Johnny Carson Quotes

Johnny Carson Quotes. Below is a collection of famous Johnny Carson quotes. Here you can find the most popular and greatest quotes by Johnny Carson. Share these quotations with your friends and family.

Talent alone won't make you a success. Neither will being in the right place at the right time, unless you are ready. The most important question is: Are your ready?
By Johnny Carson
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Happiness is your dentist telling you it won't hurt and then having him catch his hand in the drill.
By Johnny Carson
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'Your chances of getting hit by lightning go up if you stand under a tree, shake your fist at the sky and say 'Storms suck!'.
By Johnny Carson
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For days after death hair and fingernails continue to grow, but phone calls taper off.
By Johnny Carson
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For three days after death, hair and fingernails continue to grow but phone calls taper off.
By Johnny Carson
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Who could follow Carson? Well, believe me, somebody can - and will.
By Johnny Carson
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The only thing money gives you is the freedom of not worrying about money
By Johnny Carson
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The Hollywood tradition I like best is called 'sucking up to the stars.'
By Johnny Carson
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The difference between divorce and legal separation is that a legal separation gives a husband time to hide his money
By Johnny Carson
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The closest thing to Roseanne Barr's singing the national anthem was my cat being neutered.
By Johnny Carson
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Only lie about the future.
By Johnny Carson
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Nancy Reagan fell down and broke her hair.
By Johnny Carson
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My success just evolved from working hard at the business at hand each day.
By Johnny Carson
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Married men live longer than single men. But married men are a lot more willing to die
By Johnny Carson
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If variety is the spice of life, marriage is the big can of leftover Spam
By Johnny Carson
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If life was fair, Elvis would be alive and all the impersonators would be dead.
By Johnny Carson
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If it weren't for Philo T. Farnsworth, inventor of television, we'd still be eating frozen radio dinners.
By Johnny Carson
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I was so naive as a kid I used to sneak behind the barn and do nothing.
By Johnny Carson
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I know you've been married to the same woman for 69 years. That is marvelous. It must be very inexpensive
By Johnny Carson
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I knew a man who gave up smoking, drinking, and rich food. He was healthy right up to the day he killed himself.
By Johnny Carson
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He's so fat, he can be his own running mate.
By Johnny Carson
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For three days after death hair and fingernails continue to grow but phone calls taper off.
By Johnny Carson
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For three days after death, hair and fingernails continue to grow but phone calls taper off
By Johnny Carson
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Democracy means that anyone can grow up to be president, and anyone who doesn't grow up can be vice president.
By Johnny Carson
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Never continue in a job you don't enjoy. If you're happy in what you're doing, you'll like yourself, you'll have inner peace. And if you have that, along with physical health, you will have had more success than you could possibly have imagined.
By Johnny Carson
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The difference between a divorce and a legal separation is that a legal separation gives a husband time to hide his money
By Johnny Carson
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