: All right, okay, but you're really restricting the conversation.
TV Show: The Nanny
C. C.: What do I have to do to please anyone around this house?!
Mr. Sheffield: [Warningly] Niles.
Niles: But, sir. Fish gotta swim.
Mr. Sheffield: [Warningly] Niles.
Niles: But, sir. Fish gotta swim.
TV Show: The Nanny
C.C.: Nanny Fine, you're alone with the kid for two minutes and he wants to quit show business?!
Niles: If only we could put her in a room with Tori Spelling.
C.C.: I could kill you. I could rip out your heart with my bare hands!
Fran: ...She don't have a key to the house, does she? Oh, Mr. Sheffield, maybe it's all for the best.
Mr. Sheffield: No, it is not all for the best, Miss Fine; it is not all for the best at all!
Fran: But you yourself said that the kid was a pain in the butt!
Mr. Sheffield: Alright, Miss Fine, let me see if you can follow this, hmm? Sky: blue! Fire: hot. Actor: pain in the butt! You are going to rectify this situation.
Fran: Wow, that sounds painful...
. . .
Mr. Sheffield: You are going to march yourself upstairs, put on something smashing, take him to the best restaurant in town and order the most expensive thing on the menu!
Fran: Well, all right. But I'm not taking the limo!
Mr. Sheffield: Oh, yes, you are!
Fran: Slave driver! [Leaves and returns] But there is no way you are buying me a new dress!
Mr. Sheffield: Oh yes— [Realizes what's going on] GET OUT!
Niles: If only we could put her in a room with Tori Spelling.
C.C.: I could kill you. I could rip out your heart with my bare hands!
Fran: ...She don't have a key to the house, does she? Oh, Mr. Sheffield, maybe it's all for the best.
Mr. Sheffield: No, it is not all for the best, Miss Fine; it is not all for the best at all!
Fran: But you yourself said that the kid was a pain in the butt!
Mr. Sheffield: Alright, Miss Fine, let me see if you can follow this, hmm? Sky: blue! Fire: hot. Actor: pain in the butt! You are going to rectify this situation.
Fran: Wow, that sounds painful...
. . .
Mr. Sheffield: You are going to march yourself upstairs, put on something smashing, take him to the best restaurant in town and order the most expensive thing on the menu!
Fran: Well, all right. But I'm not taking the limo!
Mr. Sheffield: Oh, yes, you are!
Fran: Slave driver! [Leaves and returns] But there is no way you are buying me a new dress!
Mr. Sheffield: Oh yes— [Realizes what's going on] GET OUT!
TV Show: The Nanny
Yetta: So when are you due?
Marsha: Grandma, I'm not pregnant!
Yetta: So stop eating!
Marsha: Grandma, I'm not pregnant!
Yetta: So stop eating!
TV Show: The Nanny
Fran: Niles, did my mother call?
Niles: Well, I'm not sure. There was one call. A sob, a sigh and a long plaintive "oooooooyyyy."
Fran: Either that's her or AT&T is really depressed that we switched to Sprint. I can't believe she would stoop to prank guilt calls.
Niles: How low can she go?
Fran: You're talking about a woman who can grow a tumor on command.
Niles: Well, I'm not sure. There was one call. A sob, a sigh and a long plaintive "oooooooyyyy."
Fran: Either that's her or AT&T is really depressed that we switched to Sprint. I can't believe she would stoop to prank guilt calls.
Niles: How low can she go?
Fran: You're talking about a woman who can grow a tumor on command.
TV Show: The Nanny
Gracie: Aren't my hamsters cute? We named the babies Maggie, Brighton, and Grace. There was a C.C., but Miss Fine ate her.
Sylvia: Isn't that adorable! (After Gracie leaves, to Niles) The kid collects vermin.
Sylvia: Isn't that adorable! (After Gracie leaves, to Niles) The kid collects vermin.
TV Show: The Nanny
C.C.: Who died?
Fran: My great Aunt Mima Fayga - she was 104.
C.C.: How'd she die?
Niles: Childbirth.
Fran: My great Aunt Mima Fayga - she was 104.
C.C.: How'd she die?
Niles: Childbirth.
TV Show: The Nanny
Fran: [Seeing C.C. on the floor] Cheers! Must be 5 o'clock somewhere.
C. C.: I haven't been drinking, Nanny Fine. I just slid off the couch.
Fran: And Ted Kennedy's nose is just sun-damaged.
C. C.: I haven't been drinking, Nanny Fine. I just slid off the couch.
Fran: And Ted Kennedy's nose is just sun-damaged.
TV Show: The Nanny
Fran: Just for the future, Mr. Sheffield, when the kids say: "Fran said no", that's the big robot going: "Danger, Will Robinson!"
Mr. Sheffield: You know, I could have stayed in England.
Fran: I'll make it simple for you. Children are like a brassiere.
Mr. Sheffield: [With a pained look on his face] One part of me says, "Get out the window, quick!" But the other part just has to know why.
Fran Fine: Because they divide and separate.
Mr. Sheffield: Ah!
Fran Fine: Your mother never told you that?
Mr. Sheffield: No, but we always thought Mummy should have talked more about her underwear.
Mr. Sheffield: You know, I could have stayed in England.
Fran: I'll make it simple for you. Children are like a brassiere.
Mr. Sheffield: [With a pained look on his face] One part of me says, "Get out the window, quick!" But the other part just has to know why.
Fran Fine: Because they divide and separate.
Mr. Sheffield: Ah!
Fran Fine: Your mother never told you that?
Mr. Sheffield: No, but we always thought Mummy should have talked more about her underwear.
TV Show: The Nanny