30 Rock Quotes
Tracy Jordan in drag talking with Frank Rossitano
Frank: Yeah it's pretty good but I think the boobs should swing more.
Tracy: Yeah then I could go "Rodney, don't make me come over there and beat you in the head with one of my boom booms."
Frank: Yeah it's pretty good but I think the boobs should swing more.
Tracy: Yeah then I could go "Rodney, don't make me come over there and beat you in the head with one of my boom booms."
TV Show: 30 Rock
[Man walks up to Liz at the bar]
Gentleman: Excuse me, is this seat taken?
Liz: [sighs] Really, dude? I got to move my coat? There are like four empty seats over there - can't you just be cool?
[Man leaves]
Jenna: That guy wanted to buy you a drink!
Liz: Really? But I already have a drink. Do you think he'd buy me mozzarella sticks?
Gentleman: Excuse me, is this seat taken?
Liz: [sighs] Really, dude? I got to move my coat? There are like four empty seats over there - can't you just be cool?
[Man leaves]
Jenna: That guy wanted to buy you a drink!
Liz: Really? But I already have a drink. Do you think he'd buy me mozzarella sticks?
TV Show: 30 Rock
Dennis: [Reading from a letter] Dear Liz Lemon: While other women have bigger boobs than you, no other woman has as big a heart. When I saw you getting ready to go out and get nailed by a bunch of guys last night, I knew for sure it was over between us, and for the first time since the ‘86 World Series, I cried… I cried like a big, dumb homo. And if it was up to me, we’d be together forever. But there’s a new thing called "women’s liberation," which gives you women the right to choose and you have chosen to abort me, and that I must live with. So tonight, when you arrive home, I’ll be gone. I officially renounce my squatter’s rights. I'll always love you. Goodbye and good luck. I'll never forget you.
TV Show: 30 Rock
Liz: What's going on, business got ya down?
Jack: Business doesn't get me down, business gets me off.
Jack: Business doesn't get me down, business gets me off.
TV Show: 30 Rock
Jenna: Hey, I've gotta miss an hour of rehearsal today 'cause I just found out from my publicist that I've been booked on The View.
Pete: Oh, Jenna, that's great. For the first time in your life, you'll be in a room full of women and you'll be the least crazy one.
Jenna: Yeah, I know!
Pete: Oh, Jenna, that's great. For the first time in your life, you'll be in a room full of women and you'll be the least crazy one.
Jenna: Yeah, I know!
TV Show: 30 Rock
Jenna: This is why I hated my first two weeks at the Royal Tampa Academy of Dramatic Tricks: No one knew who was the sluttiest. But I showed them. Oh, I showed them all.
TV Show: 30 Rock
Jenna: Relationships are like sharks, Liz. If you’re not left with several bite marks after intercourse, then something’s wrong.
TV Show: 30 Rock
Jack: Lemon, I want you to get better because, and I mean this, I’m tired of talking this much to a woman I’m not having sex with.
TV Show: 30 Rock
Jack: I believe that when you have a problem, you talk it over with your priest, or your tailor, or the mute elevator porter at your men's club, and you take that problem and crush it with your mind vice. But for lesser beings like curly-haired men and people who need glasses, therapy can help.
TV Show: 30 Rock
Tracy: So GE will produce the Tracy Jordan Meat Machine?
Jack: Oh no, no. GE could never make something so... unique. We'll have to pass this off to one of our subsidiaries. [Jack rolls down a complex organizational chart] You see, GE owns KitchenAll of Colorado, which in turn owns JMI of Stamford which is a majority shareholder of Pokerfastlane.com which recently acquired the Sheinhardt Wig Company which owns NBC outright. NBC owns Winnipeg Iron Works which owns the AHP Chanagi Party Meats company of Pyongyang, North Korea, and they will make the Meat Machine.
Jack: Oh no, no. GE could never make something so... unique. We'll have to pass this off to one of our subsidiaries. [Jack rolls down a complex organizational chart] You see, GE owns KitchenAll of Colorado, which in turn owns JMI of Stamford which is a majority shareholder of Pokerfastlane.com which recently acquired the Sheinhardt Wig Company which owns NBC outright. NBC owns Winnipeg Iron Works which owns the AHP Chanagi Party Meats company of Pyongyang, North Korea, and they will make the Meat Machine.
TV Show: 30 Rock
Jack: I wanted to talk to you about our corporate "Bottoms-Up Day." Once a year all the senior V.P.s spend one day doing the job of one of our lowest level employees. This year I'll be a page for a day and you'll be my boss.
Kenneth: Thank you, sir!
Jack: That's how the "Bottoms-Up" program works. I'm going to be your bottom, Kenneth, and I want you to ride me as hard as you can.
Kenneth: Thank you, sir!
Jack: That's how the "Bottoms-Up" program works. I'm going to be your bottom, Kenneth, and I want you to ride me as hard as you can.
TV Show: 30 Rock
[Jack, who has traded jobs with Kenneth, has bought Josh the wrong salad]
Josh: Oh, no! Dude, is this spinach?
Jack: Yes. You asked for [pulls out a sheet of paper] one spinach salad.
Josh: Actually, I wanted the stuff that comes on the spinach salad, but I wanted it with romaine.
Jack: Should I take it back?
Josh: I'm supposed to treat you like Kenneth, right?
Jack: That is correct.
Josh: [angrily] Well, then, yeah, genius, get me a new salad. Or, get me a time machine so I can go back and smack your mom for smoking crack while she was pregnant! [to Kenneth, who is standing in the doorway] Too much?
Kenneth: No, that's usually how it goes.
Josh: Oh, no! Dude, is this spinach?
Jack: Yes. You asked for [pulls out a sheet of paper] one spinach salad.
Josh: Actually, I wanted the stuff that comes on the spinach salad, but I wanted it with romaine.
Jack: Should I take it back?
Josh: I'm supposed to treat you like Kenneth, right?
Jack: That is correct.
Josh: [angrily] Well, then, yeah, genius, get me a new salad. Or, get me a time machine so I can go back and smack your mom for smoking crack while she was pregnant! [to Kenneth, who is standing in the doorway] Too much?
Kenneth: No, that's usually how it goes.
TV Show: 30 Rock
Liz: You've already made up your mind about this, haven't you?
Jenna: Oh, you're right, Liz! I should go for it!
Liz: You're not even listening, are you? Poop. Monkey butt.
Jenna: No, you're a good friend and thank you.
Jenna: Oh, you're right, Liz! I should go for it!
Liz: You're not even listening, are you? Poop. Monkey butt.
Jenna: No, you're a good friend and thank you.
TV Show: 30 Rock
Jack: Lemon, I want to thank you. For showing me that I could have a pleasant evening with a woman my age.
Liz: I'm twelve years younger than you.
Jack: A woman your age then.
Liz: I'm twelve years younger than you.
Jack: A woman your age then.
TV Show: 30 Rock
Jack: I want back all the jewelry I ever bought you.
Bianca: Fine.
Jack: I want the art supplies I gave you on your fortieth birthday and any subsequent art projects you made with them.
Bianca: Fine.
Jack: I want all of our love letters.
Bianca: [laughing] Fine.
Jack: I want all of your parents' love letters.
Bianca: Fine.
Jack: I want full stake in the Arby's franchise we bought outside of Telluride.
Bianca: Oh, dammit Johnny, you know I love my Big Beef and Cheddar.
Bianca: Fine.
Jack: I want the art supplies I gave you on your fortieth birthday and any subsequent art projects you made with them.
Bianca: Fine.
Jack: I want all of our love letters.
Bianca: [laughing] Fine.
Jack: I want all of your parents' love letters.
Bianca: Fine.
Jack: I want full stake in the Arby's franchise we bought outside of Telluride.
Bianca: Oh, dammit Johnny, you know I love my Big Beef and Cheddar.
TV Show: 30 Rock
Josh: Cerie said she would do it with you.
Kenneth: Well that just makes me perspire.
Kenneth: Well that just makes me perspire.
TV Show: 30 Rock
Jack: I've asked Tracy to join me at G.E. Golf tournament in Connecticut.
Liz: Was Courtney Love not available?
Liz: Was Courtney Love not available?
TV Show: 30 Rock
Dot Com: Yo, Kenneth, we need to talk now.
Kenneth: Oh, I've had this conversation before. You're marrying my mom, aren't you?
Kenneth: Oh, I've had this conversation before. You're marrying my mom, aren't you?
TV Show: 30 Rock
Jenna: Second of all, if the president is so serious about the war on terror, why doesn't he hunt down and capture Barack Obama before he strikes again? It's time for a change, America. That's why I'm voting for Osama in 2008.
TV Show: 30 Rock
Tracy: If you get rich off this stuff, just take care of my family. I don't want my kids to have to go to college.
TV Show: 30 Rock
Liz: I truly don't like you as a person. [inspirational music starts playing] Can't one human being not like another human being? Can't we all just not get along?
Steven: Liz, I wish it could be like that... and maybe someday our children or our children's children will hate each other like that, but it just doesn't work that way today.
Liz: So what you're saying is that any woman that doesn't like you is a racist.
Steven: No, no, no, no, no. [music stops] Some women are gay.
Steven: Liz, I wish it could be like that... and maybe someday our children or our children's children will hate each other like that, but it just doesn't work that way today.
Liz: So what you're saying is that any woman that doesn't like you is a racist.
Steven: No, no, no, no, no. [music stops] Some women are gay.
TV Show: 30 Rock
Tracy: So what's your religion, Liz Lemon?
Liz: I pretty much just do whatever Oprah tells me to.
Liz: I pretty much just do whatever Oprah tells me to.
TV Show: 30 Rock
Tracy: I believe that the moon does not exist. I believe that vampires are the world's greatest golfers but their curse is they never get a chance to prove it. I believe that there are 31 letters in the white alphabet. Wait... what was the question?
TV Show: 30 Rock
Kenneth: So Mr. Donaghy, what can I do for you?
Jack: I heard you were talking to my colleague Devon Banks. Did he tell you why he was in New York?
Kenneth: No sir, we just talked about Anderson Cooper mostly.
Jack: You should get to know Devon, tell him all of your television ideas. You know he started off as a page just like you.
Kenneth: Really? So did I!
Jack: You say the right things, ask him the right questions, I'm sure he could open some doors for you.
Kenneth: Ok. What kinds of questions?
Jack: I'll write them down for you. You call him and tell him you have two tickets for A Chorus Line for tonight. Now Kenneth, have you ever used bronzer?
Jack: I heard you were talking to my colleague Devon Banks. Did he tell you why he was in New York?
Kenneth: No sir, we just talked about Anderson Cooper mostly.
Jack: You should get to know Devon, tell him all of your television ideas. You know he started off as a page just like you.
Kenneth: Really? So did I!
Jack: You say the right things, ask him the right questions, I'm sure he could open some doors for you.
Kenneth: Ok. What kinds of questions?
Jack: I'll write them down for you. You call him and tell him you have two tickets for A Chorus Line for tonight. Now Kenneth, have you ever used bronzer?
TV Show: 30 Rock
Jack: Devon, what can I do for you?
Devon: I think we're way past that Jack. Let's be honest with each other. I'll go first. I'm gay and I want your job.
Jack: Devon, I'm straighter than you are gay, and I leave particles of guys like you in my wind. I'm not afraid of you.
Devon: Yeah? Well you should be.
Jack: Let's just see how it all shakes out in the meeting.
Devon: Yeah, let's... Oh, by the way, little slim-waisted birdie in a page jacket told me you got nothing! You're going down.
Jack: No, Devon. I don't do that.
Devon: I think we're way past that Jack. Let's be honest with each other. I'll go first. I'm gay and I want your job.
Jack: Devon, I'm straighter than you are gay, and I leave particles of guys like you in my wind. I'm not afraid of you.
Devon: Yeah? Well you should be.
Jack: Let's just see how it all shakes out in the meeting.
Devon: Yeah, let's... Oh, by the way, little slim-waisted birdie in a page jacket told me you got nothing! You're going down.
Jack: No, Devon. I don't do that.
TV Show: 30 Rock
[Liz enters a room and stands behind Jack]
Jack: You've been avoiding me, Lemon.
Liz: How do you do that without turning around?
Jack: To be perfectly honest, the first couple of people I did that to were not you, but... here we are.
Jack: You've been avoiding me, Lemon.
Liz: How do you do that without turning around?
Jack: To be perfectly honest, the first couple of people I did that to were not you, but... here we are.
TV Show: 30 Rock
Jack: I'm not a creative type like you, with your work sneakers and left-handedness.
TV Show: 30 Rock