Arrested Development Quotes
Michael: The only thing I found in the refrigerator was a dead dove in a bag.
Gob: You didnt eat that dove, did you? I only have 6 days to return it.
TV Show: Arrested Development
Michael: There's more to life than strippers and booze and buckets of blood. Why do you guys have buckets of blood?
Gob: It's not real blood. It's corn syrup and red dye... juice.
Buster: There's unlimited juice? This party is gonna be off the hook.
TV Show: Arrested Development
Michael: Well, you certainly haven't been shopping. The only thing I found in the fridge was a dead dove in a bag.
Gob: You didn't eat that, did you?
TV Show: Arrested Development
Michael: What do you think of when you hear the name, "Sudden Valley"?
George Michael Bluth: Salad dressing. But I don't want to eat it.
Michael: What about, "Paradise Gardens"?
George Michael Bluth: Yeah... that's better. I can see myself marinating a chicken in that.
TV Show: Arrested Development
Michael: What's the matter with you? Didn't you bag some woman you're never going to see again?
Gob: Well, I broke a couple of my own rules. She knows I'm Gob Bluth, and... we got married, and...
TV Show: Arrested Development
Michael: Where did you get that outfit?
Lindsay Funke: Mom gave it to me. I guess she wanted me to have something new. Sweet old thing.
Michael: Only two of those words describe mom, so I know you're lying to me.
Lindsay Funke: Okay fine. I bought it before we went broke. I just haven't worn it until now.
Michael: Uh huh. And the outfit yesterday?
Lindsay Funke: Old Thing gave it to me.
TV Show: Arrested Development
Michael: Why haven't you talked to my brother, the new President of the company?
Wayne Jarvis: We did earlier. He claims to know nothing.
Michael: Well, that's not an act. He twice tried to heat up a Ding-Dong in a microwave while it was still in its tinfoil.
Wayne Jarvis: Twice?
Michael: Two times.
TV Show: Arrested Development
Michael: Yes, this is Michael Bluth for Barry.
Barry Zuckerkorn: [to his secretary] I'm not here.
Barry's Secretary: Barry's not in right now. Would you like to leave her a message?
Michael: Yeah, tell her she needs to whisper a little softer next time, AND I'm not paying for this phone call.
Barry Zuckerkorn: I am not a girl, you...
Barry's Secretary: [pulls out a tape recorder] Go ahead, call me something. I'm redecorating my kitchen.
TV Show: Arrested Development
Michael: You know, GOB, you might want to start acting like the President. You're beginning to alienate some of the employees.
Gob: Yeah, like the CEO has to worry about alienating the employees.
Narrator: In fact, GOB *had* started to alienate some of the employees.
Gob: [in the break room] The worst that could happen is that I could spill coffee all over this $3,000 suit. Come on. [in the elevator]
Gob: Yeah, the guy wearing the $4,000 suit is holding the elevator for the guy who doesn't make that in four months. Come on. [in the bathroom]
Gob: Yeah, like I'm going to take a whiz through this $5,000 suit. Come on.
TV Show: Arrested Development
Michael: You know, I'm in pretty good shape, Buster. You could be eating my dust all day.
Narrator: Buster was starting to give as good as he received.
Buster: Yeah, and you could be eating [bleep]
Buster: that's gonna [bleep]
Buster: .
Michael: Well, let's hope it doesn't come to that.
TV Show: Arrested Development
Michael: You want to be in charge?
Gob: Yeah.
Michael: You want to deal with what I deal with? A sister who takes your money and throws it away. A mother who you can't trust. A company whose founder may be on trial for treason. Is that what you want?
Gob: What kind of vacation time does it offer?
TV Show: Arrested Development
Uncle Jack: [to Michael] I'm invited into very few personal homes. [to his assisstant, Dragon]
Uncle Jack: TO THE NUTS.
TV Show: Arrested Development
Tony Wonder: [to someone off the screen] How many times have I told you to move that fucking sofa? And clean the dumwaiter while you're at it.
TV Show: Arrested Development
George Bluth, Sr.: Michael, this is my brother. Do you know what it's like to have a sibling who has no source of income except for you?
Michael Bluth: Just one? No. No idea. It sounds wonderful, though.
TV Show: Arrested Development
George Sr.: [explaining why he left the company to Lucille] They cannot charge a husband and wife for the same crime.
Michael: That's not true.
George Sr.: Really?
Michael: Yep.
George Sr.: [whispering] I got the worst [bleep]
George Sr.: -ing attorneys.
TV Show: Arrested Development
George Sr.: [George Sr. is hiding in the attic, Michael brings him some food] Does Pop-pop get a treat?
Michael: No, Pop-pop does not get a treat, I just brought you a fucking pizza.
TV Show: Arrested Development
George Sr.: [pleading his case to the Mexican police] Wait a minute, I'm not Oscar, I'm George.
Prison guard: The Cornballer.
George Sr.: Si, si, the cornballer. [the Mexican guards show George Sr. their scarred arms from using the Cornballer]
Narrator: George Sr. had been marketing a device called "The Cornballer" in Mexico after the severe burns it caused led to it being banned in the U.S. [footage of George Sr. strangling Richard Simmons]
TV Show: Arrested Development
George Sr.: [talking to the stockholders] ... And Gilligan has told me that my money will be safe in I.R.A.s.
Ira Gilligan: Sir, it's Ira.
George Sr.: Sorry, Gilligan. My money will be safe in Iras.
TV Show: Arrested Development
George Sr.: [via satellite from prison] Chanukah can be spelled so many ways. Oh God.
TV Show: Arrested Development
George Sr.: [via satellite from prison] Sorry, some of my students are arguing the significance of the shankbone on the seder plate. But we do not - not wag our genitals at one another to make a point.
TV Show: Arrested Development
George Sr.: Don't get involved. Believe me. When I thought your first wife was pulling us apart, I did not make a stink.
Michael: You complained all the time and she was my only wife and she died.
George Sr.: Well, see? Things have a way of working themselves out.
TV Show: Arrested Development
George Sr.: I think it's a mistake letting George Michael go on this church thing.
Michael: Her name is Ann, Dad, and he's not "going on" her.
TV Show: Arrested Development
George Sr.: I'm paying thousands of dollars in Krugerrands.
Lindsay Funke: What?
George Sr.: Gold Krugerrands. Your mother snuck them in here, stuffed them in energy bar wrappers to keep me from getting strangled in the shower or worse.
Lindsay Funke: Stabbed?
George Sr.: In a way. I use them to pay off the other guys to stop them from hollering obscenities at my... my little girl. But you keep coming back here, honey, and I'm going broke.
Lindsay Funke: [Touched] That's all I've ever wanted from you, Daddy- for you to spend money on me.
TV Show: Arrested Development
George Sr.: Listen... Let him go. Let your son go.
Michael: I can't do that, Dad. He needs me.
George Sr.: Michael, you don't want to make the same mistake your mom made with Buster.
Michael: Yeah, boy. What happened there?
George Sr.: I really don't know. Maybe it was the eleven months he spent in the womb. The doctor said there were claw marks on the walls of her uterus. But he was her "miracle baby." And I-I was just too burnt out on raising you guys to care. So... he turned out a little soft, you know, a little doughy. [Buster yawns next to him]
George Sr.: I don't know, maybe it was my fault. Maybe, uh, maybe I just ignored the guy. [Buster finishes yawning although George Sr is ignoring him]
Buster: Wow. We're just blowing through nap time, aren't we?
Michael: Yeah, I got to let my son go.
TV Show: Arrested Development
George Sr.: Look, I just need something to read. Pop-pop gets a Grisham?
TV Show: Arrested Development
George Sr.: Soak the puppet's mouth with ether, and have Franklin give Lucille a kiss to knock her out.
Gob: [as Franklin] I ain't kissin' that ol' bitch.
George Sr.: [starts to choke Franklin] That's my wife, you bastard.
Gob: Dad, that's my wrist. [as George Sr. chokes Gob]
Gob: Hey, that's his neck.
TV Show: Arrested Development
George Sr.: The Brits set me up. I heard nothing about Iraq.
Michael: Dad, we have a picture of you and Saddam Hussein. [picture of George Sr. shaking hands with Saddam Hussein. Caption says "Bluth-Hussen Meeting 1998." ]
George Sr.: I thought he was the Soup Nazi. I was just congratulating him on a great job.
TV Show: Arrested Development
George Sr.: What is this is they have on me? You keep talking about a fact. You keep saying "I know for a fact." What fact?
Cindi Lightballoon: Faith. I have faith my prayers will free you.
George Sr.: Faith is not a fact.
Cindi Lightballoon: Oh, yes it is. You said so yourself in Caged Wisdom.
Narrator: George, Sr. had said faith is a fact. Unfortunately, it was in the Caged Wisdom blooper bonus footage.
George Sr.: Faith is a fact. No, faith is a facet. I almost said faith is a fact.
George Sr.: [in the present] I am going to trial because you don't understand what a blooper reel is?
TV Show: Arrested Development
George Sr.: You should have seen the face he made when - well, he's my twin brother, I'll show you.
TV Show: Arrested Development
Oscar: [Oscar grabs onto the dashboard] The car.
George Sr.: [Passing by George Sr] Up yours Granny.
Lucille: You couldn't handle it.
TV Show: Arrested Development