Whose Line Is It Anyway? Quotes
Stephen Fry:
(speaks, way out of time with the music) Music and sex are very similar to me, I just can't make them.
Ah, whenever I do, or whenever I try to do, I find the best way is to fake them.
I've been to that Ann Summers shop, I've been in every branch,
The only way I can really get it off is with Richard Vranch.
(speaks, way out of time with the music) Music and sex are very similar to me, I just can't make them.
Ah, whenever I do, or whenever I try to do, I find the best way is to fake them.
I've been to that Ann Summers shop, I've been in every branch,
The only way I can really get it off is with Richard Vranch.
TV Show: Whose Line Is It Anyway?
Colin Mochrie:
I'm a great blue whale and I live under sea,
I'm having problems with my wife, and me.
She always talks about old boyfriends, it really makes me sick,
Well how the hell can I compare to a guy named Moby Dick?
I'm a great blue whale and I live under sea,
I'm having problems with my wife, and me.
She always talks about old boyfriends, it really makes me sick,
Well how the hell can I compare to a guy named Moby Dick?
TV Show: Whose Line Is It Anyway?
Ryan Stiles:
I live in the U.S., married a girl from the south,
She's always screaming got a really big old mouth.
She comes out a-swinging, a-screamin' and a-fussin',
I guess that's what you get when you marry your sister's brother's cousin.
I live in the U.S., married a girl from the south,
She's always screaming got a really big old mouth.
She comes out a-swinging, a-screamin' and a-fussin',
I guess that's what you get when you marry your sister's brother's cousin.
TV Show: Whose Line Is It Anyway?
Stephen Frost:
My brother got married, his name is Grommit,
And when he walked down the aisle, I began to vomit.
The vicar cleared it up, and put it under the cake,
And at the wedding reception, we all sat and ate cake... flake... da... brake...
My brother got married, his name is Grommit,
And when he walked down the aisle, I began to vomit.
The vicar cleared it up, and put it under the cake,
And at the wedding reception, we all sat and ate cake... flake... da... brake...
TV Show: Whose Line Is It Anyway?
Greg Proops:
I believe in marriage, I think it is a treat,
And on the day I married, I looked so very neat.
But a couple of years later, I began to cry,
It made me totally sick because my name is Lady Di.
I believe in marriage, I think it is a treat,
And on the day I married, I looked so very neat.
But a couple of years later, I began to cry,
It made me totally sick because my name is Lady Di.
TV Show: Whose Line Is It Anyway?
Colin Mochrie:
I hate weddings, they make me really sick,
Just looking at them, makes me go "Ick, Ick".
I really really hate them, I hate them all the time,
You know what I hate most of all, Greg just took my rhyme!
I hate weddings, they make me really sick,
Just looking at them, makes me go "Ick, Ick".
I really really hate them, I hate them all the time,
You know what I hate most of all, Greg just took my rhyme!
TV Show: Whose Line Is It Anyway?
Ryan Stiles:
I make the wedding dresses, in my special way,
I make them for those pretty girls, on their special day.
But sometimes I get angry and I make such a fuss,
When I lift up the dress and find the bride's got a penis.
I make the wedding dresses, in my special way,
I make them for those pretty girls, on their special day.
But sometimes I get angry and I make such a fuss,
When I lift up the dress and find the bride's got a penis.
TV Show: Whose Line Is It Anyway?
Brad Sherwood:
I'm a lawyer, and I needed to hire an assistant,
I saw a girl outside, and she was awfully persistent,
She came in and told me all her legal beliefs,
Later on I fell asleep and she went through my briefs!
I'm a lawyer, and I needed to hire an assistant,
I saw a girl outside, and she was awfully persistent,
She came in and told me all her legal beliefs,
Later on I fell asleep and she went through my briefs!
TV Show: Whose Line Is It Anyway?
Debi Durst:
When I'm in England I love to watch the telly
I like to watch cricket but it looks real smelly
There are these guys flyin' around in white
What the hell are they doing? Hey! Room service give me a bite!
When I'm in England I love to watch the telly
I like to watch cricket but it looks real smelly
There are these guys flyin' around in white
What the hell are they doing? Hey! Room service give me a bite!
TV Show: Whose Line Is It Anyway?
Greg Proops:
(in English accent) I'm a cricket player, I stand upon the pitch
I wait for the ball to come, and then I give it a switch
When the game is over, I retire for a beer
I know what your thinking, and, no, we're not
(in English accent) I'm a cricket player, I stand upon the pitch
I wait for the ball to come, and then I give it a switch
When the game is over, I retire for a beer
I know what your thinking, and, no, we're not
TV Show: Whose Line Is It Anyway?
Colin Mochrie:
I hate watching cricket, how do they do that play?
It seems to run and run and run, it goes on for fifty days
It takes so long, it takes so long, it really is a crime
(very fast) in the time it takes to play cricket I can make love 455 times
I hate watching cricket, how do they do that play?
It seems to run and run and run, it goes on for fifty days
It takes so long, it takes so long, it really is a crime
(very fast) in the time it takes to play cricket I can make love 455 times
TV Show: Whose Line Is It Anyway?
Ryan Stiles:
I'm going to the cricket match with a pretty girl
I really don't like the game but, hey, let's give it a whirl
I sit there and make fun, oh boy, I pick it
until she leans over, and grabs my sticky wicket
I'm going to the cricket match with a pretty girl
I really don't like the game but, hey, let's give it a whirl
I sit there and make fun, oh boy, I pick it
until she leans over, and grabs my sticky wicket
TV Show: Whose Line Is It Anyway?
Stephen Frost:
When I go to sleep, I have nightmares all the time
I have this weird dream, I'm covered in lime
And a giant licks me really, really hard
And by the time he's finished, I've turned to a lump of.. lard.
When I go to sleep, I have nightmares all the time
I have this weird dream, I'm covered in lime
And a giant licks me really, really hard
And by the time he's finished, I've turned to a lump of.. lard.
TV Show: Whose Line Is It Anyway?
Brad Sherwood:
I have lots of nightmares, and I try to be brave
I'm covered in Vaseline with my mom in a cave
Then in the morning, I wake up from a chance
And in there in my bed is Colin in my pants!
I have lots of nightmares, and I try to be brave
I'm covered in Vaseline with my mom in a cave
Then in the morning, I wake up from a chance
And in there in my bed is Colin in my pants!
TV Show: Whose Line Is It Anyway?
Colin Mochrie:
Every night I go to sleep, I go to sleep each night
And when I have a horrible dream it gives me quite a fright
I'm at a carnival and the big cotton candy I've won
I eat it, eat it and when I woke up I find my pillow's gone!
Every night I go to sleep, I go to sleep each night
And when I have a horrible dream it gives me quite a fright
I'm at a carnival and the big cotton candy I've won
I eat it, eat it and when I woke up I find my pillow's gone!
TV Show: Whose Line Is It Anyway?
Ryan Stiles:
When I go to sleep at night, you know my biggest fear
That walking around the room is some sort of creat-chear... (cracks up)
Can we start over?
When I go to sleep, I'm so afraid of the dark
Then one night, I turned on the lights just for a lark
Aargh! Right before me is a real ugly creat-chear (trying hard not to crack up again)
Then I realised I'm looking in the mirror!
When I go to sleep at night, you know my biggest fear
That walking around the room is some sort of creat-chear... (cracks up)
Can we start over?
When I go to sleep, I'm so afraid of the dark
Then one night, I turned on the lights just for a lark
Aargh! Right before me is a real ugly creat-chear (trying hard not to crack up again)
Then I realised I'm looking in the mirror!
TV Show: Whose Line Is It Anyway?
Paul Merton:
I'm a bit of a lover, I'm not a fighter, that's why I love the old typewriter,
I'm a messy eater, I have food and when I do I spill it down the front of myself and that's why when I start getting carried away with things I put a bib on,
And my favourite part of the typewriter is the ribbon!
I'm a bit of a lover, I'm not a fighter, that's why I love the old typewriter,
I'm a messy eater, I have food and when I do I spill it down the front of myself and that's why when I start getting carried away with things I put a bib on,
And my favourite part of the typewriter is the ribbon!
TV Show: Whose Line Is It Anyway?
Stephen Frost:
When I was a schoolboy, my teacher said to me,
I'm gonna teach you golf, this is called a tee.
You put the ball on it, and swing very hard,
But make sure you use a club and not a piece of lard!
When I was a schoolboy, my teacher said to me,
I'm gonna teach you golf, this is called a tee.
You put the ball on it, and swing very hard,
But make sure you use a club and not a piece of lard!
TV Show: Whose Line Is It Anyway?
Greg Proops:
I'm next to Colin Mochrie, he really is a chum.
Before we shoot the programme, he lets me pat his bum.
But when we go out golfing, it really makes me sick,
'Cause he always asks me to grab onto his stick.
I'm next to Colin Mochrie, he really is a chum.
Before we shoot the programme, he lets me pat his bum.
But when we go out golfing, it really makes me sick,
'Cause he always asks me to grab onto his stick.
TV Show: Whose Line Is It Anyway?
Colin Mochrie:
I love playing golf, I play it all the time,
Though the way I play it some think it is a crime.
My golfing instructor told me it was lots of fun,
When he stepped in front of me, whoops, hole in one!
I love playing golf, I play it all the time,
Though the way I play it some think it is a crime.
My golfing instructor told me it was lots of fun,
When he stepped in front of me, whoops, hole in one!
TV Show: Whose Line Is It Anyway?
Ryan Stiles:
When I go golfing, we always bet a buck.
Then my friend kisses me, he kisses for good luck.
I'm not saying I'm aroused 'cause he is just a friend,
But when he smooches me it makes my putter stand on end.
When I go golfing, we always bet a buck.
Then my friend kisses me, he kisses for good luck.
I'm not saying I'm aroused 'cause he is just a friend,
But when he smooches me it makes my putter stand on end.
TV Show: Whose Line Is It Anyway?
Stephen Frost:
I was in the courtroom just the other day,
And the jury I began to sway
I was doing my final speech, it was going really well
When the judge fell asleep... Bloody hell!
I was in the courtroom just the other day,
And the jury I began to sway
I was doing my final speech, it was going really well
When the judge fell asleep... Bloody hell!
TV Show: Whose Line Is It Anyway?
Colin Mochrie:
Lawyers sue for everything, it really makes no sense
I just got a suit against me because of impotence
I really thought it was awful, I felt like such a bad sport
But luckily they couldn't make it stand up in court!
Lawyers sue for everything, it really makes no sense
I just got a suit against me because of impotence
I really thought it was awful, I felt like such a bad sport
But luckily they couldn't make it stand up in court!
TV Show: Whose Line Is It Anyway?
Ryan Stiles:
I made a big mistake and I stole a car
Cops pulled me over before I got too far!
I know I'll get convicted and go to the pen
Because I'm being represented by Clive Ander-sen!
I made a big mistake and I stole a car
Cops pulled me over before I got too far!
I know I'll get convicted and go to the pen
Because I'm being represented by Clive Ander-sen!
TV Show: Whose Line Is It Anyway?
Greg Proops:
Oh I love the lottery, it makes me so excited
and if I were to win it, I sure would be delighted
But every time I go to the shop, it is just a drag
I see the shopkeeper and I have to give him a shag
Oh I love the lottery, it makes me so excited
and if I were to win it, I sure would be delighted
But every time I go to the shop, it is just a drag
I see the shopkeeper and I have to give him a shag
TV Show: Whose Line Is It Anyway?
Rory Bremner:
I just won the lottery, my lucky number's six
Having won the lottery, I'm going to pick up some chicks
I'll take them out, take 'em dining, then have fun with them all
I can't wait to see the smile on thier face when the see my bonus ball
I just won the lottery, my lucky number's six
Having won the lottery, I'm going to pick up some chicks
I'll take them out, take 'em dining, then have fun with them all
I can't wait to see the smile on thier face when the see my bonus ball
TV Show: Whose Line Is It Anyway?
Colin Mochrie:
If I won the lottery, I would be one happy clown
cause then I would hire someone to do this hoedown
So if what I say isn't funny, and you're vexed
Don't worry, Ryan's coming up with funny, he's next
If I won the lottery, I would be one happy clown
cause then I would hire someone to do this hoedown
So if what I say isn't funny, and you're vexed
Don't worry, Ryan's coming up with funny, he's next
TV Show: Whose Line Is It Anyway?
Ryan Stiles:
I hope to win the lottery, with a lot of luck
Boy, when I go crazy, I probably would *cough*
I wouldn't change it all, I'd keep my same old life
Sure I'd go to the whore-house, and maybe kick out my wife
I hope to win the lottery, with a lot of luck
Boy, when I go crazy, I probably would *cough*
I wouldn't change it all, I'd keep my same old life
Sure I'd go to the whore-house, and maybe kick out my wife
TV Show: Whose Line Is It Anyway?
Josie Lawrence:
I'm a girl, as you can see
I love to travel to lots of countries
I've been to Thailand, I got there for free
Yes I have been everywhere (voice softens) but I've never been to me!
I'm a girl, as you can see
I love to travel to lots of countries
I've been to Thailand, I got there for free
Yes I have been everywhere (voice softens) but I've never been to me!
TV Show: Whose Line Is It Anyway?