The Shield Quotes
Shane: [Looking at Van Bro's paintings] Where in the Bible does St. Schlong visit Our Lady of the D-cup?
TV Show: The Shield
Lem: They killed these Armenians looking for our money train cash.
Shane: This means they still think it was an inside job.
Ronnie: What happens when they run out of feet and realize it was an outside job?
Vic: There's only four people who know we took that money, and they're all sitting right here. Stick to the plan.
Shane: This means they still think it was an inside job.
Ronnie: What happens when they run out of feet and realize it was an outside job?
Vic: There's only four people who know we took that money, and they're all sitting right here. Stick to the plan.
TV Show: The Shield
Vic: I hope you got something for a headache. [Throws warrant in his face] Cause I'm it.
Lem: It's a regular Rite-Aid in here Lonzo.
Lonzo: My lawyer's gonna read dis warrant. If there is even an apostrophe missing... POOF!
Vic: Why don't you roll the dice on a 20-year stretch, see how good we spellchecked. Or can get your ass on the phone with Garza, and tell him you got new shipments of Asian-Coke you're selling at deep discounts. POOF!
Lem: It's a regular Rite-Aid in here Lonzo.
Lonzo: My lawyer's gonna read dis warrant. If there is even an apostrophe missing... POOF!
Vic: Why don't you roll the dice on a 20-year stretch, see how good we spellchecked. Or can get your ass on the phone with Garza, and tell him you got new shipments of Asian-Coke you're selling at deep discounts. POOF!
TV Show: The Shield
Shane: Besides, we're still going to need somebody to mow our lawns after this race war is over.
TV Show: The Shield
Vic: [fights with the hooker and puts a gun to her mouth.] Take it. [The hooker opens her mouth and "takes" the gun.] Don't worry about Smooth. He's my bitch. That makes you my bottom bitch. YOU GOT THAT?!
TV Show: The Shield
Aceveda: He says it was entrapment.
Trish: Did you see his bag? Bondage is more like it.
Trish: Did you see his bag? Bondage is more like it.
TV Show: The Shield
Dutch: This is a guy who raped a woman, didn't leave a single hair fiber. No. Not only have I been chasing the wrong guy, I caught him.
TV Show: The Shield
Claudette: I talked to the hooker who got jumped. She's willing to build a case against her pimp.
Vic: I talked to her too, she's a liar!
Claudette: Then she should fit right in on your team!
Vic: I talked to her too, she's a liar!
Claudette: Then she should fit right in on your team!
TV Show: The Shield
Dutch: I was trying something new. Trying a, you know, curveball to my fastball.
Claudette: Don't tell me you played "bad cop."
Dutch: Well, you weren't up there to stop me.
Claudette: I know you could handle this.
Dutch: Ninety percent of the time, yes. Ten percent, there's a connection. We'll, it's like you.
Claudette: Please, don't say, I complete you. Go up there and give it one more shot.
Claudette: Don't tell me you played "bad cop."
Dutch: Well, you weren't up there to stop me.
Claudette: I know you could handle this.
Dutch: Ninety percent of the time, yes. Ten percent, there's a connection. We'll, it's like you.
Claudette: Please, don't say, I complete you. Go up there and give it one more shot.
TV Show: The Shield
Aceveda: What kinda contraband?
Vic: Drugs, cig`s, cock-rings, weapons of mass destruction. Who knows what?
Vic: Drugs, cig`s, cock-rings, weapons of mass destruction. Who knows what?
TV Show: The Shield
Vic: Oops! Next time I won't knock so hard. Put your clothes on, walk out the door and change your taste in men.
TV Show: The Shield
Shane: You got me on salami patrol? Why not one of these guys?
Trish: Not gay enough.
Trish: Not gay enough.
TV Show: The Shield
Claudette: Trish will fill you in on operational details.
Vic: Just for the record, I have no problem working with the decoy squad. But we don't work for them.
Claudette: That's right... you work for me.
Vic: Just for the record, I have no problem working with the decoy squad. But we don't work for them.
Claudette: That's right... you work for me.
TV Show: The Shield
Aceveda: I went after a suspect today, and I kicked the shit out of him. The only thing that stopped me was... I started to piss my pants. I'm losing control of everything
Rigoberto: Then take it back!
Aceveda: [Starting to cry] I don't know how.
Rigoberto: You're a captain. You command 200 men, hell you're gonna be the next city councilman. You have power, David. You have a gun and a badge. Now these were just a couple of punk assholes. Do you know who they are?
Aceveda: I could find out. But even then... what?
Rigoberto: If it was me... I'd kill 'em.
Rigoberto: Then take it back!
Aceveda: [Starting to cry] I don't know how.
Rigoberto: You're a captain. You command 200 men, hell you're gonna be the next city councilman. You have power, David. You have a gun and a badge. Now these were just a couple of punk assholes. Do you know who they are?
Aceveda: I could find out. But even then... what?
Rigoberto: If it was me... I'd kill 'em.
TV Show: The Shield
Vic: We're working late tomorrow night boys. You got any plans, change 'em.
Ronnie: [Sarcastically] Uh, I got tickets to Journey! What's going on?
Vic: We're getting the marked money list out of Aceveda's safe.
Ronnie: [Sarcastically] Uh, I got tickets to Journey! What's going on?
Vic: We're getting the marked money list out of Aceveda's safe.
TV Show: The Shield
Lem: We're 7-G's short, just like Ronnie said.
Vic: And the lock?
Ronnie: Not a scratch.
Lem: Besides, who's gonna steal seven-grand and leave a fortune behind? [Vic and Lem sit down] So which one of us did it?...Huh?
Vic: None of us did it. Look this whole Tommy thing has got us all a little raw.
Lem: Ronnie reported the money missing.
Ronnie: Lem didn't even want to steal it in the first place.
Lem: [about Shane] So when you gonna talk to him?
Vic: And the lock?
Ronnie: Not a scratch.
Lem: Besides, who's gonna steal seven-grand and leave a fortune behind? [Vic and Lem sit down] So which one of us did it?...Huh?
Vic: None of us did it. Look this whole Tommy thing has got us all a little raw.
Lem: Ronnie reported the money missing.
Ronnie: Lem didn't even want to steal it in the first place.
Lem: [about Shane] So when you gonna talk to him?
TV Show: The Shield
Dutch: You see something like that, you wonder if we all shouldn't just stay home and read the bible.
Danny: Thanks, my partner already does that.
Danny: Thanks, my partner already does that.
TV Show: The Shield
[Vic walks into a beauty salon]
Clerk: May I help you?
Vic: Just gotta get my cornrows tightened.
Clerk: May I help you?
Vic: Just gotta get my cornrows tightened.
TV Show: The Shield
Tobar: Hey man, you hurt us, you hurt Kern.
Vic: Kern's licking caviar off a Czech whore's nipple. He won't be too hurt.
Vic: Kern's licking caviar off a Czech whore's nipple. He won't be too hurt.
TV Show: The Shield
Vic: [to Prophet Leader] Twizzy will be in county 'till his hearing. That'll give you a few weeks to get someone inside. Stop the pain. Anything after that, commit any sins, I'll be nailing you to a cross.
TV Show: The Shield
Aceveda: What is it?
Vic: My men are on the wrong scumbag.
Aceveda: How did you do that?
Vic: You and Wyms have had me buried with bullshit over the last couple of months. I'm out of touch
Aceveda: Oh what, so it's my fault?
Vic: Oh I'll bring in the right guy.
Aceveda: Good
Vic: But I'm never gonna let this happen again. I'm no good half in half out. Now you gotta make a choice. You either let me do what I do, or I'll pull the plug on the Strike Team. Take my boys to another part of town.
Vic: My men are on the wrong scumbag.
Aceveda: How did you do that?
Vic: You and Wyms have had me buried with bullshit over the last couple of months. I'm out of touch
Aceveda: Oh what, so it's my fault?
Vic: Oh I'll bring in the right guy.
Aceveda: Good
Vic: But I'm never gonna let this happen again. I'm no good half in half out. Now you gotta make a choice. You either let me do what I do, or I'll pull the plug on the Strike Team. Take my boys to another part of town.
TV Show: The Shield
Aceveda: [to Juan] I know you're working stolen credit cards for your gang. And I know you're skimming profits off the top even though Elisa keeps telling you its gonna get you killed. I know about the headaches you get. I know about the uncle who molested you when you were twelve. I know about your cousin who's trying to get a scholarship to U.C. Irvine, I know which magazines you jerk off to that you think Elisa knows about, I know about your brother in Fresno, I know the inmate who tried to shank you twice at Terminal Island, his core in Heresey Denton, and I know the number to call to clear up a bunk in his cell just for you.
TV Show: The Shield
Vic: Sir, I'm telling you... the kid had no choice. The dog was reaching. It was kill or be killed.
Rawling: Oh come on, Roy. The dog had a piece, he was gonna use it.
Rawling: Oh come on, Roy. The dog had a piece, he was gonna use it.
TV Show: The Shield
Aceveda: Is that the kid you choked out with a bottle of mustard?
Vic: Who ratted, the condiment weasel?
Vic: Who ratted, the condiment weasel?
TV Show: The Shield
Vic: That kid's a novice. He was swallowing open jums of crack. I induced vomiting. Saved his goddamn life. We're still allowed to save lives right?
Aceveda: I want a complete report.
Vic: Sure, I'll have one for you day after tomorrow.... Oh that's right, you'll be gone. I'll mail one to ya!
Aceveda: I want a complete report.
Vic: Sure, I'll have one for you day after tomorrow.... Oh that's right, you'll be gone. I'll mail one to ya!
TV Show: The Shield
Vic: The dead guy watched me shove a bong down his buddy's windpipe.
Shane: Twenty bucks says his buddy's one of the shooters.
Lem: Come on, a Captain in the middle of the night, and he runs into them? That's a pretty big coincidence.
Vic: Unless it's not a coincidence. (Body gets carried out) What if these are the guys Diagur sent to get the money out of the freezer?
Lem: What, the ones you told him to send over?
Shane: Well if it's true, then these are the assholes who kicked the shit out of Aceveda. Took his gun. Which means he was tracking them here when this thing went down.
Lem: And he might track them right back to us and that marked cash.
Vic: Let's not get premenstrual until we talk to Diagur.
Shane: Twenty bucks says his buddy's one of the shooters.
Lem: Come on, a Captain in the middle of the night, and he runs into them? That's a pretty big coincidence.
Vic: Unless it's not a coincidence. (Body gets carried out) What if these are the guys Diagur sent to get the money out of the freezer?
Lem: What, the ones you told him to send over?
Shane: Well if it's true, then these are the assholes who kicked the shit out of Aceveda. Took his gun. Which means he was tracking them here when this thing went down.
Lem: And he might track them right back to us and that marked cash.
Vic: Let's not get premenstrual until we talk to Diagur.
TV Show: The Shield