Annie Hall Quotes
Annie Hall : So I told her about, about the family and about my feelings towards men and about my relationship with my brother. And then she mentioned penis envy. Do you know about that?
Alvy Singer : Me? I'm, I'm one of the few males who suffers from that.
Alvy Singer : Me? I'm, I'm one of the few males who suffers from that.
Movie: Annie Hall
[ Alvy questions an old man on the street about his sex life ]
Alvy Singer : With your wife in bed, does she need some kind of artificial stimulation, like, like marijuana?
Old man on street : We use a large vibrating egg.
Alvy Singer : With your wife in bed, does she need some kind of artificial stimulation, like, like marijuana?
Old man on street : We use a large vibrating egg.
Movie: Annie Hall
Pam : Sex with you is really a Kafka-esque experience.
Alvy Singer : Oh. Thank you.
Pam : I mean that as a compliment.
Alvy Singer : Oh. Thank you.
Pam : I mean that as a compliment.
Movie: Annie Hall
Alvy Singer : I think, I think there's too much burden placed on the orgasm, you know, to make up for empty areas in life.
Pam : Who said that?
Alvy Singer : It may have been Leopold and Loeb.
Pam : Who said that?
Alvy Singer : It may have been Leopold and Loeb.
Movie: Annie Hall
[ Alvy sees a program from the Fillmore East and The National Review in Annie's apartment ]
Alvy Singer : Are you going with a right-wing rock 'n roll star?
Alvy Singer : Are you going with a right-wing rock 'n roll star?
Movie: Annie Hall
[ Alvy has killed two spiders ]
Alvy Singer : I did it. I killed 'em both. [ Annie starts crying ]
Alvy Singer : What's the matter? What are you sad about? What did you want me to do? Capture 'em and rehabilitate 'em?
Alvy Singer : I did it. I killed 'em both. [ Annie starts crying ]
Alvy Singer : What's the matter? What are you sad about? What did you want me to do? Capture 'em and rehabilitate 'em?
Movie: Annie Hall
Alvy Singer : You know, I don't think I could take a mellow evening because I - I don't respond well to mellow. You know what I mean? I have a tendency to - if I get too mellow, I - I ripen and then rot, you know.
Movie: Annie Hall
[ Alvy is asked to try cocaine ]
Alvy Singer : I don't want to put a wad of white powder in my nose. There's the nasal membrane...
Annie Hall : You never want to try anything new, Alvy.
Alvy Singer : How can you say that? Whose idea was it? I said that you, I and that girl from your acting class should sleep together in a threesome.
Annie Hall : Well, that's sick.
Alvy Singer : Yeah, I know it's sick, but it's new. You didn't say it couldn't be sick.
Alvy Singer : I don't want to put a wad of white powder in my nose. There's the nasal membrane...
Annie Hall : You never want to try anything new, Alvy.
Alvy Singer : How can you say that? Whose idea was it? I said that you, I and that girl from your acting class should sleep together in a threesome.
Annie Hall : Well, that's sick.
Alvy Singer : Yeah, I know it's sick, but it's new. You didn't say it couldn't be sick.
Movie: Annie Hall
Annie Hall : Alvy, you're incapable of enjoying life, you know that? I mean you're like New York City. You're just this person. You're like this island unto yourself.
Alvy Singer : I can't enjoy anything unless everybody is. If one guy is starving someplace, that puts a crimp in my evening.
Alvy Singer : I can't enjoy anything unless everybody is. If one guy is starving someplace, that puts a crimp in my evening.
Movie: Annie Hall
Alvy Singer : I remember the staff at our public school. You know, we had a saying, uh, that those who can't do teach, and those who can't teach, teach gym. And, uh, those who couldn't do anything, I think, were assigned to our school.
Movie: Annie Hall
Alvy Singer : They did not take me in the Army. I was, um, interestingly enough, I was, I was 4-P. Yes. In the, in the event of war, I'm a hostage.
Movie: Annie Hall
Annie Hall : You're what Grammy Hall would call a real Jew.
Alvy Singer : Oh. Thank you.
Alvy Singer : Oh. Thank you.
Movie: Annie Hall
Alvy Singer : In 1942 I had already discovered women. [ Young Alvy kisses girl in school ]
Alvy's Classmate : Yecch. He kissed me, he kissed me. Yecch.
Miss Reed : That's the second time this month. Step up here.
Alvy at 9 : What'd I do?
Miss Reed : Step up here.
Alvy at 9 : What did I do?
Miss Reed : You should be ashamed of yourself.
Alvy Singer : Why? I was just expressing a healthy sexual curiosity.
Miss Reed : Six year old boys don't have girls on their minds.
Alvy Singer : I did.
Alvy's Classmate : For God's sake, Alvy, even Freud speaks of a latency period.
Alvy Singer : Well, I never had a latency period. I can't help it.
Alvy's Classmate : Yecch. He kissed me, he kissed me. Yecch.
Miss Reed : That's the second time this month. Step up here.
Alvy at 9 : What'd I do?
Miss Reed : Step up here.
Alvy at 9 : What did I do?
Miss Reed : You should be ashamed of yourself.
Alvy Singer : Why? I was just expressing a healthy sexual curiosity.
Miss Reed : Six year old boys don't have girls on their minds.
Alvy Singer : I did.
Alvy's Classmate : For God's sake, Alvy, even Freud speaks of a latency period.
Alvy Singer : Well, I never had a latency period. I can't help it.
Movie: Annie Hall
Alvy Singer : I'm so tired of spending evenings making fake insights with people who work for "Dysentery."
Robin : "Commentary."
Alvy Singer : Oh really? I had heard that "Commentary" and "Dissent" had merged and formed "Dysentery."
Robin : "Commentary."
Alvy Singer : Oh really? I had heard that "Commentary" and "Dissent" had merged and formed "Dysentery."
Movie: Annie Hall
Allison : I'm in the midst of doing my thesis.
Alvy Singer : On what?
Allison : Political commitment in twentieth century literature.
Alvy Singer : You, you, you're like New York, Jewish, left-wing, liberal, intellectual, Central Park West, Brandeis University, the socialist summer camps and the, the father with the Ben Shahn drawings, right, and the really, y'know, strike-oriented kind of, red diaper, stop me before I make a complete imbecile of myself.
Allison : No, that was wonderful. I love being reduced to a cultural stereotype.
Alvy Singer : Right, I'm a bigot, I know, but for the left.
Alvy Singer : On what?
Allison : Political commitment in twentieth century literature.
Alvy Singer : You, you, you're like New York, Jewish, left-wing, liberal, intellectual, Central Park West, Brandeis University, the socialist summer camps and the, the father with the Ben Shahn drawings, right, and the really, y'know, strike-oriented kind of, red diaper, stop me before I make a complete imbecile of myself.
Allison : No, that was wonderful. I love being reduced to a cultural stereotype.
Alvy Singer : Right, I'm a bigot, I know, but for the left.
Movie: Annie Hall
Robin : There's Henry Drucker. He has a chair in history at Princeton. Oh, and the short man is Hershel Kaminsky. He has a chair in philosophy at Cornell.
Alvy Singer : Yeah? Two more chairs they got a dining room set.
Alvy Singer : Yeah? Two more chairs they got a dining room set.
Movie: Annie Hall
[ last lines ]
Alvy Singer : [ narrating ] After that it got pretty late, and we both had to go, but it was great seeing Annie again. I... I realized what a terrific person she was, and... and how much fun it was just knowing her; and I... I, I thought of that old joke, y'know, the, this... this guy goes to a psychiatrist and says, "Doc, uh, my brother's crazy; he thinks he's a chicken." And, uh, the doctor says, "Well, why don't you turn him in?" The guy says, "I would, but I need the eggs." Well, I guess that's pretty much now how I feel about relationships; y'know, they're totally irrational, and crazy, and absurd, and... but, uh, I guess we keep goin' through it because, uh, most of us... need the eggs.
Alvy Singer : [ narrating ] After that it got pretty late, and we both had to go, but it was great seeing Annie again. I... I realized what a terrific person she was, and... and how much fun it was just knowing her; and I... I, I thought of that old joke, y'know, the, this... this guy goes to a psychiatrist and says, "Doc, uh, my brother's crazy; he thinks he's a chicken." And, uh, the doctor says, "Well, why don't you turn him in?" The guy says, "I would, but I need the eggs." Well, I guess that's pretty much now how I feel about relationships; y'know, they're totally irrational, and crazy, and absurd, and... but, uh, I guess we keep goin' through it because, uh, most of us... need the eggs.
Movie: Annie Hall
Alvy Singer : Sun is bad for you. Everything our parents said was good is bad. Sun, milk, red meat... college.
Movie: Annie Hall
[ Annie's family and Alvy's family converse through a split screen ]
Mom Hall : How do you plan to spend the holidays, Mrs. Singer?
Alvy's Mom : We fast.
Dad Hall : Fast?
Alvy's Dad : No food. You know, to atone for our sins.
Mom Hall : What sins? I don't understand.
Alvy's Dad : To tell you the truth, neither do we.
Mom Hall : How do you plan to spend the holidays, Mrs. Singer?
Alvy's Mom : We fast.
Dad Hall : Fast?
Alvy's Dad : No food. You know, to atone for our sins.
Mom Hall : What sins? I don't understand.
Alvy's Dad : To tell you the truth, neither do we.
Movie: Annie Hall
[ Alvy fantasizes being in love with the Wicked Queen from Snow White ]
Wicked Queen : We never have any fun any more.
Alvy Singer : How can you say that?
Wicked Queen : Why not? You're always leaning on me to improve myself.
Alvy Singer : You're just upset. You must be getting your period.
Wicked Queen : I don't get a period. I'm a cartoon character.
Wicked Queen : We never have any fun any more.
Alvy Singer : How can you say that?
Wicked Queen : Why not? You're always leaning on me to improve myself.
Alvy Singer : You're just upset. You must be getting your period.
Wicked Queen : I don't get a period. I'm a cartoon character.
Movie: Annie Hall
Alvy Singer : Lyndon Johnson is a politician, you know the ethics those guys have. It's like a notch underneath child molester.
Movie: Annie Hall
[ Rob has bailed Alvy out of jail ]
Rob : Imagine my surprise when I got your call, Max.
Alvy Singer : Yeah. I had the feeling that I got you at a bad moment. You know, I heard high-pitched squealing.
Rob : Twins, Max! 16 years-old. Can you imagine the mathematical possibilities?
Alvy Singer : [ glum ] You're an actor, Max. You should be doing Shakespeare in the Park.
Rob : Oh, I did Shakespeare in the Park, Max. I got mugged. I was playing Richard the Second and two guys with leather jackets stole my leotard.
Rob : Imagine my surprise when I got your call, Max.
Alvy Singer : Yeah. I had the feeling that I got you at a bad moment. You know, I heard high-pitched squealing.
Rob : Twins, Max! 16 years-old. Can you imagine the mathematical possibilities?
Alvy Singer : [ glum ] You're an actor, Max. You should be doing Shakespeare in the Park.
Rob : Oh, I did Shakespeare in the Park, Max. I got mugged. I was playing Richard the Second and two guys with leather jackets stole my leotard.
Movie: Annie Hall
[ Alvy and Annie are seeing their therapists at the same time on a split screen ]
Alvy Singer's Therapist : How often do you sleep together?
Annie Hall's Therapist : Do you have sex often?
Alvy Singer : [ lamenting ] Hardly ever. Maybe three times a week.
Annie Hall : [ annoyed ] Constantly. I'd say three times a week.
Alvy Singer's Therapist : How often do you sleep together?
Annie Hall's Therapist : Do you have sex often?
Alvy Singer : [ lamenting ] Hardly ever. Maybe three times a week.
Annie Hall : [ annoyed ] Constantly. I'd say three times a week.
Movie: Annie Hall
[ On Pam being a Rosicrucian ]
Alvy Singer : I can't get with any religion that advertises in Popular Mechanics.
Alvy Singer : I can't get with any religion that advertises in Popular Mechanics.
Movie: Annie Hall
Alvy Singer : Oh my God, she's right. Why did I turn off Allison Portchnik? She was beautiful, she was willing. She was real intelligent. Is it the old Groucho Marx joke that I'm - I just don't want to belong to any club that would have someone like me for a member?
Movie: Annie Hall
Alvy Singer : I feel that life is divided into the horrible and the miserable. That's the two categories. The horrible are like, I don't know, terminal cases, you know, and blind people, crippled. I don't know how they get through life. It's amazing to me. And the miserable is everyone else. So you should be thankful that you're miserable, because that's very lucky, to be miserable.
Movie: Annie Hall
Doctor in Brooklyn : Why are you depressed, Alvy?
Alvy's Mom : Tell Dr. Flicker. [ Young Alvy sits, his head down - his mother answers for him ]
Alvy's Mom : It's something he read.
Doctor in Brooklyn : Something he read, huh?
Alvy at 9 : [ his head still down ] The universe is expanding.
Doctor in Brooklyn : The universe is expanding?
Alvy at 9 : Well, the universe is everything, and if it's expanding, someday it will break apart and that would be the end of everything!
Alvy's Mom : What is that your business? [ she turns back to the doctor ]
Alvy's Mom : He stopped doing his homework!
Alvy at 9 : What's the point?
Alvy's Mom : What has the universe got to do with it? You're here in Brooklyn! Brooklyn is not expanding!
Doctor in Brooklyn : It won't be expanding for billions of years yet, Alvy. And we've gotta try to enjoy ourselves while we're here!
Alvy's Mom : Tell Dr. Flicker. [ Young Alvy sits, his head down - his mother answers for him ]
Alvy's Mom : It's something he read.
Doctor in Brooklyn : Something he read, huh?
Alvy at 9 : [ his head still down ] The universe is expanding.
Doctor in Brooklyn : The universe is expanding?
Alvy at 9 : Well, the universe is everything, and if it's expanding, someday it will break apart and that would be the end of everything!
Alvy's Mom : What is that your business? [ she turns back to the doctor ]
Alvy's Mom : He stopped doing his homework!
Alvy at 9 : What's the point?
Alvy's Mom : What has the universe got to do with it? You're here in Brooklyn! Brooklyn is not expanding!
Doctor in Brooklyn : It won't be expanding for billions of years yet, Alvy. And we've gotta try to enjoy ourselves while we're here!
Movie: Annie Hall