Arrested Development Quotes
Oscar: [Oscar grabs onto the dashboard] The car.
George Sr.: Up yours Granny.
Lucille: You couldn't handle it.
TV Show: Arrested Development
Oscar: Your mother called me for a reason. I don't think she's happy.
Buster: No, my mother's happy. She's just mean all the time.
TV Show: Arrested Development
Carl Weathers: [about Burger King] I'm going to go get a drink refill. You know you can get unlimited refills on any drink you want... and it's free?
Tobias Fünke: It's a wonderful restaurant.
Narrator: It sure is.
TV Show: Arrested Development
Barry Zuckerkorn: It would help if you all showed up, looking like a loving, supportive family.
Lucille: For how long?
Barry Zuckerkorn: Ten minutes tops.
Lucille: See if you can get it down to five.
TV Show: Arrested Development
Barry Zuckerkorn: So basically you're about 2,000 shares short of being the majority stock holders. Now unfortunately it's a private stock so you can not just buy up the shares unless someone is willing to sell
Michael: Are you sure?
Barry Zuckerkorn: That's what it said on 'Ask Jeeves'
TV Show: Arrested Development
Barry Zuckerkorn: Those are the pictures?
Wayne Jarvis: They're all over the news.
Barry Zuckerkorn: [scrutinizes] Those are balls.
Wayne Jarvis: What?
Narrator: Barry was right. Tobias had inadvertently photographed himself in the bathtub while trying to figure out his new cell phone.
TV Show: Arrested Development
George Oscar 'Gob' Bluth: [turning a twenty into... ] Monopoly. You don't have it, do you?
George Michael: Yeah, actually.
George Oscar 'Gob' Bluth: Well, that's good, cuz this one is missing a lot of pieces. [drives off on his Segway]
George Michael: Uh, Uncle GOB, the twenty?
George Oscar 'Gob' Bluth: A magician never reveals his secrets.
George Michael: I don't need the secret, I need... [GOB is gone]
George Michael: Wow, that's so much like stealing.
TV Show: Arrested Development
George Oscar 'Gob' Bluth: [walks in on George-Michael kissing his cousin, Maeby] Dad's going to be crushed.
George Michael Bluth: [nervously] You don't have to tell him!
TV Show: Arrested Development
Gob: [arms crossed] Then there's me. The joker. The goofball. The magician. [quickly makes a magician's gesture with his hands]
Michael: I thought you were gonna do a little fireball there.
Gob: I was. It didn't go off.
TV Show: Arrested Development
Gob: [Gob's wife has served him divorce papers] And now she's stomping on my heart.
Michael Bluth: What's her first name? Quickly.
Gob: [flustered] Crindee.
Michael Bluth: Name's not Crindee, Gob.
Gob: [Reads papers] Ah, Saul Zetzmann. Nope. That's her lawyer. Well, she's GOT a name. And I'm gonna find out what it is. And I'm gonna make a pun on it. And that's what I'll call her. Bad example: if her name's Amy, I'll call her "Blame-y."
Michael Bluth: That's a strong defense.
TV Show: Arrested Development
Gob: [talking about his new boat] The Seaward.
Michael: You're not getting a boat.
Gob: [doing rock, paper, scissors] One, two, three.
Michael: You're not gonna do it... [does rock]
Michael: .
Gob: Paper covers rock.
Michael: Fine, but rock sinks boat.
Lucille: [entering room] Michael.
Michael: Just a minute mom. [to GOB]
Michael: . Get rid of the Seaward.
Lucille: I'll leave when I'm good and ready.
TV Show: Arrested Development
Gob: [while giving a lecture on office sexual harassment policies] Please refrain from discussing or engaging in any inter-office [bleep]
Gob: and [bleep]
Gob: and finger [bleep]
Gob: and [long bleep]
Gob: or even [bleep]
Gob: . Even though so many of us are *begging* for it. Oh, and if anyone lays a finger on my sister Lindsay, I'll take off my pants, I'll show you my [bleep]
Gob: and I'll personally [long bleep]
Gob: .
TV Show: Arrested Development
Gob: Believe me, we didn't do any sleeping. I had sex last night.
Narrator: But he really didn't
Gob: Yes, I did.
TV Show: Arrested Development
Gob: Brother? Hermano means brother? Well, sounds like Hermano is about to get his ass kicked.
TV Show: Arrested Development
Gob: Hey, guy. They tell me you're the actor who plays Marta's brother, Tio.
Spanish actor: Como?
Gob: Oh, you're gonna be in a coma, all right.
TV Show: Arrested Development
Gob: I did the right thing, Michael. If I didn't fire them, how could I teach a lesson to the others?
Michael: There are no others. You fired everyone.
Gob: Oh, that's great. The guy who's dirty dancing with his niece is telling the guy in the $3,600 suit... how to... run the business... [pause]
Gob: Come on.
Michael: Maybe we were better off with me being businesslike and you being the good time useless party guy.
Gob: It got us this far. And I must say I miss the laughter. Oh God, how they used to laugh with me.
Michael: AT you. We have to figure out a way to hire everybody back. A meeting.
Gob: A party.
Michael: No, we just had a party.
Gob: Yeah but I didn't get to have any fun.
TV Show: Arrested Development
Gob: I lost Earl Milford.
Michael: What?
Gob: I didn't know it was him. Although he was exceptionally quiet in there. You can always tell a Milford man.
TV Show: Arrested Development
Gob: If I didn't have a live dove in my pants right now, I'd leap across the table and... [he unzips his pants]
Gob: Ah, what the hell...
Michael: I think that's just as good of a time as any to end the meeting.
TV Show: Arrested Development
Gob: I'm an ideas man Michael. I think I proved that with "Fuck Mountain".
TV Show: Arrested Development
Gob: I'm dating this Christian girl right now. She wants me to be honest and reconnect with my son. And I'm trying to get her to renounce God and fuck me, but I just want to prove to her that I'm worth it.
TV Show: Arrested Development
Gob: I'm filling Dad's shoes, now, Michael. Literally. Well, the shoes didn't fit but at least I got into Dad's pants. [everyone looks at GOB]
Gob: And I also had to have the crotch taken up a little.
TV Show: Arrested Development
Gob: Is that George Michael's girlfriend? What is she funny or something?
TV Show: Arrested Development
Gob: Ok, ok, ok. So should, should, should, should, should, shhhhshsh, should, should...
Michael: Well, do it your way, I'm just here to have fun.
Gob: Not too much fun, all right? I already gave my big sexual harassment speech today.
Gob: [subtitle: earlier that day... ] [Gob talking to Bluth employees about sexual harassment]
Gob: Please refrain from discussing or engaging in any sort of inter-office [bleep]
Gob: ing, or [bleep]
Gob: ing, or finger [bleep]
Gob: , or [bleep]
Gob: sting, or [bleep]
Gob: esting or [bleep]
Gob: eing or even [bleep]
Gob: . Even though so many people in this office are begging for it. And if anybody does anything with my sister Lindsay, I'll take off my pants, I'll [bleep]
Gob: , and I'll personally [really long bleep]
Gob: .
TV Show: Arrested Development
Gob: Okay, everybody come out of your offices please. The party has now started. [turns on music]
Gob: Let's go... Everybody dance now. [the workers stare at him]
Gob: Everybody dance NOW. [the workers start listlessly dancing]
Michael: Well, I think we're off to a great start.
TV Show: Arrested Development
Gob: Steve Holt's not my son.
George Michael Bluth: Steve Holt? What, the moron jock?
Gob: That's my son, you pothead.
TV Show: Arrested Development