American Dad! Quotes
Roger: All I have to do is get married by next week and I can get my blender in time for Grey's Anatomy!
TV Show: American Dad!
Stan: [alone with his family in the wild] We're the last ones left on Earth.
[They all hug him. He spots a man paragliding in the air, pulls out a gun and shoots him down]
Francine: What was that?
Stan: Mosquito.
[They all hug him. He spots a man paragliding in the air, pulls out a gun and shoots him down]
Francine: What was that?
Stan: Mosquito.
TV Show: American Dad!
Roger: [to Hayley] Oh, excuse me. Are you an ethicist? Are you? Is there an ethicist in the house?
Black-haired woman: I'm a ethicist.
Roger: Well, screw you! I'm Kevin Bacon!
Black-haired woman: I'm a ethicist.
Roger: Well, screw you! I'm Kevin Bacon!
TV Show: American Dad!
Steve: Geez, Roger, you're making Kevin Bacon look like a total douche.
Hayley: Yeah, you may be beautiful on the outside like Kevin Bacon, but you're ugly on the inside like Tommy Lee Jones... on the outside... and the inside.
Hayley: Yeah, you may be beautiful on the outside like Kevin Bacon, but you're ugly on the inside like Tommy Lee Jones... on the outside... and the inside.
TV Show: American Dad!
Francine: (teaching Indian children) Okay, children, pay attention, because you need to learn English to survive. Repeat after me: "Thank you for calling Apple Tech Support."
Indian Children: (in unison): Thank you for call Apple Tech Support.
(A bloodcurdling human scream is heard from off camera)
Francine: There's the bell. I'll see all of you who don't die of cholera tomorrow at 8: 00.
(A sickly-looking wolf effortlessly grabs one of the Indian boys and drags him off)
Indian Children: (in unison): Thank you for call Apple Tech Support.
(A bloodcurdling human scream is heard from off camera)
Francine: There's the bell. I'll see all of you who don't die of cholera tomorrow at 8: 00.
(A sickly-looking wolf effortlessly grabs one of the Indian boys and drags him off)
TV Show: American Dad!
Francine: What about Sanjen? I can't have an Indian baby! I don't even like Indian food!
TV Show: American Dad!
Francine [to Stan]: You bastard! (punches Stan in the face, knocking the clothes pin off his nose)
Stan: (sniffing) Ugh! Oh God, it's like being in a sauna with Michael Chiklis!
Francine: You made me think I was a murderer?! Do you have any idea what a nightmare you put me through?! I prayed to a freaking elephant! How am I gonna explain THAT to Jesus?!
Stan: (sniffing) Ugh! Oh God, it's like being in a sauna with Michael Chiklis!
Francine: You made me think I was a murderer?! Do you have any idea what a nightmare you put me through?! I prayed to a freaking elephant! How am I gonna explain THAT to Jesus?!
TV Show: American Dad!
Steve: (whispering about the young child on the swing set) There he is!
Roger: That little feelings-hurter is about to eat crow! I'm going to rub his nose in my nose!
Young Child: Mommy, look! It's the monster! (Roger gasps) The monster from the hit movie, Hollow Man!
Young Child's Mother: Oh my god! It IS Kevin Bacon! Normally I'd chastise you for watching an R-rated movie, but Kevin Bacon is an American treasure! Even when he's playing an invisible rapist!
Roger: That little feelings-hurter is about to eat crow! I'm going to rub his nose in my nose!
Young Child: Mommy, look! It's the monster! (Roger gasps) The monster from the hit movie, Hollow Man!
Young Child's Mother: Oh my god! It IS Kevin Bacon! Normally I'd chastise you for watching an R-rated movie, but Kevin Bacon is an American treasure! Even when he's playing an invisible rapist!
TV Show: American Dad!
Francine: What the fuck is going on?!
Steve: [doing cartwheels] I'll take care of you, Mom. I'm a wagon wheel!
Steve: [doing cartwheels] I'll take care of you, Mom. I'm a wagon wheel!
TV Show: American Dad!
Stan: [to Francine, after he hears the neighbors badmouth him] They all hate me! It's like our wedding all over again... except this time I'm you!
[Stan, using CIA powers, has seized the houses of all his neighbors]
Stan: In other words, there goes the neighborhood. [laughs] Ordinarily that would have racist implications, but I've actually done something far worse.
[Stan, using CIA powers, has seized the houses of all his neighbors]
Stan: In other words, there goes the neighborhood. [laughs] Ordinarily that would have racist implications, but I've actually done something far worse.
TV Show: American Dad!
[Barry is holding an axe with blood all over his shirt. He has killed a calf named Rosie]
Barry: Her eyes said, "Why?"
Stan: [eating a cut of face meat] Yeah, you can still see the look of betrayal. Can't grill that off.
Barry: Her eyes said, "Why?"
Stan: [eating a cut of face meat] Yeah, you can still see the look of betrayal. Can't grill that off.
TV Show: American Dad!
Stan: [affected by mad cow disease] You boys see these owls? Get out of here, owls! Stop pecking at my face! I will not buy your encyclopedias! I can't read your language, I can only speak it. [hoots]
TV Show: American Dad!
Stan: Why can't Jeff live with his family?!
Hayley: He hasn't spoken to his dad in years, and his mom ran away before he was born.
Stan: How... how could she do that?
Hayley: He hasn't spoken to his dad in years, and his mom ran away before he was born.
Stan: How... how could she do that?
TV Show: American Dad!
Stan: Look, honey, I'll make you a deal, you don't marry Jeff, and I won't bake you a roofie cake and tie your fallopians in a square knot.
TV Show: American Dad!
[a train appears, separating Jeff from Stan and Roger]
Stan: Damn it, Roger! He's getting away! [the train passes, revealing that Jeff is still there] Why didn't you run for it?
Jeff: You wanna know why? Because I didn't think of it. [blows into a flute] Oh, Seamus McPherson, present yourself! [nothing happens] GOD! WHERE'S MY LEPRECHAUN!?! [another train appears and Jeff hops on the caboose]
Stan: Great. Well Roger, I guess it's just you and me. [cocks Roger's shotgun, then shoots the front wheel of Roger's motorcycle] And now it's just me.
Roger: Wait! How will I get out of here?
Stan: Try jogging, you gross bowling pin! [drives off and suddenly a leprechaun appears next to Roger]
Leprechaun: You flute me?
Roger: Huh? Oh, no. That was Jeff. He hopped on a train.
Leprechaun: Oh. Jeff, huh? Well, you tell your boy this still counts as one. He got two left. [heads into a bush, then swats a bug on his neck]. Mm, they love me. [disappears into a bush]
Stan: Damn it, Roger! He's getting away! [the train passes, revealing that Jeff is still there] Why didn't you run for it?
Jeff: You wanna know why? Because I didn't think of it. [blows into a flute] Oh, Seamus McPherson, present yourself! [nothing happens] GOD! WHERE'S MY LEPRECHAUN!?! [another train appears and Jeff hops on the caboose]
Stan: Great. Well Roger, I guess it's just you and me. [cocks Roger's shotgun, then shoots the front wheel of Roger's motorcycle] And now it's just me.
Roger: Wait! How will I get out of here?
Stan: Try jogging, you gross bowling pin! [drives off and suddenly a leprechaun appears next to Roger]
Leprechaun: You flute me?
Roger: Huh? Oh, no. That was Jeff. He hopped on a train.
Leprechaun: Oh. Jeff, huh? Well, you tell your boy this still counts as one. He got two left. [heads into a bush, then swats a bug on his neck]. Mm, they love me. [disappears into a bush]
TV Show: American Dad!
Roger: Horse Renoir, bounty hunter! Born in the bayou. Some say the hell-spawn of a prostitute and a whore. Other say...
Stan: Shut up!
Roger: Rude.
Stan: Shut up!
Roger: Rude.
TV Show: American Dad!
Roger: [after escaping from a burning barn] Ah, you know what I meant to ask you? How did we get out of there?
Stan: I think we did some sweet maneuvers from that movie Backdraft.
Roger: I never saw Backdraft.
Stan: Me either.
Stan: I think we did some sweet maneuvers from that movie Backdraft.
Roger: I never saw Backdraft.
Stan: Me either.
TV Show: American Dad!
Roger: Why do my wrists hurt?!
Stan: Because you're lying on them.
Roger: How can you hear what I'm thinking?
Stan: Because you're lying on them.
Roger: How can you hear what I'm thinking?
TV Show: American Dad!
Convenience Store Clerk: That'll be $147.
Roger: What? Where are we gonna get that kind of money?
Stan: We could turn in Jeff!
Roger: I thought Jeff was innocent.
Stan: [gasp] We gotta save Jeff!
Roger: What? Where are we gonna get that kind of money?
Stan: We could turn in Jeff!
Roger: I thought Jeff was innocent.
Stan: [gasp] We gotta save Jeff!
TV Show: American Dad!
Stan: None of us get to choose our fathers, but we do get to choose our father figures. I chose my mother. That set me back a bit.
TV Show: American Dad!
Francine: I'm starting a new family tradition of Sunday night dinners.
Klaus: Wunderbar!... Wait. Only four place settings? No, that's cool. That's cool. I'm-I'm supposed to hang with my chick anyway. She's been buggin' me to spend more time with her and she... [sad voice] doesn't exist.
Klaus: Wunderbar!... Wait. Only four place settings? No, that's cool. That's cool. I'm-I'm supposed to hang with my chick anyway. She's been buggin' me to spend more time with her and she... [sad voice] doesn't exist.
TV Show: American Dad!
[Stan parks next to the window of his house as in drive-thru]
Stan : Hi, I'll take a roast beef to go and a medium Mr. Pibb, no ice. Fantastic.
Francine: Stan, get inside right now and have dinner with your family!
Stan: Well, if that's your attitude, I don't know why you people even have a drive-thru.
Stan : Hi, I'll take a roast beef to go and a medium Mr. Pibb, no ice. Fantastic.
Francine: Stan, get inside right now and have dinner with your family!
Stan: Well, if that's your attitude, I don't know why you people even have a drive-thru.
TV Show: American Dad!
[The family is in a lifeboat starving]
Hayley: We haven't eaten in four days. Damn it Mom! Why did you jump off the boat after dinner?
Francine: This isn't my fault. I just wanted us to spend some time together.
Hayley: [gasp] Steve's hiding food!
Steve: No! It's just a picture I took with some grapes.
[Everybody jumps him trying to take the picture from him]
Hayley: Give it to me!
Francine: Share it! You have to share it!
[Steve drops the picture in the ocean]
Stan: No! What are we gonna do for pictures of food now?!
Becky: [sees an island] Look!
Hayley: We haven't eaten in four days. Damn it Mom! Why did you jump off the boat after dinner?
Francine: This isn't my fault. I just wanted us to spend some time together.
Hayley: [gasp] Steve's hiding food!
Steve: No! It's just a picture I took with some grapes.
[Everybody jumps him trying to take the picture from him]
Hayley: Give it to me!
Francine: Share it! You have to share it!
[Steve drops the picture in the ocean]
Stan: No! What are we gonna do for pictures of food now?!
Becky: [sees an island] Look!
TV Show: American Dad!
[The family is hiding in a cave]
Hayley: I'm exhausted.
Francine: I'm starving!
Hayley: I'm exhausted.
Francine: I'm starving!
TV Show: American Dad!
Francine: Stan, we are going on a real vacation and this family is going to bond!
Steve: We could go skiing!
Stan: Or, here's an alternate pitch. Stay here, watch the Duke game... [Francine tries to say something] ...just hear me out... I order boneless wings from KFC...
Hayley: But-
Stan: Hang on to that thought, Hayley... I take a long bath and then... wait for it... None of you are here.
Francine: Or... [Stan opens his mouth] ...just hear me out... we stay home, and for the rest of our lives together, every time you doze off I slam a book on your testicles.
Stan: Did someone say, "skiing"?
Steve: We could go skiing!
Stan: Or, here's an alternate pitch. Stay here, watch the Duke game... [Francine tries to say something] ...just hear me out... I order boneless wings from KFC...
Hayley: But-
Stan: Hang on to that thought, Hayley... I take a long bath and then... wait for it... None of you are here.
Francine: Or... [Stan opens his mouth] ...just hear me out... we stay home, and for the rest of our lives together, every time you doze off I slam a book on your testicles.
Stan: Did someone say, "skiing"?
TV Show: American Dad!