American Dad! Quotes
Stan: Ah, Mr. Pibb. The cornerstone of our love. Delicious, refreshing, and totally lacking in portention!
TV Show: American Dad!
Francine: [landing on the ground after being punched by Thundercat] You wanna dance, bitch? Let's dance!
TV Show: American Dad!
Steve: Can I see your boobs?
Angelina Jolie/God: I must warn you. Those who've stared into the bosom of eternal wisdom have been driven hopelessly insane.
Steve: Wow. Now I have to see them!
Angelina Jolie/God: I must warn you. Those who've stared into the bosom of eternal wisdom have been driven hopelessly insane.
Steve: Wow. Now I have to see them!
TV Show: American Dad!
[Stan and Francine in the market]
Stan: Saudi Arabia is the greatest country in the world!
Francine: Greatest country in the world?
[singing]
We packed our bags we hopped a plane, we left our happy home.
Stan: Uh, Francine, singing is kinda illegal here...
Francine:
The culture seemed a bit insane, but you said "Hey, when in Rome..."
Stan: Uh, seriously Francine ix-nay on the inging-say..
Francine:
Maybe you've got no reason to complain...
But I've got no Y chromosome.
[speaking]
So here's what I don't like about Saudi Arabia. Hit it!
You can't go out unless you are escorted by a man.
And when you do you come home with a butt crack full of sand.
No alcohol, no rum and cokes, and no Dom Perignon.
At least a girl can have a smoke.
Man: But not on Ramadan.
Oh it's a land of joy, if you are a boy.
But if you are a girl, it's the worst place in the world.
Stan: Ok Francine, we get it.
Francine: Oh but I'm just getting started.
American girls, we do pilates.
Starve ourselves until we're hotties.
Why? Because we like our bodies!
Check me out, you uptight Saudis!
[Francine strips down to lingere and boots]
Oh it's so awfully grand.
Stan: Come on Francine, stop singing.
Francine: If you are a man.
Stan: I'm only back-up singing.
Francine: If you don't take me home soon Stan I think I'm gonna hurl...
It's the worst place in the world.
Stan: I started this point system and she's way behind.
Francine: I only want
Stan: Saudi Arabia is the greatest country in the world!
Francine: Greatest country in the world?
[singing]
We packed our bags we hopped a plane, we left our happy home.
Stan: Uh, Francine, singing is kinda illegal here...
Francine:
The culture seemed a bit insane, but you said "Hey, when in Rome..."
Stan: Uh, seriously Francine ix-nay on the inging-say..
Francine:
Maybe you've got no reason to complain...
But I've got no Y chromosome.
[speaking]
So here's what I don't like about Saudi Arabia. Hit it!
You can't go out unless you are escorted by a man.
And when you do you come home with a butt crack full of sand.
No alcohol, no rum and cokes, and no Dom Perignon.
At least a girl can have a smoke.
Man: But not on Ramadan.
Oh it's a land of joy, if you are a boy.
But if you are a girl, it's the worst place in the world.
Stan: Ok Francine, we get it.
Francine: Oh but I'm just getting started.
American girls, we do pilates.
Starve ourselves until we're hotties.
Why? Because we like our bodies!
Check me out, you uptight Saudis!
[Francine strips down to lingere and boots]
Oh it's so awfully grand.
Stan: Come on Francine, stop singing.
Francine: If you are a man.
Stan: I'm only back-up singing.
Francine: If you don't take me home soon Stan I think I'm gonna hurl...
It's the worst place in the world.
Stan: I started this point system and she's way behind.
Francine: I only want
TV Show: American Dad!
It's great if you're from Mars, but not if you're from Venus.
If you want to drive a car, you'd better have a penis.
So if you've got a vagina...
Man: Ohhh!
A vulva..
Man: Eeee!
A clitoris...
Man: What is a clitoris?
And a labia...
You see where I'm going with this.
Stay the hell away from Saudi Arabia!
If you want to drive a car, you'd better have a penis.
So if you've got a vagina...
Man: Ohhh!
A vulva..
Man: Eeee!
A clitoris...
Man: What is a clitoris?
And a labia...
You see where I'm going with this.
Stay the hell away from Saudi Arabia!
TV Show: American Dad!
[US airport, Stan kisses the ground]
Hayley: Gee Dad, 24 hours ago you hated America.
Stan: Oh ha ha ha, shut the hell up Hayley.
But you know, I will admit America has its flaws.
Steve: Really Dad, like what?
[singing]
Stan: Well there's...
Free speech, and there's gun control, and lousy Democrats.
The media's too liberal and everyone's too fat.
The women have careers and form opinions of their own.
We let our wives control our lives...
Francine: Damn it's good to be home!
[family singing]
Our life's not always great, in these United States.
But remember boys and girls...
It's not the worst place in the world!
Steve: It's not the worst place in the world, yeah yeah.
Hayley: Gee Dad, 24 hours ago you hated America.
Stan: Oh ha ha ha, shut the hell up Hayley.
But you know, I will admit America has its flaws.
Steve: Really Dad, like what?
[singing]
Stan: Well there's...
Free speech, and there's gun control, and lousy Democrats.
The media's too liberal and everyone's too fat.
The women have careers and form opinions of their own.
We let our wives control our lives...
Francine: Damn it's good to be home!
[family singing]
Our life's not always great, in these United States.
But remember boys and girls...
It's not the worst place in the world!
Steve: It's not the worst place in the world, yeah yeah.
TV Show: American Dad!
Roger: Oh, and uh, what happens in Saudi Arabia, stays in Saudi Arabia. Ok, seriously.
TV Show: American Dad!
Klaus: [after Francine's scream shatters his bowl] Your family may have moved to Saudi Arabia, but I'm the real fish out of water! [laughs, then suddenly stopping] Seriously, I'm dying.
TV Show: American Dad!
[God in the form of Angelina Jolie is talking to Steve]
God: You know, Steve, you'll be all grown up before you know it. So in the meantime, why not enjoy being a kid a little longer? Because it doesn't last forever.
[Pause]
Steve: Hey, can I see your boobs?
God: You know, Steve, you'll be all grown up before you know it. So in the meantime, why not enjoy being a kid a little longer? Because it doesn't last forever.
[Pause]
Steve: Hey, can I see your boobs?
TV Show: American Dad!
[At the court in Saudi Arabia]
Judge: I'm sorry, counselor. What did you say your name is?
Counselor: Irv Rosenblatt.
Judge: Guilty!
Counselor: Every single case! Oy, this is a tough town.
Judge: I'm sorry, counselor. What did you say your name is?
Counselor: Irv Rosenblatt.
Judge: Guilty!
Counselor: Every single case! Oy, this is a tough town.
TV Show: American Dad!
Stan: Pen-gun, mightier than the sword.
Stan: [holding sword, blade folds to reveal a barrel] Sword-gun, mightier than the pen-gun.
Stan: [holding sword, blade folds to reveal a barrel] Sword-gun, mightier than the pen-gun.
TV Show: American Dad!
Roger: [talking to his cookie] Shush...don't speak. I'll go get some milk for your bath
TV Show: American Dad!
[after Roger successfully tricks Steve into thinking that Stan and Francine kidnapped him as a toddler due to Steve eating Roger's cookie]
Stan: Hey, son!
Steve: Don't "son" me, baby-snatcher! [pushes a bookcase onto Stan's wheelchair-ridden body]
Stan: [after a pause, apparently not upset at his son] Something on your mind, champ?
Hayley: Steve! What are you doing?
Steve: [suavely] Something we've wanted to do for years, "sis". [he proceeds to french-kiss her for five seconds while she struggles to get away to no avail]
Roger: [in shock of what he just witnessed] Oh. My. God. [now with a smile on his face] Everything that happens from this point on is just gravy.
Stan: Hey, son!
Steve: Don't "son" me, baby-snatcher! [pushes a bookcase onto Stan's wheelchair-ridden body]
Stan: [after a pause, apparently not upset at his son] Something on your mind, champ?
Hayley: Steve! What are you doing?
Steve: [suavely] Something we've wanted to do for years, "sis". [he proceeds to french-kiss her for five seconds while she struggles to get away to no avail]
Roger: [in shock of what he just witnessed] Oh. My. God. [now with a smile on his face] Everything that happens from this point on is just gravy.
TV Show: American Dad!
Francine: Look at you two. Who would've thought guns would bring you so close together?
Stan: I know. If only we could get some guns to the Middle East.
Stan: I know. If only we could get some guns to the Middle East.
TV Show: American Dad!
Stan: This is great! We've gotta go back on tour and spread the word. Guns are good!
Hayley: What?!
Stan: Without guns I'd still be in a wheelchair. Guns heal the sick!
Hayley: What?!
Stan: Without guns I'd still be in a wheelchair. Guns heal the sick!
TV Show: American Dad!
Steve: Funny, I always wanted a pool filled with cherry Jell-O. Well, in the end I got it. I got a lot of other things on my rise to stardom. Women... respect... that joke about the ten-inch pianist... Can't believe I never got that before.
TV Show: American Dad!
Steve: So now I was a published writer, but my life had become boring, as boring as a bad metaphor. Or simile. Whatever, I'm not a writer.
TV Show: American Dad!
Francine: Any letters for me?
Stan: No, just another postcard saying that your hair looks like crap - hey, it's from me!
Stan: No, just another postcard saying that your hair looks like crap - hey, it's from me!
TV Show: American Dad!
Stan: Francine, when I look at your hair I doubt I could eat the amount I wanna vomit.
TV Show: American Dad!
Francine: Wow! For housewives, those Ladybugs really have it all: a fast-lane life and a slow-motion walk.
Linda: Ugh. They're snobs, Francine. A girl would have to be pretty desperate to wanna associate-
Francine: Christie! [approaches to Ladybugs] Remember me? Francine. Oh, how I wish I could peel off your skin, put it on and be you. [pauses] I mean, hi.
Linda: Ugh. They're snobs, Francine. A girl would have to be pretty desperate to wanna associate-
Francine: Christie! [approaches to Ladybugs] Remember me? Francine. Oh, how I wish I could peel off your skin, put it on and be you. [pauses] I mean, hi.
TV Show: American Dad!
[Hayley enters her room, where Steve and Klaus are reading her diary]
Hayley: What are you doing?
Klaus: Hayley, good. You're here. I caught Steve red-handed.
Steve: Why, you- [to Hayley] Look, I'm just reaching out to you. Is it so wrong for me to want to get to know my own sister? [mocking voice] And to read about you giving Coach Schwartz a Rod Carew in the Taco King parking lot?
Hayley: What are you doing?
Klaus: Hayley, good. You're here. I caught Steve red-handed.
Steve: Why, you- [to Hayley] Look, I'm just reaching out to you. Is it so wrong for me to want to get to know my own sister? [mocking voice] And to read about you giving Coach Schwartz a Rod Carew in the Taco King parking lot?
TV Show: American Dad!
[Francine tries to convince Stan to keep Fussy the dog, but Stan refuses]
Stan: Forget it, Francine! We've already got something girly and annoying in this house. It's called Roger.
Stan: Forget it, Francine! We've already got something girly and annoying in this house. It's called Roger.
TV Show: American Dad!
Francine: Stan, help me. I've been faking an affair to impress the Ladybugs, and they found out I was lying, and now they're trying to kill me!
Stan: A cult of murderous housewives. Before 9/11, I wouldn't have believed it. Or at least I'd ask you some follow-up questions. But that's just not the world we live in anymore.
Stan: A cult of murderous housewives. Before 9/11, I wouldn't have believed it. Or at least I'd ask you some follow-up questions. But that's just not the world we live in anymore.
TV Show: American Dad!
[Stan is about to punch Roger, and Roger accidentally hits Stan in the crotch. Stan groans and falls on his knees]
Roger: Oh, God, I forgot. That's where you humans keep your boys. I'm so, so sorry. Here, let me help. [punches him in the crotch again] Don't be startin' what you can't finish, bitch.
Roger: Oh, God, I forgot. That's where you humans keep your boys. I'm so, so sorry. Here, let me help. [punches him in the crotch again] Don't be startin' what you can't finish, bitch.
TV Show: American Dad!
Klaus: There was a very famous Jewish girl who kept a diary. It... ended badly. But enough about Fran Drescher! [laughs] You thought I was making a Holocaust joke! [angrily] Shame on you!
TV Show: American Dad!
Francine: Hey, Linda. Wanna go to that art auction?
Linda: We can't. It's our biweekly puzzle night. We are this close to finishing that covered bridge.
Francine: But wouldn't it be fun to mix it up a little?
Linda: You're right. Let's do the rest of the puzzle without looking at the box! Flying blind! Whoo!
Linda: We can't. It's our biweekly puzzle night. We are this close to finishing that covered bridge.
Francine: But wouldn't it be fun to mix it up a little?
Linda: You're right. Let's do the rest of the puzzle without looking at the box! Flying blind! Whoo!
TV Show: American Dad!
[Roger sits at the dinner table with a cigarette in his mouth]
Stan: Damn it, Roger! I've told you a million times: No smoking in the house!
Roger: And I told you it's menthol. So it's healthier than an apple.
Stan: Damn it, Roger! I've told you a million times: No smoking in the house!
Roger: And I told you it's menthol. So it's healthier than an apple.
TV Show: American Dad!