The Simpsons Quotes
Lisa: Dad, I think you're overreacting.
Homer: I think you're UNDERreacting.
Lisa: This session's over.
Homer: This session's UNDER.
Lisa: Goodbye.
Homer: BADbye.
TV Show: The Simpsons
Lisa: Dad, just for once don't you want to try something new?
Homer: Oh Lisa, trying is just the first step toward failure.
TV Show: The Simpsons
Lisa: Dad, this lack of sleep is making mom and Maggie crazy!
Homer: Don't you think you're overreacting, talking gumball machine?
TV Show: The Simpsons
Lisa: I'm trying to call Janey, but I can't get a dial tone.
Marge: Your father refuses to pay the bill, so the company cut our phone lines.
Lisa: [sighs] Why must you fight every utility?
Homer: [annoyed] I told you, I have too much free time.
TV Show: The Simpsons
Lisa: Miss Tan, I loved The Joy Luck Club. You really showed me how the mother-daughter bond could survive adversity.
Amy Tan: No, no, that's not what I meant at all. I can't believe how wrong you got it. Just sit down, I'm embarrassed for both of us.
TV Show: The Simpsons
Lisa: Poor little Maggie... How many mental competency hearings have you been to, in your short life?
TV Show: The Simpsons
Lisa: This is pretty far to go just to spite Moe, isn't it?
Homer: It's not about spite, it's about petty revenge, and getting back at that traitor Moe.
TV Show: The Simpsons
Lisa: Wow, there's a lot about bullying I didn't know.
Nelson: Yes, there's a lot of history there. Did you know it predates agriculture?
TV Show: The Simpsons
Bill Clinton: I know you don't think you're good enough for me, but believe me, you are. Hell, I done it with pigs. Real, no-foolin' pigs.
TV Show: The Simpsons
Brazillian Kidnapper: [opens suitcase full of money] Ahh, look at all that pink and purple. Our money sure is gay.
TV Show: The Simpsons
Cartoonist: Excuse me, but "proactive" and "paradigm"? Aren't these just buzzwords that dumb people use to sound important? [backpedaling]
Cartoonist: Not that I'm accusing you of anything like that. [pause]
Cartoonist: I'm fired, aren't I?
TV Show: The Simpsons
Congressman: Why, this news make my blood boil, my left arm feel numb, my mouth taste of copper! Arrgggh! [congressman collapses]
Marge: He's had a heart-attack! Quick someone do CPR!
Homer Simpson: [singing] I see a bad moon rising.
Marge: No that's CCR!
Homer Simpson: Errr... [singing]
Homer Simpson: Looks like we're in for nasty weather.
TV Show: The Simpsons
Dredrick Tatum: [Talking to a reporter] Man that place is a dump. If you ever see me there you'll know I really f - ked up bad.
TV Show: The Simpsons
Duff book of records: Springfield is now the fattest city in the U.S.
Homer: Woo Hoo. In your face Milwaukee.
TV Show: The Simpsons
Fidel Castro: Ahhh, the Americans aren't *so* bad, they named a street after me in San Francisco. [Aide whispers in his ear]
Fidel Castro: It's full of *what*?
TV Show: The Simpsons
Govt Agent: [about Homer's mail] Most people write to movie stars, this guy writes to movies. [reads letter]
Govt Agent: Dear Die Hard, you rock. Especially the part where that dude is on the rooftop. P.S. Do you know Mad Max?
TV Show: The Simpsons
Guard 1: [after Homer destroyed the bill of rights] You just licked off the part that forbids cruel and unusual punishment.
Guard 2: [putting on brass knuckles] Hehe, beautiful.
TV Show: The Simpsons
Indian Chief: Drink deep from these cups. The bear urine will make you strong. [Homer and Bart stop drinking]
Indian Chief: Actually, it's Fresca.
Homer Simpson: [Homer does a spit take] Fresca?
TV Show: The Simpsons
Jasper: Are they talking about the bordello?
Grampa: No. The burlesque house, so keep your mouth shut.
TV Show: The Simpsons
Krustyburger manager: We need more secret sauce. Put this mayonnaise in the sun.
TV Show: The Simpsons
Mr. George Willson: Simpson, you?re a menace!
Mrs. Martha Wilson: Leave him alone George.
Mr. George Willson: Martha, I want a divorce.
Mrs. Martha Wilson: Oh thank you, you've made me so happy.
TV Show: The Simpsons
Mr. Kidkill: Escort these gentlemen out.
Gay Dressing Room Bodyguard: Avec plaisir.
TV Show: The Simpsons
PBS Pledge Drive Host: It's easy to see why it's England's most long-running series - and we're showing all of them, all 7 episodes.
TV Show: The Simpsons
Police Chief Clancy Wiggum: Put out an APB on a Uosdwis R. Dewoh... Uh, better start with Greek town.
FBI Agent: That's Homer J. Simpson, chief. You're reading it upside down.
Police Chief Clancy Wiggum: Uh, cancel that APB. But, uh, oh, bring back some of them, uh, gyros.
FBI Agent: Uh, chief... you're talking into your wallet. [credit cards unfold out of Wiggum's wallet]
TV Show: The Simpsons
Police Chief Clancy Wiggum: Well, well, well. If it isn't that stupid cop from TV. [picks his ear with his gun]
TV Show: The Simpsons
Private detective: Where's principal Skinner's office?
Groundskeeper Willie: Wait a minute. You can't just walk in there.
Private detective: You know, you're the spitting image of the Aberdeen strangler.
Groundskeeper Willie: Carry on. [leaves, whistling]
TV Show: The Simpsons