Whose Line Is It Anyway? Quotes

Wayne: Shouldn't you have packed more provisions so you wouldn't have to take it out on the elephants?
Colin: Let me tell you something about elephants: they ASKED for it.

TV Show: Whose Line Is It Anyway?
Category: Colin is the first astronaut to make love on the moon.

TV Show: Whose Line Is It Anyway?
guest star Kathy Griffin: During the act, how high did you actually get?
Colin: About 5 feet off the ground. Beating my old record by 2 feet!

TV Show: Whose Line Is It Anyway?
Wayne: Did the Russians watch?
Colin: Uh, they tried to dock. All I say, the Mir, the merrier!
Wayne: So, what it by the sea of tranquility?
Colin: It was by the mountains of happiness.

TV Show: Whose Line Is It Anyway?
Wayne: Exactly how long did you train before you were able to do this?
Colin: You know, I didn't train for as long as people might think. Uh, ten minutes, tops.

TV Show: Whose Line Is It Anyway?
Ryan: How many times?
Colin: Well, fifteen. You know, I had a bad cold. Usually, I can go 40-50 times.

TV Show: Whose Line Is It Anyway?
Category: Colin is Yogi Bear and he had killed Boo-Boo.

TV Show: Whose Line Is It Anyway?
Ryan: Why?
Colin: For that, I will have to give my most obvious answer, Why not? It beats doing nothing.

TV Show: Whose Line Is It Anyway?
Brad: Do you feel any remorse?
Colin: I feel no remorse, in fact I feel giddy. In fact, I'm feeling alot giddy. And I'm writing an opera about it right now.

TV Show: Whose Line Is It Anyway?
Wayne: [Very next question] Do you feel any remorse whatsoever?

TV Show: Whose Line Is It Anyway?
Colin: Now that you mention it, I may feel a little remorse. Not much, I'm still giddy.

TV Show: Whose Line Is It Anyway?
Brad: Any fear as to what the Ranger might say?
Colin: Absolutely none. You know what?...None.

TV Show: Whose Line Is It Anyway?
Wayne: So you were tired of sharing the basket?
Colin: Absolutely! It's all mine, I worked hard for it! I worked hard for it! I don't share! [Points to Wayne] I don't feel any remorse!
Ryan: Do you, in the woods?
Colin: Only when a tree falls over.

TV Show: Whose Line Is It Anyway?
[Ryan and Drew's Prop: Two red disks, each with a pole sticking out]
[Colin and Wayne's Prop: A canoe shell]

TV Show: Whose Line Is It Anyway?
(Wayne and Colin have their prop behind them)
Wayne: Two peas in a pod.
(Ryan's stamping his props on the floor, with Drew watching)
Ryan: They'll gonna be looking for this elephant for weeks.
(Wayne's wearing his prop behind him while Colin runs in place)
Wayne (in a slow voice): Alright, Mr. Hare.
(Drew's holding one prop near his cheek, disk side facing the audience)
Drew: Mom, I can't go to the prom with this zit on my face.
(Colin's holding his prop on his back)
Colin: I hate being an ant.
(Ryan and Drew are both holding one prop, pretending to spin them. Ryan sings a fanfare while trying to spin both.)
(Wayne holds his prop in front of him, then moves it while making a squeaking noise)
(Ryan holds both props like a barbell and pretends to lift it while Drew cheers on)
(Colin hold his prop near his pants)
Colin: Well, Eve, I'm flattered, but a fig leaf would have been fine.
(Ryan passes one prop to Drew like an Olympic torch)
(Wayne is in his prop)
Colin: Hurry, John Smith, hurry.
(Ryan is holding one prop in each hand while Drew lays on the floor)
Ryan: Clear. (slaps both props like a defibrulator)
(Wayne holds his prop behind him facing the audience, then turns around)
Wayne: So, Mr. Bond... (buzz)
(Drew holds up both props)
Drew: Hey, look at the new chairs ABC sent us. (Puts them on the floor)

TV Show: Whose Line Is It Anyway?
[Ryan and Kathy's Prop: A four-fingered hand]
[Colin and Wayne's Prop: A green anchor-looking thing]

TV Show: Whose Line Is It Anyway?
(Ryan holds up his prop)
Ryan (chanting): We're number four! We're number four!
(Colin holds up his prop near his nose)
Colin: Got a Kleenex?
(Kathy holds here prop near her chest)
Ryan: Cathy, you're getting away with this implant thing.
(Wayne holds his prop near his left leg and hops on it)
Wayne: Mr. Scrooge? (Colin kicks the prop and Wayne falls)
(Ryan holds up his prop over his head)
Ryan: What do you mean punk's dead?
(Colin tries to hand his prop to Wayne)
Colin: You ordered some green "T"?
(Ryan holds up his prop on the floor while crouching down. Kathy pretends to water a plant while Ryan sprouts)
(Colin holds up his prop on his left arm and laughs like Popeye)
(Ryan holds up his prop again, this time holding back two "fingers", making a peace sign)
Ryan (chanting): No more war! No more war!
(Wayne blows through his prop)
Wayne: Ricola!
(Ryan holds his prop over his face, gobbling like a turkey, while Kathy pretends to chase him)
(Colin holds up his prop over his left shoulder while Wayne is on the left side)
Colin: And it looks like the Hollyweed Freeway is all jammed up...
Wayne: Hollywood!
Colin: Hollywood, yeah, yeah, whatever.
(Ryan is holding his prop and makes it touch Kathy)
Ryan: Hey... Sorry, I'm all hands.
(Colin is rotating his prop again)
Colin: Next time, get a smaller bottle of wine!
(Ryan is squatting and giving signals on his left hand while holding his prop in his right hand)
(Colin is holding his prop around him with Wayne in the back)
Colin: I don't know why two of us have to be on the paper route.

TV Show: Whose Line Is It Anyway?
[Drew and Ryan's prop: A orange cone on a stick]
[Wayne and Chip's prop: Two blue waves]

TV Show: Whose Line Is It Anyway?
(Chip rotates one prop on Wayne's back, making grinding noises. Wayne acts like a robot)
(Drew and Ryan are holding their prop over their heads)
Ryan: If we were thinner, we'd be dry.
(Chip and Wayne hold a prop just below their heads, raising and lowering their heads throughout)
Wayne: Rose! (makes gurgling noises)
Chip: My heart will go on.
(Holding his prop in his right hand, Drew pretends to ride Ryan, who makes galloping noises)
(Wayne holds both props in front of him)
Wayne: Today's show brought to you by the number 8.
(Ryan spins his prop)
Ryan: (holding it up and handing it to Drew) And there's your cotton candy.
(Wayne and Chip are sitting down, their props near their legs)
Chip: I wonder what it's like up there on the land.
(Ryan is pounding his prop on the ground)
Ryan: You must tell the English to leave now... while I make the butter!
(Chip and Wayne are holding one prop over their heads, making ram noises. They collide into each other)
(Drew is holding his prop in his right hand)
Drew: Eh, what's up, doc?
(Wayne is holding both props under his armpits)
Wayne: Oui, I am from France.
[BAD JOKE ALERT](Drew is handing his prop to Ryan)
Drew: I hope you like this ring. It's one karat. [carrot]

TV Show: Whose Line Is It Anyway?
[Ryan and Jeff's prop: two silver hooks]
[Colin and Wayne's prop: A pillow with a spring sticking out]

TV Show: Whose Line Is It Anyway?
Wayne: (holds up one of Drew's cards) Hi, welcome to Whose Line, ub...Oh! I'm so stupid!
(Wayne and Greg get up and pretend to make out. Wayne grabs Greg's butt. They notice that they're back from commercial.)
Greg: he said...he said...(Wayne starts singing the "Irish Drinking Song." Greg joins in.)
Colin: H! O! R! W! O! R! D! (pretends to make the letters with his arms)

TV Show: Whose Line Is It Anyway?
Drew: Dangerous things to do while you are naked.
Brad: Honey, bring out the steaks! I'm gonna light the barbecue! [Pretends to do so]
Colin: [Mimics starting a chainsaw and pretends to juggle]
Ryan: [Mimics opening a door] Five minutes, Mr. President.

TV Show: Whose Line Is It Anyway?
Drew: The munchkins: what they're doing now.
Wayne: (in a sing-song, high pitched voice) Well.....(sing-song goes away) your fries are ready! (buzz) I'm a short order cook!
Ryan: (looking up) You need a new muffler.
Wayne: (deep voice) In this corner, the president of the lollipop guild! In this corner, Gary Coleman! Fight!
Ryan: ("pulling" himself up) You forgot to award points Mister Carey.

TV Show: Whose Line Is It Anyway?
(Jeff is trying to hold both props on the floor)
Jeff: This escalator doesn't go aynwhere.
(Colin holds his prop over his head)
Wayne: (Hillbilly accent) We're gonna have enough moonshine for seven years, pa! (Colin squeals in delight)
(Ryan and Jeff are both holding their props against their chest)
Ryan: No, I'm the Riddler.
(Wayne sits on the floor, making snake charmer music while lift the spring on his prop. Colin watches)
(Jeff holds one prop against each ear and makes an elephant noise)
(Colin holds up his prop)
Colin: Another helping of pig butt?
(Ryan holds one prop against his head)
Ryan: Hey, you're the one who came to a loan shark.
(Wayne holds his prop over his head and makes Jewish-sound music)
(Ryan and Jeff each hold one prop in front of their mouths and imitate a saxophone)
(Colin is holding his prop over his butt)
Wayne: Come here, Curious George.
(Ryan is holding one prop against his mouth while Jeff imitates a fishing reel)
(Colin is holding his prop flatly in front of him)
Colin: We need a smaller computer.
Wayne: Shut up.
(Jeff holds both props in front of him, making a heart, and pretends to sing the "I Love Lucy" theme)
Ryan: (pretending to write in from of Jeff's face) "I Love Lucy".
(Colin holds his prop)
Colin: How did I go bald? Let's show on this model.
(Ryan holds one prop in front of both ears)
Ryan: (British accent) Yes, well someday, I'll be king of England.

TV Show: Whose Line Is It Anyway?
[Ryan and Wayne's prop: Two stacks of four black-gray donuts]
[Colin and Greg's prop: A pair of yellow shields with a hole cut out]

TV Show: Whose Line Is It Anyway?
(Colin and Greg are wearing their props on their heads)
Greg: So did we elect a new pope yet?
Colin: Nope.
(Ryan wears his props over his arms)
Ryan: Danger! Danger, Will Robinson! Danger!
(Colin puts one prop in his mouth)
Greg: (dorky accent) The sabretoothed tiger was one of the most vicious of the prehistoric carnivores.
(Wayne and Ryan sitting down in front of their props, Ryan hits his)
Ryan: (imitates buzzer) What is North Dakota?
(Colin and Greg are wearing their props on their heads again)
Colin: How do we solve a problem like Maria?
(Both of Wayne and Ryan's props are on the floor)
Wayne: Alright, come on, I got ya. Come on! (Ryan lifts the props like a barbell)
(Colin has one prop on his chest)
Colin: It's a little bigger nipple ring than I expected.
(Both of Wayne and Ryan's props are scattered on the floor)
Ryan: I think we better get out of here before we find the aninal who left that.
(Colin lowers his prop over his head)
Colin: Oh no, I'm getting picked.
(Ryan is wearing his props on his feet)
Ryan: Yeah, ever since I saw "Boogie Nights", you know... (buzz)
(Colin gets down on his knees and folds the props in half)
Colin: Snow White! Show White! There's been a landslide!

TV Show: Whose Line Is It Anyway?
[Drew and Ryan's prop: A corner joint with a funnel]
[Wayne and Brad's prop: Two black disks with springs sticking out at one side]

TV Show: Whose Line Is It Anyway?
(Brad has connected his prop so that the spring sides touch each other)
Brad: Something's wrong with this Oreo.
(Drew waves his prop back and forth)
Drew: Man, I haven't found one nickel yet.
(Wayne is holding one of his props against his chest)
Wayne: Bang bang! (groans) You got me.
(Ryan's under his prop)
Ryan: Hey, mister, wanna get lucky?
(Brad holds his prop over his head)
Brad: I will be your rabbi.
[SOMEWHAT BAD JOKE ALERT](Drew holds his prop touching the floor at a corner)
Drew: Dink. Aw, I broke a nail.
(Brad holds both props in his hands)
Brad: Clear! (hits Wayne with the props)
(Ryan sets his prop on the floor)
Ryan: Well, it doesn't look like much fun for the gerbil.
(Wayne holds one prop over his head)
Wayne: So, I told Latrell if you ever come talking to me... (buzz)
(Drew's under his prop on his knees, hiding both hands behind him)
Ryan: Is there an "R"? (Drew sticks out his right hand)
(Wayne and Brad each have a prop on their butts, they act like monkeys)
(Ryan holds up his prop)
Ryan: It's a blow dart for corners. (pretends to blow into it)

TV Show: Whose Line Is It Anyway?
[Ryan and Colin's prop: Eight logs linked together]
[Brad and Wayne's prop: Two giant springs]

TV Show: Whose Line Is It Anyway?
(Ryan's behind his prop)
Ryan: I am a smoker. How did you know that?
(Brad holds both props against his ears)
Brad: As your rabbi, I want you to come to temple.
(Colin lays his prop on his gut)
Colin: I had to work out to get this stomach.
(Wayne has both props on his feet)
Wayne: Go go gadget feet! (hops up and down)
(Ryan holds his prop against his face again)
Ryan: You're looking kind of down, Tim.
(Brad and Wayne's props are on the floor)
Brad: Man, I'm tired of cleaning the giant's shower drain.
Wayne: Hurry up.
(Colin holds his prop under his stomach)
Colin: You're not Rapunzel!
(Wayne holds one prop against his left ear)
Wayne: I've only got one Jheri curl left from the 80s.
(Ryan wears his prop on his head)
Ryan: (British accent) My judgment is that he shall hang from the gallows.
(Wayne holds one prop on his butt)
Wayne: The wonderful thing aobut Tiggers is Tiggers are wonderful things!
(Ryan holds his prop over his head, holding it with both hands)
Ryan: Get out of my yard! (Lets go of one hand)
(Wayne and Brad hold one prop)
Brad: I fell kind of- (Lets go of one prop)
(Colin and Ryan each hold one end of their prop)
Ryan: Not this time, Indiana Jones! (Lets go of his end)

TV Show: Whose Line Is It Anyway?