ALF Quotes
ALF: Who said I'm gonna walk? I'm gonna drive my new Mercedes. What do you say? Burgundy with the tan interior.
TV Show: ALF
ALF: Willie. If a window was broken in the woods, but there was no-one there to hear it, would it really be broken?
Willie: If you were in the woods.
TV Show: ALF
ALF: Yo Kate, where do you keep your casserole dishes?
Kate: Why?
ALF: The cat won't fit in the toaster. Never mind, I'll make a peanut butter sandwich, where's the blender?
Kate: Try it without the blender this time, and don't get hair in the peanut butter jar.
ALF: Rules rules rules.
ALF: Grease fire grease fire.
ALF: Never mind the curtains put me out.
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Brian: ALF wouldn't eat Lucky, would he?
ALF: I'm not saying nothing until I speak to my attorney.
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Brian: Do you get Sesame Street where you live?
ALF: No, and frankly I don't get it here either.
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Brian: You'll have to chew with your mouth closed tonight, ALF.
ALF: All right, but on my planet, that's considered very rude. People think you're hiding something.
TV Show: ALF
Brian: Your name's really Gordon?
ALF: Yeah, Gordon.
Brian: That's funny.
ALF: It was my mother's maiden name, all right?
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Trevor Ochmonek: Hey, Willie! Could we borrow some of your tools?
Willie: Sure. They're in your garage.
TV Show: ALF
Kate: ALF, you can use the portable TV in the bedroom.
ALF: But it's too small. It makes everyone look like Danny DeVito.
TV Show: ALF
Kate: Do you remember when you thought Mr.Littwak was building an atomic bomb in his basement?
ALF: It was an atomic bomb.
Willie: It was a pool heather.
ALF: Hah. The Littwak's don't even own a pool.
Kate: Yes, they do.
ALF: They do? Can we go over?
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Kate: Don't break that remote.
ALF: Kate, have I ever broken anything? [Kate stares at him]
ALF: Well, lately? [pause]
ALF: This week? [pause]
ALF: Today? [pause]
ALF: Since breakfast?
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Kate: What are you doing?
ALF: [with a sunlamp in front of his head] Oh, soaking up rays, Babe. Your sunlamp's not working. I've been sitting here for five hours, Nada.
Kate: Five hours? ALF, you're lucky you didn't get a sunburn.
ALF: [Kate touches him] Aaah!
Kate: Sorry.
ALF: Aah, oh, it hurts, it hurts.
Kate: Well, would you like some cold cream?
ALF: Yeah, but just one scoop, I'm on a diet.
Kate: It's for your nose.
ALF: That's where I'm trying to lose the weight.
Kate: ALF, I'm talking about cold cream. Not ice cream. Cold cream. You understand?
ALF: You're talking like they're two different things.
Kate: They *are*! Haven't you been listening?
ALF: What is this, healing through hollering?
TV Show: ALF
Kate: Where's Lizard taking you?
Lynn: To a science fiction movie. Something about this guy being shrunk and then injected into someone else.
ALF: That's not science fiction. A friend of mine did that once. He took a wrong turn and got stuck in a guy's nose.
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Willie: Go back to the tent.
ALF: It's too dangerous out there. I had to kill a fifty-foot snake with my pocketknife.
Willie: There are no fifty-foot water snakes in the backyard.
ALF: I'm telling ya, it was bright green and it spit water. Ths Ths [spitting water sound]
ALF: .
Willie: That was my new garden hose.
ALF: Oh, no wonder it was sucking on the spigot.
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Willie: How long are you gonna keep this up?
ALF: Well, in the words of Porky Pig "tha-tha-tha-tha-That's all folks." Speaking of Porky, do I smell bacon?
Willie: No.
ALF: Well, I'd like to.
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Willie: I never meant to bring Jimbo over.
ALF: You brought an elephant home to dinner?
Willie: I said Jimbo, not Jumbo.
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Willie: If you had eaten that dish towel, I would have been very angry. [pause]
Willie: That's a sentence I never thought I would hear myself say.
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Willie: I'm gonna have my hamburger medium.
ALF: Medium? They are all the same size. Extra large.
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Willie: I'm trying to make this vacation more fun. You might do it yourself instead of complaining all the time.
TV Show: ALF
Willie: Isn't there anybody else you could bother?
ALF: We voted. You were the people's choice.
TV Show: ALF
Willie: Some people are so blinded by the thirst for money, that it causes them to lose their values and do things they shouldn't do.
ALF: Well, that explains Ghostbusters II.
TV Show: ALF
Willie: Stay away from the window, we've got a very nosy neighbor - Mrs. Ochmonek.
ALF: Ochmonek? Sounds like a typo.
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Willie: There's more than one way to skin a cat.
ALF: You've been looking at my recipe book.
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Willie: This is a jigsaw puzzle.
ALF: It's broken.
Willie: That's the object, ALF. You're supposed to put it together.
ALF: Why? I didn't break it.
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Willie: Well, ALF, while we're gone, I trust you won't be getting into any mischief.
ALF: You do?
Willie: Not really, but we gotta go.
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Willie: When the babysitter is here, ALF, you are going to have to be in the attic.
ALF: Oh, great, prison. Why don't you just stick me in a sweatbox?
Willie: Were all making adjustments here, ALF. Your not gonna be there all that much...
ALF: Attica. Attica. Attica.
TV Show: ALF
Willie: You can't vote, ALF , you're not a citizen.
ALF: I'll apply for a green card.
Willie: That's only if you want a job.
ALF: Pass. [pause]
ALF: I know, I'll marry Lynn. Become a citizen, vote, then drop her of like a hot potato.
Willie: ALF...
ALF: Sure it will be hard on her first. She'll cry, drink a little too much. Join with a bongo player named Waquine.
Willie: ALF.
ALF: You'd like Waquine, he doesn't like beets.
Willie: Neither you or Waquine may marry my daughter and you may not vote.
ALF: Fine. I have not voice in government, Waquine will get deported, and they'll make him eat beets.
Willie: How many cups of coffee have you had?
ALF: Forty. Why?
TV Show: ALF