The Young Ones Quotes
Neil: I'm writing to my bank manager, see what you think, OK? "Dear bank manager..."
Mike: Yeah?
Neil: Well, that's it. I'm quite pleased with it so far.
Mike: Oh, well, it's a strong opening, certainly.
Vyvyan: I don't like the "dear". Sounds a bit too much like "will you go to bed with me?"
Neil: Nicely spotted, Vyvyan. What do you think instead?
Vyvyan: What about "darling"?
Neil: "Darling bank manager..."
Rick: Oh, no, no, no, no! Not "bank manager". It's far too crawly bum-lick. Tell it like it is, put "fascist bully boy".
Neil: "Darling fascist bully boy..."
Mike: That's nice, yeah, so far so good, so what do you want to say?
Neil: Well, basically I want to ask him if I can have, like, an extension on my overdraft, but I know there must be a better way of putting it than that.
Mike: Well, what about, "give me some more money"?
Vyvyan: "You bastard"
Neil: Don't you think that's a bit strong?
Mike: No, Neil, people like that respect strength.
Neil: Yeah, you're right. "Darling fascist bully boy, give me some more money, you bastard..." Uh... "Love, Neil."
Vyvyan: Not "love, Neil"! That sounds far too much like "come and get it like a bitch-funky sex machine".
Neil: Yeah, you're right. Uh... What about "yours sincerely"?
Rick: Oh, come off it, Neil! If you're going to be that sycophantic, why don't you go there now and stick your tongue straight down the back of his trousers?
Neil: Oh, look, I know, I know, why not put "boomshanka"?
Mike: Ahh... that's hard to tell, Neil. What does it mean?
Neil: It means "may the seed of your loin be fruitful in the belly of your woman".
Rick: Ah-ha! And WHAT makes you think
Mike: Yeah?
Neil: Well, that's it. I'm quite pleased with it so far.
Mike: Oh, well, it's a strong opening, certainly.
Vyvyan: I don't like the "dear". Sounds a bit too much like "will you go to bed with me?"
Neil: Nicely spotted, Vyvyan. What do you think instead?
Vyvyan: What about "darling"?
Neil: "Darling bank manager..."
Rick: Oh, no, no, no, no! Not "bank manager". It's far too crawly bum-lick. Tell it like it is, put "fascist bully boy".
Neil: "Darling fascist bully boy..."
Mike: That's nice, yeah, so far so good, so what do you want to say?
Neil: Well, basically I want to ask him if I can have, like, an extension on my overdraft, but I know there must be a better way of putting it than that.
Mike: Well, what about, "give me some more money"?
Vyvyan: "You bastard"
Neil: Don't you think that's a bit strong?
Mike: No, Neil, people like that respect strength.
Neil: Yeah, you're right. "Darling fascist bully boy, give me some more money, you bastard..." Uh... "Love, Neil."
Vyvyan: Not "love, Neil"! That sounds far too much like "come and get it like a bitch-funky sex machine".
Neil: Yeah, you're right. Uh... What about "yours sincerely"?
Rick: Oh, come off it, Neil! If you're going to be that sycophantic, why don't you go there now and stick your tongue straight down the back of his trousers?
Neil: Oh, look, I know, I know, why not put "boomshanka"?
Mike: Ahh... that's hard to tell, Neil. What does it mean?
Neil: It means "may the seed of your loin be fruitful in the belly of your woman".
Rick: Ah-ha! And WHAT makes you think
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[Repeated line of dialogue]
Various characters] Oh, have you got a video?
Vyvyan: [Increasingly exasperated] Yes! We've got a video!
Various characters] Oh, have you got a video?
Vyvyan: [Increasingly exasperated] Yes! We've got a video!
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Rick: Neil, the bathroom's free! (looking at the camera) Unlike the country under the Thatcherite Junta.
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Vicar: What-ho, I'm the vicar.
Vyvyan: Well you'd better be, or else you'd look right girlie in that dress.
Vicar: [pokes Vyvyan in the eye] Right. Anyone tell the stiffie joke?
Vyvyan: Yes. Rick has.
Vicar: Yeah, well, forget about that then. Right. C'mon, let's get on with it, then. Let's get it over with. Oh, bloody hell. [As everyone takes their places around the open grave, the Vicar pulls out a small metal flask and starts slurping]
Rick: Crikey, it's a bit early for that, isn't it?
Vicar: My God, you're right! [drops the flask, spilling the contents, then pulls out a large whiskey bottle] Better get some of this down me before I have any of that, for starters. [takes a big gulp] Right, now, um, oh, yes! Ashes to ashes....
Rick: [singing]Funk to funky, we know Major Tom's a junkie...
Vicar: [grabs Rick by the collar] Shaddup! [headbutts Rick, causing him to fall into the grave]
Rick: Help! I've just fallen into a grave!
Vyvyan: Brilliant! Let's fill it in! [grabs the shovel from Neil]
Neil: No! No! You can't bury Rick alive!
Vyvyan: That's absolutely correct, Neil. We'll have to kill him first!
Vyvyan: Well you'd better be, or else you'd look right girlie in that dress.
Vicar: [pokes Vyvyan in the eye] Right. Anyone tell the stiffie joke?
Vyvyan: Yes. Rick has.
Vicar: Yeah, well, forget about that then. Right. C'mon, let's get on with it, then. Let's get it over with. Oh, bloody hell. [As everyone takes their places around the open grave, the Vicar pulls out a small metal flask and starts slurping]
Rick: Crikey, it's a bit early for that, isn't it?
Vicar: My God, you're right! [drops the flask, spilling the contents, then pulls out a large whiskey bottle] Better get some of this down me before I have any of that, for starters. [takes a big gulp] Right, now, um, oh, yes! Ashes to ashes....
Rick: [singing]Funk to funky, we know Major Tom's a junkie...
Vicar: [grabs Rick by the collar] Shaddup! [headbutts Rick, causing him to fall into the grave]
Rick: Help! I've just fallen into a grave!
Vyvyan: Brilliant! Let's fill it in! [grabs the shovel from Neil]
Neil: No! No! You can't bury Rick alive!
Vyvyan: That's absolutely correct, Neil. We'll have to kill him first!
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Vyvyan: When my hamster finds out you nicked his carrots he's gonna kill you, Neil.
Neil: Oh was it SPG's? I didn't know he ate carrots.
Vyvyan: He doesn't eat carrots, Neil, he sticks 'em down his underpants to impress the girls.
Neil: Oh was it SPG's? I didn't know he ate carrots.
Vyvyan: He doesn't eat carrots, Neil, he sticks 'em down his underpants to impress the girls.
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Vyvyan: Vyvyan, Vyvyan, Vyvyan! Honestly! Whenever anything explodes in this house it's always blame Vyvyan!
Rick: Well, who do you suggest we blame?
Vyvyan: Blame whoever rung the front doorbell! Because they OBVIOUSLY set off the bomb I wired up!
Rick: Well, who do you suggest we blame?
Vyvyan: Blame whoever rung the front doorbell! Because they OBVIOUSLY set off the bomb I wired up!
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Rick: Ah! It's a vampire!
Mike: In a parcel!
Vyvyan: In the kitchen!
Neil: [To Audience] Hate mail! [To guys] What are we gonna do?
Rick: Only Pop Music can save us now!
[The Damned appear and start performing]
Mike: In a parcel!
Vyvyan: In the kitchen!
Neil: [To Audience] Hate mail! [To guys] What are we gonna do?
Rick: Only Pop Music can save us now!
[The Damned appear and start performing]
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Vampire: No, this is some kind of misunderstanding! I'm not a vampire! I'm a driving instructor! From Johannesburg!
Vyvyan: A driving instructer from Johannesburg? Prove it!
Vampire: How?
Vyvyan: Okay, what should you never do in a box junction?
Vampire: In a box junction you should never enter it unless your exit is clear!
Vyvyan: Ah, true. Okay, what's the procedure for the approach of a humpback bridge?
Vampire: Approaching a humpback bridge, you should slow down and check in both rear-view mirrors. If no-one is behind you you should RIP OUT A VIRGIN'S THROAT AND-
Vyvyan: Ah-ha! Ah-ha! Gotcha, gotcha, gotcha! Driving instructor my bottom! You're a vampire and there's no denying it!
Vampire: Oh Outspan!
Vyvyan: A driving instructer from Johannesburg? Prove it!
Vampire: How?
Vyvyan: Okay, what should you never do in a box junction?
Vampire: In a box junction you should never enter it unless your exit is clear!
Vyvyan: Ah, true. Okay, what's the procedure for the approach of a humpback bridge?
Vampire: Approaching a humpback bridge, you should slow down and check in both rear-view mirrors. If no-one is behind you you should RIP OUT A VIRGIN'S THROAT AND-
Vyvyan: Ah-ha! Ah-ha! Gotcha, gotcha, gotcha! Driving instructor my bottom! You're a vampire and there's no denying it!
Vampire: Oh Outspan!
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Sayle: People think television must be great. They tell me all the time 'Television must be great!', but it's not. It's dead boring you know! And that lot, they're drawl as well, and they all talk about me behind me back!
(The guys are sitting in a dressing room, half out of costume)
Edmonson (Vyvyan): I hate him.
Planer (Neil): (Posh voice) He drinks like a fish.
Mayall (Rick): Well, he's got no talent!
Ryan (Mike): Alexei who?
(The guys are sitting in a dressing room, half out of costume)
Edmonson (Vyvyan): I hate him.
Planer (Neil): (Posh voice) He drinks like a fish.
Mayall (Rick): Well, he's got no talent!
Ryan (Mike): Alexei who?
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Vyvyan: I don't see what all the fuss is about. Vampires only attack virgins!
[Awkward pause]
Mike: Yeah, uh, it's not myself I'm worried about, Vyv. It's Rick and Neil I'm worried about.
Rick: Me, a virgin? Ha! [Increasingly scared] Just try telling that to some of the foxy chicks who owe me favours!
Neil: Well if Rick's not a virgin them I'm not either!
Vyvyan: Well, we'll find out shortly, 'cause the vampire's gonna know, and if anyone gets attacked, then we'll know they're a sissy virgin! [Beat] God, I hope snogging with SPG counts!
[Later]
Neil: He's gonna get us and turn us into vampires! And we'll all be dead and yet still alive! Like Leonard Cohen!
Mike: There's only one way out of this. We've all got to lose our virginity. Now!
Vyvyan: But how, Mike? [Beat] Oh no! Bags not Rick!
Rick: Bags not Vyv!
Neil: [Confused] Bags not...Neil?
[Awkward pause]
Mike: Yeah, uh, it's not myself I'm worried about, Vyv. It's Rick and Neil I'm worried about.
Rick: Me, a virgin? Ha! [Increasingly scared] Just try telling that to some of the foxy chicks who owe me favours!
Neil: Well if Rick's not a virgin them I'm not either!
Vyvyan: Well, we'll find out shortly, 'cause the vampire's gonna know, and if anyone gets attacked, then we'll know they're a sissy virgin! [Beat] God, I hope snogging with SPG counts!
[Later]
Neil: He's gonna get us and turn us into vampires! And we'll all be dead and yet still alive! Like Leonard Cohen!
Mike: There's only one way out of this. We've all got to lose our virginity. Now!
Vyvyan: But how, Mike? [Beat] Oh no! Bags not Rick!
Rick: Bags not Vyv!
Neil: [Confused] Bags not...Neil?
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Neil: Vyv, will you shut up, you're giving me tunnel vision!
Rick: STOP SHOUTING NEIL!
Neil: Stop shouting yourself!
Rick: I AM NOT SHOUTING!
Neil: Yes, you are!
Rick: I BLOODY WELL AM NOT! If you want to hear shouting, matey, this is it!
[Rick starts yelling like a baby, whilst Vyvyan lights a Molotov cocktail]
Vyvan: It's funny, but being ill makes me lose my usual tolerant and easygoing approach to communal living.
[Vyvyan throws the Molotov cocktail into Rick's bedroom, which explodes]
Rick: Oh, well, how ruddy considerate, Vyvyan. Thank you very much!
Neil: Yeah, thanks, Vyv. That petrol bomb's really cleared my sinuses.
Vyvyan: Why aren't you dead?
Rick: I'm not prepared to discuss it with you, Vyvyan. You will be hearing from my solicitors in the morning. I'm going to write to my MP.
Rick: STOP SHOUTING NEIL!
Neil: Stop shouting yourself!
Rick: I AM NOT SHOUTING!
Neil: Yes, you are!
Rick: I BLOODY WELL AM NOT! If you want to hear shouting, matey, this is it!
[Rick starts yelling like a baby, whilst Vyvyan lights a Molotov cocktail]
Vyvan: It's funny, but being ill makes me lose my usual tolerant and easygoing approach to communal living.
[Vyvyan throws the Molotov cocktail into Rick's bedroom, which explodes]
Rick: Oh, well, how ruddy considerate, Vyvyan. Thank you very much!
Neil: Yeah, thanks, Vyv. That petrol bomb's really cleared my sinuses.
Vyvyan: Why aren't you dead?
Rick: I'm not prepared to discuss it with you, Vyvyan. You will be hearing from my solicitors in the morning. I'm going to write to my MP.
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Neil: You haven't got an MP, Rick. You're an anarchist.
Rick: Oh. Well, then I shall write to the lead singer of Echo and the Bunnymen! (...)
Rick: Oh. Well, then I shall write to the lead singer of Echo and the Bunnymen! (...)
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Vyvyan: Why'd I do that?
Rick: Ah, Vyvyan, beginning to regret it now, are you?
Vyvyan: Of course I'm beginning to regret it. That was nearly a full bottle of vodka! That's £7.99 you owe me, ploppy pants.
Rick: Oh, stop being so blinking bourgeoisie! All property is theft, Vyvyan.
Vyvyan: All right, then. Where's your girlie purse? (...)
Rick: Ah, Vyvyan, beginning to regret it now, are you?
Vyvyan: Of course I'm beginning to regret it. That was nearly a full bottle of vodka! That's £7.99 you owe me, ploppy pants.
Rick: Oh, stop being so blinking bourgeoisie! All property is theft, Vyvyan.
Vyvyan: All right, then. Where's your girlie purse? (...)
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Rick: You put that back! That's my personal property!
Neil: You just said all property is theft, Rick.
Rick: Well, yes, it is.
Vyvyan: Yeah, so I'm nicking it.
Rick: Stop! Thief! Thief!
Neil: You just said all property is theft, Rick.
Rick: Well, yes, it is.
Vyvyan: Yeah, so I'm nicking it.
Rick: Stop! Thief! Thief!
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Neil's Father: Now why couldn't you be in one of those nice situation comedies that your mother likes. Like, uh, what's the thing called...?
Vyvyan: Grange Hill!
Neil's Father: Yes! That's the one.
[Scene changes to School Corridor. Two school boys run in.]
Ben Elton: So that's settled. We'll organise a protest against school uniforms!
Spaz: Great! We can use the banners left over from the last protest we organised, so that racism wouldn't be an issue in this school.
Ben Elton: Good idea. I'll get Mucka, Ducka, Trucka and Sucka, and you get Spaz.
Spaz: But I am Spaz!
Ben Elton: Oh. I better get him as well then. Come on!
[They run into a teacher.]
Spaz: Oh! Sorry, Mr. Liberal. We were just on our way to...
Mr. Liberal: Now hang on you pair of scruffy tear-aways. Don't you realise that the way you act is influencing millions of children to talk Cockney and be insubordinate?
Ben Elton: Oh, come on, sir. We're the only kids in Britain who never say f-
Neil's Mother: You must be joking! I don't watch that ghastly programme!
Neil's Father: I'm sorry, my dear. It was my mistake. I meant The Good Life.
Neil's Mother: Oh, yes. That's the one.
Vyvyan: Grange Hill!
Neil's Father: Yes! That's the one.
[Scene changes to School Corridor. Two school boys run in.]
Ben Elton: So that's settled. We'll organise a protest against school uniforms!
Spaz: Great! We can use the banners left over from the last protest we organised, so that racism wouldn't be an issue in this school.
Ben Elton: Good idea. I'll get Mucka, Ducka, Trucka and Sucka, and you get Spaz.
Spaz: But I am Spaz!
Ben Elton: Oh. I better get him as well then. Come on!
[They run into a teacher.]
Spaz: Oh! Sorry, Mr. Liberal. We were just on our way to...
Mr. Liberal: Now hang on you pair of scruffy tear-aways. Don't you realise that the way you act is influencing millions of children to talk Cockney and be insubordinate?
Ben Elton: Oh, come on, sir. We're the only kids in Britain who never say f-
Neil's Mother: You must be joking! I don't watch that ghastly programme!
Neil's Father: I'm sorry, my dear. It was my mistake. I meant The Good Life.
Neil's Mother: Oh, yes. That's the one.
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Vyvyan: [Ripping up the introduction to The Good Life] NO, NO, NO, NO! WE ARE NOT WATCHING THE BLOODY GOOD LIFE! BLOODY, BLOODY, BLOODY! I HATE IT! IT'S SO BLOODY NICE! FELICITY "TREACLE" KENDAL, AND RICHARD "SUGAR FLAVOURED SNOT" BRIERS! WHAT DO THEY DO KNOW? CHOCOLATE BLOODY BUTTON ADS, THAT'S WHAT! THEY'RE NOTHING BUT A COUPLE OF REACTIONARY STEREOTYPES, CONFIRMING THE MYTH THAT EVERYONE IN BRITAIN IS A LOVABLE MIDDLE CLASS ECCENTRIC, AND I! HATE! THEM!
Mike: That's a highly articulate outburst there, Vyv. I only hope they're not watching.
Rick: Well you can shut up now, Vyvyan. You can just about blummin' well shut up! Because if you've got anything horrid to say about Felicity Kendal, then you can just about blummin' well say it to me first!
Vyvyan: Rick, I just did!
Rick: Oh you did, did you? Well I ought to give a ruddy great punch on the bottom for what you just said! You're talking about the woman I love!
Neil: And me, I love her too!
Neil's Father: Well I agree with the spotty twerps on that one. Felicity Kendal is sweetly pretty, just what a real girly should be. I mean, speaking as a Feminist myself I can safely say this; that Felicity Kendal is a wonderful woman, and I want to protect her.
Vyvyan: Well it's the first time I've ever heard it called that!
Mike: That's a highly articulate outburst there, Vyv. I only hope they're not watching.
Rick: Well you can shut up now, Vyvyan. You can just about blummin' well shut up! Because if you've got anything horrid to say about Felicity Kendal, then you can just about blummin' well say it to me first!
Vyvyan: Rick, I just did!
Rick: Oh you did, did you? Well I ought to give a ruddy great punch on the bottom for what you just said! You're talking about the woman I love!
Neil: And me, I love her too!
Neil's Father: Well I agree with the spotty twerps on that one. Felicity Kendal is sweetly pretty, just what a real girly should be. I mean, speaking as a Feminist myself I can safely say this; that Felicity Kendal is a wonderful woman, and I want to protect her.
Vyvyan: Well it's the first time I've ever heard it called that!
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Sayle[as John Cleese doing a Silly Walk]: 'Scuse me, is this a cheese shop?
Mayall[as Michael Palin]: No sir.
Sayle: [to camera] Well that's that sketch knackered then innit?!
Mayall[as Michael Palin]: No sir.
Sayle: [to camera] Well that's that sketch knackered then innit?!
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Rick: If I'm a virgin, how come I know what a girl's bottom looks like?
Vyvyan: From looking in the mirror.
Vyvyan: From looking in the mirror.
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Mike: Who are you?
Knight: I'm a Knight, of the Square Table.
Mike: 'Square' Table?
Knight: Well, King Arthur doesn't think I'm cool and hip enough to be at the Round Table, on account of some of my suits of armour still have flares.
Mike: You can't get much squarer than that.
Neil: No shut up, Mike! [To Knight] There's nothing wrong with flares.
Knight: Mm, and I'm not really into war at all. Look, flowers on the end of my Lance!
Neil: Wow!
Knight: And if I ever have to fight a dragon, I try and see it from the dragon's point of view.
Neil: [To audience] Aww, it's beautiful! A Hippie Knight!
Knight: [Knocks out Neil with a Morningstar] Sorry man, but it's my job.
Knight: I'm a Knight, of the Square Table.
Mike: 'Square' Table?
Knight: Well, King Arthur doesn't think I'm cool and hip enough to be at the Round Table, on account of some of my suits of armour still have flares.
Mike: You can't get much squarer than that.
Neil: No shut up, Mike! [To Knight] There's nothing wrong with flares.
Knight: Mm, and I'm not really into war at all. Look, flowers on the end of my Lance!
Neil: Wow!
Knight: And if I ever have to fight a dragon, I try and see it from the dragon's point of view.
Neil: [To audience] Aww, it's beautiful! A Hippie Knight!
Knight: [Knocks out Neil with a Morningstar] Sorry man, but it's my job.
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Neil: You mean, you, like, scored with a chick?
Rick: Well, of course, I wouldn't put it in such sexist terms, Neil, but yes.
Mike: Now, wait a minute, Rick. I'm the one who gets the girls around here. There could be a copyright problem.
Vyvyan: I don't understand. How? Was she unconscious?
Rick: What, Vyvyan? Do I detect a little spark of jealousy?
Vyvyan: Ha! I'm not jealous. I find the idea of spending a night with you completely revolting!
Rick: You know perfectly well what I mean. Just because I was the most wanted and attractive guy at the party last night...
Neil: What do you mean, Rick? You passed out after half a glass of cider.
Rick: Did I? Blimey, that's a bit anarchic! Anyway, it just goes to show you, Neil. Even when I'm unconscious, I can pick up the birds. Erm, I mean, forge meaningful relationships with birds... chicks... tarts... women. Women!
Rick: Well, of course, I wouldn't put it in such sexist terms, Neil, but yes.
Mike: Now, wait a minute, Rick. I'm the one who gets the girls around here. There could be a copyright problem.
Vyvyan: I don't understand. How? Was she unconscious?
Rick: What, Vyvyan? Do I detect a little spark of jealousy?
Vyvyan: Ha! I'm not jealous. I find the idea of spending a night with you completely revolting!
Rick: You know perfectly well what I mean. Just because I was the most wanted and attractive guy at the party last night...
Neil: What do you mean, Rick? You passed out after half a glass of cider.
Rick: Did I? Blimey, that's a bit anarchic! Anyway, it just goes to show you, Neil. Even when I'm unconscious, I can pick up the birds. Erm, I mean, forge meaningful relationships with birds... chicks... tarts... women. Women!
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Rick: It was incredible. We did everything.
Mike: [Recording with a tape recorder] Like what?
Rick: Umm, everything. At one point, she even took her bra off! So I took off my dungarees...
Mike: [Recording with a tape recorder] Like what?
Rick: Umm, everything. At one point, she even took her bra off! So I took off my dungarees...
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(Vyvyan is trying to blow up Rick with his howitzer for not admitting to be a virgin.)
Rick: No, Vyvyan! You're right, I am a virgin.
Vyvyan: Not for long, matey! (fires at Rick again)
Rick: No, Vyvyan! You're right, I am a virgin.
Vyvyan: Not for long, matey! (fires at Rick again)
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Vyvyan: Do you think ants go to discos?
Mike: Vyvyan, it has been proved that ants are highly intelligent with a well ordered society—the last thing they'd go to would be discos.
Vyvyan: Well, why's one of them wearing a silver boob tube then?
Mike: There's a very good reason for that.
Vyvyan: What?
Mike: You're talking crap.
Mike: Vyvyan, it has been proved that ants are highly intelligent with a well ordered society—the last thing they'd go to would be discos.
Vyvyan: Well, why's one of them wearing a silver boob tube then?
Mike: There's a very good reason for that.
Vyvyan: What?
Mike: You're talking crap.
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Neil: [on his final exam] It was terrible. I sat in the big hall and put my packet of polos on the desk, and my spare pencil and my support gonk and my chewing gum and my extra pen, and my extra polos and my lucky gonk, and my pencil sharpener shaped like a cream cracker and three more gonks with a packet of polos in each, and lead for my retractable pencil and my retractable pencil, and my spare lead for my retractable pencil, and chewing gum and pencils and pens and more gonks and the guy said "Stop writing please."!
TV Show: The Young Ones
Rick: Oh yes, Mike, your tutor asked me to tell you that if you don't start turning up to class next September, then he and the Dean are going to have to seriously reconsider your grant.
Mike: Well, you can tell my tutor that I've still got the photos of him and the Dean.
Mike: Well, you can tell my tutor that I've still got the photos of him and the Dean.
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Mike: [Having just knocked out Neil with a cricket bat] What's a hippie worth then, a six?
Vyvyan: Six? It would have been worth six if you'd killed him, Mike. Let's call it two.
Mike: Fair enough.
Vyvyan: Six? It would have been worth six if you'd killed him, Mike. Let's call it two.
Mike: Fair enough.
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Mike: Neil, it's not often you interest me, but today you have. Why do you keep running in here carrying a cake and yelling "Surprise!"?
Neil: Well, because it's my birthday, Mike.
Mike: Now, you knew that anyway, and we don't care, so where's the surprise?
Neil: Well, because it's my birthday, Mike.
Mike: Now, you knew that anyway, and we don't care, so where's the surprise?
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