American Dad! Quotes
Stan: [talking about euthanising a racoon] She said it was the most compassionate thing she'd ever seen.... And I got to kill something. It was a magical moment.
TV Show: American Dad!
Bill Pullman: Has your loved one's memory been irretrievably lost? Hi. I'm forgettable actor Bill Pullman. You might not remember me from such movies as "While You Were Sleeping" and "Twister". Wait, was I in "Twister"? No, no that was Bill Paxton. See? Memory can be pretty tricky. So that's why if you tell your loved one what's happened to them, their brain will implode. Good luck. I'm Bill Pullman. Oh, oh, I was also in Independence D...[TV turns off]
Stan: Jeff Daniels is right.
Stan: Jeff Daniels is right.
TV Show: American Dad!
Roger: [after knocking out two girls with a frying pan] Did you see where they went?
Steve: Who?
Roger: The black guys who did this.
Steve: Who?
Roger: The black guys who did this.
TV Show: American Dad!
Stan: [after electrocuting terrorists] I just made a killing in the shock market!
TV Show: American Dad!
Roger: [after being thought dead and being thrown in a dumpster] Can't a guy go into a stress induced hibernation without getting thrown in the trash?
TV Show: American Dad!
Old lady: [spitting at the Lincoln Memorial] That's for freein' the slaves, ya Negro-lovin' Yankee Devil!
Roger: [gritting his teeth] And suddenly, things turned ugly.
Roger: [gritting his teeth] And suddenly, things turned ugly.
TV Show: American Dad!
Klaus: Now here's your allowance: five bubbles. [blows five bubbles] Ah, what the hell--six bubbles. [blows another bubble and whispers] Don't tell your mother.
TV Show: American Dad!
Stan: [gets in the passenger side of a car] Stan Smith, CIA! To the Smithsonian! Oh wait, this my car. [shifts over to the driver's side] Even better!
TV Show: American Dad!
Stan: Nobody threatens my family. Now, get out of the way or I'll shoot you all.
Hayley: Oh, God, it's my junior prom all over again.
Hayley: Oh, God, it's my junior prom all over again.
TV Show: American Dad!
Roger: Hey, Hayley, got a minute?
Hayley: Roger? You're alive? Or is this like an episode of the Twilight Zone where I talk to you from beyond the grave but only with terrible ironic results?
Roger: Oh, right, it's after 12: 00, you're already high. Let me talk to the fish.
Hayley: Roger? You're alive? Or is this like an episode of the Twilight Zone where I talk to you from beyond the grave but only with terrible ironic results?
Roger: Oh, right, it's after 12: 00, you're already high. Let me talk to the fish.
TV Show: American Dad!
Stan: [after Steve calls him a monster] I'm not a monster. [a skull pops out of the boiler. Stan kicks it back in.]
TV Show: American Dad!
Francine: Hayley, why don't you say grace?
Hayley: I'll pass.
Steve: Come on, you pray all the time when Jeff comes over. "Oh God! Oh God!"
Stan: [clearly not understanding or ignoring the innuendo] Yes, yes, she's very devout.
Hayley: I'll pass.
Steve: Come on, you pray all the time when Jeff comes over. "Oh God! Oh God!"
Stan: [clearly not understanding or ignoring the innuendo] Yes, yes, she's very devout.
TV Show: American Dad!
Stan: [after his car runs out of gas] Stupid gas-guzzler--that I as an American have every right to drive.
TV Show: American Dad!
Stan: So, what part of Islam do you hail from?
Bob: Well, my parents were from Iran, but I was born in Cleveland.
Stan: Really? You know, we also have a Cleveland here in America. And it'd be just super if you didn't blow it up.
Bob: Well, my parents were from Iran, but I was born in Cleveland.
Stan: Really? You know, we also have a Cleveland here in America. And it'd be just super if you didn't blow it up.
TV Show: American Dad!
Francine: It's potluck, so bring whatever you want.
Stan: But not smallpox. Ha, kidding. Kinda joking but not really!
Stan: But not smallpox. Ha, kidding. Kinda joking but not really!
TV Show: American Dad!
Stan: Well, if you're ever taken hostage by, say, a neighbor, and you end up on Al Jazeera, just blink your coordinates in Morse code, like this [blinks quickly as an example] and I'll have a bomb dropped on your location.
Steve: But then I'd be dead.
Stan: Oh, c'mon, sport, there are plenty of kids in heaven to play with. Your cousin Billy. That little girl fromPoltergeist....Well she must be at least sixteen by now. You could totally hit that!
Steve: But then I'd be dead.
Stan: Oh, c'mon, sport, there are plenty of kids in heaven to play with. Your cousin Billy. That little girl fromPoltergeist....Well she must be at least sixteen by now. You could totally hit that!
TV Show: American Dad!
Francine: I was finally making friends, Stan. How could you ruin my party?
Stan: It was easy. I just yelled "Terrorists!" and everyone ran away.
[Francine frowns at him]
Stan: Oh, I'm sorry. I thought you asked how did I ruin your party. And I'm, like, "You were there, baby. You had a front-row seat."
Stan: It was easy. I just yelled "Terrorists!" and everyone ran away.
[Francine frowns at him]
Stan: Oh, I'm sorry. I thought you asked how did I ruin your party. And I'm, like, "You were there, baby. You had a front-row seat."
TV Show: American Dad!
[Francine is pointing a gun at Stan to get him to release their neighborhood from their backyard]
Francine: Let 'em go, Stan! It's been a fun ride, but it's over!
Stan: Oh, not this old bit. You point a gun at me, I pretend I'm gonna do what you say, then I pull out my gun, we do our little John Woo standoff, inevitably your arm gets tired [Francine's arm starts to shake], then you drop your gun and we have nobody-got-shot sex. [she drops the gun, groans in agitation and leaves the room] Wh-where are you--Francine! W-well, why did you pull a gun on me if you didn't want to have sex?!
Francine: Let 'em go, Stan! It's been a fun ride, but it's over!
Stan: Oh, not this old bit. You point a gun at me, I pretend I'm gonna do what you say, then I pull out my gun, we do our little John Woo standoff, inevitably your arm gets tired [Francine's arm starts to shake], then you drop your gun and we have nobody-got-shot sex. [she drops the gun, groans in agitation and leaves the room] Wh-where are you--Francine! W-well, why did you pull a gun on me if you didn't want to have sex?!
TV Show: American Dad!
[after Klaus reveals that Roger ate all of Francine's potato salad.]
Roger: You set me up, Klaus! Why would you do something so awful?
Klaus: I'm German. It's what we do.
Roger: You set me up, Klaus! Why would you do something so awful?
Klaus: I'm German. It's what we do.
TV Show: American Dad!
Roger[after Klaus reveals Roger's secret to producing more milk]: Why, Klaus? Why?!
Klaus: Ja. Still German.
Klaus: Ja. Still German.
TV Show: American Dad!
[after Karl Rove is seated at the kitchen table]
Hayley: Wait, I know you! You're the amoral puppet master behind George W. Bush!
Karl Rove: Thank you.
Hayley: Wait, I know you! You're the amoral puppet master behind George W. Bush!
Karl Rove: Thank you.
TV Show: American Dad!
[Jeff is standing drunk in front of the Smith house]
Jeff: Hayley! Hayley! [Hayley shows up]
Hayley: What do you want, Jeff?
Jeff: I've been drinking all night so I could get up the courage to tell you you're my woman. And I demand you come back.
Hayley: No.
Jeff: Okay. Bye.
Jeff: Hayley! Hayley! [Hayley shows up]
Hayley: What do you want, Jeff?
Jeff: I've been drinking all night so I could get up the courage to tell you you're my woman. And I demand you come back.
Hayley: No.
Jeff: Okay. Bye.
TV Show: American Dad!
Stan: There is one person I would like to thank... [Francine stands up]Karl Rove! [wolf howls while Francine looks down in disappointment] Karl, come up here.
[Karl moves into the church doorway and he begins to emit smoke, screaming in pain. He then stands back.]
Karl: I'm good here. My work is done! [transforms into a swarm of bats and flies off]
[Karl moves into the church doorway and he begins to emit smoke, screaming in pain. He then stands back.]
Karl: I'm good here. My work is done! [transforms into a swarm of bats and flies off]
TV Show: American Dad!
Francine: [to Stan] You don't care about being deacon! You just wanna beat Chuck White. Why do you hate him so much?
Stan: Look at his life, Francine. He's got a bigger paycheck, a better wife, better kids...
Francine: Stan, that's incredibly hurtful!
Stan: I know! That's why I really wanna shove it in his face this time!
Stan: Look at his life, Francine. He's got a bigger paycheck, a better wife, better kids...
Francine: Stan, that's incredibly hurtful!
Stan: I know! That's why I really wanna shove it in his face this time!
TV Show: American Dad!
[Roger explaining the "secret ingredient" in Francine's potato salad]
Roger: Last night I ate all your potato salad, and I tried to make more but there was no mayo, so instead I used... [to Francine] Well, pull my finger.
[Francine does so. Roger's milk squirts out of his breasts. Francine, Heyley and Steve vomit in disgust]
Roger: Mystery solved.
Stan: I don't get it. So what's the secret ingredient?
Roger: Last night I ate all your potato salad, and I tried to make more but there was no mayo, so instead I used... [to Francine] Well, pull my finger.
[Francine does so. Roger's milk squirts out of his breasts. Francine, Heyley and Steve vomit in disgust]
Roger: Mystery solved.
Stan: I don't get it. So what's the secret ingredient?
TV Show: American Dad!
Steve: What am I gonna do?!
Hayley: Whatever you want. You know, a pregnant boy still has the right to choose.
Stan: Not in this house he doesn't. We're conservatives! And the one way we don't like to kill things is that way!
Hayley: Whatever you want. You know, a pregnant boy still has the right to choose.
Stan: Not in this house he doesn't. We're conservatives! And the one way we don't like to kill things is that way!
TV Show: American Dad!
Steve: [after holding hands with Betsy] I touched her hand... her hand touched her boob. By the transitive property, I got some boob! Algebra's awesome!
TV Show: American Dad!
Francine: We can bring chips and dip to the wake.
Stan: Chips and dip? Tell you what, Francine. Why don't you just take this broom here, [hands her a broom] I'll bend over and grab my ankles, [does so] you lube up the handle real good, and just sweep me out the door. Cos that's what'll happen to my chances at deacon if the best we can do is chips and dip!
Francine: I can make potato salad.
Stan: Potato salad? Not exactly adventurous, but it gets the job done. [about to leave the room, then stops] That reminds me. We should have sex tonight.
Stan: Chips and dip? Tell you what, Francine. Why don't you just take this broom here, [hands her a broom] I'll bend over and grab my ankles, [does so] you lube up the handle real good, and just sweep me out the door. Cos that's what'll happen to my chances at deacon if the best we can do is chips and dip!
Francine: I can make potato salad.
Stan: Potato salad? Not exactly adventurous, but it gets the job done. [about to leave the room, then stops] That reminds me. We should have sex tonight.
TV Show: American Dad!
Stan: [abdicating his position as Deacon] It's an bizarre situation. Not 8 Simple Rules, let's-keep-it-going-after-the-father-died bizarre, but close.
TV Show: American Dad!
Hayley: I know it's crazy, but I like him. He challenges me, and besides, he has a really huge-
Stan: Penis! I mean, Hayley. Dammit! I was trying to cut you off before you said-
Hayley: I was going to say heart but, well, you shined his shoes.
Stan: Penis! I mean, Hayley. Dammit! I was trying to cut you off before you said-
Hayley: I was going to say heart but, well, you shined his shoes.
TV Show: American Dad!