The Three Stooges Quotes
Moe: Mind your P's and Q's.
Curly: Don't forget to dot the I's.
Moe: Certainly. [Moe pokes Curly in the eyes]
Curly: Don't forget to dot the I's.
Moe: Certainly. [Moe pokes Curly in the eyes]
Movie: The Three Stooges
Larry: [the orphanage's bell falls off the roof and hits a nun on the head below]Uh-oh. Is that Sister Mary-Mengele?
Curly: I don't know, but the face rings a bell.
Curly: I don't know, but the face rings a bell.
Movie: The Three Stooges
Moe: [points at Snooki's Guinness beer hat]Just because it says genius on her hat doesn't mean she is one.
Movie: The Three Stooges
Larry: Hey, quit horsing around, you two. You're disturbing my coffee break.
Curly: Oh, boy, donuts! Where's mine?
Moe: They're small. Why don't you have two?
Curly: Okay. [Moe sticks donuts in Curly's ears]
Curly: Oh, now look what you did, Moe! You got donut stuck in my ears!
Larry: Hey, you're in luck. They got a donut remover right here.
Moe: What's a donut remover?
Larry: It's one of these. [reads the sign on the bell]
Larry: Do-nut remove-uh.
Moe: Huh. What are the odds of that?
Curly: Oh, boy, donuts! Where's mine?
Moe: They're small. Why don't you have two?
Curly: Okay. [Moe sticks donuts in Curly's ears]
Curly: Oh, now look what you did, Moe! You got donut stuck in my ears!
Larry: Hey, you're in luck. They got a donut remover right here.
Moe: What's a donut remover?
Larry: It's one of these. [reads the sign on the bell]
Larry: Do-nut remove-uh.
Moe: Huh. What are the odds of that?
Movie: The Three Stooges
Curly: Oh, boy. Fosters. That's Australian for beer.
Moe: Would you like that in a bottle or a mug?
Curly: I'll take it in a mug.
Moe: You got it. [Moe slaps him]
Moe: Would you like that in a bottle or a mug?
Curly: I'll take it in a mug.
Moe: You got it. [Moe slaps him]
Movie: The Three Stooges
Moe: Hiya, Snook. I got you a present.
Snooki: Really?
Moe: Yeah. Go on, open it. [Snooki opens the box and Moe pokes her in the eye]
Snooki: Ow!
Snooki: Really?
Moe: Yeah. Go on, open it. [Snooki opens the box and Moe pokes her in the eye]
Snooki: Ow!
Movie: The Three Stooges
Moe: Hey, onion-head, go on back to the shed and grab the chainsaw.
Curly: Why doesn't Larry go?
Moe: 'Cause he's got a headache.
Larry: No, I don't. [Moe bonks Larry on the head with a hammer]
Moe: How about now?
Larry: [holding his head]Yeah, it's coming on.
Curly: Why doesn't Larry go?
Moe: 'Cause he's got a headache.
Larry: No, I don't. [Moe bonks Larry on the head with a hammer]
Moe: How about now?
Larry: [holding his head]Yeah, it's coming on.
Movie: The Three Stooges
Head Nurse: Can't you read? Visiting hours are over.
Curly: Even for family?
Head Nurse: You're related?
Curly: Yeah.
Head Nurse: How?
Curly: His mother and my mother were both mothers.
Curly: Even for family?
Head Nurse: You're related?
Curly: Yeah.
Head Nurse: How?
Curly: His mother and my mother were both mothers.
Movie: The Three Stooges
Mother Superior: Like Moses in the desert, I believe the Lord will guide them. Because they're pure of heart.
Sister Mary-Mengele: And dim of wit.
Sister Mary-Mengele: And dim of wit.
Movie: The Three Stooges
Moe: What is that gadget?
Teddy: This is an iPhone.
Curly: An eye phone? [Curly takes the phone and holds it up to his eye]
Curly: Hello? Hello? [Curly hands the phone back]
Curly: There's nobody there.
Teddy: This is an iPhone.
Curly: An eye phone? [Curly takes the phone and holds it up to his eye]
Curly: Hello? Hello? [Curly hands the phone back]
Curly: There's nobody there.
Movie: The Three Stooges
Teddy: So, you boys on Facebook? I'll poke you. Better yet, I'll tweet you.
Curly: Oh! Tweet us to dinner? Soitenly!
Curly: Oh! Tweet us to dinner? Soitenly!
Movie: The Three Stooges
Curly: Shame on you, Moe, you let your pride ruin everything for us and them kids.
Moe: How dare you accuse me of having pride?
Moe: How dare you accuse me of having pride?
Movie: The Three Stooges
Larry: $830,000. First taker gets a three-man working machine. It's all spelled out in this here contract, folks.
Moe: That's right. No job is too small. We'll press your pants, we'll shine your shoes.
Curly: We'll raid your fridge and drink your booze. Nyuk nyuk. [Moe slaps Curly]
Moe: What's the matter with you? Quit givin' away the fine print.
Moe: That's right. No job is too small. We'll press your pants, we'll shine your shoes.
Curly: We'll raid your fridge and drink your booze. Nyuk nyuk. [Moe slaps Curly]
Moe: What's the matter with you? Quit givin' away the fine print.
Movie: The Three Stooges
Murph: Who won the poker game last night?
Moe: Eh, Peezer wiped us out.
Murph: Peezer? But he's 7.
Larry: Yeah but he wears those dark sunglasses, so you can't tell what he's thinking.
Moe: Eh, Peezer wiped us out.
Murph: Peezer? But he's 7.
Larry: Yeah but he wears those dark sunglasses, so you can't tell what he's thinking.
Movie: The Three Stooges
Lydia: My husband is suffering from an incurable disease that eventually will kill him.
Mac: Unfortunately, it could take a year, possibly more. The pain increasing daily till I lapse into an irreversible coma.
Curly: I had that. Only it was just in my feet. Yeah. It's called coma toes. [Curly and Larry laugh]
Moe: [mock laughing]Oh, coma toes, huh?
Curly: Yeah. [Moe stomps on Curly's foot]
Moe: Are they awake now?
Mac: Unfortunately, it could take a year, possibly more. The pain increasing daily till I lapse into an irreversible coma.
Curly: I had that. Only it was just in my feet. Yeah. It's called coma toes. [Curly and Larry laugh]
Moe: [mock laughing]Oh, coma toes, huh?
Curly: Yeah. [Moe stomps on Curly's foot]
Moe: Are they awake now?
Movie: The Three Stooges
Ronnie: What are you, crazy? That's assault!
Moe: Heres your pepper. Shut up. [Moe slaps him]
The Situation: My man!
Ronnie: Who asked ya, muscle-head? [Moe pokes him in the head]
JWoww: Moe! You can't just go around hitting people.
Moe: No? Well, can I do this? [Moe plucks out her nose hair]
Moe: Hmm, rare bouquet.
Moe: Heres your pepper. Shut up. [Moe slaps him]
The Situation: My man!
Ronnie: Who asked ya, muscle-head? [Moe pokes him in the head]
JWoww: Moe! You can't just go around hitting people.
Moe: No? Well, can I do this? [Moe plucks out her nose hair]
Moe: Hmm, rare bouquet.
Movie: The Three Stooges
Larry: Hey. Who's this lady?
Ling: That's Teddo's wife, Lydia.
Larry: Teddy's wife?
Ling: Yep. Oh, she's one lucky girl.
Larry: Then who's the guy on the end?
Ling: Oh, that's Teddo's best friend, Mac.
Curly: Well, then who's Mr. Fancy-Pants in the top hot and scarf?
Ling: That's a snowman.
Larry: Yeah, but what's his name?
Ling: That's Teddo's wife, Lydia.
Larry: Teddy's wife?
Ling: Yep. Oh, she's one lucky girl.
Larry: Then who's the guy on the end?
Ling: Oh, that's Teddo's best friend, Mac.
Curly: Well, then who's Mr. Fancy-Pants in the top hot and scarf?
Ling: That's a snowman.
Larry: Yeah, but what's his name?
Movie: The Three Stooges
Mac: Great! Great! How could this possibly get any worse? [Curly passes gas, everybody groans in disgust]
Curly: I'm sorry. I guess the pesto-bismol didn't work with the lobster.
Moe: Did you eat the shells again?
Curly: I don't know! It was on the plate, and then it wasn't.
Curly: I'm sorry. I guess the pesto-bismol didn't work with the lobster.
Moe: Did you eat the shells again?
Curly: I don't know! It was on the plate, and then it wasn't.
Movie: The Three Stooges
Lydia: Those three idiots are here!
Mac: [looking around]The Kardashian girls? Where are they?
Mac: [looking around]The Kardashian girls? Where are they?
Movie: The Three Stooges
Larry: Hey, bub, your trousers are falling down. Let me help you. [Larry yanks up Gangbanger's pants]
Gang Banger: Hey, man, you trying to get yourself capped?
Larry: Oh, no thanks. I don't wear hats. Why would I with a head of hair like this?
Gang Banger: Hey, man, you trying to get yourself capped?
Larry: Oh, no thanks. I don't wear hats. Why would I with a head of hair like this?
Movie: The Three Stooges
Larry: Why isn't she in a hospital?
Mother Superior: Well...
Sister Mary-Mengele: I'll tell you why. Because we don't have any medical insurance.
Larry: Well, you should get some. Just call that little green alligator guy.
Mother Superior: Well...
Sister Mary-Mengele: I'll tell you why. Because we don't have any medical insurance.
Larry: Well, you should get some. Just call that little green alligator guy.
Movie: The Three Stooges
Larry: Hey, little fella, want a peanut? Dolphin's love peanuts, you know. Here you go. Catch. [Larry tosses peanut to dolphin and it falls into its blow hole, the dolphin chokes]
Curly: Oh, my God! I think he's snufficatin'!
Larry: Don't worry, pal, I know the Heineken maneuver.
Curly: Oh, my God! I think he's snufficatin'!
Larry: Don't worry, pal, I know the Heineken maneuver.
Movie: The Three Stooges
Moe: What are you grubworms doing?
Curly: Getting seconds on lobster.
Moe: Seconds? I thought lobster upset your stomach.
Curly: I dipped it in pesto-bismol.
Moe: Oh, you like dipping, eh?
Curly: Yeah.
Moe: Come here. [Moe dips Curly's head into the water, he pulls him out with a lobster attached to his face]
Larry: Hey, look, it's Santy Claws. Claws!
Moe: What did I tell you about puns? [Moe stuffs the lobster down Larry's pants]
Curly: Getting seconds on lobster.
Moe: Seconds? I thought lobster upset your stomach.
Curly: I dipped it in pesto-bismol.
Moe: Oh, you like dipping, eh?
Curly: Yeah.
Moe: Come here. [Moe dips Curly's head into the water, he pulls him out with a lobster attached to his face]
Larry: Hey, look, it's Santy Claws. Claws!
Moe: What did I tell you about puns? [Moe stuffs the lobster down Larry's pants]
Movie: The Three Stooges
Young Moe: Anesthetic!
Young Larry: Anesthetic!
Young Curly: Anesthetic!
Young Moe: 15 milligrams. Give!
Young Curly: Right. [counts off on a croquet mallet]
Young Curly: Five, ten, fifteen! [conks Sister Mary Mengele out]
Young Larry: Anesthetic!
Young Curly: Anesthetic!
Young Moe: 15 milligrams. Give!
Young Curly: Right. [counts off on a croquet mallet]
Young Curly: Five, ten, fifteen! [conks Sister Mary Mengele out]
Movie: The Three Stooges
[Curly puts binoculars to his eyes the wrong way]Curly: It's Attila the Nun! She's a hundred yards out and closin' fast! [he removes the binoculars and realizes how close Sister Mary-Mengele is]
Curly: [he wails]
Curly: [he wails]
Movie: The Three Stooges
Curly: Hey, Moe! Hey, Larry! Fellas, do something!
Larry: [nervously]Moe, Moe!
Moe: What's the matter with y... [gasps]
Curly: Call 411 [whimpers]
Moe: [to Larry]Quick, help me grab sister M and M before chowderhead crushes her! [bonks to a water retainer, Curly falls on top of her, Mary-Mengele groans]
Moe: [to Curly]You, help out. [to Larry]
Moe: You, grab that bucket, splash some water on her. [metal from the bell hits Mary-Mengele thru the bucket]
Larry: See? I told you there's too much iron in the water.
Moe: Speak to me, sis. Say a few parables!
Sister Mary-Mengele: [dizzy and hallucinating]I saved 15 on my car insurance.
Larry: She seems fine to me.
Moe: Come on, let's go see what Mother Superior wants. [Sister Mary-Mengele's head hits the water retainer]
Moe: [groans]
Larry: [nervously]Moe, Moe!
Moe: What's the matter with y... [gasps]
Curly: Call 411 [whimpers]
Moe: [to Larry]Quick, help me grab sister M and M before chowderhead crushes her! [bonks to a water retainer, Curly falls on top of her, Mary-Mengele groans]
Moe: [to Curly]You, help out. [to Larry]
Moe: You, grab that bucket, splash some water on her. [metal from the bell hits Mary-Mengele thru the bucket]
Larry: See? I told you there's too much iron in the water.
Moe: Speak to me, sis. Say a few parables!
Sister Mary-Mengele: [dizzy and hallucinating]I saved 15 on my car insurance.
Larry: She seems fine to me.
Moe: Come on, let's go see what Mother Superior wants. [Sister Mary-Mengele's head hits the water retainer]
Moe: [groans]
Movie: The Three Stooges
Moe: Fellas, it's too high - [Larry and Curly collide with Moe, nearly pushing him over the rooftop]
Moe: Aaah! [Larry and Curly catch Moe by the legs and pull him back to the roof]
Moe: Why you lamebrains! [Moe slaps Larry and Curly across their faces]
Larry: Hey, look, a fire hose! We can lower ourselves down to the ground.
Moe: The kid's right, it's foolproof! Come on. [the Stooges unwind the fire hose and jump down to the ground below; the hose comes off its reel and the Stooges drop to the ground, landing on Teddy]
Moe ,
Curly ,
Larry: Aah-aah! [the hose's reel hits Moe on the head as Teddy gets back on his feet]
Moe: Ow! Why don't you watch where you're going, bud?
Teddy: I'm sorry, 100 percent my fault. Sometimes I just get lost in my own head and I - Moe? Larry, Curly, is that you?
Moe: Depends who's asking.
Teddy: It's me, Teddo J. Harter.
Moe: Who?
Teddy: Teddy, from the orphanage, Teddy. You remember, Moe, I went home with your parents.
Moe: What're you trying to pull? The Teddy we knew was this tall and he only had one shoe.
Larry: Yeah, and he didn't sound like you.
Teddy: Here- here, look, I got a snapshot of me and the 'rents leaving the orphanage. [the photo shows Teddy being adopted by his new parents and Moe being taken back by the nuns]
Larry: Hey, it is you. [Larry looks at Teddy's photo]
Larry: I was wondering, how are Moe's folks doing? They seem like good eggs.
Teddy: Yeah, well Dad's doing great, I work with him at the law firm downtown; but Mother, she passed on several years ago, hunting accident.
Moe ,
Curly ,
Larry: Oh, sure, yeah.
Teddy: So, you boys on Facebook? I'll poke you. [the Stooges recoil at the mention of poke, being unaware that it's a dif
Moe: Aaah! [Larry and Curly catch Moe by the legs and pull him back to the roof]
Moe: Why you lamebrains! [Moe slaps Larry and Curly across their faces]
Larry: Hey, look, a fire hose! We can lower ourselves down to the ground.
Moe: The kid's right, it's foolproof! Come on. [the Stooges unwind the fire hose and jump down to the ground below; the hose comes off its reel and the Stooges drop to the ground, landing on Teddy]
Moe ,
Curly ,
Larry: Aah-aah! [the hose's reel hits Moe on the head as Teddy gets back on his feet]
Moe: Ow! Why don't you watch where you're going, bud?
Teddy: I'm sorry, 100 percent my fault. Sometimes I just get lost in my own head and I - Moe? Larry, Curly, is that you?
Moe: Depends who's asking.
Teddy: It's me, Teddo J. Harter.
Moe: Who?
Teddy: Teddy, from the orphanage, Teddy. You remember, Moe, I went home with your parents.
Moe: What're you trying to pull? The Teddy we knew was this tall and he only had one shoe.
Larry: Yeah, and he didn't sound like you.
Teddy: Here- here, look, I got a snapshot of me and the 'rents leaving the orphanage. [the photo shows Teddy being adopted by his new parents and Moe being taken back by the nuns]
Larry: Hey, it is you. [Larry looks at Teddy's photo]
Larry: I was wondering, how are Moe's folks doing? They seem like good eggs.
Teddy: Yeah, well Dad's doing great, I work with him at the law firm downtown; but Mother, she passed on several years ago, hunting accident.
Moe ,
Curly ,
Larry: Oh, sure, yeah.
Teddy: So, you boys on Facebook? I'll poke you. [the Stooges recoil at the mention of poke, being unaware that it's a dif
Movie: The Three Stooges
Larry: Mr. Harter! Just the guy I wanted to see.
Mr. Harter: I'll take the case. Please tell me it was Supercuts who did this to you.
Larry: No, it's me, Larry... Moe, Larry, Curly, remember? From the orphanage. [Curly rhythmically claps his hands and barks]
Mr. Harter: Oh, my... goodness! Well, congratulations, you're still in remission. So... what brings you here?
Curly: Look, I'll cut to the chase, moneybags: we're in a jam. The orphanage needs 830 grand, or it's going belly-up.
Larry: Plus we got a sick kid getting fitted for angel wings.
Mr. Harter: Terrific! So, who do we sue?
Larry: Oh no, there's no one to sue; we need you to give us the money.
Curly: Yeah. [Curly chuckles]
Larry: But we're not looking for a handout, mind ya. We'll work off every last penny right here in these halls.
Mr. Harter: [sighs]Look, I'm sorry, but, uh... I'm... committed to several other charities, and besides, I don't have that kind of money just laying around. But if you decide to sue the orphanage, I'm in.
Curly: Uh, Mr. H., please, I know what you're thinking: that we're both lazy bums like Moe, but - but we're not. Uh, some of us aren't afraid to get our hands dirty.
Mr. Harter: What? No, I never thought of Moe as lazy.
Larry: It's all right, that slug told us the whole story about why you dropped him back off.
Mr. Harter: Well, I can assure you it had nothing to do with his work ethic; he was ten. No, what - what happened was he wanted us to go back for you two, and frankly, it was... too much for us. [Larry and Curly look at each other in amazement]
Curly: You mean... he wouldn't go without us?
Mr. Harter: No, he wouldn't. He was very adamant about wanting us to adopt all three of you, and... it was just out of the question, you understand. Anywho, got to skedaddle, late f
Mr. Harter: I'll take the case. Please tell me it was Supercuts who did this to you.
Larry: No, it's me, Larry... Moe, Larry, Curly, remember? From the orphanage. [Curly rhythmically claps his hands and barks]
Mr. Harter: Oh, my... goodness! Well, congratulations, you're still in remission. So... what brings you here?
Curly: Look, I'll cut to the chase, moneybags: we're in a jam. The orphanage needs 830 grand, or it's going belly-up.
Larry: Plus we got a sick kid getting fitted for angel wings.
Mr. Harter: Terrific! So, who do we sue?
Larry: Oh no, there's no one to sue; we need you to give us the money.
Curly: Yeah. [Curly chuckles]
Larry: But we're not looking for a handout, mind ya. We'll work off every last penny right here in these halls.
Mr. Harter: [sighs]Look, I'm sorry, but, uh... I'm... committed to several other charities, and besides, I don't have that kind of money just laying around. But if you decide to sue the orphanage, I'm in.
Curly: Uh, Mr. H., please, I know what you're thinking: that we're both lazy bums like Moe, but - but we're not. Uh, some of us aren't afraid to get our hands dirty.
Mr. Harter: What? No, I never thought of Moe as lazy.
Larry: It's all right, that slug told us the whole story about why you dropped him back off.
Mr. Harter: Well, I can assure you it had nothing to do with his work ethic; he was ten. No, what - what happened was he wanted us to go back for you two, and frankly, it was... too much for us. [Larry and Curly look at each other in amazement]
Curly: You mean... he wouldn't go without us?
Mr. Harter: No, he wouldn't. He was very adamant about wanting us to adopt all three of you, and... it was just out of the question, you understand. Anywho, got to skedaddle, late f
Movie: The Three Stooges