W. C. Fields Quotes

W. C. Fields Quotes. Below is a collection of famous W. C. Fields quotes. Here you can find the most popular and greatest quotes by W. C. Fields. Share these quotations with your friends and family.

My heart is a bargain today. Will you take it?

By W. C. Fields

Always carry a flagon of whiskey in case of snakebite, and, furthermore, always carry a small snake.

By W. C. Fields

My illness is due to my doctor's insistence that I drink milk, a whitish fluid they force down helpless babies.

By W. C. Fields

Women are like elephants to me: nice to look at, but I wouldn't want to own one.

By W. C. Fields

There comes a time in the affairs of man when he must take the bull by the tail and face the situation.

By W. C. Fields

The best thing to break is a contract.

By W. C. Fields

Start every day off with a smile and get it over with.

By W. C. Fields

Start off everyday with a simple smile and get it over with.

By W. C. Fields

Some weasel took the cork out of my lunch.

By W. C. Fields

Reminds me of my safari in Africa. Somebody forgot the corkscrew and for several days we had to live on nothing but food and water.

By W. C. Fields

Never smarten up a chump.

By W. C. Fields

Never give a sucker an even break.

By W. C. Fields

Marry an outdoors woman. Then if you throw her out into the yard on a cold night, she can still survive.

By W. C. Fields

Madam, there's no such thing as a tough child - if you parboil them first for seven hours, they always come out tender.

By W. C. Fields

Last week, I went to Philadelphia, but it was closed.

By W. C. Fields

If at first you don't succeed, try again. Then quit. No use being a damn fool about it.

By W. C. Fields

I've never struck a woman in my life, not even my own mother.

By W. C. Fields

I'm free of all prejudices. I hate everyone equally.

By W. C. Fields

I never vote for anyone I always vote against.

By W. C. Fields

I never vote for anyone. I always vote against.

By W. C. Fields

I am free of all prejudice. I hate everyone equally.

By W. C. Fields

I always keep a supply of stimulant handy in case I see a snake--which I also keep handy.

By W. C. Fields

How well I remember my first encounter with The Devil's Brew. I happened to stumble across a case of bourbon -- and went right on stumbling for several days thereafter.

By W. C. Fields

Horse sense is the thing a horse has which keeps it from betting on people.

By W. C. Fields

Children should neither be seen or heard from -- ever again.

By W. C. Fields

All the men in my family were bearded, and most of the women.

By W. C. Fields

Ah, the patter of little feet around the house. There's nothing like having a midget for a butler.

By W. C. Fields

A thing worth having is a thing worth cheating for.

By W. C. Fields

A rich man is nothing but a poor man with money.

By W. C. Fields

I never vote for anyone; I always vote against.

By W. C. Fields