Arrested Development Quotes
Narrator: [Tobias is covered in blue paint and is walking at dusk] Tobias went to a tryout for the Blue Man Group hoping to be seen. [Tobias is run over by Barry]
Narrator: Unfortunately, it was dusk, and he wasn't seen.
TV Show: Arrested Development
Narrator: After being arrested, George Sr. found a loophole in the Mexican judicial system...
George Sr.: [holds up wad of cash] I have... [clears throat]
George Sr.: ... I have money
TV Show: Arrested Development
Narrator: And back at the penthouse, Lucille was praying for the second time in her life.
Lucille: Lord, let Buster forget everything. And if you need to take another hand to make that happen, please make it G.O.B.'s.
TV Show: Arrested Development
Narrator: Buster had attempted to flee to Mexico, but instead, he wound up in Santa Ana, California, a town six miles inland from his own. The two cities were so close that they shared a newspaper. Unfortunately, due to the car fumes and high temperatures, Buster could not tell the difference.
TV Show: Arrested Development
Narrator: Each year, Oscar attempts the four hundred mile walk from Newport Beach to Berkeley, California. In the twelve years that he's attempted this, he's never made it farther than UC Irvine.
TV Show: Arrested Development
Narrator: For the first time, Lucille prays...
Lucille: [Praying] Take something else from us. Do whatever you have to to keep my boy from going to war.
Narrator: And Buster is on his way when he decides to pursue a long-delayed rite of passage... [Buster swims in the ocean]
Person: Loose seal. Watch out for loose seal.
Buster: [Thinking he means Lucille] I don't care about Lucille. She lies.
Narrator: ...and then a seal bites off his hand.
Lucille: Amen.
TV Show: Arrested Development
Narrator: George Michael did not just get to second base with Maeby, he dove in head first. Like Pete Rose.
TV Show: Arrested Development
Narrator: George Michael was getting ready for school when he came across a box of love letters he'd written, but never sent, to his cousin Maeby. One letter, titled "If you weren't my cousin," was particularly incriminating.
TV Show: Arrested Development
Michael Bluth: Do you know what they do to people who commit treason?
George Sr.: First time.
Michael Bluth: I've never heard of a second.
George Sr.: I got the worst [bleep]
George Sr.: -ing attorneys.
TV Show: Arrested Development
Narrator: Gob had just blown up a car.
Gob: [with Lucille 2] Next thing I know, I'm running for my life. And all I could think was if something were to ever happen to me, how sad I'd be, you know?
Lucille Austero: What you did to me at lunch today... You were ashamed to be with me.
Gob: No. I was ashamed to be seen with you. I like being with you.
Lucille Austero: I'm sorry, but you have no courage.
Gob: How can you say that? Shh. Thought I heard my mom. [whispers]
Gob: How can you say that?
TV Show: Arrested Development
Narrator: Gob was recently hired by the Bluth Company's rival, Sitwell Enterprises. And although he started off well...
Gob: 52% of the country is single. That's a market that's been dominated by apartment rentals. Let's take some of that market. I call it "Single City."
Narrator: ...his ideas failed to evolve.
Gob: It's, like, "Hey, you want to go down to the whirlpool?" "Yeah, I don't have a husband." I call it "Swing City."
Stan Sitwell: Let's get into some new areas, if you don't mind.
Narrator: But Gob continued to fine-tune his first one.
Gob: How do we filter out the teases? We don't let them in.
Gob: This goes for the guys, too. Because sometimes the guys are tapped out. But check your lease, man. Because you're living in [bleep]
Gob: City.
Stan Sitwell: You're fired.
TV Show: Arrested Development
Narrator: Gob, getting the feeling he could not return a completely frozen dead dove to a pet store and get the full refund the felt he was entitled to, decided to join him.
TV Show: Arrested Development
Narrator: In an effort to "hip" up his act, Gob had briefly introduced a puppet. [Gob is acting as a black puppet named Franklin in front of the family]
Gob: [as Franklin] Can I tell you something, my man?
Gob: [as himself] Sure, Franklin.
Gob: [as Franklin] You are one cool [bleep]
Gob: . Speaking of mothers, let me give that oatmeal some brown sugar. [the puppet 'kisses' Lucille]
George Sr.: Get off my wife, you bastard. [strangles Franklin]
Gob: [as Franklin] What's the matter with you?
Gob: [in the present] Franklin said some things Whitey wasn't ready to hear.
Michael: Gob, weren't you also mercilessly beaten outside of a club in Torrance for that act?
Gob: He also said some things that African-American-y wasn't ready to hear either.
TV Show: Arrested Development
Narrator: Last year, Tobias produced a video tape. But its brief success was due to its misleading name. [shows "Families with Low Self Esteem" next to "Girls With Low Self Esteem"]
Narrator: Once this flaw was discovered, all but ten of the tapes were returned.
TV Show: Arrested Development
Narrator: Michael was having brunch with Sally Sitwell at a restaurant called Skip Church's Bistro. In addition to brunch, the restaurant was known for an item on the menu called the "Skip's Scramble", an omelet that contained everything on the menu. Do not order the Skip's Scramble.
TV Show: Arrested Development
Narrator: On the next Arrested Development, Barry receives a sign from God.
Barry Zuckerkorn: [Seeing a replica of the Ten Commandments on top of his car] I will obey your will, I will lead a good life. [Sees a parking ticket on his car]
Barry Zuckerkorn: Well, to hell with this then.
TV Show: Arrested Development
Narrator: On the next Arrested Development, Buster moves to the kitchen.
TV Show: Arrested Development
Narrator: So the speech was disturbing, the food was inedible, and the gift bags pretty frightening. And when GOB found out that he wasnt going to get any tips, the service got worse. Oh and that old racist woman choked on Buster's thumb. All in all it was one of the Bluth's better parties.
TV Show: Arrested Development
Narrator: So the speech was disturbing, the food was inedible, the service lousy especially after GOB found out he wasn't going to get any tips, and that old racist woman choked on Buster's thumb. All in all, it was one of the Bluth's better parties.
TV Show: Arrested Development
Narrator: Tobias listens to a day's worth of his own words, to see what Michael was referring to...
Tobias Fünke: [on tape] ... even if it means me taking a chubby, I will suck it up.
Tobias Fünke: Nothing wrong with that.
Tobias Fünke: [on tape] Oh, I've been in the film business for a while, but I just can't seem to get one in the can.
Tobias Fünke: It's out of context.
Tobias Fünke: [on tape] I wouldn't mind kissing that man between the cheeks.
Narrator: ...and he realized there is something distinct about the way he speaks.
Tobias Fünke: Tobias, you blowhard. [chuckles]
TV Show: Arrested Development
Narrator: Tobias was a never nude, which is exactly what it sounds like.
TV Show: Arrested Development
Narrator: What Dave Attell was trying to portray was the fact that Tobias was never able to be completely naked, but it was lost on the audience due to the narrator's shoddy delivery.
TV Show: Arrested Development
Narrator: While on the set of Wrench, Tobias had snuck into the costume closet and disguised himself as an English nanny in an attempt to see his daughter and prove to his wife he had what it took to become a successful actor. It was the exact same plot as Mrs. Doubtfire...
Tobias Fünke: [after Lindsay answers the door] Why, hellooo. My name is Mrs. Phlyddia Featherbottom, the agency sent me over.
Lindsay Funke: Uh... I didn't contact any agency.
Tobias Fünke: But I can cook and clean and even take care of the little ones. In fact, if it comes in handy... I can sing a song or two...
Narrator: And maybe a little Mary Poppins to throw in the mix...
Tobias Fünke: A squirt of frosting down the throat helps to take your medication / In the most delicious way...
TV Show: Arrested Development
Rita: And they think the stupidest things are funny.
Michael Bluth: Yeah, that's a cultural problem is what it is. You know, your average American male is in a perpetual state of adolescence, you know, arrested development.
Narrator: Hey. That's the name of the show.
TV Show: Arrested Development
Rita: But I want to get married and have sexual relations like you promised.
TV Show: Arrested Development
Michael Bluth: [calling from prison, taking about his brother, Gob] I've got a nice hard cot with his name on it.
Lucille: You would do that to your brother?
Michael Bluth: I said "cot".
TV Show: Arrested Development
Michael Bluth: Did that oven vent hit you? Your foot is bleeding.
Lindsay Funke: [obviously under the influence] Oh, my God. My foot is bleeding.
Narrator: Teamocil may cause numbness of the extremities.
Michael Bluth: Don't forget. We're going to need you for the softball team tomorrow.
Lindsay Funke: Of course. Why do you think I'm taking Teamocil?
Michael Bluth: To curb your sex drive.
Lindsay Funke: Oh, yeah. What team are you talking about?
Narrator: It may also cause short-term memory loss.
TV Show: Arrested Development
Michael Bluth: I need you to do something to my mom that I cannot do. Maybe some Afternoon Delight.
Oscar: Ah. Now the question is, how do I get it in her?
Narrator: Oscar thought that Michael was referring to a particular brand of cannibus called "Afternoon Delight". It was known for the ability to slow down reflexes.
Michael Bluth: I don't want any details...
Oscar: Maybe I'll put it in her brownie...
Michael Bluth: Hey.
TV Show: Arrested Development
Michael Bluth: Look, you can't risk leaving the attic any more.
George Sr.: When have you seen me outside?
Michael Bluth: Yesterday at the Ford Dealer.
George Sr.: Yeah, well, have you seen those new Mustangs? I'm telling you - you could hump the hood.
TV Show: Arrested Development
Michael Bluth: That's why people don't typically cook in these things or install them in attics. Besides, you made me look very foolish in front of Sally Sitwell.
George Sr.: Did you stick it to her?
Michael Bluth: No. You screwed that up just like you screwed up this hot tub.
TV Show: Arrested Development