Batman - The Animated Series Quotes
[At the launch of the Gray Ghost videos]
Bruce: As a kid, I used to watch you with my father. The Gray Ghost was my hero.
Gray Ghost: Really...
Bruce: And he still is.
Bruce: As a kid, I used to watch you with my father. The Gray Ghost was my hero.
Gray Ghost: Really...
Bruce: And he still is.
TV Show: Batman - The Animated Series
Selina Kyle: Don't tell me you're my very own private probation officer. How often would you like me to check in?
TV Show: Batman - The Animated Series
Batman: (Feeling Catwoman's forehead) You're hot.
Catwoman: Now you notice.
Catwoman: Now you notice.
TV Show: Batman - The Animated Series
Batman: Sometimes, old friend, I wonder if I'm really doing any good out there.
Alfred: How can you doubt it? The lives you've saved, the criminals you've brought to justice-
Batman: I've put out a few fires, yes. But the war goes on, Alfred. On and on...
Alfred: How can you doubt it? The lives you've saved, the criminals you've brought to justice-
Batman: I've put out a few fires, yes. But the war goes on, Alfred. On and on...
TV Show: Batman - The Animated Series
Joker: I want a nice clean game, gentlemen.
Penguin: That'll be a first. So, I hear 'you-know-who' nailed the Mad Hatter last week.
Joker: No kidding. He sure gets around for one guy.
Two-Face: Yeah, well that's where you're wrong. I don't think it is one guy.
Killer Croc: Huh?
Two-Face: The way I figure it, Gordon's got a bunch of 'em stashed someplace like a SWAT team. He wants you to think it's one guy, but--
Joker: Meh. You're always seeing double.
Penguin: It's obvious our caped friend suffered some crime-related trauma when he was younger. Perhaps an over-anxious mugger blew off a piece of his face.
Joker: Sure! He could be all gross and disgusting under that mask! (As Two-Face crushes a milk carton) Uh, no offence, Harv.
Two-Face: Just deal.
Killer Croc: You know what I think?
Joker: (Groans) Not the robot theory again.
Killer Croc: Well, he could be.
Penguin: That'll be a first. So, I hear 'you-know-who' nailed the Mad Hatter last week.
Joker: No kidding. He sure gets around for one guy.
Two-Face: Yeah, well that's where you're wrong. I don't think it is one guy.
Killer Croc: Huh?
Two-Face: The way I figure it, Gordon's got a bunch of 'em stashed someplace like a SWAT team. He wants you to think it's one guy, but--
Joker: Meh. You're always seeing double.
Penguin: It's obvious our caped friend suffered some crime-related trauma when he was younger. Perhaps an over-anxious mugger blew off a piece of his face.
Joker: Sure! He could be all gross and disgusting under that mask! (As Two-Face crushes a milk carton) Uh, no offence, Harv.
Two-Face: Just deal.
Killer Croc: You know what I think?
Joker: (Groans) Not the robot theory again.
Killer Croc: Well, he could be.
TV Show: Batman - The Animated Series
Penguin: What brings such a dainty dove in this dismal den?
Poison Ivy: Running from the law and the Batman, too, of course.
Penguin: Of course.
Joker: Likewise.
Two-Face: You got it.
Killer Croc: Same here. You'd think one of us would have got him right now.
Penguin: I've come the closest.
Poison Ivy: Are you kidding? I was the one who nearly...
Two-Face: Nobody's come closer to snuffing the Batman than me.
[The villains, except Joker, argue who is the one almost got Batman. Joker whistles]
Joker: The fact of the matter is, we each have an 'Almost Got 'Im Batman' story. I know mine's the best, but let's hear yours anyway. I'd say, ladies first, but since we don't have any, we'll start with you, Pam!
Poison Ivy: Running from the law and the Batman, too, of course.
Penguin: Of course.
Joker: Likewise.
Two-Face: You got it.
Killer Croc: Same here. You'd think one of us would have got him right now.
Penguin: I've come the closest.
Poison Ivy: Are you kidding? I was the one who nearly...
Two-Face: Nobody's come closer to snuffing the Batman than me.
[The villains, except Joker, argue who is the one almost got Batman. Joker whistles]
Joker: The fact of the matter is, we each have an 'Almost Got 'Im Batman' story. I know mine's the best, but let's hear yours anyway. I'd say, ladies first, but since we don't have any, we'll start with you, Pam!
TV Show: Batman - The Animated Series
Batman: Reports of a huge bat creature the size of a man. Remind you of anybody?
Alfred: Present company excluded?
Alfred: Present company excluded?
TV Show: Batman - The Animated Series
Joker: Jingle bells! Batman smells! Robin laid an egg! The Batmobile lost a wheel and the Jo-ker got a-wa-a-a-ay! [he then jumps onto the giant Christmas Tree which is actually a rocket] Crashing through the roof! In a one-horse-open tree! Busting out I go! Laughing all the WHEEEEE! [the "rocket-tree" flies off into the distance as he sings]
TV Show: Batman - The Animated Series
[At the Christmas with the Joker show]
Joker: Rumor has it, Christmas is a time to share with family.
Laugh track: Yea!
Joker: And since I don't have one of my own...
Laugh track: Aww...
Joker: I decided to steal one!
Laugh track: Yea!
Joker: And here they are: The Awful Lawful Family! [lights turn on and reveal Gordon, Summer, and Bullock tied up and gagged] Aren't they just the cutest family you've ever seen?
Batman: [watching in the Batmobile] It's never easy with the Joker.
Joker: Meet Daddy Lawful! [ungags Gordon]
Commissioner Gordon: You diseased maniac! I'll-- [Joker gags him again] mhmmphm!
Joker: Hmm. Looks like I'll have to teach Daddy some manners. And here's Mommy Lawful! [ungags Summer]
Summer Gleason: Help! Somebody please help us-- [Joker gags her again] mhmmphm!
Joker: Ho ho ho, isn't she jolly? And here we have little Baby Lawful! Coochie coochie coo! [ungags Bullock]
Detective Bullock: When I get my hands on you, I'll rip your-- [Joker gags him again] mhmmphm!
Joker: I'll bet Batman wishes he had a family just like mine. Personally I think relatives are a bore, so Batman can have them... if he can find them by midnight! Otherwise... [makes a throat-slashing motion and laughs]
Joker: Rumor has it, Christmas is a time to share with family.
Laugh track: Yea!
Joker: And since I don't have one of my own...
Laugh track: Aww...
Joker: I decided to steal one!
Laugh track: Yea!
Joker: And here they are: The Awful Lawful Family! [lights turn on and reveal Gordon, Summer, and Bullock tied up and gagged] Aren't they just the cutest family you've ever seen?
Batman: [watching in the Batmobile] It's never easy with the Joker.
Joker: Meet Daddy Lawful! [ungags Gordon]
Commissioner Gordon: You diseased maniac! I'll-- [Joker gags him again] mhmmphm!
Joker: Hmm. Looks like I'll have to teach Daddy some manners. And here's Mommy Lawful! [ungags Summer]
Summer Gleason: Help! Somebody please help us-- [Joker gags her again] mhmmphm!
Joker: Ho ho ho, isn't she jolly? And here we have little Baby Lawful! Coochie coochie coo! [ungags Bullock]
Detective Bullock: When I get my hands on you, I'll rip your-- [Joker gags him again] mhmmphm!
Joker: I'll bet Batman wishes he had a family just like mine. Personally I think relatives are a bore, so Batman can have them... if he can find them by midnight! Otherwise... [makes a throat-slashing motion and laughs]
TV Show: Batman - The Animated Series
Summer Gleason: My mother's on that train!
Joker: Your mother? Well, that's different then! [in a funny voice as his handpuppet] Yeah, it'll be even more exciting when it crashes! [Joker laughs in his normal voice]
Joker: Your mother? Well, that's different then! [in a funny voice as his handpuppet] Yeah, it'll be even more exciting when it crashes! [Joker laughs in his normal voice]
TV Show: Batman - The Animated Series
Alfred: [After learning about the AI project] Sounds as if the human race could become quite expendable, except for butlers, of course.
Batman: Of course.
Batman: Of course.
TV Show: Batman - The Animated Series
Randa: You have immobilized the maker.
HARDAC: His human imperfection endangers the plan. He must be improved upon.
HARDAC: His human imperfection endangers the plan. He must be improved upon.
TV Show: Batman - The Animated Series
HARDAC: The maker's concept was sound, but he did not go far enough - which is why I have taken over.
TV Show: Batman - The Animated Series
Edward Nygma: (Being cheated out of the sales of his game) You are a fool, Mockridge, to think you can get away with this! Your amoral greed is no match for an intellect like mine!
Mockridge: Oh, yeah? Then tell me something, Eddie: if you're so smart, why aren't you rich?
Mockridge: Oh, yeah? Then tell me something, Eddie: if you're so smart, why aren't you rich?
TV Show: Batman - The Animated Series
Batman: Wherever you go, I'll be right behind you.
Penguin: Precisely where you belong.
Penguin: Precisely where you belong.
TV Show: Batman - The Animated Series
Batman: He wasn't with them?
Penguin: That's right, you vulgar vigilante! In my day, I associated with a much higher class of riff-raff!
Penguin: That's right, you vulgar vigilante! In my day, I associated with a much higher class of riff-raff!
TV Show: Batman - The Animated Series
Penguin: [to Veronica] All I wanted from you, deary, was a little friendship. That would have cost you nothing, but now you'll pay!
TV Show: Batman - The Animated Series
[Batman reprograms the Hand of Fate, and uses it to carry himself and Robin to the centre of the maze]
Riddler: That is grand-scale CHEATING, Batman! You're not allowed to tamper with the Hand of Fate!
Batman: I don't believe in fate!
Riddler: You probably don't believe in Minotaurs either, but you'll still have to answer the Riddle.
Minotaur Robot: I have billions of eyes, yet I live in darkness. I have millions of ears, yet only four lobes. I have no muscles, yet I move two hemispheres. What am I?
Batman: That's simple: the human brain.
[The Minotaur backs away]
Batman: It has billions of optic and auditory nerves, four lobes and two hemispheres, and it's the only thing Edward Nygma respects.
Riddler: A lucky guess, that's all, but it won't save you, Batman!
Riddler: That is grand-scale CHEATING, Batman! You're not allowed to tamper with the Hand of Fate!
Batman: I don't believe in fate!
Riddler: You probably don't believe in Minotaurs either, but you'll still have to answer the Riddle.
Minotaur Robot: I have billions of eyes, yet I live in darkness. I have millions of ears, yet only four lobes. I have no muscles, yet I move two hemispheres. What am I?
Batman: That's simple: the human brain.
[The Minotaur backs away]
Batman: It has billions of optic and auditory nerves, four lobes and two hemispheres, and it's the only thing Edward Nygma respects.
Riddler: A lucky guess, that's all, but it won't save you, Batman!
TV Show: Batman - The Animated Series
Poison Ivy: (as Joker changes the channel in the TV) Hey, I was watching that!
Joker: And now you're watching this!
Poison Ivy: Change it back!
Joker: Nope, nope, nope, nope, don't want to.
Poison Ivy: Guard!
Security Guard: What's the problem?
Joker: Don't look now, Sonny Jim, but the Plant Lady has gone whackers again.
Poison Ivy: He started it. I was just sitting here.
Joker: And now you're watching this!
Poison Ivy: Change it back!
Joker: Nope, nope, nope, nope, don't want to.
Poison Ivy: Guard!
Security Guard: What's the problem?
Joker: Don't look now, Sonny Jim, but the Plant Lady has gone whackers again.
Poison Ivy: He started it. I was just sitting here.
TV Show: Batman - The Animated Series
(Joker, enraged, smashes the TV)
Joker: How dare that smug, preening fool cash in on my image?!
Poison Ivy: Now, who should lighten up?
Joker: Don't get too cute with me, Red. He's ripping me off. I'll protest. Yeah, I'll sue! Then I'll rip his lungs out! And I will too!
Security Guard: Take it easy.
Joker: (pretending to be sick) I feel dizzy. Sick. Everything's spinning. I need a doctor.
Poison Ivy: Oh, Joker, thanks for the smile.
Joker: How dare that smug, preening fool cash in on my image?!
Poison Ivy: Now, who should lighten up?
Joker: Don't get too cute with me, Red. He's ripping me off. I'll protest. Yeah, I'll sue! Then I'll rip his lungs out! And I will too!
Security Guard: Take it easy.
Joker: (pretending to be sick) I feel dizzy. Sick. Everything's spinning. I need a doctor.
Poison Ivy: Oh, Joker, thanks for the smile.
TV Show: Batman - The Animated Series
Rossum: You don't understand. You're not a man's mind in a robot's body. You're a robot. Period.
Bat-Duplicant: You're lying! It's not possible! I know my family and friends! I remember names, faces, birthdays! I have memories! A past!
Rossum: You have information. Data. Nothing more. Do you remember your first kiss? Your favorite song? The last time you tasted a really good steak?
Bat-Duplicant: No, but-
Rossum: Can you remember anything beyond cold, hard facts? Facts can be implanted, accessed from any number of sources.
Bat-Duplicant: You're lying! It's not possible! I know my family and friends! I remember names, faces, birthdays! I have memories! A past!
Rossum: You have information. Data. Nothing more. Do you remember your first kiss? Your favorite song? The last time you tasted a really good steak?
Bat-Duplicant: No, but-
Rossum: Can you remember anything beyond cold, hard facts? Facts can be implanted, accessed from any number of sources.
TV Show: Batman - The Animated Series
Bat-Duplicant(Brandishing sword): How can you do this? HARDAC's goals are identical to your own!
Batman: How did you figure that?
Bat-Duplicant: Picture a world completely free of crime, free of suffering, free of frailty.
Batman: You mean free of choice? Compassion? Free of humanity?
Bat-Duplicant: YES!! (Swings sword)
Batman: You can't. HARDAC built you well.
(The Bat-Duplicant stuggles with himself, then reluctantly drops the sword)
Batman: Perhaps, even better than he could have imagined.
Batman: How did you figure that?
Bat-Duplicant: Picture a world completely free of crime, free of suffering, free of frailty.
Batman: You mean free of choice? Compassion? Free of humanity?
Bat-Duplicant: YES!! (Swings sword)
Batman: You can't. HARDAC built you well.
(The Bat-Duplicant stuggles with himself, then reluctantly drops the sword)
Batman: Perhaps, even better than he could have imagined.
TV Show: Batman - The Animated Series
Talia: My contact lenses! I lost them when we fell! They counter the distortion effect. Without them, I'm as helpless as you.
Batman: I don't do helpless.
Batman: I don't do helpless.
TV Show: Batman - The Animated Series
Ra's al Ghul: So even in defeat, the detective manages to achieve some small measure of victory. As you said, detective: this is not over.
TV Show: Batman - The Animated Series
Riddler: Ask me no questions, I'll tell you no tales. It all makes sense when you add it up!
[In the Batmobile]
Alfred: Four quarters and a penny, sir?
Batman: Penny... Penny... Cent... Red cent... Copper. It's made of copper.
Alfred: And "copper" is another name for a policeman.
Batman: And "no tails" would be heads. Police head... Quarters!
Alfred: Police Headquarters. Bravo, sir! It does make "cents" when you add it up!
[In the Batmobile]
Alfred: Four quarters and a penny, sir?
Batman: Penny... Penny... Cent... Red cent... Copper. It's made of copper.
Alfred: And "copper" is another name for a policeman.
Batman: And "no tails" would be heads. Police head... Quarters!
Alfred: Police Headquarters. Bravo, sir! It does make "cents" when you add it up!
TV Show: Batman - The Animated Series
Batman: You may control this world, Nygma, but I still control myself.
Riddler: The name is Riddler! Edward Nygma no longer exists! You may remember that he was fired by an ungrateful employer. That was a private matter and should have remained one!
Batman: Attempted homicide is never a private matter, Nygma.
Riddler: But it would've been if you hadn't interfered and made Nygma a criminal! So I deleted Nygma! Just like I'm going to delete you, Batman!
Riddler: The name is Riddler! Edward Nygma no longer exists! You may remember that he was fired by an ungrateful employer. That was a private matter and should have remained one!
Batman: Attempted homicide is never a private matter, Nygma.
Riddler: But it would've been if you hadn't interfered and made Nygma a criminal! So I deleted Nygma! Just like I'm going to delete you, Batman!
TV Show: Batman - The Animated Series
Alfred: (Seeing Batman with a Joker Fish) Dining in tonight, sir?
Batman: (Sighs) The dissection tray, please... Alfred...
Batman: (Sighs) The dissection tray, please... Alfred...
TV Show: Batman - The Animated Series
Penguin: I suppose it's true what they say. Society is to blame. High society.
TV Show: Batman - The Animated Series
Penguin: Your aim appears to be a little off today, Batman. I don't think you could hit the broad side of a barn, let alone the broad side of this bird! You're blind as a bat. Sightless and helpless.
Batman: You've got one right.
Batman: You've got one right.
TV Show: Batman - The Animated Series
[Batman swoops away after rescuing his Sensei's student, Kairi]
Kairi: [In Japanese] Spirit of the bat...
Kairi: [In Japanese] Spirit of the bat...
TV Show: Batman - The Animated Series