American Dad! Quotes
Roger: Great I'll put it on the dvd extras along with the musicologist touching you in the bath.
TV Show: American Dad!
Roger: No I'm totally kidding! (to Stan) At least I think I'm kidding, I left him alone with her for half an hour while I took a nap.
TV Show: American Dad!
Stan: [about Francine] God she scared me, you see that I almost punched her in the face!
Roger: Stan, remember the first rule of every wedding is that the bride is beautiful. The second rule you can find on my website. You have be eighteen to log on. I have some sexy barnyard stuff on there that is not for everyone -- I could get into a lot of trouble. If you do decide to check it out you need clear your history right away; you may have to uninstall your browser. I'm telling you scrub that thing clean. If you think you're being too cautious, you're not: they will take us both to jail.
Roger: Stan, remember the first rule of every wedding is that the bride is beautiful. The second rule you can find on my website. You have be eighteen to log on. I have some sexy barnyard stuff on there that is not for everyone -- I could get into a lot of trouble. If you do decide to check it out you need clear your history right away; you may have to uninstall your browser. I'm telling you scrub that thing clean. If you think you're being too cautious, you're not: they will take us both to jail.
TV Show: American Dad!
Steve: You can put it in a curro case, you can sew with it, a little mouse could wear it for hat.
TV Show: American Dad!
Bullock: Gentleman do what ever it takes to empty our coffers lapdances, champagne dances, shower dances. Oh, the things you can buy for a hand full of bills. It makes me excited. It gives me the chills. They'll be filcher rubs, breeders, hambones and tweeners, zobos and debos and blorps that go eenahs. For a one dollar bill you can pull down their zippers. I am the Snorax, I speak for the strippers!
TV Show: American Dad!
Roger: Oh, I love your religion ... for the crazy! Virgin birth. Water into wine. It's like Harry Potter, but it causes genocide and bad folk music.
TV Show: American Dad!
Roger: Oh my god! The homeless guy from the bus station is hung (Pause) But I knew that.
TV Show: American Dad!
Roger: Alright someone call Mel Gibson and apologize and then call Tim Robbins and tell him I banged Susan Sarandon, he'll know what it means.
TV Show: American Dad!
Ricky The Raptor: Hi kids, I'm Ricky The Raptor here to tell you about the Rapture.
TV Show: American Dad!
Stan Smith: We can't use the open road. It's too dangerous.
Jesus Christ: What if we journey through Sector 16?
Stan Smith: Sector 16? The perfect man just proposed the perfect way to die.
Jesus Christ: Fine. What about Sector 35?
Stan Smith: Sector 35 makes Sector 16 look like Sector 48!
Jesus Christ: What if we journey through Sector 16?
Stan Smith: Sector 16? The perfect man just proposed the perfect way to die.
Jesus Christ: Fine. What about Sector 35?
Stan Smith: Sector 35 makes Sector 16 look like Sector 48!
TV Show: American Dad!
Roger: You're gonna to roast each other. And your zingers better be mean. If you try any weak sauce, I'm gonna give you such a zots. [With a remote, he buzzes Stan] Now, Stan, roast Hayley. [Zots!] You feel that zots?!
Stan: Uh, Hayley, you're not very smart and you smoke a lot of pot.
Roger: [another buzz] Zots!
Stan: Uh, okay. Hayley, I secretly wish you were Benjamin Button, and you were aging backwards, and your life was almost over.
Roger: [laughing with Klaus] Oh, yeah! Insults in the form of jokes. So how's it feel, Hayley? Not too bueno, I bet. Now you do Steve.
Hayley: Steve, you will never get laid. There is nothing attractive about you. You have the sex appeal of the cancer ward in a pediatric hospital.
Klaus: [laughing] Oh!
Roger: Hayley coming in with a groaner. Nice. Okay, Steve, let's see you give it to your mama.
Steve: Mom, you are not smart. I don't tell "yo mama's so dumb" jokes. I tell "my mama's so dumb" jokes. Example: my mama's so dumb, I don't tell "yo mama's so dumb" jokes. I tell "my mama's so dumb" jokes.
Roger: I love it. Francine, take the pain and throw it right at Stan. Do it!
Francine: Stan, you have the undeserved ego of Jeremy Piven, the annoying self-righteousness of Sean Penn, and the unbearable hypocrisy of Rush Limbaugh. What I'm trying to say is, you're almost as bad a person as Rachael Ray.
Stan: Uh, Hayley, you're not very smart and you smoke a lot of pot.
Roger: [another buzz] Zots!
Stan: Uh, okay. Hayley, I secretly wish you were Benjamin Button, and you were aging backwards, and your life was almost over.
Roger: [laughing with Klaus] Oh, yeah! Insults in the form of jokes. So how's it feel, Hayley? Not too bueno, I bet. Now you do Steve.
Hayley: Steve, you will never get laid. There is nothing attractive about you. You have the sex appeal of the cancer ward in a pediatric hospital.
Klaus: [laughing] Oh!
Roger: Hayley coming in with a groaner. Nice. Okay, Steve, let's see you give it to your mama.
Steve: Mom, you are not smart. I don't tell "yo mama's so dumb" jokes. I tell "my mama's so dumb" jokes. Example: my mama's so dumb, I don't tell "yo mama's so dumb" jokes. I tell "my mama's so dumb" jokes.
Roger: I love it. Francine, take the pain and throw it right at Stan. Do it!
Francine: Stan, you have the undeserved ego of Jeremy Piven, the annoying self-righteousness of Sean Penn, and the unbearable hypocrisy of Rush Limbaugh. What I'm trying to say is, you're almost as bad a person as Rachael Ray.
TV Show: American Dad!
Roger: I'm crying like Francine when she watches Grey's Anatomy.
Francine: I just feel so sorry for those poor actors.
Francine: I just feel so sorry for those poor actors.
TV Show: American Dad!
Klaus: (From the living room) Guys! Get in here! The porn channel's coming in for reason!
(Stan, Hayley, Francine, and Steve run to the living room)
Francine: (while watching the porn) Nice.
(An explosion comes from the kitchen. The family coughs and comes up from the rubble)
Francine: Is everyone okay?
Klaus(woozily): Did we lose the porn?
(Stan, Hayley, Francine, and Steve run to the living room)
Francine: (while watching the porn) Nice.
(An explosion comes from the kitchen. The family coughs and comes up from the rubble)
Francine: Is everyone okay?
Klaus(woozily): Did we lose the porn?
TV Show: American Dad!
Stanley Smith: [Talking to Roger] You're the Adam Sandler of this house and nobody wants punch drunk love, just give us waterboy
TV Show: American Dad!
Stanley Smith: Francine, this happens every time! First you pull out a gun and threaten to shoot me. Then I pull out *my* gun. Eventually, your arm gets tired, you leave, and we have passionate "nobody-got-shot" sex.
TV Show: American Dad!
Stanley Smith: Francine, why did you pull a gun on me if you didn't want to have sex?
TV Show: American Dad!
Stanley Smith: Francine, your roots are showing!
Francine Smith: I know. My hairdresser lost his touch when he decided he was straight. Apparently, it is a choice.
TV Show: American Dad!
Stanley Smith: Sorry I'm late, I was getting a piping-hot cup of coffee. It's far too hot to drink, but luckily my leathery man-mouth can take it.
TV Show: American Dad!
Stanley Smith: Why can't you take a page from that bitch Hillary Clinton and let it go?
TV Show: American Dad!