Batman - The Animated Series Quotes
Lloyd Ventrix: See you 'round, Batman! Too bad you can't say the same!
TV Show: Batman - The Animated Series
Batman: Ventrix, the suit! It's poison!
Ventrix: So what if it is?! I don't care! As long as I have it, I can take my daughter back whenever I want! Her mother won't stop me, AND NEITHER WILL YOU!
Ventrix: So what if it is?! I don't care! As long as I have it, I can take my daughter back whenever I want! Her mother won't stop me, AND NEITHER WILL YOU!
TV Show: Batman - The Animated Series
Ra's al Ghul: As Napoleon told me, "A strong will can fuel a frail physique."
TV Show: Batman - The Animated Series
(Alfred and Batman are in the Batcave examining one of the Joker's fish, when all of a sudden, a TV commercial comes on)
Harley Quinn: [singing] They're finny and funny and oh so delish! They're joyful and jolly Joker fish!
[Fade to a generic dining room, featuring two of the Joker's henchmen sitting at the table, dressed as small children, with Harley wearing an apron which reads "Kiss the Cook"]
Narrator (Joker): Say, Mom. Wondering what to feed the family tonight?
Harley: What'll I feed the family tonight?
[In walks the Joker, dressed as the Gorton's Fisherman]
Joker: [pirate's accent] Arrr! Try me famous Joker fish! There's Smiling Smelt! Giggling Grouper! And Happy Haddock!
Alfred: [to Batman] This could cause a stampede to pork!
Joker: Yummy-yum-yum! [takes a forkful of fish and holds it in front of Harley, who obviously doesn't like fish] Eat it!
Harley: Ummm, Mistah J?... I have this little...problem with fish--
[Joker shoves the forkful of fish into Harley's mouth]
Harley: [visibly disgusted] Yummy-yum-yum... [quickly runs out of frame]
Joker: Yes, friends, that's Joker fish! [Harley loudly retches off-camera] Tasty! Tempting! And of course...
Henchmen: [flatly] Naturally low in cholesterol.
Joker: Coming to your local store! [menacingly] Just as soon as that nasty ol' Mr. G. Carl Francis decides to give me my legal cut of the profits! I hope you've changed you've changed your mind, Francis, [holds up a clock] because I most certainly haven't changed mine. [laughs darkly]
Harley Quinn: [singing] They're finny and funny and oh so delish! They're joyful and jolly Joker fish!
[Fade to a generic dining room, featuring two of the Joker's henchmen sitting at the table, dressed as small children, with Harley wearing an apron which reads "Kiss the Cook"]
Narrator (Joker): Say, Mom. Wondering what to feed the family tonight?
Harley: What'll I feed the family tonight?
[In walks the Joker, dressed as the Gorton's Fisherman]
Joker: [pirate's accent] Arrr! Try me famous Joker fish! There's Smiling Smelt! Giggling Grouper! And Happy Haddock!
Alfred: [to Batman] This could cause a stampede to pork!
Joker: Yummy-yum-yum! [takes a forkful of fish and holds it in front of Harley, who obviously doesn't like fish] Eat it!
Harley: Ummm, Mistah J?... I have this little...problem with fish--
[Joker shoves the forkful of fish into Harley's mouth]
Harley: [visibly disgusted] Yummy-yum-yum... [quickly runs out of frame]
Joker: Yes, friends, that's Joker fish! [Harley loudly retches off-camera] Tasty! Tempting! And of course...
Henchmen: [flatly] Naturally low in cholesterol.
Joker: Coming to your local store! [menacingly] Just as soon as that nasty ol' Mr. G. Carl Francis decides to give me my legal cut of the profits! I hope you've changed you've changed your mind, Francis, [holds up a clock] because I most certainly haven't changed mine. [laughs darkly]
TV Show: Batman - The Animated Series
Poison Ivy: No man can take us prisoner! (Her tire suddenly blows out, forcing their car off the road)
Renee Montoya: (Holding a shotgun) Alright, ladies. Raise 'em.
Renee Montoya: (Holding a shotgun) Alright, ladies. Raise 'em.
TV Show: Batman - The Animated Series
Joker: Dear friends, today is the day the clown cried. And he cries not for the passing of one man, but for the death of a dream: the dream that he would someday taste the ultimate victory over his hated enemy. For it was the Batman who made me the happy soul I am today. How I agonized over the perfect way to thank him for that! Perhaps with a cyanide pie in the face, or an exploding whoopee cushion playfully planted in the Batmobile. But those dreams were dashed (starts getting angry) by the weaselly little gunsel sitting there in our midst. The cowardly, insignificant goniff who probably got lucky when Batman slipped on the slime trail this loser left behind him! This mound of diseased hyena filth who's not fit to lick the dirt from my spats! (suddenly cheerful again) But I digress. The time for sorrow has passed. It's time to look ahead, to a future filled with smiles. And I'll be smiling again, just as soon as we take that man there and slap him in that box there, and roll it into that vat of acid there!
Sid: No! No! I never meant to do it! Help! This isn't funny anymore! Would it help if I said I'm sorry? I'm really, really, really, really, really sorry!
Joker: (After sending Sid to his doom) Well, that was fun! Who's for Chinese?
Sid: No! No! I never meant to do it! Help! This isn't funny anymore! Would it help if I said I'm sorry? I'm really, really, really, really, really sorry!
Joker: (After sending Sid to his doom) Well, that was fun! Who's for Chinese?
TV Show: Batman - The Animated Series
Zatanna: What do you care about some leggy dame in nylons- or have I just answered my own question?
TV Show: Batman - The Animated Series
Zatanna(About Batman's mask) What happened that made you put this on?
Batman: A painful memory, and a promise.
Batman: A painful memory, and a promise.
TV Show: Batman - The Animated Series
Batman: [At the top of a building] All right, scumbucket. It's you, me and thirty stories. You're gonna tell me exactly what I want to know.
TV Show: Batman - The Animated Series
Batman: If you protect him, Stromwell, I'll be very...grumpy. You don't want to see me when I'm grumpy.
TV Show: Batman - The Animated Series
Tony Zucco: I'm not back in town five minutes - five minutes - and he's on my tail. You don't know the Bat. He don't let up! He's the dark angel of death, man, and he wants me!
TV Show: Batman - The Animated Series
[Robin is about to throw Tony Zucco off the pier]
Tony Zucco: No, don't! Please...
Batman: Robin! [walks up to him with a piece of wood as a cane] Enough, you can't let your emotions get the best of you.
Robin: Stuff your advice, Batman! You and your stone-cold heart! You never knew how I feel. HOW COULD YOU?!?! [Batman looks at him, Robin realizes what he said] Batman, I didn't mean to... I'm sorry.
Tony Zucco: No, don't! Please...
Batman: Robin! [walks up to him with a piece of wood as a cane] Enough, you can't let your emotions get the best of you.
Robin: Stuff your advice, Batman! You and your stone-cold heart! You never knew how I feel. HOW COULD YOU?!?! [Batman looks at him, Robin realizes what he said] Batman, I didn't mean to... I'm sorry.
TV Show: Batman - The Animated Series
Ra's al Ghul: The material of the Pit is an unknown chemical stew that bubbles to the Earth's surface only in certain key places. Even now, my people are placing bombs, such as that one, over the various Lazarus Pits around the world. These bombs are electronically linked to a private satellite already in Earth orbit.
Batman: Orpheus.
Ra's al Ghul: Precisely. And at the moment when sun and moon are in proper alignment to cause the greatest upheaval in Earth's geomagnetic field, I shall send a signal to that satellite, beginning a countdown. Five minutes thereafter, one bomb will be lowered deep into the heart of each Pit. The satellite will in turn relay a microwave signal that will detonate all the bombs simultaneously. The multiple explosions will result in a global chain reaction. All the Lazarus Pits throughout the world will overflow. The globe will be saturated with their chemical solution, and when the resultant cataclysm has abated, there will come a blessed peace, and this poor, defiled planet shall find itself restored to its former pristine glory.
Batman: But that will cost countless lives!
Ra's al Ghul: Actually, Detective, we have counted: Two billion, fifty-six million, nine hundred and eighty-six thousand! A most impressive plan, would you not agree?
Batman: Yes... I can see it clearly now for the first time. You are completely out of your mind.
Batman: Orpheus.
Ra's al Ghul: Precisely. And at the moment when sun and moon are in proper alignment to cause the greatest upheaval in Earth's geomagnetic field, I shall send a signal to that satellite, beginning a countdown. Five minutes thereafter, one bomb will be lowered deep into the heart of each Pit. The satellite will in turn relay a microwave signal that will detonate all the bombs simultaneously. The multiple explosions will result in a global chain reaction. All the Lazarus Pits throughout the world will overflow. The globe will be saturated with their chemical solution, and when the resultant cataclysm has abated, there will come a blessed peace, and this poor, defiled planet shall find itself restored to its former pristine glory.
Batman: But that will cost countless lives!
Ra's al Ghul: Actually, Detective, we have counted: Two billion, fifty-six million, nine hundred and eighty-six thousand! A most impressive plan, would you not agree?
Batman: Yes... I can see it clearly now for the first time. You are completely out of your mind.
TV Show: Batman - The Animated Series
Batman: And if I tell?
Scarface: Maybe you just get run over by a truck.
Scarface: Maybe you just get run over by a truck.
TV Show: Batman - The Animated Series
Stavros: Please! It's not what you think. I wasn't going to say anything. Honest!
Maximillion "Maxie" Zeus: Silence! First, you transgress against me. Then, you force me to descend to the mortal plane. And now, you tell me I know not what I think?!
Stavros: No!
Maximillion "Maxie" Zeus: To the depths of Tartarus with you!
Maximillion "Maxie" Zeus: Silence! First, you transgress against me. Then, you force me to descend to the mortal plane. And now, you tell me I know not what I think?!
Stavros: No!
Maximillion "Maxie" Zeus: To the depths of Tartarus with you!
TV Show: Batman - The Animated Series
Maximillion "Maxie" Zeus: You bore me with these tales of petty human concerns.
Clio: [annoyed] You're doing it again, Max.
Maximillian "Maxie" Zeus: You are Clio, my muse of history. Amuse me with tales of ancient times when mortals trembled at the name of Zeus.
Clio: You want a story? I got one. Seems there was this guy named Max who, because he'd been lucky so far in the smuggling racket, believed himself to be untouchable, superior, godlike...
Maximillion "Maxie" Zeus: There's a cynical edge to your voice I don't appreciate. Know you not, I am above mortal constraints of right and wrong?
Clio: No one is above the law, Max.
Maximillion "Maxie" Zeus: I make my own laws!
Clio: [annoyed] You're doing it again, Max.
Maximillian "Maxie" Zeus: You are Clio, my muse of history. Amuse me with tales of ancient times when mortals trembled at the name of Zeus.
Clio: You want a story? I got one. Seems there was this guy named Max who, because he'd been lucky so far in the smuggling racket, believed himself to be untouchable, superior, godlike...
Maximillion "Maxie" Zeus: There's a cynical edge to your voice I don't appreciate. Know you not, I am above mortal constraints of right and wrong?
Clio: No one is above the law, Max.
Maximillion "Maxie" Zeus: I make my own laws!
TV Show: Batman - The Animated Series
Barbara Gordon: So Batman can't help me? Fine. Let's see what Batgirl can do!
TV Show: Batman - The Animated Series
Two-Face: Don't get wise with me, Mason. Remember who got you set up as Gordon's assistant?
Gil Mason: Right, Harvey, right.
Two-Face: [grabs him] Don't call me that! It's Two-Face to you, pretty boy!!
Gil Mason: Right, Harvey, right.
Two-Face: [grabs him] Don't call me that! It's Two-Face to you, pretty boy!!
TV Show: Batman - The Animated Series
[Gil Mason is about to murder James Gordon to become commissioner, and later mayor]
Gil Mason: It's business, Jim. Nothing personal. Matter of fact, I respect you, I do. But a fellow has to take his opportunities where he finds them. And with you out of the way, I'll be mayor inside of a year!
Gordon: You're sick, Gil! [glances at Two-Face] A lot sicker than him! At least I can see his bad half!
Mason: Sorry you feel that way. At least you won't have to worry about Barbara. I'll take good care of her. She's very fond of me, you know.
Gordon: You piece of scum!! I may not be able to stop you, but I know someone who will!
Mason: I wouldn't get your hopes up. You see, there's been a recent decline in the bat population...
Gil Mason: It's business, Jim. Nothing personal. Matter of fact, I respect you, I do. But a fellow has to take his opportunities where he finds them. And with you out of the way, I'll be mayor inside of a year!
Gordon: You're sick, Gil! [glances at Two-Face] A lot sicker than him! At least I can see his bad half!
Mason: Sorry you feel that way. At least you won't have to worry about Barbara. I'll take good care of her. She's very fond of me, you know.
Gordon: You piece of scum!! I may not be able to stop you, but I know someone who will!
Mason: I wouldn't get your hopes up. You see, there's been a recent decline in the bat population...
TV Show: Batman - The Animated Series
Clayface: [After civilians flee in terror upon seeing his true form] That's right, run! Run for your measly lives! Run from Clayface!
TV Show: Batman - The Animated Series
Clayface: You've upstaged me for the last time, Batman. Time to bring down the curtain!
TV Show: Batman - The Animated Series
Veronica: If ever someone led a worry-free life, it's you, Bruce Wayne.
TV Show: Batman - The Animated Series
Mad Hatter: (preparing a guillotine) As the great Lewis Carroll said: "One, two, one, two, and through and through the vorpal blade went snicker-snack! He left it dead, and with its head, he went galumphing back!"
TV Show: Batman - The Animated Series
Thorne: You think you iced the Batman, huh? Heh heh heh... Not on your best day, Jake! I'd cover my back if I were you.
TV Show: Batman - The Animated Series
Batman: Men like Walker are obsessed with getting their own way. And they don't let little things like the law stop them.
TV Show: Batman - The Animated Series
Batman: She's done nothing more incriminating than return an overdue video - even paid the late fee.
Alfred: Could it be Ivy truly has reformed?
Batman: I want to believe it. Why can't I?
Alfred: Could it be Ivy truly has reformed?
Batman: I want to believe it. Why can't I?
TV Show: Batman - The Animated Series
Batman: For what it's worth, I believed when she said that, for the first time in her life, she was happy.
TV Show: Batman - The Animated Series
Billy: Why Croc? Why'd you turn on us like that? We couldv'e helped you. We could've done something.
Killer Croc: You said you could be yourself out here remember? Well, I guess that's what I was doing. Being myself.
Killer Croc: You said you could be yourself out here remember? Well, I guess that's what I was doing. Being myself.
TV Show: Batman - The Animated Series