Steven Wright Quotes

Steven Wright Quotes. Below is a collection of famous Steven Wright quotes. Here you can find the most popular and greatest quotes by Steven Wright. Share these quotations with your friends and family.

Do you think that when they asked George Washington for ID that he just whipped out a quarter?

By Steven Wright

You can't have everything. Where would you put it?

By Steven Wright

You know how it is when you go to be the subject of a psychology experiment, and nobody else shows up, and you think maybe that's part of the experiment? I'm like that all the time.

By Steven Wright

There is a fine line between fishing and just standing on the shore like an idiot.

By Steven Wright

I like to go to art museums and name the untitled paintings... Boy With Pail... Kitten On Fire...

By Steven Wright

I stayed up all night playing poker with tarot cards. I got a full house and four people died.

By Steven Wright

If you were to shoot a mime, would you use a silencer?

By Steven Wright

A lot of people are afraid of heights. Not me, I'm afraid of widths. Funny

By Steven Wright

Cross country skiing is great if you live in a small country. Funny

By Steven Wright

Curiosity killed the cat, but for a while I was a suspect. Funny

By Steven Wright

Everywhere is within walking distance if you have the time. Funny

By Steven Wright

I bought some batteries, but they weren't included. Funny

By Steven Wright

I busted a mirror and got seven years bad luck, but my lawyer thinks he can get me five. Funny

By Steven Wright

I intend to live forever. So far, so good. Funny

By Steven Wright

A lot of people are afraid of heights. Not me, I'm afraid of widths.

By Steven Wright

The prolblem with the gene pool is that there's no life guard.

By Steven Wright

You can't have everything. Where would you put it

By Steven Wright

Why don't they make the whole plane out of that black box stuff.

By Steven Wright

Why is the alphabet in that order? Is it because of that song? by

By Steven Wright

Whenever I think of the past, it brings back so many memories.

By Steven Wright

When I was a kid, I went to the store and asked the guy, Do you have any toy train schedules?

By Steven Wright

When I was a little kid we had a sand box. It was a quicksand box. I was an only child... eventually.

By Steven Wright

When I have a kid, I wanna put him in one of those strollers for twins, then run around the mall looking frantic.

By Steven Wright

When I was crossing the border into Canada, they asked if I had any firearms with me. I said, 'Well, what do you need?'

By Steven Wright

When I woke up this morning my girlfriend asked me, 'Did you sleep good?' I said 'No, I made a few mistakes.'

By Steven Wright

When I woke up this morning my girlfriend asked me, 'Did you sleep good' I said 'No, I made a few mistakes.'

By Steven Wright

When I die, I'm leaving my body to science fiction.

By Steven Wright

What's another word for Thesaurus

By Steven Wright

What's another word for Thesaurus?

By Steven Wright

What a nice night for an evening.

By Steven Wright