Annie Hall Quotes
Alvy Singer: Syliva Plath - interesting poetess whose tragic suicide was misinterpreted as romantic by the college girl mentality.
Movie: Annie Hall
Alvy Singer: What's with all these awards? They're always giving out awards. Best Fascist Dictator: Adolf Hitler.
Movie: Annie Hall
Alvy Singer: Don't you see the rest of the country looks upon New York like we're left-wing, communist, Jewish, homosexual pornographers? I think of us that way sometimes and I live here.
Movie: Annie Hall
Alvy Singer: Sun is bad for you. Everything our parents said was good is bad. Sun, milk, red meat... college.
Movie: Annie Hall
[last lines]
Alvy Singer: [narrating] After that it got pretty late, and we both had to go, but it was great seeing Annie again. I... I realized what a terrific person she was, and... and how much fun it was just knowing her; and I... I, I thought of that old joke, y'know, the, this... this guy goes to a psychiatrist and says, Doc, uh, my brother's crazy; he thinks he's a chicken. And, uh, the doctor says, Well, why don't you turn him in? The guy says, I would, but I need the eggs. Well, I guess that's pretty much now how I feel about relationships; y'know, they're totally irrational, and crazy, and absurd, and... but, uh, I guess we keep goin' through it because, uh, most of us... need the eggs.
Alvy Singer: [narrating] After that it got pretty late, and we both had to go, but it was great seeing Annie again. I... I realized what a terrific person she was, and... and how much fun it was just knowing her; and I... I, I thought of that old joke, y'know, the, this... this guy goes to a psychiatrist and says, Doc, uh, my brother's crazy; he thinks he's a chicken. And, uh, the doctor says, Well, why don't you turn him in? The guy says, I would, but I need the eggs. Well, I guess that's pretty much now how I feel about relationships; y'know, they're totally irrational, and crazy, and absurd, and... but, uh, I guess we keep goin' through it because, uh, most of us... need the eggs.
Movie: Annie Hall
Alvy Singer : Don't you see the rest of the country looks upon New York like we're left-wing, communist, Jewish, homosexual pornographers? I think of us that way sometimes and I live here.
Movie: Annie Hall
Alvy Singer : My grammy never gave gifts. She was too busy getting raped by Cossacks.
Movie: Annie Hall
[ after sex with Annie ]
Alvy Singer : That sex was the most fun I've ever had without laughing.
Alvy Singer : That sex was the most fun I've ever had without laughing.
Movie: Annie Hall
[ In California ]
Annie Hall : It's so clean out here.
Alvy Singer : That's because they don't throw their garbage away, they turn it into television shows.
Annie Hall : It's so clean out here.
Alvy Singer : That's because they don't throw their garbage away, they turn it into television shows.
Movie: Annie Hall
Annie Hall : So you wanna go into the movie or what?
Alvy Singer : No, I can't go into a movie that's already started, because I'm anal.
Annie Hall : That's a polite word for what you are.
Alvy Singer : No, I can't go into a movie that's already started, because I'm anal.
Annie Hall : That's a polite word for what you are.
Movie: Annie Hall
Duane : Can I confess something? I tell you this as an artist, I think you'll understand. Sometimes when I'm driving... on the road at night... I see two headlights coming toward me. Fast. I have this sudden impulse to turn the wheel quickly, head-on into the oncoming car. I can anticipate the explosion. The sound of shattering glass. The... flames rising out of the flowing gasoline.
Alvy Singer : Right. Well, I have to - I have to go now, Duane, because I, I'm due back on the planet Earth.
Alvy Singer : Right. Well, I have to - I have to go now, Duane, because I, I'm due back on the planet Earth.
Movie: Annie Hall
[ a guest is calling his meditation guru ]
Party guest : Hello? I forgot my mantra.
Party guest : Hello? I forgot my mantra.
Movie: Annie Hall
Alvy Singer : What's with all these awards? They're always giving out awards. Best Fascist Dictator: Adolf Hitler.
Movie: Annie Hall
[ Alvy addresses a pair of strangers on the street ]
Alvy Singer : Here, you look like a very happy couple, um, are you?
Female street stranger : Yeah.
Alvy Singer : Yeah? So, so, how do you account for it?
Female street stranger : Uh, I'm very shallow and empty and I have no ideas and nothing interesting to say.
Male street stranger : And I'm exactly the same way.
Alvy Singer : I see. Wow. That's very interesting. So you've managed to work out something?
Alvy Singer : Here, you look like a very happy couple, um, are you?
Female street stranger : Yeah.
Alvy Singer : Yeah? So, so, how do you account for it?
Female street stranger : Uh, I'm very shallow and empty and I have no ideas and nothing interesting to say.
Male street stranger : And I'm exactly the same way.
Alvy Singer : I see. Wow. That's very interesting. So you've managed to work out something?
Movie: Annie Hall
[ first lines ]
Alvy Singer : [ addressing the camera ] There's an old joke - um... two elderly women are at a Catskill mountain resort, and one of 'em says, "Boy, the food at this place is really terrible." The other one says, "Yeah, I know; and such small portions." Well, that's essentially how I feel about life - full of loneliness, and misery, and suffering, and unhappiness, and it's all over much too quickly. The... the other important joke, for me, is one that's usually attributed to Groucho Marx; but, I think it appears originally in Freud's "Wit and Its Relation to the Unconscious," and it goes like this - I'm paraphrasing - um, "I would never want to belong to any club that would have someone like me for a member." That's the key joke of my adult life, in terms of my relationships with women.
Alvy Singer : [ addressing the camera ] There's an old joke - um... two elderly women are at a Catskill mountain resort, and one of 'em says, "Boy, the food at this place is really terrible." The other one says, "Yeah, I know; and such small portions." Well, that's essentially how I feel about life - full of loneliness, and misery, and suffering, and unhappiness, and it's all over much too quickly. The... the other important joke, for me, is one that's usually attributed to Groucho Marx; but, I think it appears originally in Freud's "Wit and Its Relation to the Unconscious," and it goes like this - I'm paraphrasing - um, "I would never want to belong to any club that would have someone like me for a member." That's the key joke of my adult life, in terms of my relationships with women.
Movie: Annie Hall
Alvy Singer : I don't want to move to a city where the only cultural advantage is being able to make a right turn on a red light.
Movie: Annie Hall
[ after Annie parks the car ]
Alvy Singer : Don't worry. We can walk to the curb from here.
Alvy Singer : Don't worry. We can walk to the curb from here.
Movie: Annie Hall
Annie Hall : Sometimes I ask myself how I'd stand up under torture.
Alvy Singer : You? You kiddin'? If the Gestapo would take away your Bloomingdale's charge card, you'd tell 'em everything.
Alvy Singer : You? You kiddin'? If the Gestapo would take away your Bloomingdale's charge card, you'd tell 'em everything.
Movie: Annie Hall
Alvy Singer : Annie, there's a big lobster behind the refrigerator. I can't get it out. This thing's heavy. Maybe if I put a little dish of butter sauce here with a nutcracker, it will run out the other side.
Movie: Annie Hall
Annie Hall : Oh, you see an analyst?
Alvy Singer : Yeah, just for fifteen years.
Annie Hall : Fifteen years?
Alvy Singer : Yeah, I'm gonna give him one more year, and then I'm goin' to Lourdes.
Alvy Singer : Yeah, just for fifteen years.
Annie Hall : Fifteen years?
Alvy Singer : Yeah, I'm gonna give him one more year, and then I'm goin' to Lourdes.
Movie: Annie Hall
Alvy Singer : A relationship, I think, is like a shark. You know? It has to constantly move forward or it dies. And I think what we got on our hands is a dead shark.
Movie: Annie Hall
Alvy Singer : Love is too weak a word for what I feel - I luuurve you, you know, I loave you, I luff you, two F's, yes I have to invent, of course I - I do, don't you think I do?
Movie: Annie Hall
[ Annie wants to smoke marijuana before sex ]
Alvy Singer : Yeah, grass, right? The illusion that it will make a white woman more like Billie Holiday.
Annie Hall : Well, have you ever made love high?
Alvy Singer : Me? No. I - I, you know, If I have grass or alcohol or anything, I get unbearably wonderful. I get too, too wonderful for words. I don't know why you have to get high every time we make love.
Annie Hall : It relaxes me.
Alvy Singer : You have to be artificially relaxed before we can go to bed?
Annie Hall : Well, what's the difference anyway?
Alvy Singer : Well, I'll give you a shot of sodium pentathol. You can sleep through it.
Annie Hall : Oh come on. Look who's talking. You've been seeing a psychiatrist for 15 years. You should smoke some of this. You'd be off the couch in no time.
Alvy Singer : Yeah, grass, right? The illusion that it will make a white woman more like Billie Holiday.
Annie Hall : Well, have you ever made love high?
Alvy Singer : Me? No. I - I, you know, If I have grass or alcohol or anything, I get unbearably wonderful. I get too, too wonderful for words. I don't know why you have to get high every time we make love.
Annie Hall : It relaxes me.
Alvy Singer : You have to be artificially relaxed before we can go to bed?
Annie Hall : Well, what's the difference anyway?
Alvy Singer : Well, I'll give you a shot of sodium pentathol. You can sleep through it.
Annie Hall : Oh come on. Look who's talking. You've been seeing a psychiatrist for 15 years. You should smoke some of this. You'd be off the couch in no time.
Movie: Annie Hall
[ Alvy is having sex with Annie ]
Alvy Singer : Hey, is something wrong?
Annie Hall : No, why?
Alvy Singer : I don't know. It's like you're removed. [ a ghost of Annie rises from herself, and sits in a chair to watch ]
Annie Hall : No, I'm fine.
Alvy Singer : Are you with me?
Annie Hall : Uh, huh.
Alvy Singer : I don't know. You seem sort of distant.
Annie Hall : Let's just do it, all right?
Alvy Singer : Is it my imagination, or are you just going through the motions?
Ghost of Annie Hall : Alvy, do you remember where I put my drawing pad? Because while you two are doing that, I think I'm going to do some drawing.
Alvy Singer : [ gesturing to the ghost ] You see, that's what I call removed.
Alvy Singer : Hey, is something wrong?
Annie Hall : No, why?
Alvy Singer : I don't know. It's like you're removed. [ a ghost of Annie rises from herself, and sits in a chair to watch ]
Annie Hall : No, I'm fine.
Alvy Singer : Are you with me?
Annie Hall : Uh, huh.
Alvy Singer : I don't know. You seem sort of distant.
Annie Hall : Let's just do it, all right?
Alvy Singer : Is it my imagination, or are you just going through the motions?
Ghost of Annie Hall : Alvy, do you remember where I put my drawing pad? Because while you two are doing that, I think I'm going to do some drawing.
Alvy Singer : [ gesturing to the ghost ] You see, that's what I call removed.
Movie: Annie Hall
[ Alvy Singer does a stand-up comic act for a college audience ]
Alvy Singer : I was thrown out of N.Y.U. my freshman year for cheating on my metaphysics final, you know. I looked within the soul of the boy sitting next to me. When I was thrown out, my mother, who was an emotionally high-strung woman, locked herself in the bathroom and took an overdose of Mah-Jongg tiles. I was depressed at that time. I was in analysis. I was suicidal as a matter of fact and would have killed myself, but I was in analysis with a strict Freudian, and, if you kill yourself, they make you pay for the sessions you miss.
Alvy Singer : I was thrown out of N.Y.U. my freshman year for cheating on my metaphysics final, you know. I looked within the soul of the boy sitting next to me. When I was thrown out, my mother, who was an emotionally high-strung woman, locked herself in the bathroom and took an overdose of Mah-Jongg tiles. I was depressed at that time. I was in analysis. I was suicidal as a matter of fact and would have killed myself, but I was in analysis with a strict Freudian, and, if you kill yourself, they make you pay for the sessions you miss.
Movie: Annie Hall
[ Alvy confronts Annie about having an affair ]
Alvy Singer : Well, I didn't start out spying. I thought I'd surprise you. Pick you up after school.
Annie Hall : Yeah, but you wanted to keep the relationship flexible. Remember, it's your phrase.
Alvy Singer : Oh stop it, you're having an affair with your college professor, that jerk that teaches that incredible crap course, Contemporary Crisis in Western Man...
Annie Hall : Existential Motifs in Russian Literature. You're really close.
Alvy Singer : What's the difference? It's all mental masturbation.
Annie Hall : Oh, well, now we're finally getting to a subject you know something about.
Alvy Singer : Hey, don't knock masturbation. It's sex with someone I love.
Annie Hall : We're not having an affair. He's married. He just happens to think I'm neat.
Alvy Singer : "Neat." What are you, 12 years old? That's one of your Chippewa Falls expressions.
Annie Hall : Who cares? Who cares?
Alvy Singer : Next thing you know, he'll find you keen and peachy, you know. Next thing you know, he's got his hand on your ass.
Annie Hall : You've always had hostility towards David, ever since I mentioned him.
Alvy Singer : Dav - you call your teacher David?
Annie Hall : It's his name.
Alvy Singer : It's a Biblical name, right? What does he call you, Bathsheba?
Alvy Singer : Well, I didn't start out spying. I thought I'd surprise you. Pick you up after school.
Annie Hall : Yeah, but you wanted to keep the relationship flexible. Remember, it's your phrase.
Alvy Singer : Oh stop it, you're having an affair with your college professor, that jerk that teaches that incredible crap course, Contemporary Crisis in Western Man...
Annie Hall : Existential Motifs in Russian Literature. You're really close.
Alvy Singer : What's the difference? It's all mental masturbation.
Annie Hall : Oh, well, now we're finally getting to a subject you know something about.
Alvy Singer : Hey, don't knock masturbation. It's sex with someone I love.
Annie Hall : We're not having an affair. He's married. He just happens to think I'm neat.
Alvy Singer : "Neat." What are you, 12 years old? That's one of your Chippewa Falls expressions.
Annie Hall : Who cares? Who cares?
Alvy Singer : Next thing you know, he'll find you keen and peachy, you know. Next thing you know, he's got his hand on your ass.
Annie Hall : You've always had hostility towards David, ever since I mentioned him.
Alvy Singer : Dav - you call your teacher David?
Annie Hall : It's his name.
Alvy Singer : It's a Biblical name, right? What does he call you, Bathsheba?
Movie: Annie Hall
Alvy Singer : It's mental masturbation!
Annie Hall : And you would know all about THAT, wouldn't you?
Alvy Singer : Hey, don't knock masturbation! It's sex with someone I love.
Annie Hall : And you would know all about THAT, wouldn't you?
Alvy Singer : Hey, don't knock masturbation! It's sex with someone I love.
Movie: Annie Hall