Steven Wright Quotes

Steven Wright Quotes. Below is a collection of famous Steven Wright quotes. Here you can find the most popular and greatest quotes by Steven Wright. Share these quotations with your friends and family.

If you shoot at mimes, should you use a silencer

By Steven Wright

If you saw a heat wave, would you wave back?

By Steven Wright

If you tell a joke in the forest, but nobody laughs, was it a joke?

By Steven Wright

If you had a million Shakespeares, could they write like a monkey?

By Steven Wright

If you are in a spaceship that is traveling at the speed of light, and you turn on the headlights, does anything happen?

By Steven Wright

If you can't hear me, it's because I'm in parentheses.

By Steven Wright

If toast always lands butter-side down, and cats always land on their feet, what happen if you strap toast on the back of a cat and drop it?

By Steven Wright

If toast always lands butter-side down, and cats always land on their feet, what happens if you strap toast on the back of a cat and drop it

By Steven Wright

If one synchronised swimmer drowns, do all the rest have to drown too?

By Steven Wright

If it's a penny for your thoughts and you put in your two cents worth, then someone, somewhere is making a penny.

By Steven Wright

If a person with multiple personalities threatens suicide, is that considered a hostage situation? by

By Steven Wright

If a word in the dictionary were mispelled, how would we know

By Steven Wright

If a word in the dictionary were mispelled, how would we know?

By Steven Wright

If a word in the dictionary were misspelled, how would we know?

By Steven Wright

I'm writing a book. I've got the page numbers done.

By Steven Wright

I'm writing an unauthorized autobiography.

By Steven Wright

I wrote a few children's books... not on purpose.

By Steven Wright

I was trying to daydream, but my mind kept wandering.

By Steven Wright

I went to a general store but they wouldn't let me buy anything specific.

By Steven Wright

I went to a general store. They wouldn't let me buy anything specifically.

By Steven Wright

I went to a store and asked if they had anything to put under coasters.

By Steven Wright

I went to the bank and asked to borrow a cup of money. They said, 'What for?' I said, 'I'm going to buy some sugar.'

By Steven Wright

I went to the eye doctor and found out I needed glasses for reading. So, I got some flip-up contact lenses.

By Steven Wright

I went to the museum where they had all the heads and arms from the statues that are in all the other museums.

By Steven Wright

I was a peripheral visionary. I could see the future, but only way off to the side.

By Steven Wright

I was going 70 miles an hour and got stopped by a cop who said, 'Do you know the speed limit is 55 miles per hour?' 'Yes, officer, but I wasn't going to be out that long”.

By Steven Wright

I was just getting too ahead of myself. I was rushing.

By Steven Wright

I was reading the dictionary. I thought it was a poem about everything.

By Steven Wright

I watched the Indy 500, and I was thinking that if they left earlier they wouldn't have to go so fast.

By Steven Wright

I went down the street to the 24-hour grocery. When I got there, the guy was locking the front door. I said, 'Hey, the sign says you're open 24 hours.' He said, 'Yes, but not in a row.'

By Steven Wright