Arrested Development Quotes
Michael Bluth: Why are you squeezing me with your body?
Lucille Bluth: It's a hug, Michael. I'm hugging you.
TV Show: Arrested Development
Michael Bluth: You can call me anything you want...
Lindsay Funke: An impotent man-boy?
TV Show: Arrested Development
Michael Bluth: You know what you do? You go buy yourself a tape recorder and record yourself for a whole day. You might be surprised at some of your phrasing.
Tobias Fünke: Butterscotch. Wanna lick?
TV Show: Arrested Development
Michael: [after George Sr. has been handed a jail sentence] They're going to keep Dad in jail until this whole thing gets sorted out. [silence amongst the family]
Michael: Also, I've been told that the company's expense accounts have been frozen... [everyone gasps]
Michael: ...Interesting. I would have expected that after "They're keeping Dad in jail."
TV Show: Arrested Development
Michael: [at Gob's magic show at the Gothic Castle] Where's Tobias?
Narrator: [voiceover] Tobias had intended to come to the magic show, but had a slight miscommunication with his cab driver.
Tobias Fünke: [Tobias is wearing a leather outfit he bought to impress Maebe] I would like to go to the Gothic Castle.
Cab Driver: Gothic asshole?
Tobias Fünke: Yes. [at the wrong Gothic Castle, Tobias sees two people walking out]
Tobias Fünke: Boy, I am glad I didn't go with that outfit. [to the bouncer]
Tobias Fünke: I am here to see the magic.
TV Show: Arrested Development
Michael: [At Police Station, on phone to Lucille] They're keeping me over night while I wait for my arraignment. I'd appreciate it if you could tell my son that I'm on a business trip.
Lucille: Why can't the girl at work do it?
Michael: Tobias? I sent him on a date with Kitty to keep her off our backs.
Lucille: Well, you better hope Lindsay doesn't find out. She'll be devastated.
Lindsay Funke: [Enters room] Find out what?
Lucille: Your husband's dating Kitty, the whore.
Lindsay Funke: He is? That's horrible. [Exits]
Lucille: [to Michael] Do I know my daughter?
TV Show: Arrested Development
Michael: [discussing evidence that links George Sr. to Saddam Hussein] If this information was so damaging, why didn't you just shred it?
George Sr.: Well, Saddam owed us money.
Michael: And you didn't realize that he wouldn't pay?
George Sr.: Your mom had a good feeling about him.
TV Show: Arrested Development
Michael: [Michael and George Michael are watching the banana stand burn to the ground] This is going to be our best summer ever. [GOB scoots up]
Michael: You mailed that insurance check, right, GOB? [GOB scoots off, Michael chases after him]
TV Show: Arrested Development
Michael: [seeing everyone lying around on couches] Okay, is there a carbon monoxide leak in this house?
TV Show: Arrested Development
Michael: [talking to Lindsay as Tobias enters] Tobias doesn't do anything around here.
Tobias Fünke: Well excuuuuuuuse meeeee. [Tobias looks down defeated looking]
Tobias Fünke: Excuse me. [walks off crying]
TV Show: Arrested Development
Michael: [to George-Michael at Milford interview] Save it for the talk room, son.
TV Show: Arrested Development
Michael: Are you serious?
Wayne Jarvis: Almost always. I was once voted the worst audience participant Cirque Du Soleil ever had.
TV Show: Arrested Development
Michael: G. O. B., you've found a woman who believes in you. You should make a commitment to her because life is short. Listen to me. I would give anything to be able to have that again, you know? A family. Nothing else matters.
Lucille: Michael?
Michael: It's Mom. Hide.
Gob: You brought up money earlier. I actually would like to borrow some.
Michael: No.
Lucille: Michael?
Gob: He's in here, Mom.
Michael: Come on.
TV Show: Arrested Development
Michael: Gob, I'm going to need you to sneak Mom out of rehab.
Gob: Gee, I didn't think the woman I'd be checking out at Spring Break would be Mom.
Buster: She's better than the whores you date.
Gob: Don't call my escorts whores.
Buster: Mom's still got it.
Gob: I don't date whores.
Lindsay Funke: Stop it, both of you. This objectification of women has got to stop.
Michael: It's just Mom and whores.
TV Show: Arrested Development
Michael: Hi, there.
Gob: What's she doing here?
Maebe: Merry Christmas to you too, Uncle Gob.
Michael: Is everything okay?
Gob: I just don't want people's kids getting their sticky little fingers all over these $2,600 pants.
Michael: You think they're going to go right for the pants?
TV Show: Arrested Development
Michael: I burned it. Down to the ground.
George Sr.: There was money in that banana stand.
Michael: Well, it's all gone now.
George Sr.: There was $250,000 lining the inside walls of the banana stand.
Michael: What?
George Sr.: Cash, Michael. What the hell did you think I meant when I said... [strangles Michael]
George Sr.: [yells] There is money... in... the banana stand.
Prison guard: [George Sr. quickly takes his hands off Michael] No Touching.
George Sr.: No touching.
Prison guard: No touching.
TV Show: Arrested Development
Michael: I really think the reason you and I always fight is that, since we were little, Dad's always played us off each other.
Gob: Dad always said that was your fault.
TV Show: Arrested Development
Michael: I think George Michael is hiding Ann in the attic.
Lindsay Funke: From the Nazis?
TV Show: Arrested Development
Michael: I thought I got rid of GOB, but Dad puts him right back in the business.
Lindsay Funke: You two have always fought. In fact, I think I have a video of that.
Michael: You and half of Orange County.
Narrator: As children, George Sr. would often provoke the boys to fight each other. He thought it would equip them for the challenges of life. He also believed that footage of the boys fighting would be a big hit in the burgeoning home-video market. He soon franchised the concept with such titles as "Boyfights 2", "A Boyfights Cookout", and "Backseat Boyfights: The Trip To Uncle Jack's 70".
TV Show: Arrested Development
Michael: I wonder how I can talk you out of ever making that face again.
TV Show: Arrested Development
Michael: I'm sure Egg is a great person.
George Michael Bluth: It's... it's Ann.
TV Show: Arrested Development
Michael: It's the carpenter who blames his shoddy - [touches cornballer]
Michael: [bleep] stupid corballin' piece of [bleep]
Michael: .
TV Show: Arrested Development
Michael: My mom is very stressed out, and she needs something I can't give her, um... maybe a little "afternoon delight".
Narrator: Oscar thought that Michael was referring to a particular brand of cannabis named Afternoon Deelite, a strain famous for slowing behavior.
Oscar: Well sure, my question is, which way do I try to get it in her?
Michael: I don't need any details.
Oscar: Maybe I'll put it in her brownie
Michael: Hey.
TV Show: Arrested Development
Michael: My mother is opposed to the idea of hiring a new attorney. She'll probably refuse to enter the room if she sees you.
Wayne Jarvis: I shall hide behind the couch. [and he does just that]
Michael: Guy's a pro.
TV Show: Arrested Development
Michael: Oh sure, Lindsay. You're a much better parent - no borders, no limits, oh go ahead, touch the Cornballer...
TV Show: Arrested Development
Michael: So, how'd you make the yacht disappear?
Gob: Michael, a magician never reveals - [gets excited]
Gob: - I sunk it. At least I think I sunk it. I mean, I blew it up and I don't see it anywhere.
TV Show: Arrested Development
Michael: Tell me the truth. There's been a lot of lying in this family
Lucille: And a lot of love.
Michael: More lies.
TV Show: Arrested Development
Michael: That cousin of yours is a smart girl... Its too bad you can't date her.
George Michael Bluth: No, I was talk... You mean, you wouldn't have a problem with that? [Michael looks at him funny]
George Michael Bluth: ...Nothing.
TV Show: Arrested Development