Whose Line Is It Anyway? Quotes

Drew: Unusual Boy Scout Badges.
Chip: Table Dancing!

TV Show: Whose Line Is It Anyway?
Drew: What Drew whispers in his date's ear.
Chip: [whispers] What's your name again?

TV Show: Whose Line Is It Anyway?
Ryan: You're drinking coffee again, I...
Colin: Yes, I am!

TV Show: Whose Line Is It Anyway?
Ryan: Fresh air? We just can't give away free air!
Colin: Yes we can! From the makers of Breathe-Free: Makers of Air for Eternity!

TV Show: Whose Line Is It Anyway?
Ryan: Is that the...is that the only shirt you have?
Colin: [remains silent for a moment, then puts a finger up] Why don't you talk for a while?

TV Show: Whose Line Is It Anyway?
Ryan: They can't call yet, the lines are busy.
[Colin freezes, mouth open.]
Ryan: Now they can call.
Colin: Now you can call. If you call right now, we will send free, the packaging it comes in.
[Ryan makes "oooh" face]

TV Show: Whose Line Is It Anyway?
Colin: It was. It was great. You could have used a motorcycle to go there and still have time to go see the Alps.

TV Show: Whose Line Is It Anyway?
Ryan: All I'm saying is you've got to be fat to sing like that!
Colin: Some of those high notes go right to my testicles.

TV Show: Whose Line Is It Anyway?
People always kid me 'cause I'm losing all my hair
I can't really help it that I'm follically impaired
It really is quite horrible, but my life is not through
I still get way more sex than either Brad or Drew

TV Show: Whose Line Is It Anyway?
I went to the movie the other day, I put down all my money
I got into a fight with the usher, it wasn't funny
I hit him really hard, he wished he never wasn't born
And to get his revenge he peed in my popcorn

TV Show: Whose Line Is It Anyway?
This Halloween I thought it would be fair
If I give all the kids one real big scare
It went way too far now I'm being sued
This is the last year I go as a nude

TV Show: Whose Line Is It Anyway?
I'm an ugly woman, yes it is not fair
I have an ugly face and I have no hair
What can I do that's the way the fates went
The only person who'll sleep with me is the president

TV Show: Whose Line Is It Anyway?
Every night my wife scares the life out of me
With her ugly hair and scars all you can see
Marrying someone that ugly really wasn't my plan
I accidentally married Dennis Rodman

TV Show: Whose Line Is It Anyway?
I am a gameshow host, my life is a game you see
I fill it all with danger, I'm in jeopardy
It really is quite wonderful I do it all with my might
I hang out with prostitutes because the price is right

TV Show: Whose Line Is It Anyway?
The other day I was at the movie, the kids were all loud
They're making noise and throwing stuffs, what an ugly crowd
I told them something and then they all cried
I ruined the movie, told them Bambi's mother died

TV Show: Whose Line Is It Anyway?
I'm a big director, I keep egos in check
Stars rant and rave at me but I think what the heck
Nothing really scares me, I know no fear
Nothing's scared me since Ryan licked my ear

TV Show: Whose Line Is It Anyway?
My mother drinks a lot, I know it isn't strange
But her behaviour gets really strange
She acts like she's from somewhere else, maybe like Venus
Oh, by the way, Chip has a little penis

TV Show: Whose Line Is It Anyway?
I hate the Backstreet Boys, they bug me like no one else can
So I came up with a really cunning plan
I kidnapped them and then show them all how it hurts
I made them all wear a copy of my shirt

TV Show: Whose Line Is It Anyway?
The other day I stole something, it really was a sin
It was a little revolver made of gelatin
It really was a bad idea, something I should have slept on
'Cause I was arrested for carrying a congealed weapon

TV Show: Whose Line Is It Anyway?
Ellen is my wife, the other day she gave birth
It was the most beautiful thing on this God's Earth
When I saw her do it, I said, "Oh my God, dear Ellen!"
Looking from this angle, it looks like a straw passing a melon

TV Show: Whose Line Is It Anyway?
I vacationed at the beach, I really had to frown
I was splashing in the water, and I started to drown
Water went into my lungs, I spluttered and I cough
Next thing I woke up having mouth-to-mouth with David Hasselhoff

TV Show: Whose Line Is It Anyway?
Throughout my life I used to laugh like this, "Hee hee hee"
Not so since I've had some major surgery
It really went horrible, it realized all my fears
Because of that surgery, I now pee out my ears

TV Show: Whose Line Is It Anyway?
The last time I went golfing, I got pretty drunk
When I hit the first tee, I really really stunk
I hit the ball really hard, the guy is barely alive
And so that just shows when you drink, don't drive.

TV Show: Whose Line Is It Anyway?
100 episodes of Whose Line where there're names being called.
100 episodes of them (points to Ryan,Drew,and Wayne) saying that I'm bald
Does it hurt the friendship? Can it stand the test?
Yes it can, 'cause I'm hung the best.

TV Show: Whose Line Is It Anyway?
I took a pregnancy test. It really was a topper.
Because it took place upon a helicopter.
My girlfriend she wet the full term.
And all because a whirlybird got the sperm.

TV Show: Whose Line Is It Anyway?
I went to the zoo with my lovely girl
We had lots of fun there we gave our love a whirl
Why we had such a really good time
This last line would be funny but Drew took my rhyme

TV Show: Whose Line Is It Anyway?
I have won the lottery my riches I can flaunt
I don't care about anything, I can do whatever I want
(Goes to the audience, hugs a girl. Goes to Drew's desk, hugs Kathy. Fakes punching Wayne out. Hugs Drew.)

TV Show: Whose Line Is It Anyway?
I am an astronaut, but I'd rather be fishin'
Because I've been up in space on a ten year mission
It really is so horrible, I'm really annoyed.
I've been sitting down so long, I got asteroids.

TV Show: Whose Line Is It Anyway?
I went to a bachelor's party, I really had a ball
Boy, I consumed an awful lot of alcohol
In fact, it was really bad, in fact, it spelled my doom
Cause when I awoke, I found I married the groom

TV Show: Whose Line Is It Anyway?
I'm in the middle of midterms, from my study room I do not stir
Everything's coming at me, there's too much pressure!
I CAN'T TAKE IT! (Crouching down in the fetal position) I CAN'T TAKE IT!

TV Show: Whose Line Is It Anyway?