The Simpsons Quotes
Mayor Quimby: We will not negotiate with terrorists. Is there a nearby city who will?
TV Show: The Simpsons
Troy McClure: Welcome to the Knowledgeum, I'm Troy McClure. You may remember me from such automated information kiosks as "Welcome to Springfield Airport" and "Where's Nordstrom?" While you're enjoying our Hall of Wonders, your car unfortunately will be subject to repeated break-ins and... [Fades]
Homer: What'd he say? What about my car?
TV Show: The Simpsons
Stephen Hawking: [after being asked why he's at Lenny's Birthday Party at Moe's] I live here now, you're looking at the new owner of the Little Ceasers down the street. Pizza pizza Pizza pizza Pizza pizza Pizza pizza; sorry that button sticks.
TV Show: The Simpsons
Rod Flanders: Can I have this shirt that says "Get Bent"?
Ned Flanders: Well, if that means to bend down and pray, sure!
TV Show: The Simpsons
Manjula: Apu, you have completed the list. You may now move back with your family in your never ending disgrace.
Homer: Wait a minute. You forgot to eat a light bulb.
Apu: Thank you very much, you fat blabbermouth. Sorry, sorry. It's been a rough month.
Homer: [gives him light bulb] Here you go. [whispers]
Homer: Don't worry. I soaked it in the toilet to soften it up.
TV Show: The Simpsons
Manjula: Oh, little Maggie, aren't you cute with your little bow. [does baby-talk]
Marge: Maggie loves baby talk.
Manjula: That was Hindi.
TV Show: The Simpsons
Manjula: You remind me of the monkey man who killed my father's chickens.
Lawyer: Yes, I get that a lot.
TV Show: The Simpsons
Stan Lee: Say, aren't you the guy who was stalking Lynda Carter?
Comic Book Guy: The term is "courting," thank you. The restraining order says "no-no," but her eyes say "yes-yes."
TV Show: The Simpsons
Agnes Skinner: Seymour, tell these people we're going ahead of them.
Principal Skinner: I'm not the principal of the line, mother.
Agnes Skinner: And you never will be.
TV Show: The Simpsons
Woman: We're having a free get acquainted session at our resort this weekend.
Homer: How much is this free resort weekend?
Man: It's free.
Homer: And when *is* this weekend?
Man: It's this weekend.
Homer: Uh-huh, and how much does it cost?
Man: Um, it's free.
Homer: I see, and when is it?
Man: It's this weekend.
Homer: And what are you *charging* for this free weekend?
TV Show: The Simpsons
Carla Tortelli LeBec: Sammy, you're too old to go on a date with two twins the same night. You're supposed to marry Diane without Rebecca knowin'!
Sam 'Mayday' Malone: All right, Carla, I'll make you a bet. If this affects my major league comeback, I'll sell the bar.
TV Show: The Simpsons
Bodyguard: Who's going to protect you?
Mayor Quimby: [points to Homer] HIM.
Homer: WOOHOO!
Marge: Homer, I don't think you were listening to what they just...
Homer: I said "WOO. HOO."
TV Show: The Simpsons
Dr. Hibbert: Lisa, I'm afraid your tummyache may be caused by stress.
Homer: Whew. That's a relief.
TV Show: The Simpsons
Elf: Welcome to Santa's Village, where it's Christmas everyday! Closed on Christmas.
TV Show: The Simpsons
Frank Grimes: Can you believe that guy? He fell asleep inside a radiation suit.
Lenny: He had three beers at lunch. That would make anyone sleepy.
TV Show: The Simpsons
Kent Brockman: "What are you lookin' at?" - the innocent words of a drunken child.
TV Show: The Simpsons
Kent Brockman: [Doing a live newscast] How can I prove that we're live? Penis.
TV Show: The Simpsons
Kent Brockman: Human interest stories - they cloud the issues and fog the mind.
TV Show: The Simpsons
Kent Brockman: Springfield has come down with a fever: football fever. If you have the fever, there's only one cure. Take 2 tickets, and see the game Sunday morning.
Public Service Announcer: Warning. Tickets should NOT be taken internally.
Homer: See? Because of me, now they have a warning.
TV Show: The Simpsons
Kent Brockman: The alien has appeared in the Springfield Forest for the last two Friday nights. Will it appear again this Friday? The entire Channel 6 News Team will be there, except for Bill, the boom mike operator, who's getting fired tomorrow. [boom mike hits Kent]
Kent Brockman: Very unprofessional, Bill.
TV Show: The Simpsons
Lenny: If you ask me, Muhammad Ali, in his prime, was much better than anti-lock brakes.
Carl: Yeah, but what about Johnny Mathis versus Diet Pepsi?
Moe: Oh, I cannot listen to this again!
TV Show: The Simpsons
Lenny: So then I said to the cop, "No, you're driving under the influence... of being a jerk."
TV Show: The Simpsons
Lenny: There's nothing like revenge for getting back at people.
Carl: Vengeance isn't too bad either
TV Show: The Simpsons