30 Rock Quotes
Tracy: I've seen a blind guy bite a police horse! A puppy committed suicide after he saw our bathroom! I once bit into a burrito and there was a child's shoe in it! I've seen a hooker eat a tire! A pack of wild dogs took over and successfully ran a Wendy’s. The sewer people stole my skateboard! The projects I lived in were named after Zachary Taylor - generally considered to be one of the worst Presidents of all time! I once saw a baby give another baby a tattoo...they were very drunk.
TV Show: 30 Rock
Jack: The world is made by those who control their own destiny. It isn't made by those who don't do, it's made by those who do do. Which is what made me the man I am, I do do.
Liz: Yeah, you do.
Jack: Grow up, Lemon.
Liz: Yeah, you do.
Jack: Grow up, Lemon.
TV Show: 30 Rock
Wesley: Fine, it's your loss. There's only one Wesley Snipes in the world.
Liz: You know there isn't....
Wesley: Ugh!
Liz: You know there isn't....
Wesley: Ugh!
TV Show: 30 Rock
Liz: I am a grown woman! I have been doing things my way for a long time. I don't like my "life stuff" mixing with my "dude stuff."
Jack: A middle-aged woman saying "dude stuff," is that on my sadness scavenger hunt? Why yes it is!
Jack: A middle-aged woman saying "dude stuff," is that on my sadness scavenger hunt? Why yes it is!
TV Show: 30 Rock
Jenna: Your health insurance will remain in effect until the end... of this sentence.
TV Show: 30 Rock
Jenna: Although I'm great at this, I'm really not necessary. Hmmm, the last time I said that I was in a three-way with two Backstreet Boys.
TV Show: 30 Rock
Tracy: I'm embarrassed to say I've missed the birth of both of my sons, for very legitimate reasons.
Dotcom: "Cooking a French bread pizza" and "forgot".
Dotcom: "Cooking a French bread pizza" and "forgot".
TV Show: 30 Rock
Jack: [making lessons DVD] In the unlikely event that you encounter something that is not covered here, find a woman named Elizabeth Lemon, get her advice, and then do the opposite.
TV Show: 30 Rock
Jenna: I'm gonna to have to reinvent you. Break you down completely, and build you up from scratch. Just like Mickey Rourke did to me sexually.
TV Show: 30 Rock
Regina Bookman: I may have lost my train of thought SEVERAL minutes ago, but you will APPLAUD me for my INTENSITY!
TV Show: 30 Rock
Kenneth: A Mr. Brett 'Fav-ray' stopped by and, uh, dropped off this picture of a hot dog.
Jenna: Finally.
Kenneth: Oh, and the Chilean miners are all out, and they are very angry about what you've been saying about them.
Jenna: So I guess they're geniuses for getting stuck in a mine?
Jenna: Finally.
Kenneth: Oh, and the Chilean miners are all out, and they are very angry about what you've been saying about them.
Jenna: So I guess they're geniuses for getting stuck in a mine?
TV Show: 30 Rock
Liz: Maybe I'm a little old-fashioned. I'm sorry I'm a real woman and not some over-sexed New York nympho like those sluts on Everybody Loves Raymond.
TV Show: 30 Rock
Jack: Making through a full 24 hours without a single misstep is called Reaganing. The only other people who have ever done it, Lee Iacocca, Jack Welch, and—no judgment—Saddam Hussein.
TV Show: 30 Rock
Jack: You're Liz Lemon, damn it. In certain lights, you're an 8! Using East Coast, over-35 standards, excluding Miami.
TV Show: 30 Rock
Jack: You have more sexual hangups than an adult chat line run by Gilbert Gottfried?
Liz: What?
Jack: That was written by a computer program we're working on to replace you.
Liz: What?
Jack: That was written by a computer program we're working on to replace you.
TV Show: 30 Rock
Jack: Certainly you can't be surprised that there's a lot of negative stuff about you out there. Don't you ever Google yourself?
Tracy: Sure, I google myself all the time, like when Angie's not in the mood or I'm alone in a hotel.
Tracy: Sure, I google myself all the time, like when Angie's not in the mood or I'm alone in a hotel.
TV Show: 30 Rock
Jenna: What do you mean I don't have an obituary? I'm Jenna Maroney. I played Arts & Literature in the film adaptation of Trivial Pursuit.
Erica: I know who you are, Miss Maroney, but you're not on the list. They only make obits for people they think are, you know, important.
Jenna: [grabs list and reads] Like who? "Kim Jong-il?" I've never heard of her.
Erica: I know who you are, Miss Maroney, but you're not on the list. They only make obits for people they think are, you know, important.
Jenna: [grabs list and reads] Like who? "Kim Jong-il?" I've never heard of her.
TV Show: 30 Rock
Dick Lemon: Hey, Liz. It's your father, Dick Lemon.
Liz: Dad, you don't have to say your name every time.
Dick Lemon: Telephone etiquette is important, Liz. It lets people know your race even when they can't see you.
Liz: Dad, you don't have to say your name every time.
Dick Lemon: Telephone etiquette is important, Liz. It lets people know your race even when they can't see you.
TV Show: 30 Rock
Liz: What's going on today? Has everyone lost their moral compass?
Jack: You're being awfully high and mighty for someone who once claimed her husband drowned so she could get out of a gym contract.
Jack: You're being awfully high and mighty for someone who once claimed her husband drowned so she could get out of a gym contract.
TV Show: 30 Rock
Liz: My husband and I are absolutely SO pleased to be underwriting the Jack and Elizabeth Donaghy High School for Teen Drama, the Arts, and Feelings. As EMBARASSED Americans, Jack and I pledge 5 million dollars to create a new generation of choreographers and puppeteers, clowns, video artists, and theatrical jugglers who will ask the world: WHAT IS ART?
Jack (to TV): We know what art is: it's paintings of horses!
Jack (to TV): We know what art is: it's paintings of horses!
TV Show: 30 Rock
Liz: See, this is exactly the kind of thing that happens when there's no order, no planning. Hitler and Martha Stewart would've hated that wedding.
TV Show: 30 Rock
Liz: For instance, Jack taught me not to wear tan slacks with a tan turtleneck. I thought it looked nice, but he, rightly, pointed out that it made me look like a giant condom.
TV Show: 30 Rock
Jack: Michael Kors is a friend —- we own a gay racehorse together —- and I convinced him to make wizard cloaks fashionable this winter.
TV Show: 30 Rock
Liz: If I can't poop in the street, why should my tax dollars pay for someone else to?
TV Show: 30 Rock
Jenna: I've been taking these new Czechoslovakian organ slimming pills. They contain a little bit of meth, which is something my body needs anyway!
TV Show: 30 Rock
Liz: My fanny pack is in my office in my mini-fridge. I like my tampons to be cold.
TV Show: 30 Rock
Jack: New York gives us a tax break for employing sex offenders. It's a terrible program.
TV Show: 30 Rock
Kaylee: Mr. Donaghy! What are you doing here?
Jack: I could ask you the same thing! But it would make no sense.
Jack: I could ask you the same thing! But it would make no sense.
TV Show: 30 Rock