Whose Line Is It Anyway? Quotes
(Tony appears on stage, Steve Steen starts humping him)
Clive: I think Humping the Tony is an Olympic sport already!
Mike: You oughta see the Synchronized Humping the Tony!
Clive: I think Humping the Tony is an Olympic sport already!
Mike: You oughta see the Synchronized Humping the Tony!
TV Show: Whose Line Is It Anyway?
Ryan: Is it lonely?
Tony: It is lonely, yes, but I find the life of a public figure means that you have to be strong. Next question.
Colin: Was there any special equipment involved?
Tony: A certain amount of flour, and eggs, and a snorkel. Not everyone does it like that but I do.
Stephen: And how many miles away was that?
Tony: Forty-two. Next question.
Colin: How long did it take you before you could re-enter?
Tony: Well, my wife's very understanding and we have a very good relationship so not long.
Stephen: Did you keep your helmet on while you were doing it?
Tony: Yes, in fact I do because it's much safer and much less risk of...
Ryan: Have you ever seen Uranus?
Tony: Many many times, yes.
Stephen: Did the earth move?
Tony: Yes, it was spinning round as I was circling it.
Colin: Did it take long to get Miss Brown up there?
Tony: (confused) No, no, she went of her own accord. Last question.
Clive: Last guess I think.
Tony: Yes, last question... Look, it's my bloody press conference, shut it!
Ryan: Is this the first black hole you've encountered?
Tony: No, I've been through space many times.
Clive: So what are you?
Tony: I'm a space traveller.
Clive: Yes, the first man to make love in space. Strange enough there, Tony, you got everything except the sexual innuendo which I thought would have been a gift for you but...
Tony: Oh did you? You've got a warped bald head.
Clive: (looks sad, audience sympathises Clive). Well done Tony for getting it ... wrong.
Tony: It is lonely, yes, but I find the life of a public figure means that you have to be strong. Next question.
Colin: Was there any special equipment involved?
Tony: A certain amount of flour, and eggs, and a snorkel. Not everyone does it like that but I do.
Stephen: And how many miles away was that?
Tony: Forty-two. Next question.
Colin: How long did it take you before you could re-enter?
Tony: Well, my wife's very understanding and we have a very good relationship so not long.
Stephen: Did you keep your helmet on while you were doing it?
Tony: Yes, in fact I do because it's much safer and much less risk of...
Ryan: Have you ever seen Uranus?
Tony: Many many times, yes.
Stephen: Did the earth move?
Tony: Yes, it was spinning round as I was circling it.
Colin: Did it take long to get Miss Brown up there?
Tony: (confused) No, no, she went of her own accord. Last question.
Clive: Last guess I think.
Tony: Yes, last question... Look, it's my bloody press conference, shut it!
Ryan: Is this the first black hole you've encountered?
Tony: No, I've been through space many times.
Clive: So what are you?
Tony: I'm a space traveller.
Clive: Yes, the first man to make love in space. Strange enough there, Tony, you got everything except the sexual innuendo which I thought would have been a gift for you but...
Tony: Oh did you? You've got a warped bald head.
Clive: (looks sad, audience sympathises Clive). Well done Tony for getting it ... wrong.
TV Show: Whose Line Is It Anyway?
Stephen: Good morning Gentlemen. I'm glad to be here (pauses due to audiences laughter). Yes you (points to Brad), no you (points to Ryan)
Ryan: Any idea, which one is responsible?
Stephen: I have my theories, of course, and I have a few insiders working at it, but I think it is the third one
Brad: Didn't you expect this to happen, considering your living situation?
Stephen: Well, it was inevitable, under other circumstances, but it did take me by surprise.
Colin: I just can't believe it myself, I'm shocked, totally shocked. What happened exactly? What was the mood... when it first happened?
Stephen: When it first happened I was happy, but now I am sad
Brad: At anytime, did he whistle?
Stephen: Yes, just before he said "goodbye"
Ryan: More of a comment, than a quesiton. I must say, this must be a real fairly tale for you.
Stephen: It is, I feel great. And yes, it is a dream come true
Clive: Okay, Stephen, have you got any idea?
Stephen: Jack. Giant. Beanstalk.
Clive: (very excitedly) Jack and the Beanstalk? No, you're not.
Ryan: Any idea, which one is responsible?
Stephen: I have my theories, of course, and I have a few insiders working at it, but I think it is the third one
Brad: Didn't you expect this to happen, considering your living situation?
Stephen: Well, it was inevitable, under other circumstances, but it did take me by surprise.
Colin: I just can't believe it myself, I'm shocked, totally shocked. What happened exactly? What was the mood... when it first happened?
Stephen: When it first happened I was happy, but now I am sad
Brad: At anytime, did he whistle?
Stephen: Yes, just before he said "goodbye"
Ryan: More of a comment, than a quesiton. I must say, this must be a real fairly tale for you.
Stephen: It is, I feel great. And yes, it is a dream come true
Clive: Okay, Stephen, have you got any idea?
Stephen: Jack. Giant. Beanstalk.
Clive: (very excitedly) Jack and the Beanstalk? No, you're not.
TV Show: Whose Line Is It Anyway?
Colin: Thank you very much for coming to this (over audience laughter) hastily assembled press conference, so please... yes sir (points to Greg)
Greg: Are you sore at all?
Colin: I was, of course, a little bit, but a lot of orange juice seemed to let that go. Yes sir (points to Ryan)
Ryan: Why?
Colin: This, I felt, would benefit generations that came after me and I documented it on film and it will be shown in many schools. Yes (points to Greg)
Greg: Is it human?
Colin: What kind of a question is that? Of course its human. It's mostly, 90% human
Greg: As a follow up, does it have a neck?
Colin: Yes!
Phil: Are you doing this for the money or is there some emotional attachment?
Colin: At first, it was just for the money but then there was a strong emotional attachment and a nice hat that came with it.
Ryan: When he was done, did he buzz you out?
Colin: That rumour has been going on forever, I tell you, it's a bald-faced lie!
Greg: Was it a natural child birth, or was it in a manner of his choosing?
Colin: It was very painful and it was in the style of a hoedown
Clive: I don't think we need anymore questions. Have you any idea what this might be?
Colin: I had your love child?
Clive: Yes
Greg: Are you sore at all?
Colin: I was, of course, a little bit, but a lot of orange juice seemed to let that go. Yes sir (points to Ryan)
Ryan: Why?
Colin: This, I felt, would benefit generations that came after me and I documented it on film and it will be shown in many schools. Yes (points to Greg)
Greg: Is it human?
Colin: What kind of a question is that? Of course its human. It's mostly, 90% human
Greg: As a follow up, does it have a neck?
Colin: Yes!
Phil: Are you doing this for the money or is there some emotional attachment?
Colin: At first, it was just for the money but then there was a strong emotional attachment and a nice hat that came with it.
Ryan: When he was done, did he buzz you out?
Colin: That rumour has been going on forever, I tell you, it's a bald-faced lie!
Greg: Was it a natural child birth, or was it in a manner of his choosing?
Colin: It was very painful and it was in the style of a hoedown
Clive: I don't think we need anymore questions. Have you any idea what this might be?
Colin: I had your love child?
Clive: Yes
TV Show: Whose Line Is It Anyway?
Greg Proops:
Up in the frozen north, there's a lot of schlubbers
All day long I spend my time just eating blubber
When I ride the bus each day, everyone looks at me funny
Cos I am wearing mukluks and my nose is always runny.
Up in the frozen north, there's a lot of schlubbers
All day long I spend my time just eating blubber
When I ride the bus each day, everyone looks at me funny
Cos I am wearing mukluks and my nose is always runny.
TV Show: Whose Line Is It Anyway?
Dr. Josie:
This problem always goes back to your mama (Greg: Mama?)
She never kissed you, she only rubbed your nose.
And when you were small, although it was hot
She always wrapped you up in furry clothes!
So this is what I need for you to do (Greg: Tell me)
Don't ever live in an igloo!
This problem always goes back to your mama (Greg: Mama?)
She never kissed you, she only rubbed your nose.
And when you were small, although it was hot
She always wrapped you up in furry clothes!
So this is what I need for you to do (Greg: Tell me)
Don't ever live in an igloo!
TV Show: Whose Line Is It Anyway?
Dr. Josie: Tell me about your problem then, boy.
Jim: All right then, guv'nor, I will.
Jim: All right then, guv'nor, I will.
TV Show: Whose Line Is It Anyway?
Jim Sweeney:
Well I'll tell you this and I'll tell you that
I'm very very scared of a very big hat
I'm scared of a hat, I'm scared of a hat, is me.
I'm scared since I was a little boy
I seem worse now oh joy oh joy
I hate those hats, they scare the life outta me!
Well I'll tell you this and I'll tell you that
I'm very very scared of a very big hat
I'm scared of a hat, I'm scared of a hat, is me.
I'm scared since I was a little boy
I seem worse now oh joy oh joy
I hate those hats, they scare the life outta me!
TV Show: Whose Line Is It Anyway?
Dr. Josie:
This is a quite a bit problem, yes it is so very big
It'll probably be with you until you're dead
I know why you hate hats so much, I know why it is true
It is because you've got a funny head!
So this is what you need to do my son, before you go:
Give away a chapeau!
This is a quite a bit problem, yes it is so very big
It'll probably be with you until you're dead
I know why you hate hats so much, I know why it is true
It is because you've got a funny head!
So this is what you need to do my son, before you go:
Give away a chapeau!
TV Show: Whose Line Is It Anyway?
Tony: I've got a problem, doc.
Dr. Josie: Yes, I can see. Tell me about your other one.
Tony: I'll tell you about this one, shall I?
Dr. Josie: Yeah, go on.
Dr. Josie: Yes, I can see. Tell me about your other one.
Tony: I'll tell you about this one, shall I?
Dr. Josie: Yeah, go on.
TV Show: Whose Line Is It Anyway?
Tony Slattery:
I think sometimes, I drink too much
I think I drink too much gin
Then I find myself falling in love
With a shiny terrapin
I like to call it Josie or Myrtle
But really, I want to mount a turtle
Tell me what I do before I go mad - cha cha cha!!
I think sometimes, I drink too much
I think I drink too much gin
Then I find myself falling in love
With a shiny terrapin
I like to call it Josie or Myrtle
But really, I want to mount a turtle
Tell me what I do before I go mad - cha cha cha!!
TV Show: Whose Line Is It Anyway?
Dr. Josie:
This is a quite nasty problem, oh yes
A quite nasty problem for sure
I think you want to be a Mutant Teenage Ninja Turtle
Do you, tell me, live in a sewer?
Oh, I'm going to give you some pills to stop this
They may make your eyelids droop (Tony: I don't mind!)
But never go near the turtles again
Or you may end up in the turtle soup!
This is a quite nasty problem, oh yes
A quite nasty problem for sure
I think you want to be a Mutant Teenage Ninja Turtle
Do you, tell me, live in a sewer?
Oh, I'm going to give you some pills to stop this
They may make your eyelids droop (Tony: I don't mind!)
But never go near the turtles again
Or you may end up in the turtle soup!
TV Show: Whose Line Is It Anyway?
Denalda Williams:
Doctor, I have something that I dread
I can't have peanut butter put on my bread
It's on the top, yea it goes from north to south
But when I eat it, you see I can't use my mouth.
Doctor, I have something that I dread
I can't have peanut butter put on my bread
It's on the top, yea it goes from north to south
But when I eat it, you see I can't use my mouth.
TV Show: Whose Line Is It Anyway?
Dr. Josie:
Oh, I understand your problem, whenever you get the munchies
You always use the smooth peanut butter when you ought to be using the crunchies!
Oh, but don't worry, don't get yourself in a rut:
We have lots of mad people like you here, you are just a pea-nut!
Oh, I understand your problem, whenever you get the munchies
You always use the smooth peanut butter when you ought to be using the crunchies!
Oh, but don't worry, don't get yourself in a rut:
We have lots of mad people like you here, you are just a pea-nut!
TV Show: Whose Line Is It Anyway?
Mike McShane:
(twitches his nose like a rabbit as Richard Vranch plays a discordant piano tune)
Think about eggs, think about eggs
Think about eggs all day
I hop and hop and skip and hop
Whenever I want to play
I go to bed, I roll over
I look at the back of my tail
It's furry and fuzzy, what can I do?
I'm gonna wind up in jail!
(twitches his nose like a rabbit as Richard Vranch plays a discordant piano tune)
Think about eggs, think about eggs
Think about eggs all day
I hop and hop and skip and hop
Whenever I want to play
I go to bed, I roll over
I look at the back of my tail
It's furry and fuzzy, what can I do?
I'm gonna wind up in jail!
TV Show: Whose Line Is It Anyway?
Dr. Josie:
I think you are definetly going funny
It's because you are in love with all these Easter bunnies (Mike: Yep.)
What can you do? You feed me all this junk
You know what rabbits do a lot of, yes oh they just bonk!
So what you need to do is go away
And try to break the habit:
Never look at an Easter egg
And stay away from the rabbit!
I think you are definetly going funny
It's because you are in love with all these Easter bunnies (Mike: Yep.)
What can you do? You feed me all this junk
You know what rabbits do a lot of, yes oh they just bonk!
So what you need to do is go away
And try to break the habit:
Never look at an Easter egg
And stay away from the rabbit!
TV Show: Whose Line Is It Anyway?
Tony Slattery:
Put the mirror there...(crazy 60s music starts, Tony looks weirdly over to Richard)
I got a little problem,
I can't get enough.
You know what I'm talkin' about,
I'm talkin' about me, I'm hot stuff!
I look at myself in the mirror, I just start to sweat.
Cause I'm the most beautiful person that I've ever met! Ah!
Put the mirror there...(crazy 60s music starts, Tony looks weirdly over to Richard)
I got a little problem,
I can't get enough.
You know what I'm talkin' about,
I'm talkin' about me, I'm hot stuff!
I look at myself in the mirror, I just start to sweat.
Cause I'm the most beautiful person that I've ever met! Ah!
TV Show: Whose Line Is It Anyway?
Dr. Chip:
I think your problem's easy, you're really kinda queer,
Every time I see you, looking at yourself in the mirror,
One of these days, that mirror will just go crack,
Cause mister, your problem's you're an egomaniac!
I think your problem's easy, you're really kinda queer,
Every time I see you, looking at yourself in the mirror,
One of these days, that mirror will just go crack,
Cause mister, your problem's you're an egomaniac!
TV Show: Whose Line Is It Anyway?
Colin Mochrie:
Doctor, doctor, please make me well!
As you can see I've gone right to shell!
I think I'm an armadillo,
Yo-ho-ho-oh-dedadey, ooh what a nice pillow!
Doctor, doctor, please make me well!
As you can see I've gone right to shell!
I think I'm an armadillo,
Yo-ho-ho-oh-dedadey, ooh what a nice pillow!
TV Show: Whose Line Is It Anyway?
Dr. Josie:
Snap out of it if you can
You need a slap, you are a man (starts slapping Colin)
Don't be such a silly fellow
You are not an armadillo!
Snap out of it if you can
You need a slap, you are a man (starts slapping Colin)
Don't be such a silly fellow
You are not an armadillo!
TV Show: Whose Line Is It Anyway?
Ryan Stiles:
Yes, a man I adore
He pushes a big thing around the floor
I love him, and all of his friends
When he makes love to me, he uses a telescopic lens!
Yes, a man I adore
He pushes a big thing around the floor
I love him, and all of his friends
When he makes love to me, he uses a telescopic lens!
TV Show: Whose Line Is It Anyway?
Dr. Josie:
This is such a lot of hocus pocus
You must put this friendship into focus
Come on now, don't be a clamourer,
You must forget about this man who stands behind the camera!
(Ryan moves forward to kiss the camera lens)
This is such a lot of hocus pocus
You must put this friendship into focus
Come on now, don't be a clamourer,
You must forget about this man who stands behind the camera!
(Ryan moves forward to kiss the camera lens)
TV Show: Whose Line Is It Anyway?
(Colin is wearing a green jacket)
Ohhh, get me out of here! I'm not having a good time
They threw me in here for impersonating a lime
I needed green pants, you see, to go with my whole ensemble
What am I going to do? I... can't rhyme with ensemble!
Ohhh, get me out of here! I'm not having a good time
They threw me in here for impersonating a lime
I needed green pants, you see, to go with my whole ensemble
What am I going to do? I... can't rhyme with ensemble!
TV Show: Whose Line Is It Anyway?
I'm sorry that you're stuck in here, the people that put you here, they are louses
Because all you wanted to do was find a pair of green trousers
I know that you need some pants but now you're stuck in a rut
Standing there with no pants on, you look like a real Brazil nut!
Because all you wanted to do was find a pair of green trousers
I know that you need some pants but now you're stuck in a rut
Standing there with no pants on, you look like a real Brazil nut!
TV Show: Whose Line Is It Anyway?
Josie: Maria! Tell me why!
Caroline: (sobs) I am crazy, that is why!
Caroline: (sobs) I am crazy, that is why!
TV Show: Whose Line Is It Anyway?
I couldn't stand the pain!
He came at me with his bad breath and his sweat again!
I saw him there, and with despair...
I took a knife... and killed him!
He came at me with his bad breath and his sweat again!
I saw him there, and with despair...
I took a knife... and killed him!
TV Show: Whose Line Is It Anyway?
I know you didn't mean to kill George (Caroline: Kill George!)
But what a problem this poses (Caroline: It poses a problem!)
To kill George simply because
He had halitosis!
But what a problem this poses (Caroline: It poses a problem!)
To kill George simply because
He had halitosis!
TV Show: Whose Line Is It Anyway?