If truth is beauty, then how come no one has their hair done in a library?
By Lily Tomlin
We have reason to believe that man first walked upright to free his hands for masturbation.
By Lily Tomlin
There's so much plastic in this culture that vinyl leopard skin is becoming an endangered synthetic.
By Lily Tomlin
Why isn't there a special name for the tops of your feet
By Lily Tomlin
We don't care. We don't have to. We're the phone company.
By Lily Tomlin
Things are going to get a lot worse before they get worse.
By Lily Tomlin
The trouble with the rat race is that even if you win, you're still a rat.
By Lily Tomlin
The formula for water is H2O. Is the formula for an ice cube H2O squared?
By Lily Tomlin
Reality is nothing but a collective hunch.
By Lily Tomlin
No matter how cynical you get, it is impossible to keep up.
By Lily Tomlin
If love is the answer, could you rephrase the question?
By Lily Tomlin
If I had known what it would be like to have it all - I might have been willing to settle for less
By Lily Tomlin
I personally think we developed language because of our deep need to complain.
By Lily Tomlin
His artistry soars to heights of sublime silliness and divine absurdity.
By Lily Tomlin
Certainly, Aaron wrote a real interesting character to begin with,
By Lily Tomlin
After all, in private we're all misfits.
By Lily Tomlin
Ninety eight percent of the adults in this country are decent, hardworking, honest Americans. It's the other lousy two percent that get all the publicity. But then, we elected them.
By Lily Tomlin
Sometimes I worry about being a success in a mediocre world.
By Lily Tomlin
Reality is a crutch for people who can't handle drugs.
By Lily Tomlin
Man invented language to satisfy his deep need to complain.
By Lily Tomlin
The trouble with the rat-race is that even if you win, you're still a rat.
By Lily Tomlin
