Whose Line Is It Anyway? Quotes
I hate the Backstreet Boys, I think they really stink
It isn't anything personal, they're just not N'Sync
This could be kind of weird, it might be a shock
But I still got a poster of the New Kids On The Block
It isn't anything personal, they're just not N'Sync
This could be kind of weird, it might be a shock
But I still got a poster of the New Kids On The Block
TV Show: Whose Line Is It Anyway?
I really was so ugly, I looked just like a scurgeon.
So I went to Hollywood and got myself a surgeon.
They tighted up my face for me, now here's the final crack,
They tightened me up so hard, my ears meet in the back.
So I went to Hollywood and got myself a surgeon.
They tighted up my face for me, now here's the final crack,
They tightened me up so hard, my ears meet in the back.
TV Show: Whose Line Is It Anyway?
Josie: When did this fear of washing up liquid start?
Stephen: I think it was when persil suddenly went into the market and started bringing out a lemon one... and I don't know why, I used to make things dirty just so I can wash them up. I find myself (cries). I'm sorry
Josie: (places hand on Stephen's knee) Fred
Colin: Yes?
Josie: C'mon. Now, it's very, very brave of you to be able to...
Stephen: Can you take your hand off me fucking knee?
Josie: Sorry. As you can tell, the emotions... really hot in here. (to Colin) Fred. You had some terrible... because of... W.U.L
Colin: I was at Niagra Falls... on my honeymoon... my wife and I had a novelty act... where we would tie many dished and pots and pans to our bodies... and go over the falls
Stephen: (to Colin) We've all been there, love.
Colin: My wife didn't have her protective helmet on. She was dashed to the rocks below! (acts upset) Every dish broken! I have not worked since then! I am constantly being put on pills to relax me! They're not working!!
Josie: Fred, Fred! Look at me.
Colin: (eyes shut) I am!
Josie: Did you get the dishes back together
Colin: Yes, but my wife can't be glued back together again!
Josie: Now, John.
Ryan: Yeah?
Josie: C'mon, be brave
Ryan: I am brave
Josie: You can't begin to tell the horror you had with washing up liquid. You're on this programme today, John, and I want you to try.
Ryan: It's ruined my life! My wife has left me!
Colin: Did you tell her boyfriend?
Ryan: Shut... up! She took the dishes away, brought in paper plates, I washed those, she took away my sponge, I used the cat, I took off layer after layer of skin! I used to weigh over 420 pounds! (cries) When wil
Stephen: I think it was when persil suddenly went into the market and started bringing out a lemon one... and I don't know why, I used to make things dirty just so I can wash them up. I find myself (cries). I'm sorry
Josie: (places hand on Stephen's knee) Fred
Colin: Yes?
Josie: C'mon. Now, it's very, very brave of you to be able to...
Stephen: Can you take your hand off me fucking knee?
Josie: Sorry. As you can tell, the emotions... really hot in here. (to Colin) Fred. You had some terrible... because of... W.U.L
Colin: I was at Niagra Falls... on my honeymoon... my wife and I had a novelty act... where we would tie many dished and pots and pans to our bodies... and go over the falls
Stephen: (to Colin) We've all been there, love.
Colin: My wife didn't have her protective helmet on. She was dashed to the rocks below! (acts upset) Every dish broken! I have not worked since then! I am constantly being put on pills to relax me! They're not working!!
Josie: Fred, Fred! Look at me.
Colin: (eyes shut) I am!
Josie: Did you get the dishes back together
Colin: Yes, but my wife can't be glued back together again!
Josie: Now, John.
Ryan: Yeah?
Josie: C'mon, be brave
Ryan: I am brave
Josie: You can't begin to tell the horror you had with washing up liquid. You're on this programme today, John, and I want you to try.
Ryan: It's ruined my life! My wife has left me!
Colin: Did you tell her boyfriend?
Ryan: Shut... up! She took the dishes away, brought in paper plates, I washed those, she took away my sponge, I used the cat, I took off layer after layer of skin! I used to weigh over 420 pounds! (cries) When wil
TV Show: Whose Line Is It Anyway?
Ryan: (to Colin) I can't give you your cow back... if you know what I mean
Patrick: On more question... (points to Wayne) You!
Wayne: Yeah, I'm on the sanitation crew, we're responsible for cleaning up the giant's carcass... it's taking a long time, that's a big man
Ryan: Why don't you take care of it? Just take care of it
Wayne: Because I am doing it
Ryan: Just do it
Wayne: Shut up, you lanky bastard! I will kill you!
Patrick: On more question... (points to Wayne) You!
Wayne: Yeah, I'm on the sanitation crew, we're responsible for cleaning up the giant's carcass... it's taking a long time, that's a big man
Ryan: Why don't you take care of it? Just take care of it
Wayne: Because I am doing it
Ryan: Just do it
Wayne: Shut up, you lanky bastard! I will kill you!
TV Show: Whose Line Is It Anyway?
Stephen (the prosecutor): Thank you, m'lud. A crime of passion is the worst crime to commit.. involving.. passion.
Jim (the judge): Oh well put, sir. Well put.
Stephen: There, I rest my case. No, I would like to call my first witness, who was a witness to the murder on the 4th of the 9th of January. (Tony enters in a flying helmet with goggles)
Stephen: Could you state your full name and occupation.
Tony: My name is Princess Margaret! (gives Stephen the "two finger salute")
Stephen: And what do you do?
Tony: I'm very soon in line for the throne, and can I have a drink?
Stephen: No, I'm sorry we cannot oblige you at this time, Princess Margaret. (bows) Could you tell... (Tony headbutts Stephen, who falls to the floor)
Jim: Oh, excellently put I felt! Who's your next witness? Move this thing along, I've got a very important lunch.
Stephen: M'lud, this next witness I think will crack this case wide open. (Steve enters wearing a child's hat)
Stephen: Now this bor, poor boy here, has no parents, as they both murdered each other in a lover's argument. Could you explain what it was about, Little Billy?
Steve: It was all about you. It was about you coming inbetween them, the way you did.
Stephen: (Pauses) Well, it was one of those nights!
Steve: I think you've been drinking! I smell drunk man's drink on your breath!
Stephen: I, I suggest you withdraw that!
Steve: Alright... (makes rewinding sound, Stephen goes and gets into intelligble discussion with Jim. Tony enters in a Robin Hood hat and slaps his thigh)
Stephen: M'lud, this is my star witness, the late... Freddie Johnson.
Tony: Oh no he isn't!
Audience: Oh yes he is!
Tony: Oh yes he is! I'm just fresh from panto! Whaddaya wanna kno
Jim (the judge): Oh well put, sir. Well put.
Stephen: There, I rest my case. No, I would like to call my first witness, who was a witness to the murder on the 4th of the 9th of January. (Tony enters in a flying helmet with goggles)
Stephen: Could you state your full name and occupation.
Tony: My name is Princess Margaret! (gives Stephen the "two finger salute")
Stephen: And what do you do?
Tony: I'm very soon in line for the throne, and can I have a drink?
Stephen: No, I'm sorry we cannot oblige you at this time, Princess Margaret. (bows) Could you tell... (Tony headbutts Stephen, who falls to the floor)
Jim: Oh, excellently put I felt! Who's your next witness? Move this thing along, I've got a very important lunch.
Stephen: M'lud, this next witness I think will crack this case wide open. (Steve enters wearing a child's hat)
Stephen: Now this bor, poor boy here, has no parents, as they both murdered each other in a lover's argument. Could you explain what it was about, Little Billy?
Steve: It was all about you. It was about you coming inbetween them, the way you did.
Stephen: (Pauses) Well, it was one of those nights!
Steve: I think you've been drinking! I smell drunk man's drink on your breath!
Stephen: I, I suggest you withdraw that!
Steve: Alright... (makes rewinding sound, Stephen goes and gets into intelligble discussion with Jim. Tony enters in a Robin Hood hat and slaps his thigh)
Stephen: M'lud, this is my star witness, the late... Freddie Johnson.
Tony: Oh no he isn't!
Audience: Oh yes he is!
Tony: Oh yes he is! I'm just fresh from panto! Whaddaya wanna kno
TV Show: Whose Line Is It Anyway?
Clive: Well, we started and ended on a satirical note, the rest was pure... farce, but there we are. I've got some points to award, but I'll do that later.
TV Show: Whose Line Is It Anyway?
I went down to my dealership, I tried to buy a car
He tried to sell a lemon, but he didn't get too far
I found a lot of steals and I found a lot of deals
And then I bought a Pinto but it didn't have no wheels
He tried to sell a lemon, but he didn't get too far
I found a lot of steals and I found a lot of deals
And then I bought a Pinto but it didn't have no wheels
TV Show: Whose Line Is It Anyway?
I love me a cop show, of that you can be sure
Until one night I'm watching and they bust down my door
They bring inside a deputy, they bring inside a jailer
And then they confiscated everything inside my trailer
Until one night I'm watching and they bust down my door
They bring inside a deputy, they bring inside a jailer
And then they confiscated everything inside my trailer
TV Show: Whose Line Is It Anyway?
Drew: World's dumbest criminal being caught in the act
Chip: Alright this is a stick up. Does anybody have a gun I can use?
Chip: Alright this is a stick up. Does anybody have a gun I can use?
TV Show: Whose Line Is It Anyway?
Drew: Slogan on t-shirt worn by George W. Bush
Chip: I won. Get over it.
[Later]
Chip: The W stands for honesty.
Chip: I won. Get over it.
[Later]
Chip: The W stands for honesty.
TV Show: Whose Line Is It Anyway?
Drew: Unlikely ways to start a sermon.
Chip: LLLLLET'S GET READY TO GOSPELLLLLLLLLL!!!!!
Chip: LLLLLET'S GET READY TO GOSPELLLLLLLLLL!!!!!
TV Show: Whose Line Is It Anyway?
Drew: Giving your date's parents too much information.
Wayne: Don't worry Mr. Johnson, I'll have her back by 10. I'll be finished by then.
Chip: Don't worry Mrs. Johnson, I'll have her back by 10. That's when the wife gets home.
Chip and Wayne Together: Don't worry Mr. and Mrs. Johnson, We'll have her home by 10.
Chip: Don't worry, Mrs. Johnson, I'll have Mr. Johnson home by 10.
Wayne: Don't worry Mr. Johnson, I'll have her back by 10. I'll be finished by then.
Chip: Don't worry Mrs. Johnson, I'll have her back by 10. That's when the wife gets home.
Chip and Wayne Together: Don't worry Mr. and Mrs. Johnson, We'll have her home by 10.
Chip: Don't worry, Mrs. Johnson, I'll have Mr. Johnson home by 10.
TV Show: Whose Line Is It Anyway?
Jim: Ladies and Gentlemen of the jury, we shall now hear the prosecution
Paul: I will prove to you mi'lord that some Lego Bricks have been stolen by a person or persons unknown
Jim: whoopie-doopie, I can bearly wait, lead on
Paul: I would like to call my first witness "Boppo the Clown"
Jim: Boppo the Clown??!!
Tony: (in small pink hat) (does weird dance)
Paul: No further questions, mi'lord
Jim: Your next witness is...?
Paul: I would like to call the Roman em-em-emporer, who had a stutter, which is why I stuttered there, to make him feel at home. I would like to call I Claudious
Jim: Spendid
Steve: (wearing Roman reef)
Paul: Is your first name "I"?
Steve: y-y-y-y-y-y-yes
Paul: Whose bloody fingerprints were they on the mantlepiece?
Steve: Sissy Fairfax
Paul: (to Jim) Sissy Fairfax. No further question mi'lord
Jim: Objection!!
Paul: Objection? What is this objection, mi'lord?
Jim: No idea. Carry on
Paul: I would like to call a surprise witness, Ms. Sissy Fairfax herself.
Jim: You didn't tell me!
Paul: Yes, I know, it's a surprise witness. I surprised myself
Tony: (in pointy hat) I'm here
Paul: Sissy Fairfax, are you not eligible for a Government grant?
Tony: Yes, I am, you left your underpants in the kitchen
Paul: (to Jim) I would like to take this witness home and roger him
Jim: Very well, case dismissed
Paul: I will prove to you mi'lord that some Lego Bricks have been stolen by a person or persons unknown
Jim: whoopie-doopie, I can bearly wait, lead on
Paul: I would like to call my first witness "Boppo the Clown"
Jim: Boppo the Clown??!!
Tony: (in small pink hat) (does weird dance)
Paul: No further questions, mi'lord
Jim: Your next witness is...?
Paul: I would like to call the Roman em-em-emporer, who had a stutter, which is why I stuttered there, to make him feel at home. I would like to call I Claudious
Jim: Spendid
Steve: (wearing Roman reef)
Paul: Is your first name "I"?
Steve: y-y-y-y-y-y-yes
Paul: Whose bloody fingerprints were they on the mantlepiece?
Steve: Sissy Fairfax
Paul: (to Jim) Sissy Fairfax. No further question mi'lord
Jim: Objection!!
Paul: Objection? What is this objection, mi'lord?
Jim: No idea. Carry on
Paul: I would like to call a surprise witness, Ms. Sissy Fairfax herself.
Jim: You didn't tell me!
Paul: Yes, I know, it's a surprise witness. I surprised myself
Tony: (in pointy hat) I'm here
Paul: Sissy Fairfax, are you not eligible for a Government grant?
Tony: Yes, I am, you left your underpants in the kitchen
Paul: (to Jim) I would like to take this witness home and roger him
Jim: Very well, case dismissed
TV Show: Whose Line Is It Anyway?
Colin: (bangs gavel on Stephen's hand) Sorry. Order in the court! Order in the court!
Stephen: Objection. That bleedin' hurt.
Colin: Overruled. Call your first witness please.
Stephen: Certainly your honour. I'm about to tie up the loose ends of this ridiculous chicken stealing case. (Tony enters in furry hat, covering his eyes)
Stephen: Will you please raise your right hand. (Tony raises his left hand) Put it down, that stinks. Now, give me your name please.
Tony: I am the dowager Duchess of Verona.
Stephen: Ha HA!...
Colin: (bangs gavel) Sustained!
Stephen: And where were you on the 29th of the 5th of the 7th of the 4th of the ... I can't remember the date but it all ends in 72.
Tony: I was inserting myself in this badger. I'm afraid I won't be a terribly useful witness as I saw nothing.
Colin: I'm sorry, this witness is immaterial. Please call your second witness, and then call your mother, she worries. (Ryan enters in army officer's cap)
Stephen: Now, your full name and rank please Lieutenant. Whoops, gave it away. Never mind.
Ryan: Lieutenant Jack, the frozen chicken king. I raise chickens, I kill 'em, I freeze 'em and eat 'em.
Stephen: So this man would have every motivation to steal the chicken!
Ryan: Not really. I own the farm.
Stephen: No further questions your honour. I made a complete prat of meself with that one.
Colin: You better come up with something more sustaining... I'm tired, go ahead.
Stephen: Will you please state your full name.
Tony: (enters in brown hat) 'Ello. 'Arry the 'at, 'Arry the 'at, end of the pier comedian, joke for every occasion. 'Ere we go, why did the chicken die? Who knows?
Stephen: That is what we a
Stephen: Objection. That bleedin' hurt.
Colin: Overruled. Call your first witness please.
Stephen: Certainly your honour. I'm about to tie up the loose ends of this ridiculous chicken stealing case. (Tony enters in furry hat, covering his eyes)
Stephen: Will you please raise your right hand. (Tony raises his left hand) Put it down, that stinks. Now, give me your name please.
Tony: I am the dowager Duchess of Verona.
Stephen: Ha HA!...
Colin: (bangs gavel) Sustained!
Stephen: And where were you on the 29th of the 5th of the 7th of the 4th of the ... I can't remember the date but it all ends in 72.
Tony: I was inserting myself in this badger. I'm afraid I won't be a terribly useful witness as I saw nothing.
Colin: I'm sorry, this witness is immaterial. Please call your second witness, and then call your mother, she worries. (Ryan enters in army officer's cap)
Stephen: Now, your full name and rank please Lieutenant. Whoops, gave it away. Never mind.
Ryan: Lieutenant Jack, the frozen chicken king. I raise chickens, I kill 'em, I freeze 'em and eat 'em.
Stephen: So this man would have every motivation to steal the chicken!
Ryan: Not really. I own the farm.
Stephen: No further questions your honour. I made a complete prat of meself with that one.
Colin: You better come up with something more sustaining... I'm tired, go ahead.
Stephen: Will you please state your full name.
Tony: (enters in brown hat) 'Ello. 'Arry the 'at, 'Arry the 'at, end of the pier comedian, joke for every occasion. 'Ere we go, why did the chicken die? Who knows?
Stephen: That is what we a
TV Show: Whose Line Is It Anyway?
Tony: (holding a sign) Can you read that?
Paul: Yes I can
Tony: What does it say then?
Paul: "Stop, children"
Tony: Well...?
Paul: I'm 34
Paul: Yes I can
Tony: What does it say then?
Paul: "Stop, children"
Tony: Well...?
Paul: I'm 34
TV Show: Whose Line Is It Anyway?
Mike McShane:
The best thing about my royal-tee
I gotta think of a guy named Edward Three?
He was the king for a little while
He had lots of grace, he had lots of style
Now don't get me wrong and don't shoot me dead
I think he got friends with... oh fuck that!
The best thing about my royal-tee
I gotta think of a guy named Edward Three?
He was the king for a little while
He had lots of grace, he had lots of style
Now don't get me wrong and don't shoot me dead
I think he got friends with... oh fuck that!
TV Show: Whose Line Is It Anyway?
John Sessions:
Pin stripe... ripe... right
Nope, I can't do it. Can't do it
Pin stripe... ripe... right
Nope, I can't do it. Can't do it
TV Show: Whose Line Is It Anyway?
Ryan: Whose Line Is It Anyway is composed and... (makes a funny pose)
Colin: Compiled by... (makes a funny pose)
Ryan: Dan and Tony Slattery.
Colin: With Phillip Pope.
Ryan: The sound supervisor is Keith Mayes.
Colin: Russell Norman.
Ryan: Louise Grime is the stage manager.
Colin: Terrence Black, and he's the...
Ryan: I can't get on it. Oh, look. (acts like a monkey)
Colin: I'm funnier than you!
Ryan: Mike Sutcliffe is the lighting director.
Colin: Grahame Storey. Darina Healy. Do the skinny one.
Ryan: Oh, there's Dan Patterson. Look. (they waddle like penguins) It's Dan Patterson.
Colin: Compiled by... (makes a funny pose)
Ryan: Dan and Tony Slattery.
Colin: With Phillip Pope.
Ryan: The sound supervisor is Keith Mayes.
Colin: Russell Norman.
Ryan: Louise Grime is the stage manager.
Colin: Terrence Black, and he's the...
Ryan: I can't get on it. Oh, look. (acts like a monkey)
Colin: I'm funnier than you!
Ryan: Mike Sutcliffe is the lighting director.
Colin: Grahame Storey. Darina Healy. Do the skinny one.
Ryan: Oh, there's Dan Patterson. Look. (they waddle like penguins) It's Dan Patterson.
TV Show: Whose Line Is It Anyway?
I am losing my hair, and it really is a pain
I found out every morning when I see the shower drain
But as you can see, it isn't quite for me
But at least I'm not quite as bald as Colin Mochrie.
I found out every morning when I see the shower drain
But as you can see, it isn't quite for me
But at least I'm not quite as bald as Colin Mochrie.
TV Show: Whose Line Is It Anyway?
I was feeling frisky, I went for a drive
I took all my handguns and shot myself alive, I... [Cracks up and falls to the floor]
I took all my handguns and shot myself alive, I... [Cracks up and falls to the floor]
TV Show: Whose Line Is It Anyway?
Every family reunion, it's such an awful night
It's my whole family getting in a fight.
Then, later on, they try to do a dance,
But it's not family reunion until my uncle drops his pants!
It's my whole family getting in a fight.
Then, later on, they try to do a dance,
But it's not family reunion until my uncle drops his pants!
TV Show: Whose Line Is It Anyway?
I had to wait for cable installation the whole day
It really made me mad that for TV, I must pay
So when he came to the door, what did he see?
I was wearing a negligee, and I got cable for free!
It really made me mad that for TV, I must pay
So when he came to the door, what did he see?
I was wearing a negligee, and I got cable for free!
TV Show: Whose Line Is It Anyway?
Drew: Famous last words.
Brad: (leading Wayne) Right this way, Miss Lewinsky.
Drew: Least likely person to wind up on a stamp.
Brad: (leading Wayne) Right this way, Miss Lewinsky.
Brad: (leading Wayne) Right this way, Miss Lewinsky.
Drew: Least likely person to wind up on a stamp.
Brad: (leading Wayne) Right this way, Miss Lewinsky.
TV Show: Whose Line Is It Anyway?
Drew: Nightly bedside prayers of Whose Line cast members.
Brad: Lord, please make Ryan stop wearing clown shoes.
Wayne: [right after Brad] Lord, please give me ring-side tickets when Ryan kick Brad's ass.
Brad: Lord, please make Ryan stop wearing clown shoes.
Wayne: [right after Brad] Lord, please give me ring-side tickets when Ryan kick Brad's ass.
TV Show: Whose Line Is It Anyway?
Drew: What models say to each other passing on the runway.
Brad: [He and Ryan walk past each other] Did you see Brad Sherwood on Whose Line? He's so cute!
Brad: [He and Ryan walk past each other] Did you see Brad Sherwood on Whose Line? He's so cute!
TV Show: Whose Line Is It Anyway?
Drew: Rejected endings for the movie, Titanic.
Brad: I'm king of the squirrels!
Brad: I'm king of the squirrels!
TV Show: Whose Line Is It Anyway?
Drew: Celebrity endorsements doomed to fail.
Brad: I'm Bette Davies for "Anti-Aging Cream".[pretends to smear himself]
Brad: I'm Bette Davies for "Anti-Aging Cream".[pretends to smear himself]
TV Show: Whose Line Is It Anyway?
Drew: Trivial reasons for news conferences.
Chip: I've asked you all here to announce this news conference.
Chip: I've asked you all here to announce this news conference.
TV Show: Whose Line Is It Anyway?
Drew: Rejected "Jeopardy!" categories.
Chip: I'll take Things Nobody Knows for 1,000.
Chip: I'll take Things Nobody Knows for 1,000.
TV Show: Whose Line Is It Anyway?