Whose Line Is It Anyway? Quotes

I saw a cop show, it really made me mad
It was so horrible, the writing, it was sad
The more I watched it, the more it was the pits
It had Abe Vigoda and Erik Estrada, it was called "Fish and CHiPs"

TV Show: Whose Line Is It Anyway?
I helped a friend move, he worked in the coal mines
Because of doctor's orders, he had to move to warmer climes
It really ended badly, I know I shouldn't whine
But I was arrested for transporting a minor/miner over the state line.

TV Show: Whose Line Is It Anyway?
There is a question that's asked through the ages
No one has the answer, controversy rages
But I know the answer, exactly what you think
Dinosaurs had B.O., now they are extinct

TV Show: Whose Line Is It Anyway?
I had a blind date, it really was the pits
Nothing worked all all night, I kept getting hit
She really was abusive, man oh man oh man
But what else can you expect when your blind date is Roseanne?

TV Show: Whose Line Is It Anyway?
Yes, I've cheated on you, I had women by the score
At last count, it was over 84
I don't care that you're mad, or your pride is bent
Cause I've just been pardoned by the ex-President

TV Show: Whose Line Is It Anyway?
After playing strip poker, I'm naked at the table
Gee, I feel really bad, I'm really quite unstable
There's worse like sitting there in your birthday suit
Never play strip poker at a correctional institute

TV Show: Whose Line Is It Anyway?
(mouths something for the first three lines)
...my battery pack

TV Show: Whose Line Is It Anyway?
There's a song about a vending machine, I hope it makes much sense
Just listen very carefully, cause it's entirely in French
(sings the next two lines in French)

TV Show: Whose Line Is It Anyway?
The other day, I went out and got a new TV
Just the thought of watching it filled me up with glee
But when I turned it on, you know, boy I really lost it
Because the only thing it picked up was "Veronica's Closet"

TV Show: Whose Line Is It Anyway?
I live in Canada, there is no IRS
I still have to pay taxes, but I'm not that distressed
I owe $18,000, but please understand
I'm not worried, 'cause that's five bucks American

TV Show: Whose Line Is It Anyway?
I am a member of the world's oldest band
I slept with every supermodel in the land
Well, I didn't get one, but that is her loss
A Rolling Stone never gets no Kate Moss

TV Show: Whose Line Is It Anyway?
Colin: Well congratulations, you all been elected in the Hall of Fame at CRAPPER Town!
Wayne: (Happy about it) We made it!
Colin: It's Bad!

TV Show: Whose Line Is It Anyway?
Colin: I don't need to take this crap! I won a People's Choice Award! Look...
Brad: [pokes Colin, and then takes out and holds up "trophy"] I have one. [followed by Ryan who takes up two "trophies"]
Colin: Oh, I know! Everyone has one! Who doesn't have one?!

TV Show: Whose Line Is It Anyway?
Robin Williams: Can I take a moment?
Colin: Take it.
Robin: Done!
Colin: Alright. That's why I love working with you!
Wayne: What about me?
Colin: Shut up!

TV Show: Whose Line Is It Anyway?
Colin: Cut, cut, cut! I may have mislead you...[To Ryan] And never pull down your pants again! Although, thanks for reminding me, I need to get some chicken!
Ryan: You started it. Here we go.

TV Show: Whose Line Is It Anyway?
Colin: You're this close to being substitued with ... Gary Coleman!

TV Show: Whose Line Is It Anyway?
Ryan Stiles: Why the sparkles?
Colin Mochrie: [thinks for a moment, then shrugs] Why not?

TV Show: Whose Line Is It Anyway?
Ryan Stiles: How do you think all this had started?
Colin Mochrie: There was a rumor that Kathy Lee was coming back!

TV Show: Whose Line Is It Anyway?
Just try to keep your eyes on them as they try to revolt you but keep staring!

TV Show: Whose Line Is It Anyway?
Ryan Stiles: What are you using to protect yourself at this time?
Colin Mochrie: Saran Wrap!

TV Show: Whose Line Is It Anyway?
Colin Mochrie: I wore extra shorts!

TV Show: Whose Line Is It Anyway?
Ryan Stiles: Colin! Can you hear us?
Colin Mochrie: Pardon?
Ryan Stiles: I have never seen anything like that in my entire life!
Colin Mochrie: Me neither! I've been looking at this for the last five hours! And I can't just take my eyes of it!
Chip Esten: It's a sad, sad sight indeed, Colin!
Colin Mochrie: It certainly is!
Chip Esten: How did it start?
Colin Mochrie: It all started with a badly timed bald joke!
[Eveyone laughed while Drew laughed more hysterically]

TV Show: Whose Line Is It Anyway?
Ryan: Colin, are these things capable of reproducing?
Colin: Maybe...

TV Show: Whose Line Is It Anyway?
Colin: I'm afraid to get close enough to find out!

TV Show: Whose Line Is It Anyway?
Chip Esten: Now, I've notice you're not wearing sunglasses to help you with that incredible shine!
[This is when Colin realizes it's him and the camera shows Ryan and Chip laughing]
Colin: Yeah, although many people are, because of the incredible beauty of what is happening behind! Many artists have come down just to take a rendering of it, and...oh my God...oh, the beauty! The beauty!

TV Show: Whose Line Is It Anyway?
Drew Carey: It's the best one ever! Colin, what is behind you?
Colin Mochrie: I hope it's me with my clothes ON.
Drew Carey: Yes! It is! [buzzes again] Yes, it is!
[After the game]
Drew Carey: I can't wait four months from now for you to watch it! I hope you'll be drunk in a bar somewhere and look up and,'Hey it's me! Ugh!' (pretends to puke)
Colin Mochrie: When it ever end?!
Drew Carey: Awww, man! That was hilarious!
Colin Mochrie: (realized something and laughed) I've said the bald joke thing too.
Ryan Stiles: You did!
Drew Carey: That's why we call you Captain Hair!

TV Show: Whose Line Is It Anyway?
Ryan Stiles: Colin, when you left the studio, you had hair!
[Colin stays silent for a short moment as everyone else laughs but a few seconds later there's a "Aww.." sound]
Colin Mochrie: Yeah, and what do you mean by that, stick boy?!

TV Show: Whose Line Is It Anyway?
Colin Mochrie: Well, as far as I can tell, it all started with a price check. And then I don't know how it escalated to this, but I haven't seen such action since my wedding night.
Denny Siegel: Colin, there's some concern that some children are watching and this could be scarring. Do you have any advice?
Colin Mochrie: Well, we all have to grow up sometime.

TV Show: Whose Line Is It Anyway?
Ryan Stiles: Colin, do you have any idea how this whole thing started?
Colin Mochrie: Well, it all started at a revival of "The King and I" starring Jerry Springer. From then, it just spilled onto the streets, and chaos, chaos, chaos!
[later]
Ryan Stiles: Colin, I understand there's a twist to this story.
Colin Mochrie: Yes, there is.
Ryan Stiles: Now what would that be?
Colin Mochrie: Wanna know what it is?
Ryan Stiles: Yes.
Colin Mochrie: Well, of course, all these people are from the Senate.
Ryan Stiles: Really?
Colin Mochrie: That's the twist.

TV Show: Whose Line Is It Anyway?
Brad Sherwood: Looks like more fun than a barrel, eh, Col?
Colin Mochrie: It's amazing, and you know what? They also do a show every Thursday night. It's amazing to watch, and the drinks are free.

TV Show: Whose Line Is It Anyway?