The Show Quotes
Gracie Allen: Well, you see one Christmas my father caught a wild turkey and he fed him corn and chestnuts. But then we didn't have the heart to kill him so we let him get away.
George Burns: Oh, I see.
Gracie Allen: But the turkey liked the food so well that he came back each year. And that way we always had...
George Burns: A turkey for Christmas dinner?
Gracie Allen: Yes.
George Burns: Oh, I see.
Gracie Allen: But the turkey liked the food so well that he came back each year. And that way we always had...
George Burns: A turkey for Christmas dinner?
Gracie Allen: Yes.
Movie: The Show
Head Terrorist: Your coincidental appearance at every terrorist attack on Christmas Eve grows tiresome, Mister BAD BOY.
Bruce Willis: Yabba dabba doo, dabba dooby dabba dooby dabba.
Head Terrorist: Shut UP.
Bruce Willis: Yabba dabba doo, dabba dooby dabba dooby dabba.
Head Terrorist: Shut UP.
Movie: The Show
Henry McGee: [referring to Scuttle's fellow astronaut] How old is he?
Captain Fred Scuttle: Fifty-eight. He's a late developer.
Henry McGee: He looks older.
Captain Fred Scuttle: Well, he worries a lot.
Captain Fred Scuttle: Fifty-eight. He's a late developer.
Henry McGee: He looks older.
Captain Fred Scuttle: Well, he worries a lot.
Movie: The Show
Himself - Host: [to a contestant] You won a new refrigerator, great! Where you gonna put it?
Movie: The Show
Hulk: Hulk don't want new mayor. Hulk want new shirt and shoes. And kitty.
Iron Man: Tell it to Santa Claus, Hulk.
Iron Man: Tell it to Santa Claus, Hulk.
Movie: The Show
Jackie Gleason: [at the end of each show] The Miami Beach audience is the greatest audience in the world!
Movie: The Show
Janet Meiser: [upon seeing Clair's costume] *wow*, Mrs. Huxtable!*Great* costume!
Clair Hanks Huxtable: [feigning ignorance] What costume?
Clair Hanks Huxtable: [feigning ignorance] What costume?
Movie: The Show
Karnack: [Holding the envelope to his head] Shogun.
Ed McMahon: Shogun.
Karnack: [Opening envelope] What's the first thing you do when you hold up a liquor store?
Ed McMahon: Shogun.
Karnack: [Opening envelope] What's the first thing you do when you hold up a liquor store?
Movie: The Show
Laurie: I don't like this story!
Pauly: She don't like this story!
Tony Pajamas: I got ears.
Pauly: He's got ears.
[Tony smacks Pauly upside the head]
Pauly: What was that for?
Tony Pajamas: For being an idiot.
Pauly: Okay.
Pauly: She don't like this story!
Tony Pajamas: I got ears.
Pauly: He's got ears.
[Tony smacks Pauly upside the head]
Pauly: What was that for?
Tony Pajamas: For being an idiot.
Pauly: Okay.
Movie: The Show
Lucy Carmichael: Chocolate, Strawberry, Rocky road, Coffee, Coconut, Tooty-Fruity,Huckleberry, Toffee, Peppermint, Pistachio, Chocolate Chip, Cinnamon, Burnt Pecan, Tangerine Whip, Cranberry, Fudge Ripple, Lime, Vanilla, Pineapple, Lemon Crunch, and Marshmilla, the flavor of the month is Kumquat.
Movie: The Show
Mannequin Cher: Last year I was molded into a TV star who had a much bigger chest than Cher...
Mannequin Farrah: Really, who?
Mannequin Cher: Baretta.
Mannequin Farrah: Really, who?
Mannequin Cher: Baretta.
Movie: The Show
Mannequin Cher: Look at me, they made me look like that girl who does comedy with that little goofy partner.
Mannequin Farrah: Oh right, which one are you? Laverne or Shirley?
Mannequin Farrah: Oh right, which one are you? Laverne or Shirley?
Movie: The Show
Mannequin Farrah: I just hate being that Farrah girl. This hair weighs a ton!
Mannequin Cher: That's nothing. How would you like to lug around this nose for two months?
Mannequin Cher: That's nothing. How would you like to lug around this nose for two months?
Movie: The Show
Mary Barton: These mules are sure onery!
Roy Rogers: My partner here claims he knows a lot about mules. Maybe we can get him to help.
Jake: Yeah, he looks kinda mule-eared to me.
Pat Brady: Listen here, sonny. I was skinnin' mules when you was wearin' diapers as goin'-to-meetin' clothes. Let me at 'em!
Roy Rogers: My partner here claims he knows a lot about mules. Maybe we can get him to help.
Jake: Yeah, he looks kinda mule-eared to me.
Pat Brady: Listen here, sonny. I was skinnin' mules when you was wearin' diapers as goin'-to-meetin' clothes. Let me at 'em!
Movie: The Show
Milton Berle: Now, Ruth, when a man matures he wants the kind of success that brings respect. I mean, when you meet people today and you talk about Berle, what's the best thing they can say about him? 'He's funny, he's funny, he's funny.' Well, I'm out to prove that Berle is not funny... That's not a nice thing to say.
Ruth Berle: I didn't say anything.
Milton Berle: That's what hurts. You love me too much to say it.
Ruth Berle: I didn't say anything.
Milton Berle: That's what hurts. You love me too much to say it.
Movie: The Show
Mimi Bobeck: I cracked Mr. Wick's secret password. It's "Mr. Wick".
Drew Carey: He might as well just use the word "password".
Drew Carey: He might as well just use the word "password".
Movie: The Show
Ren: At last I have control of your TV set. Are you receiving me? Welcome to our secret headquarters.
Stimpy: Thousands of miles beneath the earth's crust.
Ren: Shut up you fool! How do we know we can trust them?
Stimpy: We could make them take the oath!
Ren: Perfect! The oath! Put your hand on the TV screen and repeat after me. I do hereby promise only to watch the Ren and Stimpy show. To make underleg noises during the good scenes. To wear unwashed Lederhosen every single day of the rest of my life! That's it, you're in our secret club! Alright Stimpy, they're OK. Show them the stuff.
Stimpy: Congratulations...
Ren: Shut up and show them.
Stimpy: I'm showing them, I'm showing them. OK kids, its time for a secret cartoon!
Stimpy: Thousands of miles beneath the earth's crust.
Ren: Shut up you fool! How do we know we can trust them?
Stimpy: We could make them take the oath!
Ren: Perfect! The oath! Put your hand on the TV screen and repeat after me. I do hereby promise only to watch the Ren and Stimpy show. To make underleg noises during the good scenes. To wear unwashed Lederhosen every single day of the rest of my life! That's it, you're in our secret club! Alright Stimpy, they're OK. Show them the stuff.
Stimpy: Congratulations...
Ren: Shut up and show them.
Stimpy: I'm showing them, I'm showing them. OK kids, its time for a secret cartoon!
Movie: The Show
Tarzan: And all I get is Cheetah. Tarzan may be dumb... but he not that dumb!
[helps Cheetah out of ape costume - revealing a cornrowed blonde Bo Derek lookalike]
Tarzan: Tarzan learn this next take from Benny Hill!
[leers]
Tarzan: We go spend several days in bush together!
[helps Cheetah out of ape costume - revealing a cornrowed blonde Bo Derek lookalike]
Tarzan: Tarzan learn this next take from Benny Hill!
[leers]
Tarzan: We go spend several days in bush together!
Movie: The Show
"Melvin (Mel) Cooley: [clutching his temples] Look, I've got a great deal of work to do!
Maurice (Buddy) Sorrell: So go ahead, tear your hair out!
Maurice (Buddy) Sorrell: So go ahead, tear your hair out!
Movie: The Show
['Mystery phone guest' calls and Ellen picks up]
The Rock: Hello?
Ellen: Hi! Madonna? Is that you?
The Rock: Hello?
Ellen: Hi! Madonna? Is that you?
Movie: The Show
[Gene stops a runaway wagon full of alfalfa]
Wagon Driver: What in tarnation is going on here?
Gene Autry: I lost my friend in your load of alfalfa.
Wagon Driver: Your friend? What is he, a jackass?
Gene Autry: The jury's still out on that one. Come on out, Pat.
[Pat emerges from the wagon spitting out a mouthful of alfalfa]
Gene Autry: There he is - decide for yourself.
Wagon Driver: What in tarnation is going on here?
Gene Autry: I lost my friend in your load of alfalfa.
Wagon Driver: Your friend? What is he, a jackass?
Gene Autry: The jury's still out on that one. Come on out, Pat.
[Pat emerges from the wagon spitting out a mouthful of alfalfa]
Gene Autry: There he is - decide for yourself.
Movie: The Show
[Gracie has wrapped Harry's Christmas present]
George Burns: What is it?
Gracie Allen: Guess.
George Burns: It could be anything.
Gracie Allen: That's what it is. He's always wanted one.
George Burns: What is it?
Gracie Allen: Guess.
George Burns: It could be anything.
Gracie Allen: That's what it is. He's always wanted one.
Movie: The Show
[last lines]
Midway barker: That's all, ladies and gentlemen, that's all. Come again to the greatest show on earth. Bring the children. Bring the old folks. You can shake the sawdust off your feet, but you can't shake it outta your heart. Come again, folks. The Greatest Show on Earth. Come again.
Midway barker: That's all, ladies and gentlemen, that's all. Come again to the greatest show on earth. Bring the children. Bring the old folks. You can shake the sawdust off your feet, but you can't shake it outta your heart. Come again, folks. The Greatest Show on Earth. Come again.
Movie: The Show
Al as Keith Flint: (to the tune of Firestarter) I'm so angry at my idiotic barber! Think I'll stay in here til it grows out a little! Got a lousy haircut! A really stupid haricut! What a silly haircut! I can't believe this haircut!
Movie: The Show
Andy: [Andy holding a Slim Jim with a doll head on it]
[singing]
Andy: Slim Jim dollie. Slim Jim dollie. Slim Jim dollie got a Slim Jim body.
[singing]
Andy: Slim Jim dollie. Slim Jim dollie. Slim Jim dollie got a Slim Jim body.
Movie: The Show
Andy: This song was inspired by springtime. Larry is a jerk, he's an idiot jerk, he's a jerk idiot. Look how he dances like an idiot jerk like a jerk idiot. What's worse, an idiot jerk or a jerk idiot? Let's ask Larry since he's both of those things.
Andy: Congratulations, jerk idiot, you just danced like an idiot jerk.
Andy: Congratulations, jerk idiot, you just danced like an idiot jerk.
Movie: The Show
Andy: This song was inspired by springtime. Larry is a jerk, he's an idiot jerk, he's a jerk idiot. Look how he dances like an idiot jerk like a jerk idiot. What's worse, an idiot jerk or a jerk idiot? Let's ask Larry since he's both of those things.
Andy: Congratulations, jerk idiot, you just danced like an idiot jerk.
Andy: Congratulations, jerk idiot, you just danced like an idiot jerk.
Movie: The Show