Whose Line Is It Anyway? Quotes

Greg Proops:
I'd like to say "Howdy!" to everyone right here
'Cos I come from America, and I'm not from here
But if you come to my place, I'm sure you'll find it's hot
There's drugs and sex and beaches - and you might get shot!

TV Show: Whose Line Is It Anyway?
Colin Mochrie:
Come on over to Canada! We've got mountains galore!
We've got people who sleep soundly, you'll never hear them snore
We've got seas and plains and things and things and things and things and things
And everyone - everyone - ... sing better than this!

TV Show: Whose Line Is It Anyway?
Ryan Stiles:
Every year in England when it starts to rain
My wife and I go away on a big old train
When it comes to sex I think that I'm the best
But she likes to refer to me as the Orient Express!

TV Show: Whose Line Is It Anyway?
Greg Proops:
(imitating Colin's voice) I love to sing like Colin, I really, really do
I really, really, really, really, really, really do
And when I sing like Colin, It makes me have great joy
Because I... (goes berserk and impersonates Colin's Dinosaur)

TV Show: Whose Line Is It Anyway?
Phil LaMarr:
Well, there is a man they call the king of Whose Line
His soul is on fire and his mind is very fine
He does a hoedown and he very, rarely sucks
Cause he is one talented folically-challenged Canuck!

TV Show: Whose Line Is It Anyway?
Colin Mochrie:
Everybody having fun, they're singing all about me
Let's all laugh along with them, ha ha ha he he!
It really is amusing- can't you all see
Look at them, look at them, of me they're making a Mock-rie!

TV Show: Whose Line Is It Anyway?
Ryan Stiles:
You got to love Colin, and love him to the end
I have to admit that he is my best friend
I would not lie to you, I'd give you no jive
Anyway you look at it, he's still got more hair than Clive!

TV Show: Whose Line Is It Anyway?
(Win Meyerson is at the piano)

TV Show: Whose Line Is It Anyway?
Greg Proops:
I'm Independent Counsel, my name is Kenneth Starr
I hunt for suspects everywhere, both near and so far
I hunt for secretaries and the President's wife
The reason that I'll do all this is I have no life!

TV Show: Whose Line Is It Anyway?
Phil LaMarr:
There's plenty of reasons to be Commander-in-Chief
To help the people or give social relief
To do something that might help the world
Or of course you could just do it to get the girls!

TV Show: Whose Line Is It Anyway?
Colin Mochrie:
What the hell is going on? The country's gone to pot!
The President's having lots of sex while I am not!
I think it's really horrible, it's really quite a sin
Why don't we hire a celibate like Wilt Chamberlain?

TV Show: Whose Line Is It Anyway?
Ryan Stiles:
I think we have the best President that I've ever seen
The way his sexy voice sounds, I think he's really keen
A lot of people think he's a crook, they think something's amiss
Course, what do I know? I'm just a stewardess!

TV Show: Whose Line Is It Anyway?
Josie Lawrence:
Oh dear, oh dear, oh dear oh me
I seem to have a Rubik's c-u-b-e
Don't know how to do it, I wish that I was dead
I can't get the blue and the yellow on the right or even the red!

TV Show: Whose Line Is It Anyway?
Tony Slattery:
(audience starts clapping)
Please stop clapping, it puts me off my stride!
I don't want to do this cube 'cos it's so wide!
It's ten inches long, I know what to do;
At least with the red and yellow, I've made the blue!

TV Show: Whose Line Is It Anyway?
Humphrey Ker:
When I was a young boy, I had a Rubik's cube
But that was before I discovered good YouTube
If I'd stuck with the toy I'd probably be a banker
But instead I spend my time on the net, and now I am a wanker!

TV Show: Whose Line Is It Anyway?
Neil Mullarkey:
La la la la la la la, la la la la laa
La la la la la laa, Rubik cube
La la la la la la la, la la la la laa
River Danube!

TV Show: Whose Line Is It Anyway?
Steve Steen:
A hundred and fifty typewriters I play upon with ease,
A hundred and fifty typewriters, all with the bloody same keys,
Now what do you make of that, I say, and when I put in the paper,
I often wish I'd changed my mind and become a nice little draper.

TV Show: Whose Line Is It Anyway?
Colin Mochrie:
I entered the lottery, I bought myself a ticket
Watched all the numbers, I saw the people pick it
And now I'm really rich... Hey, I don't have to sing
I don't have to do this! I'M RICH! I CAN DO ANYTHING I WANT! (runs around the stage)

TV Show: Whose Line Is It Anyway?
Tony: Do you really think green is your colour? (Stephen is wearing a green shirt)
Stephen: Who designed that suit?
Tony: Don't you know Jocasta Bompshin?
Stephen: Are you related to him?
Tony: Am I?
Stephen: How old are you?
Tony: (gets a piece of clothing) Would you like to try this on?
Stephen: Aren't you going to answer my first question? (Stephen and Tony laugh)
Tony: Why do you ask?
Stephen: ... Ahhhh..! (Buzz!)
Tony: Yes sir, can I help you?
Colin: Can you help me?
Tony: I... (Buzz! Tony gives a thumbs up and leaves the playing area)
Clive: Oh, I wasn't gonna buzz you out, but never mind.
Ryan: Do you have any tweed?
Colin: Like what?
Ryan: Should I be helping you?
Colin: (looks around) Aren't I the customer?
Ryan: Do I work here?
Colin: Are you making a fool of me?
Ryan: Did you take a number?
Colin: (looks confusingly at his ticket) ...Is this a "4" or a "6"?
Ryan: Can't you tell the difference...? (Buzz! Colin walks off)
Clive: Totally illogical.
Stephen: Have you got any spare coat hangers please?
Ryan: Would you like to take a look in the mirror?
Stephen: Would that be alright?
Ryan: (brings one out) Doesn't this look like one?
Stephen: You've done this work before haven't you?
Ryan: Do I look like a rookie?
Stephen: ...Yes! (Buzz!)
Ryan: (to Colin) Back again, are you?
Colin: You remember me, do you?
Ryan: Is your face easy to forget?
Colin: Does William H

TV Show: Whose Line Is It Anyway?
Tony: So, you want to be a soldier, it that right?
Steve: Do you get a free uniform?
Tony: (slightly higher pitch) Why are you asking me?
Steve: Are they tanks
Tony: (slightly higher) Are they tanks, where?
Steve: This is the army recruitment office, isn't it?
Tony: (even higher) haven't you got eyes?
Steve: I thought the army supplied them. That's a statement, I'm out
Tony: (even higher) You want to be a ren, do you?
Colin: Isn't it obvious?
Tony: (higher) Why should it be obvious?
Colin: Why are you asking that?
Tony: (still high pitched) Aren't you a soldier? (buzzed) woah!
Clive: Too high pitched, sorry (Colin and Tony laugh, Tony leaves)
Ryan: Do I have what it takes to be a soldier
Colin: I don't know, do you?
Ryan: Can you help me?
Colin: How can I help?
Ryan: Do I get a gun?
Colin: Can you climb that rope?
Ryan: You think that's too high for me?
Colin: Is Cilla black?
Ryan: Is Barry white?
Colin: Would you like to climb beside you?
Ryan: Would you like to show me how?
Colin: Can you follow me?
Ryan: Can I come right behind you?
Colin: Do you think this is the navy?

TV Show: Whose Line Is It Anyway?
Brad: Where did I go?
Mike: Did you run and get me the gift from the chocolate shop?
Brad: How could I forget?
Mike: Are you not a man who keeps his promise's how rare you are?
Brad: Are you gonna to kiss me now?
Mike: Am I gonna give you a tongue slapping yes? (Kisses Brad)
Clive: (Buzz) I buzzing you out Brad to save you further punishment
Mike: Are you next?
Ryan: No (Buzz)
Brad: Did you have garlic for dinner?
Mike: Did you Notice?
Brad: Notice!

TV Show: Whose Line Is It Anyway?
Clive: ...you're going to the vet, which in England means a veterinary surgeon, rather than somebody who's served in Vietnam. So going to the vet, questions only, away you go!
Greg: Thank you, Mr. Pedantic! (Buzz!)
Clive: That wasn't a question, you're out! So...
Tony: Now what's wrong with your animal?
Colin: Can you help me?
Tony: What is it?
Colin: Can't you tell?
Tony: Aren't I the vet?
Colin: Haven't you ever seen a Burmese cat before?
Tony: Do I look as if I have?
Colin: Why are you asking me?
Tony: Aren't you the one with the problems?
Colin: Doesn't the cat look sick?
Tony: Is it dead?
Colin: Do I know?
Tony: Why ask me?
Colin: Do I look like a doctor?
Tony: What have you been feeding it?
Colin: Today?
Tony: ... (Tony cracks up. Buzz!)
Ryan: How long has he had this fever?
Colin: This cat?
Ryan: Can you see any other cats?
Colin: Can't you tell I'm perturbed?
Ryan: Is he Siamese?
Colin: Does he look Siamese?
Ryan: Are you Siamese?
Colin: Are you trying to get my goat?
Ryan: Don't we know each other?
Colin: Weren't we in class together?
Ryan: Are you Phil Johnson?
Colin: Are you Bob Fillyfoo?
Ryan: How the hell...? (Buzz!)
Clive: (motions that Colin is out) Sorry, too silly! Bob Fillyfoo's not a real name!
Greg: Do you think you can save him, Bob Billyboo?
Ryan: Do you think I have the talent?
Greg: Isn't that what you're here for?
Ryan: Is four years medical school

TV Show: Whose Line Is It Anyway?
Josie: Is this the audtions?
Mike: Are you an august clown or a white-face clown?
Josie: Whats a white face clown?
Mike: You mean you don't know (Buzzed)
Greg: Why are you late?
Josie: Is there something in my eye?
Greg: Why do you ask?

TV Show: Whose Line Is It Anyway?
Greg: Do you want to audition now?
Ryan: Is there another time?
Greg: Do you want to discuss the pay?
Ryan: Can you put it in the bank?
Greg: Is there another way?
Ryan: Do you know my wife?
Greg: Dosen't everyone?

TV Show: Whose Line Is It Anyway?
Josie: Why are the walls painted this colour?
Stephen: Are you pissed?
Josie: Is there alcohol here?
Stephen: Is this a party or what?
Josie: What's your name?
Stephen: ...Ah well you got me there! (Buzz!)
Colin: What's your sign?
Josie: Wouldn't you like to know, huh?
Colin: Can't you tell me?
Josie: Do you French kiss?
Colin: With my clothes on?
Josie: Do you have a naked body under there then?
Colin: Would you like to see? (pretends to take his clothes off)
Josie: ... (Buzz!)
Ryan: Should I speak or should you speak?
Colin: Do you mind if I put on my clothes first?
Ryan: ... (Buzz!)
Josie: So are you looking for love in your life?
Colin: Can't you tell?
Josie: Would you like a drink?
Colin: Shall I mix it for you?
Josie: ... What's your... (Buzz!)
Colin: What would you like?
Ryan: Do you have vodka?
Colin: Russian?
Ryan: Is there any other kind?
Colin: ... (Buzz!)
Stephen: Haven't we met before?
Ryan: Bill Kirchenbauer?
Stephen: Roger Johnson? (they shake hands)
Ryan: How the hell have you been?
Stephen: All-thAAAAAHHHH!!!!!

TV Show: Whose Line Is It Anyway?
Caroline: Who are you?
Colin: Can't you tell by my green skin?
Caroline: Do you like my blue skin?
Colin: (says nothing, buzzed out)
Clive: Too boring Colin, I'm afraid!
Greg: Would you like to hold my antennae?
Caroline: Do you need to ask?
Greg: (laughs and is buzzed out)
Colin: Can you take me to your leader?
Caroline: Can you tell me who it is?
Colin: How would I know?
Caroline: Do you want me to take you anyway?
Colin: Can you do it quickly?
Caroline: Can I?!
Colin: What do you mean by that?
Caroline: Do I mean anything?
Colin: Pardon? (Buzzed)
Clive: Too short a question.
Colin: Ah, Screw you! (leaves)
Greg: Would you like to use my craft?
Caroline: Where is your craft?
Greg: Can you tell me? I've forgotten!
Caroline: Have I seen it somewhere around?
Greg: Have you? (Buzzer)
Clive: I am just buzzing you out for the hell of it Caroline, because you were winning so well.
Greg: Do you come in peace?
Ryan: Are you here to conquer us?
Greg: Haven't we met on Uranus?
Ryan: Phil?
Greg: Binky?
Ryan: Have you been drinking?
Greg: Have I?!
Ryan: Tequila?
Greg: You know, don't you?
Ryan: Does your breath smell bad?
Greg: Well you haven't changed, have you?
Ryan: Do you have more than two eyes?
Greg: You can't tell, can you?
Ryan: You're going to kill me aren't you?
Greg: Interesting question!

TV Show: Whose Line Is It Anyway?
Oh Colin does remember all the time he spent
Wishing he was Superman, or at least Clark Kent
He waited all his life, he waited for that day
But just like Superman his hair was up, up and away!

TV Show: Whose Line Is It Anyway?
My wife caught me with a prostitute
She came into the room and she began to shoot
And then she went and yelled all around the town
I know there's more prostitutes; I guess that's one hoe down.

TV Show: Whose Line Is It Anyway?
Greg: (exhales deeply) (as Darth Vader) Are you my son?
Debi: Is my hair on straight?
Greg: Do you like my helmet?
Debi: Is that the first helmet you've had on today?
Greg: Weeeyuuuu... (Buzz!)
Colin: Can you teach me about The Force?
Debi: Have you seen the Wookie?
Colin: Is a Wookie involved?
Debi: The Wookie likes to play chess...? (Buzz!) (Clive: That's not a question!)
Ryan: Are you Yoda?
Colin: What race are you from?
Ryan: Does American sound too strange?
Colin: Is that from the planet Earth?
Ryan: You've heard of it?
Colin: Aren't I the one who knows all?
Ryan: Aren't you Yoda?
Colin: Didn't you just ask me that?
Ryan: Am I repeating myself?
Colin: Can you perform the first test?
Ryan: Is that oral sex?
Colin: ... (Buzz!)
Greg: Do you want oral sex?
Ryan: Doesn't every man?
Greg: Can't you reach out with your feelings?
Ryan: Can I reach out with something else?
Greg: Is it long enough?
Ryan: ... (Laughs. Buzz!)

TV Show: Whose Line Is It Anyway?
Steve: Do you wanna drink?
Brad: What do ya got?
Steve: What do ya like?
Brad: Do you have vodka?
Steve: Do you get pissed easily?
Brad: Do you wanna dance?
Steve: Are you a poof? I'm so sorry (leaves)
Colin: Am I late for the entertainment?
Brad: Aren't you the entertainment?
Colin: Have you ever seen a man juggle live bunnies naked before?
Brad: Is this my chance?
Colin: Is this the best thing you have ever seen?
Brad: What's with the bowling balls?
Colin: You mean the green one?
Brad: Is that what that is?
Colin: Have you got the money to pay me?
Brad: Will you except one quid?
Colin: What's that in American money?
Brad: (shrugs then walks off)
Clive: One quid?
Ryan: Order some bunnies?
Colin: How many have you got there?
Ryan: Is 10 too many?
Colin: Didn't you hear the order I placed?
Ryan: You placed an order?
Colin: If I didn't, why are you hear?
Ryan: Is it wrong that I am hear?
Colin: Can we start all over?
Ryan: Why don't you...? (speaks in gibberish and gets buzzed)
Brad: What do you do with the bunnies, exactly?
Colin: (laughs and get's buzzed)
Steve: Who's getting married?
Brad: Didn't you call me a poofter earlier?
Steve: You sure that was me?
Brad: You have a twin brother?
Steve: Yeah, I do (buzzed)
Colin: You nervious?
Brad: Should I be?
Colin: Didn't you hear the five minute call?
Brad: Aren't you his twin?
Colin: Why are you asking?
Br

TV Show: Whose Line Is It Anyway?