Arrested Development Quotes
Gob: Tell you what we're gonna do: "Rock Paper Scissors" for it.
Michael: No, no I'm not...
Gob: One, two, three. Paper covers rock.
Michael: It is a rock, though. Should beat everything.
Gob: There's not a lot of logic to it. It's kind of like on a boat with "Women and children first." I mean, why should they...
TV Show: Arrested Development
Gob: Well, I'm not the president, so I dont deserve a fancy phone.
Tobias Fünke: Well, the Blue Man Group may need me, and I *do* deserve a fancy phone.
Narrator: They didn't. [Tobias flips his phone across the room]
Narrator: And he doesn't.
TV Show: Arrested Development
Gob: Yeah, the guy in the $3,000 suit is holding the elevator for the guy who doesn't make that in four months. Come on.
TV Show: Arrested Development
Gob: You drive a hard bargain, but I'm the President of the Bluth company, and I decline. [turns to Sitwell]
Gob: You look surprised.
Stan Sitwell: [adjusts his eyebrows] Must've put 'em on wrong.
TV Show: Arrested Development
Gob: Zero hour, Michael. It's the end of the line. I'm the firstborn. I'm sick of playing second fiddle. I'm always third in line for everything. I'm tired of finishing fourth. Being the fifth wheel. There are six things I'm mad about, and I'm taking over.
TV Show: Arrested Development
Lindsay Funke: [after having met popular actor Moses Taylor, who plays detective Frank Wrench] I'm going to go see if I cant get a wrench to strip my nuts. [pause, everyone stares]
Lindsay Funke: I thought it sounded sexy.
TV Show: Arrested Development
Lindsay Funke: [discussing Michael's dislike of George Michael's girlfriend] You know, maybe if you stopped judging her, he'd trust you. Look, if you say no, you're just going to drive him right to her.
George Michael Bluth: Hey, Dad, can you drive me to Ann's?
Michael: Nnnn... Y-Y-Y-Y-Yes.
George Michael Bluth: Great. I'll wait in the car.
Michael: I don't think that worked.
TV Show: Arrested Development
Lindsay Funke: [reading from Jessie's smear article] "Lindsay's a combative, entitled princess"? I should hire someone to kick your ass for that.
TV Show: Arrested Development
Lindsay Funke: [to Michael] GOB doesnt do anything for the family.
Gob: Hey, I'm fucking Lucille 2.
Lindsay Funke: Or I could do something like that.
TV Show: Arrested Development
Lindsay Funke: [Trying to set Michael up with Ms Barely] Well, I think she's perfect for you.
Michael: For me? Really? Thanks, but no, Lindsay. I've already been set up once today by a sibling, and I don't think you people know my type.
Lindsay Funke: Hey, look, it's not coming from me. It's George Michael. He told me. I think he wants a mother.
Michael: Well, that's ridiculous. He's got you. He's got our mother. You'd think that would turn him off the entire concept.
TV Show: Arrested Development
Lindsay Funke: Barry, did you talk to a doctor?
Barry Zuckerkorn: I did. I have poison oak. Do you believe it? How the hell did I get that? [Cut to a shot of a rest area]
Lucille Bluth: She was talking about George.
Barry Zuckerkorn: Oh, he's the same. Look, I guess we should decide on who's going to speak for the family. I would, but I have Laker tickets. [Cut to a shot of the rest area]
TV Show: Arrested Development
Lindsay Funke: Did you enjoy your meal, Mom? You drank it fast enough.
Lucille: Not as much as you enjoyed yours. You want the belt to buckle, not your chair. [server sets a dessert of Bananas Foster on fire]
Lucille: You might want to let that fire go out before you stick your face in it.
Lindsay Funke: That's funny, 'cause I was gonna say "You might wanna lean away from that fire since you're soaked in alcohol."
Lucille: Mine was better.
TV Show: Arrested Development
Lindsay Funke: Dr. Funke's 100% Natural Good Time Family Band solution was a nightmare.
Michael: Tobias said it was some of the most fun your family has ever had.
Lindsay Funke: Yeah, well, I was whacked on Xanotab.
Michael: Well I thought Xanotab was supposed to make everything better.
Lindsay Funke: For fifteen minutes. Then it burns when you pee and your marriage goes to hell. It's not a good supplement. Besides, Maebe wont do it.
Mae 'Maebe' Funke: Let's do it. I want to reunite the band. That was some of the best times we've ever had.
TV Show: Arrested Development
Lindsay Funke: Hey, I could've sworn I just saw Dad... Or not. I think hallucinations are a side effect of Teamocil.
Narrator: They aren't.
TV Show: Arrested Development
Lindsay Funke: I hate to say it, but Michael might be right. You need to learn a little discipline.
Mae 'Maebe' Funke: Hmm. Nope. That doesn't feel right.
Lindsay Funke: No, no, no. I am telling you. You are now punished. I punish thee.
Mae 'Maebe' Funke: Are you serious? What could you possibly come up with that would punish me?
Lindsay Funke: Oh, I have to come up with another thing?
TV Show: Arrested Development
Lindsay Funke: I think George Michael needs a mother.
Michael: Well, he's got you, he's got mom, you think that would turn him off the concept entirely.
TV Show: Arrested Development
Lindsay Funke: I'm saying every time something starts to go well for you, you blow it.
Tobias Fünke: Nothing has ever gone well for me, and you know that.
Lindsay Funke: That's my point, you... [sees Mabey]
Lindsay Funke: ... handsome cowboy, you.
Tobias Fünke: Oh, great. And now you're mocking me. You selfish coun- [Notices Mabey]
Tobias Fünke: ... try music loving lady. Hello, Maeby.
TV Show: Arrested Development
Lindsay Funke: I'm tired of trying to find happiness through lies and self-medicating. If you need me, I'll be at the bar.
TV Show: Arrested Development
Lindsay Funke: Oh! Because you're too afraid to ask Sally Sitwell to go with you.
Michael Bluth: That's not true. That's not true at all.
Lindsay Funke: [Begins her chicken dance] Chaw-chee-chaw-chee!
Michael Bluth: What is that? Is that a chicken?
George Oscar 'Gob' Bluth: What's this?
Lindsay Funke: Michael is scared to ask out Sally.
Michael Bluth: No, I'm not.
George Oscar 'Gob' Bluth: This is priceless. [Starts chicken dancing with Lindsay]
George Oscar 'Gob' Bluth: Caw-ca-caw-ca-ca-caw!
Michael Bluth: Oh, come on. Those aren't even birds!
TV Show: Arrested Development
Lindsay Funke: Oh, are we still talking about the tapes? I was talking about my marriage. As you know, Bob Loblaw and I have had a secret little thing going.
Michael: Real secret. In fact, he doesn't even know about it.
Lindsay Funke: Last night, he finally responded to one of my subtle hints.
Lindsay Funke: [flashback] Why wont you fuck me?
Bob Loblaw: I'll be honest. You're a nice girl but you dress like a common whore. And besides, I just can't go out with a client.
TV Show: Arrested Development
Lindsay Funke: You'll never be able to pull this off, Michael. You're the good guy. This isnt you.
Michael: It's me now, Lindsay. It's the me that can recline. [he leans back and hits his head on the railing]
Lindsay Funke: Did that hurt?
Michael: No.
TV Show: Arrested Development
Lindsay: [saying how stress can lead to drugs] ... like the stress you put on George Michael, even when he gets an A.
Michael: *Minus*, and he knows an A gets him ice cream.
TV Show: Arrested Development
Lindsay: Michael, if this is a lecture on how we're all supposed to whatever and blah-blah-blah, well, you can save it, because we all know it by heart.
TV Show: Arrested Development
Lindsay: What was all that about?
Michael Bluth: I think Buster's planning to flee to Mexico.
TV Show: Arrested Development
Dave Attell: [discussing Tobias with Carl Weathers] Whoa, this guy's straight? [holds up a pair of Tobias' cut-offs]
Dave Attell: Then, what am I wearing these for?
TV Show: Arrested Development
Dave Attell: [to Carl Weathers about Tobias] If this guy's straight, then I'm sober.
TV Show: Arrested Development
Dave Attell: Wow, the service sent you over quick.
Lindsay Funke: Oh I'm sorry. [Dave Attell quickly removes the cutoffs]
Lindsay Funke: You dont cry when you take those off?
TV Show: Arrested Development
George Michael Bluth: [after hearing that Steve Holt and Lindsay have a lunch date] Steve Holt? I thought you liked him.
Maebe: I do, I'm crazy about him. He only talks to her because he thinks she has a penis. Oh, I told him that she was a tranny.
TV Show: Arrested Development
George Michael Bluth: [George Michael is finishing a eulogy for George Sr] I'll be bringing you some salmon rolls real soon.
George Sr.: [watching from the attic] How many times I gotta tell this kid chicken wings?
TV Show: Arrested Development