Whose Line Is It Anyway? Quotes
Stephen Frost: (German U-Boat commander)(takes shoe off) Das boot!
TV Show: Whose Line Is It Anyway?
Ryan: (Compulsive liar) I confessed about 10 minutes ago, I confess about 4 times a day, Being a Catholic myself, yet I really have nothing to confess about because I'm so good, I really hope one of the other contestant win, I have biggest penis is the world.
TV Show: Whose Line Is It Anyway?
Greg: (Boomerang Man/Beautiful Martini Man) My God, there's hair loss all over the world! Look at Clive Anderson's head - it's like continetal drift! All the hair's going away!
TV Show: Whose Line Is It Anyway?
Jim Sweeney
A march, march, march, march, that's what we hang-gliders do
March, march, march, march, you certainly would too.
We glide all day, we have such fun, it's great fun by the pound
Until we forget how to land and hit the bloody ground!
A march, march, march, march, that's what we hang-gliders do
March, march, march, march, you certainly would too.
We glide all day, we have such fun, it's great fun by the pound
Until we forget how to land and hit the bloody ground!
TV Show: Whose Line Is It Anyway?
Sandi Toksvig:
I like to go up high, up into the sky
But there's one thing that's very unpleasant
I (speaks quickly) don't think anything's going to rhyme with unpleasant actually
(normal speed) It only happens occasionally, it only happens to some,
But every time I go up, I get a draught up me bum!
I like to go up high, up into the sky
But there's one thing that's very unpleasant
I (speaks quickly) don't think anything's going to rhyme with unpleasant actually
(normal speed) It only happens occasionally, it only happens to some,
But every time I go up, I get a draught up me bum!
TV Show: Whose Line Is It Anyway?
Paul Merton:
Oh I love hang-gliding, I do it every day
I sometimes go up in the air and sometimes I go to Bray
Which is near a place I used to live when I was but a boy,
Hang-gliding isn't a hobby - it's more a sort of big toy!
Oh I love hang-gliding, I do it every day
I sometimes go up in the air and sometimes I go to Bray
Which is near a place I used to live when I was but a boy,
Hang-gliding isn't a hobby - it's more a sort of big toy!
TV Show: Whose Line Is It Anyway?
Mike McShane:
I'm an adventurer, I like to keep my many, many days filled,
By becoming a member of the blind hang-flyers guild.
I like to go up in the air, though I can't see a thing,
I loft off a cliff on a prayer and a wing,
Flying left or right, I really can't tell,
I have no idea is heaven up, or where the devil is hell,
But when I reach the end of it, I land up with a flash,
And make a perfect three point crash!
I'm an adventurer, I like to keep my many, many days filled,
By becoming a member of the blind hang-flyers guild.
I like to go up in the air, though I can't see a thing,
I loft off a cliff on a prayer and a wing,
Flying left or right, I really can't tell,
I have no idea is heaven up, or where the devil is hell,
But when I reach the end of it, I land up with a flash,
And make a perfect three point crash!
TV Show: Whose Line Is It Anyway?
Tony Slattery:
Oh fiscal things are sweet to me, in many ways they're honey,
Yes my life centres around lots and lots of money,
Oh money, money, money, I don't need wit,
To be a banker you need to be a duplicitous git.
Oh fiscal things are sweet to me, in many ways they're honey,
Yes my life centres around lots and lots of money,
Oh money, money, money, I don't need wit,
To be a banker you need to be a duplicitous git.
TV Show: Whose Line Is It Anyway?
Sandi Toksvig:
We had a cashier in our bank, well she couldn't do any counting.
Which is really difficult but she was very good at mounting.
So instead of making her into a bank teller,
We put her by a lamppost, and set up trying to sell her.
We had a cashier in our bank, well she couldn't do any counting.
Which is really difficult but she was very good at mounting.
So instead of making her into a bank teller,
We put her by a lamppost, and set up trying to sell her.
TV Show: Whose Line Is It Anyway?
Colin Mochrie:
I love the feel of money, it's so crisp in banks.
I like the smell of dollars, of pounds, of francs.
(pauses) Instrumental!
(piano plays while Colin stares at the camera)
I love the feel of money, it's so crisp in banks.
I like the smell of dollars, of pounds, of francs.
(pauses) Instrumental!
(piano plays while Colin stares at the camera)
TV Show: Whose Line Is It Anyway?
Mike McShane:
I'm dating a woman, the woman is a banker,
She's damn good to me, I'd really like to thank her.
She lets me make deposits every day and every night,
An early withdrawal's a penalty, but for me it's alright.
I've got lots to put in the vault,
Just because I'm loaded, it's really not my fault.
But I don't think I could find an enemy in the worst or the best,
'Cause she always charges me with interest.
I'm dating a woman, the woman is a banker,
She's damn good to me, I'd really like to thank her.
She lets me make deposits every day and every night,
An early withdrawal's a penalty, but for me it's alright.
I've got lots to put in the vault,
Just because I'm loaded, it's really not my fault.
But I don't think I could find an enemy in the worst or the best,
'Cause she always charges me with interest.
TV Show: Whose Line Is It Anyway?
Jim Sweeney:
A tippity-tip, a tippity-tip, a flash on the space key,
Typewritin' for every day, that's what I do, that's me.
Typewritings great, it's absolutely the best thing in the world,
Now I know that I'm really not going to find a rhyme.
A tippity-tip, a tippity-tip, a flash on the space key,
Typewritin' for every day, that's what I do, that's me.
Typewritings great, it's absolutely the best thing in the world,
Now I know that I'm really not going to find a rhyme.
TV Show: Whose Line Is It Anyway?
Mike McShane:
Hheeeeeyyyapp!
Shift, space, shift, space, shift, space, shift, space,
I'm an instructor of typewriters,
I make sure they do a good job,
I take the common man, I give him a typing plan,
And I make him a fancy typing yob.
I've got millions of typewriters in my building,
Some are German, some are French and some are Yank,
When I have them work on their exercises upon,
The typewriter I have them spell out the word "wank".
Hheeeeeyyyapp!
Shift, space, shift, space, shift, space, shift, space,
I'm an instructor of typewriters,
I make sure they do a good job,
I take the common man, I give him a typing plan,
And I make him a fancy typing yob.
I've got millions of typewriters in my building,
Some are German, some are French and some are Yank,
When I have them work on their exercises upon,
The typewriter I have them spell out the word "wank".
TV Show: Whose Line Is It Anyway?
Josie Lawrence
I have a strange hobby, a hobby that's all mine
I like doing things with a particular canine.
Yes that's what I do, and yes that's what I said,
I like to put my doggy in his own little sled.
I take him to the hilltop, I make him go right down,
My doggy doesn't like it, he starts a nasty frown
But I just say "Oh doggy, please shut up, tush tush!"
And then I put him on my sled and then I go "Hey, mush!"
I have a strange hobby, a hobby that's all mine
I like doing things with a particular canine.
Yes that's what I do, and yes that's what I said,
I like to put my doggy in his own little sled.
I take him to the hilltop, I make him go right down,
My doggy doesn't like it, he starts a nasty frown
But I just say "Oh doggy, please shut up, tush tush!"
And then I put him on my sled and then I go "Hey, mush!"
TV Show: Whose Line Is It Anyway?
Ryan Stiles
People think the way I have dogs, the way I arrange,
They think I'm a weird guy, they think that I am strange,
I don't know what it is, I think I'm rather lucky,
When you get a dog in the sled, you really have...
People think the way I have dogs, the way I arrange,
They think I'm a weird guy, they think that I am strange,
I don't know what it is, I think I'm rather lucky,
When you get a dog in the sled, you really have...
TV Show: Whose Line Is It Anyway?
Colin Mochrie
I had a dog that pulled a sled, he wasn't very fleet
So I took my gun out and I shot him in the feet
Two years later, he came back with the law
And said he was looking for the guy who shot his paw!
I had a dog that pulled a sled, he wasn't very fleet
So I took my gun out and I shot him in the feet
Two years later, he came back with the law
And said he was looking for the guy who shot his paw!
TV Show: Whose Line Is It Anyway?
Mike McShane
I'm world class champion dog sledder,
When it comes to dog sleeding there's none better
I have a team of huskies, I tell them "Mush!" and "Go!"
And they plough through proudly and bravely through the snow.
I can't get enough of sledding,
It's better than feather-down bedding,
But one thing that really gets me going for my ya-ya,
Is whipping up a twelve-pack of chihuahuas!
I'm world class champion dog sledder,
When it comes to dog sleeding there's none better
I have a team of huskies, I tell them "Mush!" and "Go!"
And they plough through proudly and bravely through the snow.
I can't get enough of sledding,
It's better than feather-down bedding,
But one thing that really gets me going for my ya-ya,
Is whipping up a twelve-pack of chihuahuas!
TV Show: Whose Line Is It Anyway?
Josie Lawrence
I love animals, because I'm kind of rough
There is not an animal in the world I wouldn't like to stuff
You see 'cos I love animals, one thing I'd love to do
Is invite you round and get some kapok and then I can stuff you - two, three, four!
I love animals, because I'm kind of rough
There is not an animal in the world I wouldn't like to stuff
You see 'cos I love animals, one thing I'd love to do
Is invite you round and get some kapok and then I can stuff you - two, three, four!
TV Show: Whose Line Is It Anyway?
Greg Proops
I am a rabbit, my life is in a rut
'Cos I sit on a wooden plaque all day with a metal rod up my butt!
I am a rabbit, my life is in a rut
'Cos I sit on a wooden plaque all day with a metal rod up my butt!
TV Show: Whose Line Is It Anyway?
Sandi Toksvig
My dog he's very unhappy, he sits upon my bed
He's very, very sad mainly because he's dead
I stuffed him up the bum with little bits of tile
I think it really hurts but he's got a heck of a smile!
My dog he's very unhappy, he sits upon my bed
He's very, very sad mainly because he's dead
I stuffed him up the bum with little bits of tile
I think it really hurts but he's got a heck of a smile!
TV Show: Whose Line Is It Anyway?
Mike McShane
I'm an icthyo-taxidermist, I like to stuff large fish
A flounder or a trout is my solemn oath and wish
I like the little sardines, the anchovies give me a thrill
But stuffing lots of plankton's hard, it's hard to keep it still!
I'm an icthyo-taxidermist, I like to stuff large fish
A flounder or a trout is my solemn oath and wish
I like the little sardines, the anchovies give me a thrill
But stuffing lots of plankton's hard, it's hard to keep it still!
TV Show: Whose Line Is It Anyway?
Jim Sweeney:
I'm going to get married, yes get married pretty soon,
And then we're off to Europe, to go on our honeymoon.
We'll be leaving bright and early off one day from Dover
As soon as I get rid of this bloody great ... hangover.
I'm going to get married, yes get married pretty soon,
And then we're off to Europe, to go on our honeymoon.
We'll be leaving bright and early off one day from Dover
As soon as I get rid of this bloody great ... hangover.
TV Show: Whose Line Is It Anyway?
Steve Steen:
I'm going to get married, get married at my church
I'm going to get married to the prettiest wife I know.
I'm going to get there, and as soon as I arrive,
I'm going to fall down 'cos I'm pissed, I'll take a dive.
I'm going to get married, get married at my church
I'm going to get married to the prettiest wife I know.
I'm going to get there, and as soon as I arrive,
I'm going to fall down 'cos I'm pissed, I'll take a dive.
TV Show: Whose Line Is It Anyway?
Stephen Frost:
I'm a little bridesmaid, I like to catch the flowers,
I haven't caught them once and I've been standing here for hours!
I've got a lovely frock on, it's made of silk and.. and silk,
And after I've drunk all the champagne, have a glass of milk!
I'm a little bridesmaid, I like to catch the flowers,
I haven't caught them once and I've been standing here for hours!
I've got a lovely frock on, it's made of silk and.. and silk,
And after I've drunk all the champagne, have a glass of milk!
TV Show: Whose Line Is It Anyway?
Tony Slattery:
I got married yesterday, I had an awful time,
I drank two bottles of crappy British wine.
I'm going to leave my wife as quickly as I can
'Cos I don't like her, I like the best man!
I got married yesterday, I had an awful time,
I drank two bottles of crappy British wine.
I'm going to leave my wife as quickly as I can
'Cos I don't like her, I like the best man!
TV Show: Whose Line Is It Anyway?
Greg Proops:
Oh I'm an obstretrician, I'm strong and I'm true,
I deliver babies for you and you and you.
A woman came in yesterday, she was so very fat,
It turned out she didn't have a baby, she'd swallowed a cat.
Oh I'm an obstretrician, I'm strong and I'm true,
I deliver babies for you and you and you.
A woman came in yesterday, she was so very fat,
It turned out she didn't have a baby, she'd swallowed a cat.
TV Show: Whose Line Is It Anyway?
Paul Merton:
Oh my wife just had a baby yesterday,
I was so happy that I decided to go away,
I went 25 miles, to another town,
And when I got back, the baby was upside-down.
Oh my wife just had a baby yesterday,
I was so happy that I decided to go away,
I went 25 miles, to another town,
And when I got back, the baby was upside-down.
TV Show: Whose Line Is It Anyway?
Ryan Stiles:
I am a nervous doctor, this is a first for me,
I'll make sure to wash all my hands.
Then I'll dip in up to my elbows,
I'm the best in the land.
I am a nervous doctor, this is a first for me,
I'll make sure to wash all my hands.
Then I'll dip in up to my elbows,
I'm the best in the land.
TV Show: Whose Line Is It Anyway?