Rodney Dangerfield Quotes

Rodney Dangerfield Quotes. Below is a collection of famous Rodney Dangerfield quotes. Here you can find the most popular and greatest quotes by Rodney Dangerfield. Share these quotations with your friends and family.

I saved a girl from being attacked last night. I controlled myself.

By Rodney Dangerfield

Hey, I don't like cocaine... I just like the way it smells.

By Rodney Dangerfield

When I was a kid my parents moved a lot, but I always found them.

By Rodney Dangerfield

We sleep in separate rooms, we have dinner apart, we take separate vacations - we're doing everything we can to keep our marriage together.

By Rodney Dangerfield

The way my luck is running, if I was a politician I would be honest.

By Rodney Dangerfield

My wife and I were happy for twenty years. Then we met.

By Rodney Dangerfield

My wife is always trying to get rid of me. The other day she told me to put the garbage out. I said to her I already did. She told me to go and keep an eye on it.

By Rodney Dangerfield

My wife wants sex in the back of the car and she wants me to drive.

By Rodney Dangerfield

My mother had morning sickness after I was born.

By Rodney Dangerfield

My father carries around the picture of the kid who came with his wallet.

By Rodney Dangerfield

Life is just a bowl of pits.

By Rodney Dangerfield

I was so ugly my mother used to feed me with a sling shot.

By Rodney Dangerfield

I went to a fight the other night, and a hockey game broke out.

By Rodney Dangerfield

I told my psychiatrist that everyone hates me. He said I was being ridiculous - everyone hasn't met me yet

By Rodney Dangerfield

I told my psychiatrist that everyone hates me. He said I was being ridiculous - everyone hasn't met me yet.

By Rodney Dangerfield

I looked up my family tree and found three dogs using it.

By Rodney Dangerfield

I just finished my first book. Pretty soon, I'm gonna read another

By Rodney Dangerfield

I had plenty of pimples as a kid. One day I fell asleep in the library. When I woke up, a blind man was reading my face.

By Rodney Dangerfield

I drink too much. The last time I gave a urine sample it had an olive in it.

By Rodney Dangerfield

I feel sorry for short people, you know. When it rains, they're the last to know

By Rodney Dangerfield

I came from a real tough neighborhood. I put my hand in some cement and felt another hand.

By Rodney Dangerfield

Everyone gets their rough day. No one gets a free ride. Today so far, I had a good day. I got a dial tone.

By Rodney Dangerfield

A girl phoned me the other day and said... 'Come on over, there's nobody home.' I went over. Nobody was home.

By Rodney Dangerfield