Upright Citizens Brigade Quotes
Alderman: [in a town hall meeting about the apocalypse] We've also installed space helmets in the ceiling above you, that will drop in the event of Armaggedon, or a sudden apocalypse, to ensure your safety in our journey to the new homeland.
Bluto: [looking at the drawing of the spaceship/town hall] No way! You're saying our town hall is just like that giant ship guitar that Boston sits on top of in Boston's Don't Look Back album!
Alderman: Of course it's not like the... [looks at the drawing]
Alderman: Well, well, actually it's exactly like that.
Bluto: Awesome!
Bluto: [looking at the drawing of the spaceship/town hall] No way! You're saying our town hall is just like that giant ship guitar that Boston sits on top of in Boston's Don't Look Back album!
Alderman: Of course it's not like the... [looks at the drawing]
Alderman: Well, well, actually it's exactly like that.
Bluto: Awesome!
Movie: Upright Citizens Brigade
Captain Lunatic: It's time for you to come out of weed heaven and Potville for a second and give me a little informationi, a little Captain Lunatic time!
Bong Boy: Hey, let me down!
Captain Lunatic: Now, what do you know about this missing McMadison girl?
Bong Boy: Oh yeah. Last night I saw her and her husband.
Captain Lunatic: Husband?
Bong Boy: Yeah. He was drunk and his face was all pixilated. Wait a second. That might have been on Cops last night.
Captain Lunatic: You wanna play games, huh? Old Lunatic's got a game for you, called junkie quit hitting yourself! [makes him hit himself]
Bong Boy: Ahh! Ahh! Make me stop!
Captain Lunatic: I can't make you stop! You're the one doing it!
Bong Boy: Ow! Make me want to stop!
Captain Lunatic: Oh no. What does this look like? [pretends to steal his nose]
Bong Boy: That's my nose!
Captain Lunatic: I got your damn nose, punk! You ain't ever ever gonna see this nose again! [swallows his "nose"]
Bong Boy: Ahh! I need one of those.
Captain Lunatic: Aw, God. I could go to hell for this. Get down. Hold the gun.
Bong Boy: Huh?
Captain Lunatic: What does this feel like? [pretends to crack an egg over his head]
Bong Boy: Ahhh! That's an egg!
Captain Lunatic: That's an egg! [pretends to break another egg]
Bong Boy: Oh, no!
Captain Lunatic: That's another. That's two friggin' eggs! You look ridiculous!
Bong Boy: Hey, let me down!
Captain Lunatic: Now, what do you know about this missing McMadison girl?
Bong Boy: Oh yeah. Last night I saw her and her husband.
Captain Lunatic: Husband?
Bong Boy: Yeah. He was drunk and his face was all pixilated. Wait a second. That might have been on Cops last night.
Captain Lunatic: You wanna play games, huh? Old Lunatic's got a game for you, called junkie quit hitting yourself! [makes him hit himself]
Bong Boy: Ahh! Ahh! Make me stop!
Captain Lunatic: I can't make you stop! You're the one doing it!
Bong Boy: Ow! Make me want to stop!
Captain Lunatic: Oh no. What does this look like? [pretends to steal his nose]
Bong Boy: That's my nose!
Captain Lunatic: I got your damn nose, punk! You ain't ever ever gonna see this nose again! [swallows his "nose"]
Bong Boy: Ahh! I need one of those.
Captain Lunatic: Aw, God. I could go to hell for this. Get down. Hold the gun.
Bong Boy: Huh?
Captain Lunatic: What does this feel like? [pretends to crack an egg over his head]
Bong Boy: Ahhh! That's an egg!
Captain Lunatic: That's an egg! [pretends to break another egg]
Bong Boy: Oh, no!
Captain Lunatic: That's another. That's two friggin' eggs! You look ridiculous!
Movie: Upright Citizens Brigade
Leo: We should stop focusing on this stupid space helmet plan and... and, and think of a way to defeat God!
Alderman: That's a good idea! The only problem is, I don't like you, so we won't be using it. Now, we can only bring along the bare essentials on our trip. So I will require that everyone only take one CD, food, and celebrity to bring with you on our journey.
Bluto: My favorite celebrity, I'm picking anybody from that show the O.J trial! I don't know why they canceled it.
Leo: Aw, shouldn't we be choosing a favorite book?
Woman: Sure, if you're a pussy!
Leo: We're talking about building a new utopia. And I wanna live in a world where....you don't have to look at your own dookie before you flush it! The people are sick of it!
Alderman: Wait a second! Who says you have to look at it?
Leo: We all look at it! Admit it, Alderman!
Alderman: We're not talking about whether I look at my own dookie right now. We're talking about what happens when this spaceship town hall makes contact with aliens!
Leo: Are we? Or... are we talking about an alderman who looks at his own dookie every day, but he can't look his own consituents in the eyes and admit the truth?
Alderman: I haven't looked at my own dookie in over seven years!
Postmaster: What about other people's dookie?
Alderman: Well, it's been at least four years. Definitely more than three, I don't have to answer these questions!
Woman: Isn't it true, Alderman, that in college, your nickname was ****ty the **** looker?
Alderman: That was for a completly different reason.
Alderman: That's a good idea! The only problem is, I don't like you, so we won't be using it. Now, we can only bring along the bare essentials on our trip. So I will require that everyone only take one CD, food, and celebrity to bring with you on our journey.
Bluto: My favorite celebrity, I'm picking anybody from that show the O.J trial! I don't know why they canceled it.
Leo: Aw, shouldn't we be choosing a favorite book?
Woman: Sure, if you're a pussy!
Leo: We're talking about building a new utopia. And I wanna live in a world where....you don't have to look at your own dookie before you flush it! The people are sick of it!
Alderman: Wait a second! Who says you have to look at it?
Leo: We all look at it! Admit it, Alderman!
Alderman: We're not talking about whether I look at my own dookie right now. We're talking about what happens when this spaceship town hall makes contact with aliens!
Leo: Are we? Or... are we talking about an alderman who looks at his own dookie every day, but he can't look his own consituents in the eyes and admit the truth?
Alderman: I haven't looked at my own dookie in over seven years!
Postmaster: What about other people's dookie?
Alderman: Well, it's been at least four years. Definitely more than three, I don't have to answer these questions!
Woman: Isn't it true, Alderman, that in college, your nickname was ****ty the **** looker?
Alderman: That was for a completly different reason.
Movie: Upright Citizens Brigade
Mike: [to someone in the virtual reality world] Hey! You're not real! I'm getting raped from behind right now!
Worker: Good morning!
Mike: No! That is not a good morning!
Worker: Good morning!
Mike: No! That is not a good morning!
Movie: Upright Citizens Brigade
Raymond: Camp Counselor Chip, I have something to confess!
Camp Counselor: [exhausted] Yes, Raymond, what to you want to confess?
Raymond: I want to confess... that i want you to walk on hot coals like the Freak at the fair!
Camp Counselor: [exhausted] Yes, Raymond, what to you want to confess?
Raymond: I want to confess... that i want you to walk on hot coals like the Freak at the fair!
Movie: Upright Citizens Brigade