Torchwood Quotes
Maggie: So she offers to help you and you push her away. Charming.
Owen: Yeah, hole in the chest. Sorry if I don't follow social niceties any more.
Maggie: You mean you did before?
Owen: God, you're a pain in the arse, aren't you?
Owen: Yeah, hole in the chest. Sorry if I don't follow social niceties any more.
Maggie: You mean you did before?
Owen: God, you're a pain in the arse, aren't you?
TV Show: Torchwood
Martha: There is no sign of any muscle decay. You're in great shape, as ever.
Owen: No use coming onto me, Jones. I'm a changed man.
Martha: And no stiffening anywhere?
Owen: Well...
Martha: Just answer the question
Owen: No use coming onto me, Jones. I'm a changed man.
Martha: And no stiffening anywhere?
Owen: Well...
Martha: Just answer the question
TV Show: Torchwood
Owen: Yeah, I was brought back. Like Jesus really, but without the beard, you know. Shit, I'm never gonna have a beard. Not that I wanted one, you understand, but you know, one day I...
TV Show: Torchwood
Maggie: Okay, you're dead, and clearly that's a bit shit, and I'm sorry and everything, but if, if you are dead, then why are you here? You can't be wanting to jump, you can't die twice!
Owen: Sorry, are you an expert?
Maggie: Sorry, are you an idiot?
Owen: Yeah, I'm a dead idiot.
Owen: Sorry, are you an expert?
Maggie: Sorry, are you an idiot?
Owen: Yeah, I'm a dead idiot.
TV Show: Torchwood
Owen: [to Jack about him trying to drown himself] You were watching?
Jack: Skinny guy in tight jeans runs into water? I was taking pictures!
Jack: Skinny guy in tight jeans runs into water? I was taking pictures!
TV Show: Torchwood
Ianto: I always loved Tintin.
Owen: Yeah, well you would, wouldn't you? And he never had a girlfriend, did he? Just the dog, so I reckon he was actually shagging the dog.
[Beat]
Gwen: Meanwhile, back at Torchwood...
Owen: Yeah, well you would, wouldn't you? And he never had a girlfriend, did he? Just the dog, so I reckon he was actually shagging the dog.
[Beat]
Gwen: Meanwhile, back at Torchwood...
TV Show: Torchwood
Jack: You are not thinking straight!
Gwen: Do not bring my bloody hormones into this, Mr. Jack Harkness!
Jack: (Scared) Okay. Calm down.
Gwen: Owen has said if this wasn't safe I would know about it by now. Right?
Owen: Yeah. As far as I know, yeah.
Gwen: Okay. So I'm good until after the wedding. Then, I'll do whatever I have to do. Once I'm Mrs. Williams. Not before.
Gwen: Do not bring my bloody hormones into this, Mr. Jack Harkness!
Jack: (Scared) Okay. Calm down.
Gwen: Owen has said if this wasn't safe I would know about it by now. Right?
Owen: Yeah. As far as I know, yeah.
Gwen: Okay. So I'm good until after the wedding. Then, I'll do whatever I have to do. Once I'm Mrs. Williams. Not before.
TV Show: Torchwood
Mrs Williams: The problem seems to be an American with no sense of timing or fashion.
TV Show: Torchwood
Owen: It's a kind of alien egg. But don't worry, I'm going to look after you, I promise. We've got procedures for this situation.
Gwen: You mean, this has happened before?
Jack: You've heard of immaculate conception, haven't you? Well...
Gwen: You mean, this has happened before?
Jack: You've heard of immaculate conception, haven't you? Well...
TV Show: Torchwood
Banana Boat: So do you fancy a little drink later?
Toshiko: I'm sorry. I'm intolerant to vasoactive amines.
Banana Boat: Huh?
Toshiko: Bananas make me vomit.
Toshiko: I'm sorry. I'm intolerant to vasoactive amines.
Banana Boat: Huh?
Toshiko: Bananas make me vomit.
TV Show: Torchwood
Jack: Which is fine, as long as she doesn't go into labour at the altar. Rhys might forgive her for going down the aisle pregnant, but not giving birth to a razor-toothed monster that eats half his family.
Ianto: Could that happen?
Ianto: Could that happen?
TV Show: Torchwood
[Ianto is checking out wedding dresses]
Tailor: Can I help you?
Ianto: I'm looking for a wedding dress for my friend.
Tailor: Of course you are, sir. You'd be surprised, we're quite used to men buying for their... "friends".
Tailor: Can I help you?
Ianto: I'm looking for a wedding dress for my friend.
Tailor: Of course you are, sir. You'd be surprised, we're quite used to men buying for their... "friends".
TV Show: Torchwood
Jack: [looking through a dress catalogue] Nope, like that one. Good choice.
Ianto: I estimated Gwen's size from the Hub's security laser scans. As you know, my dad was a master tailor; he could size a man's inside leg measurement by his stride across the shop threshold.
Jack: Ah, a family eye. Remind me to test it some time.
Ianto: Well, if later on-
Owen: [walking through the threshold] Jack!
Ianto: Yep, brilliant, like that one.
Ianto: I estimated Gwen's size from the Hub's security laser scans. As you know, my dad was a master tailor; he could size a man's inside leg measurement by his stride across the shop threshold.
Jack: Ah, a family eye. Remind me to test it some time.
Ianto: Well, if later on-
Owen: [walking through the threshold] Jack!
Ianto: Yep, brilliant, like that one.
TV Show: Torchwood
Gwen: [talking about getting married] It'll happen for you one day, Tosh. There's always Owen.
Tosh: I don't think so. "In sickness and in health, 'til death do us part". It's gonna sound like a bad joke.
Tosh: I don't think so. "In sickness and in health, 'til death do us part". It's gonna sound like a bad joke.
TV Show: Torchwood
Jack: You sure you're ready for this, Owen? You know what a Nostrovite can do; you think you've got it covered a hundred feet away, and it's already chewing on you liver.
Owen: I don't need my liver.
Owen: I don't need my liver.
TV Show: Torchwood
Jack: What's is it with you? Ever since Owen died, all you've done is agree with him!
Ianto: I was brought up not to speak ill of the dead. Even if they do still do most of their talking for themselves.
Ianto: I was brought up not to speak ill of the dead. Even if they do still do most of their talking for themselves.
TV Show: Torchwood
Gwen: What will you do while I'm gone?
Jack: Oooh, the usual. Pizza, Ianto, save the world a couple of times.
Jack: Oooh, the usual. Pizza, Ianto, save the world a couple of times.
TV Show: Torchwood
Ianto: That's what I love about Torchwood. By day, you're chasing the scum of the universe, come midnight you're the wedding fairy.
TV Show: Torchwood
Jack: Ianto, with me. I need your local knowledge.
Gwen: Oh, is that what you're calling it these days?
Gwen: Oh, is that what you're calling it these days?
TV Show: Torchwood
[Talking about old film footage of a travelling show]
Tosh: I don't believe this Jack. What were you doing there?
Owen: He's part of this freak show.
Jack: Some things never change.
Owen: You being rude about me?
Tosh: I don't believe this Jack. What were you doing there?
Owen: He's part of this freak show.
Jack: Some things never change.
Owen: You being rude about me?
TV Show: Torchwood
Gwen: Torchwood doesn't do maternity leave - "Sorry Jack, I'd love to deal with those aliens but I can't find a babysitter", "No, no, no, I'll sort out that bomb once I've dropped Rhys Jr. off at nursery."
TV Show: Torchwood
Gwen: Do you think I've changed?
Rhys: Eh?
Gwen: Since I joined Torchwood, am I different?
Rhys: Why?
Gwen: It's just something Andy said. Okay, let me just tell you this one thing, okay?
Rhys: Okay, go on.
Gwen: He still fancies me. (Rhys snickers) Don't laugh, Rhys. That's why he didn't come to the wedding.
Rhys: Bloody hell, poor sod.
Gwen: Oi! I'm a very sexy lady and you are a very lucky man. Just remember that, okay? (unzips jacket)
Rhys: We're not going to talk about kids tonight, are we?
Gwen: We could so some practising
Rhys: Eh?
Gwen: Since I joined Torchwood, am I different?
Rhys: Why?
Gwen: It's just something Andy said. Okay, let me just tell you this one thing, okay?
Rhys: Okay, go on.
Gwen: He still fancies me. (Rhys snickers) Don't laugh, Rhys. That's why he didn't come to the wedding.
Rhys: Bloody hell, poor sod.
Gwen: Oi! I'm a very sexy lady and you are a very lucky man. Just remember that, okay? (unzips jacket)
Rhys: We're not going to talk about kids tonight, are we?
Gwen: We could so some practising
TV Show: Torchwood
Rhys: You save this city. Well done. You save the world. Whatever. What for?
Gwen: Sorry?
Rhys: Why are you doing it? What are you trying to protect? What are you fighting for?
Gwen: Because if I don't...
Rhys: Shut up, I'm talking now, right? You do it so people can live their lives. And there's nothing more important than that. Falling in love, getting married, buying flats, having kids or not. But real life, that's what you're protecting. And if you're starting to think that your shit is more important than real life, then we're not going to last very long here, love.
Gwen: Sorry?
Rhys: Why are you doing it? What are you trying to protect? What are you fighting for?
Gwen: Because if I don't...
Rhys: Shut up, I'm talking now, right? You do it so people can live their lives. And there's nothing more important than that. Falling in love, getting married, buying flats, having kids or not. But real life, that's what you're protecting. And if you're starting to think that your shit is more important than real life, then we're not going to last very long here, love.
TV Show: Torchwood
Gwen: So, is that it, then? We just sweep it under the carpet?
Owen: God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change.
Gwen: Oh, bollocks to serenity!
Owen: For a lovely girl, you've got a very dirty mouth.
Owen: God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change.
Gwen: Oh, bollocks to serenity!
Owen: For a lovely girl, you've got a very dirty mouth.
TV Show: Torchwood
[After walking in on Jack and Ianto in the hot house]
Gwen: Ianto, hi. I'm sorry. I didn't realize—
Ianto: Doesn't matter.
Gwen: I wouldn't have come in if I'd known—
Jack: Always room for one more. We could have used you an hour ago for naked hide-and-seek.
Ianto: He cheats. He always cheats
Gwen: Ianto, hi. I'm sorry. I didn't realize—
Ianto: Doesn't matter.
Gwen: I wouldn't have come in if I'd known—
Jack: Always room for one more. We could have used you an hour ago for naked hide-and-seek.
Ianto: He cheats. He always cheats
TV Show: Torchwood
Tosh: Who are you?
Jack: Nobody. I don't exist... and for a man of my charisma, that's quite an achievement.
Jack: Nobody. I don't exist... and for a man of my charisma, that's quite an achievement.
TV Show: Torchwood
Little Girl: He's coming, the one you're looking for. The century will turn twice before you find each other again.
Jack: Ooh. Are you for real? You mean I have to wait a hundred years to find him? What'll I do in the meantime?
Jack: Ooh. Are you for real? You mean I have to wait a hundred years to find him? What'll I do in the meantime?
TV Show: Torchwood